Why Wisconsin Sucks
Posted in the Minnesota Forum
#4 Apr 6, 2010
There is a bar on every street corner. The politicians and even someone really high up like either the attorney general or the assistant one had DUIs. Hello? The schools here are like prisons with the pathetic teachers as prison guards. They hack into your myspace email to see what kind of messages you send to other people.
I bet the reason why the state's motto is Forward because instead of staying people want to keep moving foward west and get the hell out of there.
#5 Apr 6, 2010
I'm going to refrain from saying Wisconsin sucks. It's cultural identity, while being different than Minnesota, is no more different than the cultural identities of people from North Dakota, South Dakota, Iowa, or Michigan. And if some hottie for Wisconsin walks past me, I'm definitely going to try to talk to her. What I will say is this: Wisconsin, for some reason, doesn't have a big city on the map the way Minnesota and Illinois and Wisconsin does. Why Milwaukee or Green Bay or Madison didn't become bigger is truly one of the greater mysteries of American History.
#6 Apr 6, 2010
Feel better after that rampage. Well I am not getting into a political rant with you because evidently you spend all your time on the internet just looking for things that happen in Wisconsin. You had better look into Minnesota's past before you start throwing stones.
Jealousy will get you no where. Go ahead and spew your hatred for Wisconsin and the Packers it only hurts the image of the Minnesota people. I moved from there because of people like you.
At least we have a great Professional Football Stadium and 3 Lombardi's. What have you got but a worn out dome that couldn't even get filled up before Favre came. BTW what happened to your first two posts? Get a life....
#7 Apr 6, 2010
Reread you post because it just doesn't make sense. "What I will say is this: Wisconsin, for some reason, doesn't have a big city on the map the way Minnesota and Illinois and Wisconsin does."
One thing about Wiscinsin is we don't have to beg companies to buy up seats in Lambeau so the game can be televised.
#8 Apr 6, 2010
stupid wisconsin education once again
so Wisconsin doesnt have a city like Wisconsin does,,,,,,okay.
cant even spell the name of your asz shaped state right ha ha ha ha ha your pathetic
#9 Apr 6, 2010
Just a few stats
Principal Cities - Minnesota
Name C E 2008-07-01
1 Minneapolis 382,605
2 St. Paul 279,590
3 Rochester 100,413
4 Duluth 84,284
5 Bloomington 81,280
6 Plymouth 71,486
7 Brooklyn Park 71,308
8 St. Cloud 66,948
9 Eagan 63,985
10 Coon Rapids 61,832
11 Maple Grove 61,542
12 Eden Prairie 61,191
Principal Cities - Wisconsin
Name C E 2008-07-01
1 Milwaukee 604,477
2 Madison 231,916
3 Green Bay 101,025
4 Kenosha 96,950
5 Racine 82,196
6 Appleton 70,305
7 Waukesha 68,008
8 Eau Claire 65,426
9 Oshkosh 63,679
10 Janesville 62,516
#10 Apr 6, 2010
Wisconsin's Tourism Department is scrapping an advertising jingle that drew national attention because it sounded so similar to a song by the British band Supergrass. The department is taking up composer John Tanner's offer to write a new song for the $2.2 million summer ad campaign, "Wisconsin -- Life's So Good," spokesman Jerry Huffman said Monday. The state paid Tanner $22,000 to write original music for its campaign, but he offered to write a new song after acknowledging his music closely resembled the 1995 tune "Alright" by Supergrass.
#11 Apr 6, 2010
resignation of the Governors chief legal counsel, Chandra Miller Fienen, for not being licensed to practice law in Wisconsin.
probably has a wisconsin edumacation instead ( education but then they wont understand)
#12 Apr 6, 2010
Wisconsin Teen Survives Garbage Truck Crushing In Lame-Brained Boot Camp Escape Plan\\
A 14-year-old idiot ran away from a boot camp-style school for teens outside of Milwaukee, Wisconsin and hid in a trash bin to avoid detection. The only flaw in the plan was exposed when a garbage truck picked up the bin and dumped its contents into the back including the teen. Of course, the garbage truck did what garbage trucks do and compacted the load, repeatedly, while going about its route until offloading at the recycling center, where the teen was found unconscious but alive. Police indicate the idiot's injuries are not life-threatening and he will make a full recovery, but not from his nearly fatal stupidity
#13 Apr 6, 2010
The Holy Wisconsinite Empire of Packerstan, commonly known as Wisconsin, is a planet best known for football, dairy, cows, football, dairy, cheese, football, beer, football and obsessive, hopeless, half-ghost romantics. It has been voted "Worst Place In This or Indeed Any Dimension Seeing As How You Asked" every year since 1848.
