Woman accused of stabbing boyfriend a...

Woman accused of stabbing boyfriend and trying to set his bed o...

There are 43 comments on the WHEC-TV Rochester, NY story from Jan 29, 2009, titled Woman accused of stabbing boyfriend and trying to set his bed o.... In it, WHEC-TV Rochester, NY reports that:

Macedon Police arrested a woman they said stabbed her boyfriend and tried to set his bed on fire.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at WHEC-TV Rochester, NY.

reality

Schenectady, NY

#22 Jan 29, 2009
Can you say THREE ONE FIVE??????
LANCIFER

Geneva, NY

#23 Jan 29, 2009
Aren't the Tree Top apartments actually like an extended stay motel... I think they're across from Wal-Mart on Rt. 31. There are also gross losers in Monroe County too... yes even Fairport, if you're from Fairport, you should know where I'm talking about... hint across from the sauce factory and the Baptist home... there's losers everywhere, enough of the old tired 315 jokes by the loser Wease, that's just ignorant.
Chris

Collegeville, PA

#24 Jan 30, 2009
Yep - another person high on drugs. The thing i dont get is - dont u usually "clean" ur pipes out AFTER u run outta marijuana , not while ur smoking it??? if she was charged w/ possession - there was no need to be cleaning the pipe out. And **** was she doin smokin pot infront of a 3 yr old child for anyways? i feel SO sorry for the little child - i hope she doesnt grow up to be like her mother!!!
TheChildsFather

Collegeville, PA

#25 Jan 30, 2009
It's effen sad that this had 2 happen - ESPECIALLY in front of MY daughter!!!! i can believe this happened cuz she's a effen psycho b*tch but **** was she thinkin when she did it in front of our child? I'm just glad it wasnt me!!
Ashamed

