Family of child molester asks for leniency

Family members of a 42-year-old computer technician who pleaded no contest to molesting his niece asked for leniency from a San Mateo County Superior Court judge Monday morning, saying his behavior had been ... Full Story
Lynne

Honduras

#21 Sep 21, 2007
My husband is a pedophile. Last week he told our 11-year-old daughter to come in our room and close the door (while I was at work). He then told her to pull her pants down. She had enough courage to tell him no thank heavens.She had been molested by a neighbor ayear ago and I had taught her to always sayno. It took her three days to tell me. He tells me he has not molested any of our other children, or her before, but I know he is lying. I can’t even look at him without wanting to cry or throw up. My first thought was to throw him out but then I realized how painful his loss would be to the children, worse than if he had died. I told him he could stay if he never touched our child(ren) again but all I can think if a hundred times a day is our little girl closing that door with her daddy trying to get her pants off.that thought will stay with bother her and I forever. How did he justify his actions?.” I was curious”:I wanted to see how much hair she had”“ I was jealous she was showing it to boys” all of which are just sick. Lame excuses for “ I am a predator, I don’t care who is hurt by my actions” I don’t know what to do. I keep trying to step out of my body and take a look at it but every time it is so ugly I cant.
I want to hurt the children the least and I know the other kids will be ripped apart for life by this but I also know sooner or later it will come out. Nothing will ever be okay again for the rest of our lives. I will always have married a pedophile. My children will have a pedophile for their father for the rest of their lives. I will have to guard our children, our grandchildren and all other children from him .I wonder all the time what else he has done. How did I not see this? How do I do this? This was my soul mate, my best friend; I am now a widow emotionally. I can never trust him again. What do I do??? Oh my god I just want to die.
bebe

Cleveland, OH

#22 Sep 28, 2007
my 20 yr old daughter just revealed she was raped and sexually assulted 5 times by my nephew. councelors told me not to tell my sister yet, let my duaghter decide when the time is right I feel. by me not doing so, HE the,rapist, is controlling me now. I say tell his parents, what is your opinion. my duaghter is in counceling now, but he needs to be off the streets. she is scared to file charges
msmitchell

AOL

#23 Oct 8, 2007
I just have one question for lynne. Have you lost your stupid mind? you have a child molester living in your home with your children and you have done nothing? you dont deserve your kids if you are that dumb my god woman get a grip he needs to be in prison not sleeping in the same house you have to get rid of him now before it is to late and your kids wind up hating you for not getting them out of the situation.
Mom of two

Desert Hot Springs, CA

#24 Oct 15, 2007
If this was so "out of character" why did he do it for so many years? That says something about someone's character.

Lock him up, throw away the key and get that poor child, and her family, some MAJOR counseling!
Mom of two

Desert Hot Springs, CA

#25 Oct 15, 2007
Lynne,

I understand that you are torn apart by these horrible facts in your life. BUT, you are the sole protector or your family! Your husband cannot be trusted around children, not yours or anyone else's children. In the United States you would call Child Protective Services immediately and remove you and your children from the damage that has been done, is being done and will be done to you and yours. Those children need to be AWAY from their father. And so do you. It is not right in any condition to submit them and any other children to this kind of abuse.

Have you ever heard the saying "Guilty by association?" That is exactly what you will be if you allow this to keep happening.

You, your children and your husband all need counseling less this pattern
be repeated by your children in the future.

I strongly encourage you to find out what resources you have in your country and use them! We have Shelter from the Storm which takes in women and their children while helping them find a safe place to live, work, etc. in times of need.

