Wow Farting??? You took the time to tell us about farting? That's just great. Thank you. I just realized how big of a waste of my time this is.genevieve g. says:
it's after lunch and long enough before dinner that a thread this crude seems appropriate.
describe a great moment in your personal farting history. hopefully it'll make people laugh until they... well... fart...
here's mine - it's lifted from a blog of mine from a few years ago. a truly great moment in farting history. er, kind of:
i farted a few weeks ago in my lsat prep course. it's a class of around 90 people, and it's held in this big lecture hall at berkeley's law school. it's been about two years since i was in a lecture hall, being lectured to, but i don't think that in all my time at michigan i ever farted during class in such a fashion. at least not that i can remember. but i think that i would remember such a thing, this was definately a memorable fart.
anyways, it wasn't a loud one. it wasn't one that people could easily trace back to me. it was silent but deadly. i myself was shocked that my g.i. system was capable of producing such a smell. i didn't understand. at first i felt panic. then i had a lot of questions. what had i eaten? could anyone tell i was the foul-doer? why did this happen to me? is there support out there for this kind of thing?
but then, and this is why this event was important, the panic subsided. the questions receded to the back of my mind. and i felt a sense of accomplishment. it was me, little old me, who was responsible for stinking up a considerably sized portion of a 90 person classroom. i was pleased. it was then i realized that all this was evidence that i, in some way, have progressed as a person. two years ago, if such a thing had happened, i would have been mortified. in no way would i have been happy that i had farted in class. i would have spent my time not gloating, but praying that no one could tell that the farter was me. i probably would have dwelled on it, silently, for days. and admited it to no one.
i was also pleased that i had, seemingly, not been caught. that i had gotten away with it. but then during the class break i caught these girls sneering and snickering in my direction. i did not like this. i suspected that it meant that i had not gotten away with it. they knew. and were now using me towards their own malignant glee. just as i was having a moment for realization of personal growth, they appeared and crush my sense of self-satisfaction.
there was no way of resolving this situation. i strode past them and back into the classroom/scene of the crime. so what if they knew? in the end, i sure did enjoy farting in class...
When the best quarterbacks in the NFL are discussed, it's no surprise that Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are often mentioned.
Join the discussion below, or Read more at WebProNews.
#226 Aug 4, 2014
#227 Aug 4, 2014
You spent the last week arguing with a Cypress CA homo named Zoo Bear / Jake / Night Fury about who is the better QB. I just realized how big of a waste of my time that was.
Now back to your regular farting news channel.
I needed something to prevent the excess gas I was having recently. Taking one before a meal resulted in massive diarrhea within a few hours. Didn't know if it was a coincidence with what I ate. Tried it again another time and had another bout of massive diarrhea. If you are looking for something with the results of a colonoscopy prep, consider Beano!
6 people found this review helpful.
#228 Aug 4, 2014
Boston Terrier - Somebody Farted - Pop Doggie Refrigerator Magnets with Funny Sayings, Boston Terrier Gifts
Ships from and sold by PopDoggie.
Boston Terriers are well known for having a particular side effect; this Boston Terrier innocently mentions that Somebody Farted
Refrigerator magnet is 2 by 3 inches and made out of metal with a thick laminate top
Comes nicely presented in protective packaging
Great idea for Boston Terrier gifts
Made in America
#229 Aug 4, 2014
Good point Fred. Feel Free to $hit your pants.
#230 Aug 4, 2014
90 Farting Cows Start Fire in Germany
Farts are the funniest thing in the world, Louis C.K. once told Jon Stewart on The Daily Show.“You don’t have to be smart to laugh at farts,” he said,“but you’d have to be stupid not to.”
So that makes us feel a bit better about laughing at the fact that a group of 90 cows started a fire with their farts at a German dairy farm. According to Reuters, methane gas emitted from the flatulent animals exploded in one of the farm’s sheds, damaging the structure’s roof.
#231 Aug 4, 2014
Peyton was going to go to the 49ers but his dad said not to get in Eli's conference. His dad wants to see a Manning vs Manning SB to have a chance at claiming the biggest spectacle in SB History. Think we had that last year with all those turnovers and drubbing by the Seahawks. Denver had better all around receivers than Arizona's one great one anyway. More receivers of quality can't all be double teamed and opens the passing lanes for more stats which is what Peyton is after. Altitude also is a big advantage. Then there is the fact that Peyton would have to play six games against teams with a defense and that would not only deflate his stats but show everyone he is just a good QB with great support while Brady is a great QB with very limited support.
#232 Aug 4, 2014
Manning could only manage 8 points with the best offense in the league. His refusing to take the sack on two occasions because he wanted to get some glory stats, led to interceptions. Two other times he lost the ball on fumbles because of his looking to up his stats instead of being concerned with ball security. Some idiot even said that the Seahawks won because of their 12th man but the game was played in Eli Manning's home park. Morons.
Peyton never takes his team as far as it should go. He has the best supporting offensive cast which only serves to pad his stats until he gets nervous and plays a team with a legit defense or a winning record. Last year showed it all. Peyton hyped as best ever because of stats but loses to teams with winning records, needs help from officials in the AFC playoffs in both SD and NE games then gets blown out because he can't handle the pressure. Did uou know that of those 5477 yards he got credited with last year, less than 2,000 were due to Peytons passing and the rest because of YAC, and 7 gifted by the NFL front office? Only folks who can legitimately think Peyton is better than Brady are the idiots who also think Obama is doing a good job.
#233 Aug 4, 2014
Think all your activity has gotten you confused.
#237 Aug 5, 2014
You left out the most important one.
He who speaks only of the fart is a blithering idiot at heart.