United States

#26 Jan 31, 2009
TheChildsFather wrote:
It's effen sad that this had 2 happen - ESPECIALLY in front of MY daughter!!!! i can believe this happened cuz she's a effen psycho b*tch but **** was she thinkin when she did it in front of our child? I'm just glad it wasnt me!!
Yeah it just happened to be my cousin that got stabbed by your psycho ex. Dumb **** should be slapped.
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#27 Feb 12, 2009
Cass hardl y remem bers the fight . It didnt phase her much actua lly, after Will left she said that we weren t being good frien ds, that we need to play nice, that Will neede d a timeo ut and that I shoul da given him a banda id.( Anoth er cute thing she said: I was cuffe d to a bench when first arriv ing at stati on, when my mom FINAL LY showe d Cass said to her " Nani, check out mommy 's golde n brace lets, theyr e so shine y!" then she asked the cops if they came in pink.) She was most traum atize d by the polic e havin g a gun to my head and 2 guns on the dog, screa ming for ten minut es for me to " subdu e the f*cki ng mutt befor e they blow its f*cki ng face off" Cass the whole time: " Dont hurt my Brown ie!!!" If I had said to them " screw that dog" or "its not my dog" I am 100% posit ive they would have shot her right in front of my daughter. Cass never screa med until she saw the guns, not even durin g the fight . She' s very happy that Im home with her. She' d been told that I was in the hospi tal. She freak ed this morni ng not wanti ng to go to pre- schoo l, afrai d I would nt be here when she got back. I worry about furth er jail time and leavi ng her again . I have time to prepa re her thoug h. Also part of the reaso n the judge waive d my bail was becau se I have such a young child (he was informed of my poor health), so IF things go wrong in court maybe house arres t or weeke nds would be an optio n so that my daughter's life isnt interrupted again. I am also hopin g for commu nity servi ce to reduc e any fines I might have, seein g as Ive done 3, 400 hours volun taril y as an Ameri Corps membe r, they might give me this optio n. I do know the state is hard- up for money and I would under stand that my cash would be more valua ble than my time. I have lost my job due to all the bad press , and up til now I have been able to take care of ourse lves witho ut being on welfa re. This after noon I am apply ing for food stamp s....
I am quite angry at the media for blowi ng this up, and being one- sided . Only one newsp aper ( Wayne Count y Times ) had Will' s mugsh ot ( total compl ete madma n! I got passe d the paper from anoth er inmat e, saw the photo , shook my head and thoug ht " yup, there 's my Raspu tin. ") The news repor ts don' t menti on his name, or his charg es, or his PRIOR S or anyth ing like that. I havent spoken to my lawye r about writing this lette r in my defen se but I dont see how it could could do more harm. I'd even be willi ng to do an inter view.
I was on all the local tv stati ons as well as the paper s. Good luck tryin g to find a job now, ya know? Peopl e talk to my mom at the store etc but she doesn t know what to say to them, even my best frien d and broth er have been left wonde ring what reall y happe ned as they too didnt recei ve any more infor matio n than what' s been in the news.
Shoul d I rent a billb oard and plead my case?
A reall y sad sad thing ... alrea dy a guy has flirt ed with me (um HELLO ???) "I saw you on the news... that guy proba bly deser ved it... but you can light my bed on fire ANYDA Y!" for real dude? And I'M the crazy one???
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#28 Feb 12, 2009
Now that Im out Im havin g flash backs and night mares AGAIN , cuz at least I was SAFE in there . I was infor med of some of Will' s prior s, mix that with thing s he's admit ted to me that he's done and thing s Ive heard about him from other s ( " youre datin g that guy, OMG one time he..."), Im glad that this happe ned soone r rathe r than later , and Im glad this is all that happe ned. But yeah I, mysel f, am actua lly scare d becau se of one of the prior s... I am not here to "bad mouth " Will, his past is his busin ess, but I worry that he would use the same excus e to justi fy doing that same thing to me as he did to one ex- gf. CPS said women he's been with end up losin g their kids. I'm being inves tigat ed by them, thoug h the inter view went well and they know every thing was a stupi d mista ke and was one over- react ion after anoth er. I was warne d by CPS to have no furth er conta ct with Will, or else I would jeopa rdize custo dy of my daugh ter. While in jail, I recei ved an anony mous thank you card and letter. He must have really done somet hing to someo ne....
I had start ed lette rs to a coupl e of my ex's while in jail cuz Im suppo sed to start from the begin ning and psych oanal yze each relat ionsh ip ( some of the girls in group were like " holy **** ALL of them!?" lol, good thing for me Ive only had 8 boyfr iends in my entir e life). We had a workb ook and did pages like homew ork assig nment s. This isnt the first time I've over- prote cted mysel f, Im tryin g to figur e out why I fight inste ad of run, and why I fight back so much harde r than I need to do. Well I guess I know WHY, but I want to know how to stop. Im getti ng hooke d up with suppo rt group s and couns eling out here, and Im gonna do an AA thing ( thoug h drink ing actua lly is under contr ol - meani ng I hadnt been drink ing, and I've lost the passi on for it, I made heaps of chang es from the last abuse r, this fight reall y was a surpr ise in more ways than you could under stand ) and also Im looking for anger manag ement and self- defen se cours es, I even made an agree ment with one of the counselors that I would nt get into anoth er relat ionsh ip for a whole year! I met a lady with a very simil ar story to mine, she came in to lead an AA group in jail. Im hopef ully going to find out her info and so she' ll help me with this stuff, hopef ully be my spons or. I even wrote my mom a 7 page lette r discu ssing child hood issue s and wanti ng for us to try to heal our relat ionsh ip. Ive never reall y had any paren ts or guida nce at all. I have anger issue s with her, other famil y membe rs, even God -if there is one-(for makin g me suffe r so much as a child ) and at the churc h ( some of my abuse rs were/ still are highl y respe cted upper membe rs of the churc h and commu nity in gener al). I have alway s been left alone , I do most of my livin g insid e my head, where it's safe and happy , and under my contr ol.
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#29 Feb 12, 2009
I REALL Y want to smoke pot, but Im not going to and have told every one that I dont want to so that they keep it away, not offer it. The same for alcoh ol and even caffe ine. No caffe ine in jail, and as it is one of the chemi cals I used to use to self- medic ate my bipol ar sympt oms, Im doing a self- exper iment to see what cycle s my body goes throu gh witho ut ANY forei gn meds/ chemi cals at all. Im watch ing exces s sugar intak e as well.