I am praying for you and your family.
Brigette

Lakewood, CA

#26 Oct 15, 2007
I know this is a bit late, but my heart goes out to you...
Christina Williams wrote:
I am a so called survivor of 15 years of child rape. My uncles, father, step father,step grandfather, and great uncle raped me when I was under the age of five and later my father-in-law raped me when his son was in Viet Nam. I went on to be raped by my own husband. My son was raped at five by his uncle and then became a child molester and rapist, went to prison for ten years. I broke the silence and lost my mother, brothers and the entire family turned on me for telling. Not one of my attackers went to prison. My mother told me to think of the other children when it would be in the papers, speaking of my husbands younger sibbleings still at home. My son did got to prison and is out of prison and I have night mares about him doing it again. He said he would never do it, but he also said he would never do drugs again. Two nights ago, he was arrested for possession of cocaine. I cannot ever trust a child molester. They complain about the time they do in prison, but I have a lifetime sentence of post trmatic syndrome, memories that haunt me and will never go away. I will take the horror of my childhood to the grave with me. It is a epedemic, a disease in this world, and I beleive the death sentence should be given to child molesters. It would speak louder to the rest of the world that child rape is like murder, only when you kill someone, they no longer suffer, you create the walking dead when you rape and molest children. If it was done to you, how could you ever bring that pain on another soul?????. While people cry for mercy when it is time to own up to your crime, think about who had mercy for the child, even mothers, grandmothers and aunties protect and enable these crimes against children and tell us not to bring shame onto the family. I say that any mother or anyone who knows a child has been raped and protects the rapist should go to prison right along side of the rapist. No Aunt veilie, it was not a dirty dream! I did not bring shame on the family, the men did that when they did the most horrible crime against children they could do, and they were supposed to love us and protect us.
Christina Williams
Brigette

Lakewood, CA

#27 Oct 15, 2007
Please tell someone now, tomorrow could be too late. My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best of luck...
bebe wrote:
my 20 yr old daughter just revealed she was raped and sexually assulted 5 times by my nephew. councelors told me not to tell my sister yet, let my duaghter decide when the time is right I feel. by me not doing so, HE the,rapist, is controlling me now. I say tell his parents, what is your opinion. my duaghter is in counceling now, but he needs to be off the streets. she is scared to file charges
Mom of two

Desert Hot Springs, CA

#28 Oct 15, 2007
bebe wrote:
my 20 yr old daughter just revealed she was raped and sexually assulted 5 times by my nephew. councelors told me not to tell my sister yet, let my duaghter decide when the time is right I feel. by me not doing so, HE the,rapist, is controlling me now. I say tell his parents, what is your opinion. my duaghter is in counceling now, but he needs to be off the streets. she is scared to file charges
Dear Bebe,

First, be there for your daughter. I don't know your family dynamics but I do know that getting counseling will help. Your daughter may not be ready to file charges now but do speak to her about how this has more than likely happened to many more girls than just her. Rape is a dangerous form of violence. Has she been tested for STD's?

In her confidence in telling you about her rape, she trusted you which is something that is hard to come by when something like this happens. However, as her mother I would think you have a certain responsibility to other mothers and potentially other victims. Perhaps talk to your daughter about this. Even if she does not want to press charges, she can hear you out about what you feel is right.

Other family members may be harboring the same secret.
Brigette

Lakewood, CA

#29 Oct 15, 2007
Lynne, come on now girl, get a grip, I am not trying to be mean here when I say this but you HAVE to do something! You need to take care of your children. They will not hate you for taking them away from him, actually they will THANK YOU for it later in life. Do something NOW!!!
Lynne wrote:
My husband is a pedophile. Last week he told our 11-year-old daughter to come in our room and close the door (while I was at work). He then told her to pull her pants down. She had enough courage to tell him no thank heavens.She had been molested by a neighbor ayear ago and I had taught her to always sayno. It took her three days to tell me. He tells me he has not molested any of our other children, or her before, but I know he is lying. I can’t even look at him without wanting to cry or throw up. My first thought was to throw him out but then I realized how painful his loss would be to the children, worse than if he had died. I told him he could stay if he never touched our child(ren) again but all I can think if a hundred times a day is our little girl closing that door with her daddy trying to get her pants off.that thought will stay with bother her and I forever. How did he justify his actions?.” I was curious”:I wanted to see how much hair she had”“ I was jealous she was showing it to boys” all of which are just sick. Lame excuses for “ I am a predator, I don’t care who is hurt by my actions” I don’t know what to do. I keep trying to step out of my body and take a look at it but every time it is so ugly I cant.
I want to hurt the children the least and I know the other kids will be ripped apart for life by this but I also know sooner or later it will come out. Nothing will ever be okay again for the rest of our lives. I will always have married a pedophile. My children will have a pedophile for their father for the rest of their lives. I will have to guard our children, our grandchildren and all other children from him .I wonder all the time what else he has done. How did I not see this? How do I do this? This was my soul mate, my best friend; I am now a widow emotionally. I can never trust him again. What do I do??? Oh my god I just want to die.
imho