#238 Aug 6, 2014
You nailed it. If he is at the 90% mark then only ten percent are better than him. Ten percent of 32 League QBs is 3.2. The three that are better in order are Brady, Rodgers and Brees. Thanks for the honesty.
#239 Aug 6, 2014
And now for an important message,
#240 Aug 6, 2014
What Is It?
Flatulence is the passage of intestinal gas (flatus) through the rectum. Passing gas is normal, and every human being does it at least 14 times a day, consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes flatulence happens more often than expected, and this can become an embarrassing problem. Extreme flatulence can even interfere with a person's ability to work and socialize comfortably with other people.
Most cases of flatulence are related to factors that can be controlled. This is because intestinal gas usually comes from two sources — swallowed air or the work of intestinal bacteria on undigested food.
Swallowing air is one cause of flatulence. Although much of this swallowed air is belched upward through the mouth, a small amount passes into the intestines and out through the rectum. People swallow air in many different ways, particularly by:
Unconsciously gulping air as they talk, especially when they are upset, excited or nervous
Eating or drinking in a hurry
Drinking carbonated beverages
#241 Aug 6, 2014
NFL football references states
Career playoff QBR
Peyton Manning 89.2
Tom Brady. 87.3
#242 Aug 6, 2014
Fart gas may help prevent dementia, heart disease: study
Farts may stink to high heaven, but a new study suggests that the gas responsible for that foul odor may actually extend a person’s time on earth.
Scientists in the UK claim that hydrogen sulfide, the stinky compound that smells like rotten eggs which contributes to the flatulence stench, could have amazing health benefits.
Hydrogen sulfide can be toxic, but tiny amounts have been shown to help protect the mitochondria, which are known as the “powerhouses” of cells.
Study author Dr. Matt Whiteman of the University of Exeter explained that diseased cells draw in enzymes to create small quantities of the compound, which helps keep the mitochondria going and the cell alive.
“If this doesn't happen, the cells die and lose the ability to regulate survival and control inflammation,” he said in a release.
The scientists said they have created a new compound known as AP36 that harnesses the power of hydrogen sulfide and can deliver it to the mitochondria.
Protecting or reversing damage to this part of the cell is a crucial part of treating many conditions, including stroke, diabetes, heart failure and dementia.
Hydrogen sulfide “could in fact be a healthcare hero with significant implications for future therapies for a variety of diseases,” study author Dr. Mark Wood said.
The team is working on advancing research to the stage where the compound can be tested in humans.
The study was published in the journal Medicinal Chemistry Communications.
#243 Aug 6, 2014
farting a new record....Phart Jams
#244 Aug 6, 2014
"Fartacular....have drawn praise for the combination of poetry and realism in their depiction of farts in small-town environments. Such songs now have an extraordinary interest and smell fantastic" - Roger Efart
#245 Aug 6, 2014
Have you ever been laid or kissed a girl? Do you have more video games than a teenage Asian kid? Do you still live with your mom? Does she still make you take the trash out and clean your room? Do you sell CD's at Best Buy? Do you own at least one pair of clean tighty whitey underwear?
#246 Aug 6, 2014
The Orange County Register reports 9 out of 10 residents of Cypress cannot control their flatulence. 70% of those flatulent-afflicted residents have in fact literally farted their brains out.
#247 Aug 6, 2014
No, No, Yes, Yes, Yes, No...
Your turn to answer same questions....if you can break away from arguing with Cypresstard for 5 minutes....are you two gay lovers? Spending countless hours online defending other men?
Back to the fart news.....
Study says farting may improve your health
KUSA – Whoever smelt it may have dealt it, but according to a new study, whenever someone 'cuts the cheese' they may be helping to save your life.
A study from the University of Exeter in Devon, United Kingdom has released a new study identifying the benefits of hydrogen sulfide. Hydrogen sulfide is toxic in large doses, but it is showing potential health benefits in small doses.
"When cells become stressed by disease, they draw in enzymes to generate minute quantities of hydrogen sulfide. This keeps the mitochondria ticking over and allows cells to live," University of Exeter medical school professor Matt Whiteman said.
"If this doesn't happen, the cells die and lose the ability to regulate survival and control inflammation. We have exploited this natural process by making a compound, called AP39, which slowly delivers very small amounts of this gas specifically to the mitochondria. Our results indicate that if stressed cells are treated with AP39, mitochondria are protected and cells stay alive."
AP39 delivers the foul smelling hydrogen sulfide to the affected cells. Hydrogen sulfide is built naturally in the body. It gives eggs the rotten smell and flatulence it's pungent smell.
"It is naturally produced in the body and could in fact be a healthcare hero with significant implications for future therapies for a variety of diseases," University of Exeter biosciences professor Dr. Mark Wood said.
Early studies have shown AP39 reversing blood vessel stiffening and lowered blood pressure. This could lead to a better chance of survival after a stroke or heart attack.
#248 Aug 6, 2014
Afghanistan's Got Talent....
The United States Marine Corps has banned audible farting in Afghanistan because it is culturally offensive to civilians working with the military and members of the Afghan National Army.
The Military Times Marine Corps blog, Battle Rattle recently posted the news that "audible farting has been banned for some Marines downrange because it offends the Afghans."
The ban has caused a stir among former and current members of the military who question the reasoning behind the decision which has ignited a firestorm of comments from readers and fellow bloggers of Battle Rattle.
Military soldiers have already been required to obey regulations ordering them to not curse around members of the Afghan army or the civilians they encounter while on patrol. They are also under orders to not discuss women or politics with people from Afghanistan. But for now, breaking wind could earn them an appearance before their superior officers.
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