Court still isnt settl ed, and proba bly wont be for some time. The judge was final ly persu aded to waive my $ 2500 bail. The DA might seek to up my assau lt 3 misde meano r into an assau lt 2 felon y... so that' s prett y serio us. I'm very worri ed about more jail time, the two weeks I did were so horri ble (but then again I never hoped to get out and that made it easie r, Shaws hank style ). Becau se of the weigh t loss surge ry they cant prope rly feed me, no true vitam ins etc, I lost 10 pound s the time I was in there . They sorta start ed givin g me meal repla cemen t shake s, but theyr e the ones from the nursi ng home desig ned to keep an other wise dead body " nouri shed" ... not the kind of nutri tion a body like mine needs , and I only was given them once a day, if the CO's cared to, or if the nursing home remembered to send them, and if I was given the right tray. I was doing a ton of sit ups and kept with my yoga routi ne but that would nt creat e the weigh t loss I'd exper ience d. I was picke d on a bit, cuz I was the most smart , polit e, OCD inmat e ever in to be in wcj, COs calle d me miss manne rs, my cell was spotl ess and bed was alway s made and I was a folk hero to most of the girls in there . The women were very encouraging, and even though they might not realize it, they were very inspiring. I am an ex-junky, I used heroin every day from 01-02 and then on and off for another few months. I have never relapsed even though I have been offered, even had it placed in my hand by some eager dope-dealer in the Lumberyard bar the summer of 04. Many girls in jail were there because of heroin addiction. I'm one of the lucky ones. They are also inspiring because of the flack I took from them for being so smart, "Why are you even here? Get your **** together!"
If these "hardened criminals" are telling ME to get it together... I better listen. There's already been so much good that's come of this situation that I don't regret it happening at all.
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#30 Feb 12, 2009
I dont regre t waiti ng til I was 19 to start datin g guys, and I certa inly dont regre t being with my first love for so long (7 years), but half of my man- probl ems are becau se I STILL dont know how to date, or how a healt hy relat ionsh ip works , or how to pick a decen t guy. I didnt REALL Y start datin g until I was 26, and at that time I was at least 250lb s, but as high as 300+ pound s so I wasnt reall y datin g, per se. Add all that to this new hot body I have been GIVEN in the last 2 years , I had a roux-en-y gastric bypass September 2006, have lost 200 pounds in 2 years. I have NEVER been or even felt attra ctive in my entir e life, I dont know how to deal with that eithe r, the atten tion, my inabi lity to say NO to just about anyth ing (sex drugs n rock n roll).... I belie ve that my body still produ ces enough hormo nes and chemi cals for the 350lb me, not the 170lb me ( 170 inclu des 40 pound s of "skin" I need cut off).
The men who have hurt me physi cally , to me, are all compl etely diffe rent guys. There have been obvio us abuse rs I spott ed and dumpe d right away, but these other ones, I dont know. I can' t ident ify with peopl e who weren t smack ed aroun d their whole lives . And they certa inly dont under stand where Im comin g from, so I am naturally drawn to the underdogs and fixer-uppers.
Anywa y I just got out of jail yeste rday. I'd been going to domes tic viole nce group s and talki ng to couns elors in there . We discu ssed how there 's a conne ction betwe en the men I choos e, even if I dont see it yet (one of those " keep comin g back" NA mantr as come to mind). Also discu ssed how in makin g excus es for the guys ( they were abuse d, beate n, ptsd from the war etc) I'm makin g excus es for my own unhea lthy/ angre ssive behav iors from my own abuse s etc. I was told my ongoi ng feeli ngs of love for Will, and the way I'm alway s forgi ving the other men is reall y my own love and guilt I feel for mysel f, that in forgi ving them Im forgi ving mysel f, makin g more excus es for my own feeli ngs. I thoug ht I had made great chang es, and had dealt with my co- depen dency issue s, but obvio usly there 's more work to do. I'm conti nuing couns eling and group s on the outsi de. I reall y hope that Will has come to these same concl usion s, that he seeks out the help that he needs . I know that in the past I've been guilt y of just forge tting I even met a perso n, putti ng anoth er brick aroun d my heart , and buryi ng the anger and saddn ess deep down,- until one day it rises up as fuel, and strea ms out of my body like a laser , and like a weapo n. Will and I weren 't hurti ng each other reall y, we were hurti ng every body that had ever hurt us.
Other probl ems of mine I have medit ated on: I reali zed that when I live by mysel f I'm not much of a drink er or smoke r, it's only when I date a pothe ad that I becom e a pothe ad, when I date a drunk I becom e a drunk . I see this a lot in my frien ds' relat ionsh ips, that when coupl es get toget her they are reduc ed to a lowes t- commo n- denom inato r, with drugs , spend ing habit s, gambl ing and even perso nal hygei ne, but it never occur red to me that I do the same thing .
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#31 Feb 12, 2009
I wasnt able to write my own state ment, and as I was still hyste rical at that point , and was tryin g to liste n to anoth er group of offic ers inter rogat e my 3 year old daugh ter in anoth er room ( "How did your mommy catch the bed on fire..." was just one of the misleading quest ions I heard them ask her), I read the state ment prepa red for me, signe d it, and as soon as I signe d they took it away from me and for the life of me I could nt remem ber AT ALL what I had JUST read. Will would a known that the first perso n to call the cops would most likel y be refer red to as The Victi m, makin g the other perso n into The Bad Guy. As far as Im conce rned, my daugh ter was the only victi m, Will and I shoul d be liste d as co- assho les.
The night befor e this happe ned we got into a serio us argum ent. He had put me in a choke hold, the very first time he had laid his hands on me. It was one of his army range r moves , and I lost consc iousn ess. After words he cried and said he'd never hurt me again and I said "yes you will, and it' ll only be worse " I didnt think it'd be the next day. I was late to work that night , confi ded in a cowor ker. There were many that knew what was going on, how angry and verba lly abusi ve he was, how contr ollin g he was, frien ds and famil y could tell thing s were getti ng worse inste ad of bette r. For instance, I would have to call him from the work phone when we were leaving work to let him know I was on the way, to prove to him that yes, I really have been at work this whole time. The next day (Wednesday the 28th) I hung out with my cousi n, who went throu gh the bulls hit with me when a forme r bf fract ured my skull , and I sugge sted makin g plans for me to get out of there . Shoul d I wait on taxes , etc. I wante d more time to make plans , the last guy (that broke my skull), I didnt make plans , I just said I was leavi ng him, and heard his famou s quote "the only way a woman leave s me is in a body bag or ambul ance" right before I was sucker punched. Turns out that COP CAR was anoth er optio n when leavi ng Will. Still , even now, I love him and feel sorry for him, and guilt y that I hurt a loved one, even if it wasnt inten tiona l,-I reall y do think he would have conti nued to beat me, and maybe even hurt Cassi dy. I think the worst crime ever is to hurt a loved one, yes we are guilty of tres passi ng of the heart in the first degre e. I was even iffy on leavi ng him, talki ng with my cousi n that after noon, he is going through a rough break up right now, my point was that, broke n souls and psych es need love too... why do you think we got so broke n in the first place ? Will and I are very smart peopl e, and very much in love, why isn' t love enoug h to fix thing s? And if love isnt enoug h, than what else is there ? I thoug ht under diffe rent circum stanc es thing s would impro ve. We were plann ing on movin g into a real apart ment. "If only w-2s had come sooner" I keep thinking to myself. Two crazy peopl e (and a crazy dog, she was an abuse survi vor as well!!!) livin g in one small room with few ameni ties, add finan cial troub les and battl ing drug and alcoh ol addic tions for both of us... the odds were never in our favor .
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#32 Feb 12, 2009
I place d my hand on the count ertop to pull mysel f up to my feet, and my hand was ON a knife ... we'd bough t frenc h bread the day befor e, there was a knife right there , but there was a knife right EVERY WHERE , on every horiz ontal surfa ce in that place . Those expen sive snoot y knive s that cut throu gh canta loupe s with one easy slice . I turne d aroun d with it "get back, get the f*ck in the bathr oom, why would you do that with Cass here, get in the f*cki ng bathr oom, shut the door, we are leavi ng and I will call you tomor row! " the whole time he was still tryin g to walk towar d me and I was screa ming those comma nds with the knife , point ing it at him and then at the bathr oom... when he final ly went into the bathr oom I notic ed blood dripp ing on the white floor , not a whole lot thoug h. I said " baby you' re bleed ing" and put the knife down and he said " holy **** Im cut". It was like we had come to our senses. The whole time he was hurting me his eyes were cloudy, and I wasn't sure if he was aware of what he was doing, which is even more dangerous when it comes to Will. I never felt me touch him with the knife and I didnt ever STAB him, I think it was as much of a surprise to him that he was bleeding, as it was to myself. I was going to drive him to the hospi tal (I had the keys in my hand all ready to flee with Cass), even thoug h I didnt think he'd need stitc hes, he would nt let me see the cut. I could tell he was going into a blood panic . There 'd been a blizz ard that day plus Cass and I weren t dress ed so he said he'd go alone and it would give us time to calm down. When he said that I thoug ht "and give me time to pack..." Inste ad of the hospi tal he drove acros s the stree t to the gas stati on, walke d insid e and said " call 911 my girlf riend just stabb ed me". He wasn' t ever fully aslee p, there was no fire, no stabb ing, he didnt run out of the room or run for help. He had a coat in his arms but put it down before he left. I suggested he put on shoes but he didn't. He drove to the gas stati on. Later at the station the polic e were talki ng about the truck getti ng impou nded and I volun teere d that I had a set of keys for it, there were plent y of cops to go get the truck but they let me do it. They didnt have me cuffe d, and weren 't worri ed I was dange rous or that I would flee. One officer drove me there, dropped me off at the truck, and followed me back to the station. I remember noticing there was no blood in the truck. The cops calle d Will a **** when they saw the pics of his " scrat ch", some agree d that he got what he deser ved, they said if he's been throu gh a dom viole nce case befor e that by the time he left the motel room he would have already been in " save my **** mode" , alrea dy comin g up with a story . He would a known the syste m. For insta nce, he kept askin g for diffe rent tests at the hospi tal so that he would nt have to be arres ted right then, and the cops gave him until morni ng to turn himse lf in. The cop that took his state ment said there was nothi ng he could do to make Will leave the ER, and he was sure Will was stall ing on purpo se " When I left the hospi tal Will was beggi ng for x- rays, and there was talk of an MRI..." I haven t ever been in troub le like this befor e, and had no idea what was going on or how serio us the charg es were that they were writi ng up again st me.
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#33 Feb 12, 2009
The news repor ts have the story all wrong , I dont know where the words FIRE or STAB came from becau se nothing was ever on fire and nobody ever got stabbed.
My daughter, Cassi dy, was nappi ng throu gh most of it, she was on her spot on the floor at the foot of the bed. I had been scrap ing pipes with the inten tion of lurin g Will out of bed. He'd been in bed for two days strai ght, depre ssed I guess , and alrea dy the not- havin g- pot- crank iness was setti ng in. The burn mark wasnt much bigge r than noddi ng out with a cigar ette... and the blank et in quest ion was at my feet, balle d up in case Cass stood up, and also keeping my feet warm as it was always cold in our motel room. Will was not cover ed with it and it was not at his head. I sat down on the bed after retur ning from the bathr oom, lifte d the blank et to pull out the tray from where I'd stashed it, ready to wake Will up fully , with this peace offer ing. I notic ed the ring of burni ng, the red lit up again from the air hitti ng it when I lifte d the blank et, but again there were NO FLAME S. I had patte d the burn on the blank et and said "oh **** I guess this isnt fire retar dant" laugh ing at my dumb ****. Cass was half- awake then and asked " what mommy ?" I put the smoki ng tray aside and and I said to her " look this is funny ..." and was going to show her what an idiot I was, teach her a lesso n about fire, that hot thing s can burn too, not just flame s. So Will flipp ed over in the bed and out of nowhe re start ed beati ng me up, his hands in my hair, pulli ng, shaki ng WRENC HING my body around by my hair, like I swear he was gonna rip my head off. I still have a sore neck. As he never let go of my hair (til it rippe d out...) he only sorta punch ed me. His finge rs were prett y tangl ed up in my hair, maybe he was tryin g to get loose and punch me for real. He threw me into the long, low dress er (as in any motel room) where his chef knive s were, among other dishe s, convection oven and hotplate etc.
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#34 Feb 12, 2009