Today Wisconsin is best known for being the third world country that Ben Affleck grew up in.
#14 Apr 6, 2010
Wisconsin is most famous for it's vast Cheesium mines. These mines used to be the World's largest Cheesium mine in the world, So huge that Wisconsin's motto is eat cheese or die. Ironically, a new Cheesium vein has been found in California, and has beaten the previous record once held by Wisconsin.
Many people mistakenly believe all cheese is made from fermenting milk, the way barbarians make it in other lands, but Wisconsin cheese is unique because it's quarried from cheesium mines. Cheesium was discovered by Eugene Ingqvist and his crack team of sandstone cutters who broke into the first vein of high-grade cheesium back in the late 1850's. Back then cheesium, like petroleum, was considered no more than a nuisance and left in the hot summer sun to rot and become manure which, as everybody knows, turns into cows, but Eugene's son, Gerdon "Stinky" Eugenesson, realized the potential for cheese as a food when he dropped his bologna sandwich in a rotting pile of it during lunch hour. Invoking the "ten-second rule" and blowing on it to get rid of cheesium germs, Stinky was first to realize that runny, warm cheesium has such a disgusting flavor that he could get suckers to pay an insane amount of money for it if he gave it a French-sounding name and sold it in a fancy box. He was worth millions by the end of the week.
The sources of cheesium have been running low in Wisconsin for many years. Quarries have closed and the really stinky cheesium miners haven't struck a truly delicious vein in decades, leading the cheese industry to desperate ends. The industry erupted in scandal in the late 1990's when commie-pinko left-wing Madison newspapers published the results of a study finding that human spleens contained trace amounts of cheesium, but it could be recovered and processed only when the spleen was messily removed with a chainsaw by psychopaths wearing hockey masks. The news media alleged that state congressmen in on the process were using it as a means to eliminate political opposition.
#15 Apr 6, 2010
For the past umpteen years, the Wisconsin Department of Tourism has run a successful advertising campaign centered around the slogan, "Wisconsin: Come smell our dairy air!"
Chris Farley had his first fastball overdose at Marquette University, in the 7th floor women's bathroom in McCormick Hall, the all-freshman dorm and virgin vault.
Orson Welles and Oscar Wilde used Wisconsin as a starting point for a race around the world. Needless to say, it ended elsewhere. We think somewhere in Canadia. Possibly Mexico. Either way, Orson Welles soon ran out of breath, giving Wilde a great lead.
Wisconsin is the alter personality of the late state Baloneysconsin.
#16 Apr 6, 2010
I think Wisconsin is a beautiful state. I'm not a Packer fan but I do enjoy the great people.
#17 Apr 6, 2010
How to Tell If You Live in Wisconsin
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Wisconsin.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Head Cheese, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you have either a pet or a child named "Brett," you might live in Wisconsin.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you know how to say Ashwaubenon, Waupaca, Shawano, Suamico, Oconomowoc, Waukesha. Wautoma, Menominee & Manitowoc, you might live in Wisconsin.
If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters,"....you might live in Wisconsin.
#18 Apr 6, 2010
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE WISCONSINITE WHEN:
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
6. Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday.
7 . You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings and funerals).
9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as beer, bratwurst, and cheese.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time.
13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
15. You refer to the Packers as "we."
16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
17. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
18. You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau.
19. You consider Minneapolis exotic.
20. You know how to polka.
21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
23. Down South to you means Illinois.
24. A brat is something you eat.
25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
26. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
27. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
28. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
#19 Apr 6, 2010
I am now thinking that this poster is in a time warp.
This is OLD news.
Life's No Good For Wisconsin Tourism Department
Some Say 'Original' Song Sounds Just Like A British Hit
POSTED: 6:12 pm CST February 6, 2005
UPDATED: 8:17 pm CST February 6, 2005
#20 Apr 6, 2010
Appleton - Dullsville, Baby!
Bayfield - Where Genghis Khan was arrested on felony drug possession charges in 1969.
Bayside - Where the watermelons grow.
Beaver Dam - Where beavers rule!
Beloit - sounds oddly like something dropping into a toilet.
Black River Falls - Get up on this Wisconsin Death Trip!
Brown Deer - they're actually more of a tan.
Butler - The place where Alexander the Gay made his last stand, nicknamed Butt-pirate-ville
Cedarburg - Home to the world champion of the "Drink beer until you jumnp off a building to your death" Comnpetition, well more accurately the remains of his body.
Cudahy - Called Cudahey by the locals, it translates to "Get us out of here... now"
Delavan - The Mexican embassy of the United States. 150% of the population is Hispanic.
Dousman - The city is named after Juan Dousman, who lived during a period of time...?
Eau Claire - It is not something that you eat.
