8 Detroit-area priests named 'Monsignor' by Pope Benedict XVI
Join the discussion below, or Read more at Detroit Free Press.
Auckland, New Zealand
#1 Dec 28, 2012
Cool Person Test
The nervous priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Add your comments below
|Pope Francis: Apologize to gay people and others||Jun '16||I am||4|
|Pope calls delivery of weapons, not food a 'str...||Jun '16||wichita-rick||5|
|Pope's zero tolerance for pedophiles faces test... (Mar '15)||May '16||Gods r Delusions ...||4|
|Pope Francis' new 'Joy of Love' exhortation won...||May '16||Michael||5|
|Biden to see Pope Francis, discuss cancer cures...||Apr '16||serfs up||6|
|Pope's Refugee Airlift Was Last-Minute 'Inspira...||Apr '16||Jim||1|
|What Bernie Sanders and Pope Francis share||Apr '16||Redeemed||2|
Find what you want!
Search Top Stories - Pope Benedict XVI Forum Now
Copyright © 2016 Topix LLC