I place d my hand on the count ertop to pull mysel f up to my feet, and my hand was ON a knife ... we'd bough t frenc h bread the day befor e, there was a knife right there , but there was a knife right EVERY WHERE , on every horiz ontal surfa ce in that place . Those expen sive snoot y knive s that cut throu gh canta loupe s with one easy slice . I turne d aroun d with it "get back, get the f*ck in the bathr oom, why would you do that with Cass here, get in the f*cki ng bathr oom, shut the door, we are leavi ng and I will call you tomor row! " the whole time he was still tryin g to walk towar d me and I was screa ming those comma nds with the knife , point ing it at him and then at the bathr oom... when he final ly went into the bathr oom I notic ed blood dripp ing on the white floor , not a whole lot thoug h. I said " baby you' re bleed ing" and put the knife down and he said " holy **** Im cut". It was like we had come to our senses. The whole time he was hurting me his eyes were cloudy, and I wasn't sure if he was aware of what he was doing, which is even more dangerous when it comes to Will. I never felt me touch him with the knife and I didnt ever STAB him, I think it was as much of a surprise to him that he was bleeding, as it was to myself. I was going to drive him to the hospi tal (I had the keys in my hand all ready to flee with Cass), even thoug h I didnt think he'd need stitc hes, he would nt let me see the cut. I could tell he was going into a blood panic . There 'd been a blizz ard that day plus Cass and I weren t dress ed so he said he'd go alone and it would give us time to calm down. When he said that I thoug ht "and give me time to pack..." Inste ad of the hospi tal he drove acros s the stree t to the gas stati on, walke d insid e and said " call 911 my girlf riend just stabb ed me". He wasn' t ever fully aslee p, there was no fire, no stabb ing, he didnt run out of the room or run for help. He had a coat in his arms but put it down before he left. I suggested he put on shoes but he didn't. He drove to the gas stati on.
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#35 Feb 12, 2009
Later at the station the polic e were talki ng about the truck getti ng impou nded and I volun teere d that I had a set of keys for it, there were plent y of cops to go get the truck but they let me do it. They didnt have me cuffe d, and weren 't worri ed I was dange rous or that I would flee. One officer drove me there, dropped me off at the truck, and followed me back to the station. I remember noticing there was no blood in the truck. The cops calle d Will a **** when they saw the pics of his " scrat ch", some agree d that he got what he deser ved, they said if he's been throu gh a dom viole nce case befor e that by the time he left the motel room he would have already been in " save my **** mode" , alrea dy comin g up with a story . He would a known the syste m. For insta nce, he kept askin g for diffe rent tests at the hospi tal so that he would nt have to be arres ted right then, and the cops gave him until morni ng to turn himse lf in. The cop that took his state ment said there was nothi ng he could do to make Will leave the ER, and he was sure Will was stall ing on purpo se " When I left the hospi tal Will was beggi ng for x- rays, and there was talk of an MRI..." I haven t ever been in troub le like this befor e, and had no idea what was going on or how serio us the charg es were that they were writi ng up again st me. I wasnt able to write my own state ment, and as I was still hyste rical at that point , and was tryin g to liste n to anoth er group of offic ers inter rogat e my 3 year old daugh ter in anoth er room ( "How did your mommy catch the bed on fire..." was just one of the misleading quest ions I heard them ask her), I read the state ment prepa red for me, signe d it, and as soon as I signe d they took it away from me and for the life of me I could nt remem ber AT ALL what I had JUST read. Will would a known that the first perso n to call the cops would most likel y be refer red to as The Victi m, makin g the other perso n into The Bad Guy. As far as Im conce rned, my daugh ter was the only victi m, Will and I shoul d be liste d as co- assho les.
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#36 Feb 12, 2009
he night befor e this happe ned we got into a serio us argum ent. He had put me in a choke hold, the very first time he had laid his hands on me. It was one of his army range r moves , and I lost consc iousn ess. After words he cried and said he'd never hurt me again and I said "yes you will, and it' ll only be worse " I didnt think it'd be the next day. I was late to work that night , confi ded in a cowor ker. There were many that knew what was going on, how angry and verba lly abusi ve he was, how contr ollin g he was, frien ds and famil y could tell thing s were getti ng worse inste ad of bette r. For instance, I would have to call him from the work phone when we were leaving work to let him know I was on the way, to prove to him that yes, I really have been at work this whole time. The next day (Wednesday the 28th) I hung out with my cousi n, who went throu gh the bulls hit with me when a forme r bf fract ured my skull , and I sugge sted makin g plans for me to get out of there . Shoul d I wait on taxes , etc. I wante d more time to make plans , the last guy (that broke my skull), I didnt make plans , I just said I was leavi ng him, and heard his famou s quote "the only way a woman leave s me is in a body bag or ambul ance" right before I was sucker punched. Turns out that COP CAR was anoth er optio n when leavi ng Will. Still , even now, I love him and feel sorry for him, and guilt y that I hurt a loved one, even if it wasnt inten tiona l,-I reall y do think he would have conti nued to beat me, and maybe even hurt Cassi dy. I think the worst crime ever is to hurt a loved one, yes we are guilty of tres passi ng of the heart in the first degre e. I was even iffy on leavi ng him, talki ng with my cousi n that after noon, he is going through a rough break up right now, my point was that, broke n souls and psych es need love too... why do you think we got so broke n in the first place ? Will and I are very smart peopl e, and very much in love, why isn' t love enoug h to fix thing s? And if love isnt enoug h, than what else is there ? I thoug ht under diffe rent circum stanc es thing s would impro ve. We were plann ing on movin g into a real apart ment. "If only w-2s had come sooner" I keep thinking to myself. Two crazy peopl e (and a crazy dog, she was an abuse survi vor as well!!!) livin g in one small room with few ameni ties, add finan cial troub les and battl ing drug and alcoh ol addic tions for both of us... the odds were never in our favor .
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#37 Feb 12, 2009
I dont regre t waiti ng til I was 19 to start datin g guys, and I certa inly dont regre t being with my first love for so long (7 years), but half of my man- probl ems are becau se I STILL dont know how to date, or how a healt hy relat ionsh ip works , or how to pick a decen t guy. I didnt REALL Y start datin g until I was 26, and at that time I was at least 250lb s, but as high as 300+ pound s so I wasnt reall y datin g, per se. Add all that to this new hot body I have been GIVEN in the last 2 years , I had a roux-en-y gastric bypass September 2006, have lost 200 pounds in 2 years. I have NEVER been or even felt attra ctive in my entir e life, I dont know how to deal with that eithe r, the atten tion, my inabi lity to say NO to just about anyth ing (sex drugs n rock n roll).... I belie ve that my body still produ ces enough hormo nes and chemi cals for the 350lb me, not the 170lb me ( 170 inclu des 40 pound s of "skin" I need cut off).