Fort Atkinson - The fort that Mr. Atkinson built to save himself from the mobs of people not satisfied with his dieting plans.
Franklin - The remaining farmland in the Chicago-Milwaukee metropolitan area.
Genoa City - Not to be confused with Genoa, IL. One is in the farm fields of Illinois; the other in the farm fields of Wisconsin.
Germantown - The place with the largest Russian population in Wisconin.
Green Bay - The city that houses the capitol building of The Holy Empire of Packerstan: Lambeau Field.
#21 Apr 6, 2010
Greendale -Similar to Glendale except the dales are green instead of glen
Hustler - Home of Hustlerfest and the Hooterbowl. Yes, really!
Iron Ridge - Home of the largest amount of Hicks on Earth
Jefferson - named after Thomas Jefferson, after John Doe lost a bet to Thomas Jefferson as to who could drink more beer without drowning, surprisingly Jefferson won, but his political career after that was pretty much over.
Kaukauna - what is that smell?
Kenosha - was actually supposed to be called K$sha, but the person had a case of mild dislexia.
La Crosse - Home to Pork Chops, Murder, and Homosexuality. All three go hand in hand when you think about it
Lake Delton - was called Delton before a meteor hit it and it rained a lot. You get the idea
Lake Geneva - The Hamptons of the Midwest, a getaway place for Chicagoans and Milwaukeeans.
Lannon - was supposed to be called Cannon but the letter C was not invented at the time of the city's founding
Madison - capital of homosexuality
Menominee Falls - its actually a commentary about someone named Menominee
Mequon - The site of the war of 15
Milwaukee - The biggest suburb of Chicago.
Monroe - nicknamed for 57.
Mount Horeb - Visit the Mustard Museum!
Muskego - Where muskies took over.......
Oak Creek - The first village you pass by before you hit the Milwaukee city limits.
Oconomowoc - That town with lot's of lakes and little to do. Don't try to pronounce it, you'll just strain yourself.
Pewaukee - we made you say pee!
Plattville - nicknamed for Larry Platt.
Pleasant Prairie - Home to the largest population of copulating prairie dogs the world has ever seen.
Port Washington - the site where the English exported Marijuana during the third world war
Racine - Home of S.C. Johnson Wax Co.
River Hills - People in Wisconsin are very observant
Shorewood - once again, people are very observant
Shorewood Hills - oooh three descriptions
Sheboygan - Famous for its bratwurst and the huge flag by that insurance company (too bad they can't find a strong enough flag pole).
Silver Lakes - the guy was high when he made this description.
South Milwaukee - Guess where this town is?
Spring Green - Famous for the House on the Rock (aka House on My Cock) museum, the most visited in Wisconsin, especially the Midwest. Also Joseph Stalin's daughter Svetlana who later changed her name to Lana exclusively lives around here as a refugee.
Sussex - we made you say sex!
Sturtevant - nobody knows ...
Tomahawk - Known to the locas as simply Toma
Wales - The most Welsh place trapped in America and where whales never come.....
West Bend - The city with most known rapists anywhere in the world. Also many unknown rapists...!
West Milwaukee - Bedroom community for the Milwaukee Brewers and their fans. Also the Drunk Driving Capital of the World.
Wisconsin Dells - The Las Vegas of the Midwest (aka Wis Vegas), but spend all the money for waterparks. Also known as Cheapskate Las Vegas. An F-listed Hollywood star Tommy Bartlett used to live here.
#22 Apr 6, 2010
The most popular religions of Wisconsin include a variant of Catholicism called Friday Night Fish Fryism, and, most prominetly, Packerism.
Packerism is local religion founded by someone who could not distinguish dairy products from headgear. The main god of Packerism is the "The Great" Brett Favre, who was brutally sacked by the Metropolis Romans. After a three minute break for commercials, the Great Farve resurrected the drive and threw the ball into the end zone for the Holy Touchdown. Unfortunatly the residents believe he has now lost his way, thanks to the devil.
The Packerists dominate Wisconsin's religious landscape. One must always wear green and gold while in Wisconsin and bow towards Green Bay five times a day. Anyone caught wearing red and white is given a stern warning and allowed to pass with a sideways glance. Anyone caught wearing blue or orange is immediately exiled. Anyone caught wearing purple is executed on the spot.
Those with Blue and White are not despised, but felt sorry for. For there is no greater curse than to be a Lions Fan.
#23 Apr 6, 2010
The Green Bay Fudge Packers (Packers for short) are an NFL football team located in Kenosha, Wisconsin. The team was named after the fudge packing industry, a huge business in Kenosha. The current roster consists of several players. Three of which are actual football players. The rest are gigantic chickens, diminutive fairies, inanimate objects and figments of your imagination.
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