The men who have hurt me physi cally , to me, are all compl etely diffe rent guys. There have been obvio us abuse rs I spott ed and dumpe d right away, but these other ones, I dont know. I can' t ident ify with peopl e who weren t smack ed aroun d their whole lives . And they certa inly dont under stand where Im comin g from, so I am naturally drawn to the underdogs and fixer-uppers.

Anywa y I just got out of jail yeste rday. I'd been going to domes tic viole nce group s and talki ng to couns elors in there . We discu ssed how there 's a conne ction betwe en the men I choos e, even if I dont see it yet (one of those " keep comin g back" NA mantr as come to mind). Also discu ssed how in makin g excus es for the guys ( they were abuse d, beate n, ptsd from the war etc) I'm makin g excus es for my own unhea lthy/ angre ssive behav iors from my own abuse s etc. I was told my ongoi ng feeli ngs of love for Will, and the way I'm alway s forgi ving the other men is reall y my own love and guilt I feel for mysel f, that in forgi ving them Im forgi ving mysel f, makin g more excus es for my own feeli ngs. I thoug ht I had made great chang es, and had dealt with my co- depen dency issue s, but obvio usly there 's more work to do. I'm conti nuing couns eling and group s on the outsi de. I reall y hope that Will has come to these same concl usion s, that he seeks out the help that he needs . I know that in the past I've been guilt y of just forge tting I even met a perso n, putti ng anoth er brick aroun d my heart , and buryi ng the anger and saddn ess deep down,- until one day it rises up as fuel, and strea ms out of my body like a laser , and like a weapo n. Will and I weren 't hurti ng each other reall y, we were hurti ng every body that had ever hurt us.
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#38 Feb 12, 2009
Other probl ems of mine I have medit ated on: I reali zed that when I live by mysel f I'm not much of a drink er or smoke r, it's only when I date a pothe ad that I becom e a pothe ad, when I date a drunk I becom e a drunk . I see this a lot in my frien ds' relat ionsh ips, that when coupl es get toget her they are reduc ed to a lowes t- commo n- denom inato r, with drugs , spend ing habit s, gambl ing and even perso nal hygei ne, but it never occur red to me that I do the same thing . I REALL Y want to smoke pot, but Im not going to and have told every one that I dont want to so that they keep it away, not offer it. The same for alcoh ol and even caffe ine. No caffe ine in jail, and as it is one of the chemi cals I used to use to self- medic ate my bipol ar sympt oms, Im doing a self- exper iment to see what cycle s my body goes throu gh witho ut ANY forei gn meds/ chemi cals at all. Im watch ing exces s sugar intak e as well.

Court still isnt settl ed, and proba bly wont be for some time. The judge was final ly persu aded to waive my $ 2500 bail. The DA might seek to up my assau lt 3 misde meano r into an assau lt 2 felon y... so that' s prett y serio us. I'm very worri ed about more jail time, the two weeks I did were so horri ble (but then again I never hoped to get out and that made it easie r, Shaws hank style ). Becau se of the weigh t loss surge ry they cant prope rly feed me, no true vitam ins etc, I lost 10 pound s the time I was in there . They sorta start ed givin g me meal repla cemen t shake s, but theyr e the ones from the nursi ng home desig ned to keep an other wise dead body " nouri shed" ... not the kind of nutri tion a body like mine needs , and I only was given them once a day, if the CO's cared to, or if the nursing home remembered to send them, and if I was given the right tray. I was doing a ton of sit ups and kept with my yoga routi ne but that would nt creat e the weigh t loss I'd exper ience d. I was picke d on a bit, cuz I was the most smart , polit e, OCD inmat e ever in to be in wcj, COs calle d me miss manne rs, my cell was spotl ess and bed was alway s made and I was a folk hero to most of the girls in there . The women were very encouraging, and even though they might not realize it, they were very inspiring. I am an ex-junky, I used heroin every day from 01-02 and then on and off for another few months. I have never relapsed even though I have been offered, even had it placed in my hand by some eager dope-dealer in the Lumberyard bar the summer of 04. Many girls in jail were there because of heroin addiction. I'm one of the lucky ones. They are also inspiring because of the flack I took from them for being so smart, "Why are you even here? Get your **** together!"
If these "hardened criminals" are telling ME to get it together... I better listen. There's already been so much good that's come of this situation that I don't regret it happening at all.
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#39 Feb 12, 2009
Now that Im out Im havin g flash backs and night mares AGAIN , cuz at least I was SAFE in there . I was infor med of some of Will' s prior s, mix that with thing s he's admit ted to me that he's done and thing s Ive heard about him from other s ( " youre datin g that guy, OMG one time he..."), Im glad that this happe ned soone r rathe r than later , and Im glad this is all that happe ned. But yeah I, mysel f, am actua lly scare d becau se of one of the prior s... I am not here to "bad mouth " Will, his past is his busin ess, but I worry that he would use the same excus e to justi fy doing that same thing to me as he did to one ex- gf. CPS said women he's been with end up losin g their kids. I'm being inves tigat ed by them, thoug h the inter view went well and they know every thing was a stupi d mista ke and was one over- react ion after anoth er. I was warne d by CPS to have no furth er conta ct with Will, or else I would jeopa rdize custo dy of my daugh ter. While in jail, I recei ved an anony mous thank you card. He must have really done somet hing to someo ne....

I had start ed lette rs to a coupl e of my ex's while in jail cuz Im suppo sed to start from the begin ning and psych oanal yze each relat ionsh ip ( some of the girls in group were like " holy **** ALL of them!?" lol, good thing for me Ive only had 8 boyfr iends in my entir e life). We had a workb ook and did pages like homew ork assig nment s. This isnt the first time I've over- prote cted mysel f, Im tryin g to figur e out why I fight inste ad of run, and why I fight back so much harde r than I need to do. Well I guess I know WHY, but I want to know how to stop. Im getti ng hooke d up with suppo rt group s and couns eling out here, and Im gonna do an AA thing ( thoug h drink ing actua lly is under contr ol - meani ng I hadnt been drink ing, and I've lost the passi on for it, I made heaps of chang es from the last abuse r, this fight reall y was a surpr ise in more ways than you could under stand ) and also Im looking for anger manag ement and self- defen se cours es, I even made an agree ment with one of the counselors that I would nt get into anoth er relat ionsh ip for a whole year! I met a lady with a very simil ar story to mine, she came in to lead an AA group in jail. Im hopef ully going to find out her info and so she' ll help me with this stuff, hopef ully be my spons or. I even wrote my mom a 7 page lette r discu ssing child hood issue s and wanti ng for us to try to heal our relat ionsh ip. Ive never reall y had any paren ts or guida nce at all. I have anger issue s with her, other famil y membe rs, even God -if there is one-(for makin g me suffe r so much as a child ) and at the churc h ( some of my abuse rs were/ still are highl y respe cted upper membe rs of the churc h and commu nity in gener al). I have alway s been left alone , I do most of my livin g insid e my head, where it's safe and happy , and under my contr ol.
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#40 Feb 12, 2009
Cass hardl y remem bers the fight . It didnt phase her much actua lly, after Will left she said that we weren t being good frien ds, that we need to play nice, that Will neede d a timeo ut and that I shoul da given him a banda id.( Anoth er cute thing she said: I was cuffe d to a bench when first arriv ing at stati on, when my mom FINAL LY showe d Cass said to her " Nani, check out mommy 's golde n brace lets, theyr e so shine y!" then she asked the cops if they came in pink.) She was most traum atize d by the polic e havin g a gun to my head and 2 guns on the dog, screa ming for ten minut es for me to " subdu e the f*cki ng mutt befor e they blow its f*cki ng face off" Cass the whole time: " Dont hurt my Brown ie!!!" If I had said to them " screw that dog" or "its not my dog" I am 100% posit ive they would have shot her right in front of my daughter. Cass never screa med until she saw the guns, not even durin g the fight . She' s very happy that Im home with her. She' d been told that I was in the hospi tal. She freak ed this morni ng not wanti ng to go to pre- schoo l, afrai d I would nt be here when she got back. I worry about furth er jail time and leavi ng her again . I have time to prepa re her thoug h. Also part of the reaso n the judge waive d my bail was becau se I have such a young child (he was informed of my poor health), so IF things go wrong in court maybe house arres t or weeke nds would be an optio n so that my daughter's life isnt interrupted again. I am also hopin g for commu nity servi ce to reduc e any fines I might have, seein g as Ive done 3, 400 hours volun taril y as an Ameri Corps membe r, they might give me this optio n. I do know the state is hard- up for money and I would under stand that my cash would be more valua ble than my time. I have lost my job due to all the bad press , and up til now I have been able to take care of ourse lves witho ut being on welfa re. This after noon I am apply ing for food stamp s....

I am quite angry at the media for blowi ng this up, and being one- sided . Only one newsp aper ( Wayne Count y Times ) had Will' s mugsh ot ( total compl ete madma n! I got passe d the paper from anoth er inmat e, saw the photo , shook my head and thoug ht " yup, there 's my Raspu tin. ") The news repor ts don' t menti on his name, or his charg es, or his PRIOR S or anyth ing like that. I havent spoken to my lawye r about writing this lette r in my defen se but I dont see how it could could do more harm. I'd even be willi ng to do an inter view.

I was on all the local tv stati ons as well as the paper s. Good luck tryin g to find a job now, ya know? Peopl e talk to my mom at the store etc but she doesn t know what to say to them, even my best frien d and broth er have been left wonde ring what reall y happe ned as they too didnt recei ve any more infor matio n than what' s been in the news.
Shoul d I rent a billb oard and plead my case?

A reall y sad sad thing ... alrea dy a guy has flirt ed with me (um HELLO ???) "I saw you on the news... that guy proba bly deser ved it... but you can light my bed on fire ANYDA Y!" for real dude? And I'M the crazy one???
Joey Denise Barr

Medina, NY

#41 Feb 12, 2009
Ashamed wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah it just happened to be my cousin that got stabbed by your psycho ex. Dumb **** should be slapped.
Obviously the abuse of women runs in the family... That's where Will learned it from to begin with.

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