United States

#30 Oct 15, 2007
Brigette wrote:
Lynne, come on now girl, get a grip, I am not trying to be mean here when I say this but you HAVE to do something! You need to take care of your children. They will not hate you for taking them away from him, actually they will THANK YOU for it later in life. Do something NOW!!!
<quoted text>
Brigette-

Please note, Lynne is in Honduras - the laws there are most likely different there than here in the U.S.(don't quote me, but in some countries, women and children are consider property, not people)

Anyone with knowledge of international laws here in this forum? Clearly, Lynne and her children are in need of some assistance.

This is outside my area of expertise.
Brigette

United States

#31 Oct 16, 2007
Oh yeah, I know that she's ootc but I still think she needs to get the kids away from him...
imho wrote:
<quoted text>
Brigette-
Please note, Lynne is in Honduras - the laws there are most likely different there than here in the U.S.(don't quote me, but in some countries, women and children are consider property, not people)
Anyone with knowledge of international laws here in this forum? Clearly, Lynne and her children are in need of some assistance.
This is outside my area of expertise.
victim

Seattle, WA

#32 Oct 16, 2007
christina, that is a really sad thing that happened, it make me sick to see famly have this information and keep quiet.That is how my family was untill it started comming out, my father molested me, my sister, my brother and his 3 grand daughters,and my mom still stayed with him, she says everyone thinks she is a great wife well that is because they dont know what he did, there are others to that have told me and I said dont call me tell her. Once you are a victim its like you have problems the rest of your live, I no longer have a relationship with my so called mother, she is so jealous of me she cant stand it she is allways talking bad about me to the family and her friends and favors her other kids over me well I got over all the hurt and I am the only daughter she has that lives in the same town and my so called father died a few years ago, so she is all alone and getting older with no one to care for her. Oh well how does it fell to need someone and no one answer your call for help. I have a great husband and kids who love me and we are there for each other, they wont even call my mom they seen what she has done to me and have nothing to do with her she dont even know her grand kids. Keep your chin up christina I dont know you but I have to hand it to you for caring for your self and kids you should be SUPER proud of your self take care.
Tony

AOL

#33 Oct 18, 2007
Tell me about it. My son was molested too at the age of five. I caught the perpretrator acting weird and I questioned my son as to what the two of them were doing before I walked into the room. The fact slob denies any guilt and his mother is standing by him only to save her own face from embarassment. Will there ever be justice for our children. I just pray that my child will not remember it.
Tony

AOL

#34 Oct 18, 2007
My advice to you is keep being an overly protective parent. The minute you let your guard down, that is when they will act. Trust me, a predator will sense vulnerability. They prey on innocent people to trust them and when someone does they attack and devour what ever can feed their appetite, just like an alligator waits for the herd of deer to leave its flock before devouring the lonesome one by the river. Remember it is about opportunity more so than the act!
victim

Seattle, WA

#35 Oct 18, 2007
I just read your story and of course you didnt know because we dont think like they do, the are sick and twisted, I was molested for years by my dad and so was my sister and brother mine started when I was at least 3,4 years old sounds sick i know, and of course dear old mom stood by and did nothing.I have all the praise for mother who believe there kids because kids dont think dirty they are to busy wanting to play and have fun. When I got older my brother started to molest me and my sister, me he would bring his friends over to molest me, I am to this day just sick,my father was caught when it came out he molested my daughter and my brothers 2 daughters and other cousins started to call me and say he molested them to and I said dont tell me tell his wife who is just as sick as he is for staying with him, after he was picked up and put in jail can you believe he only got 5 days and a year probation.What is that compared to live problem for the victims and do you know my mother still stayed with him and didnt even say I am sorry to any of the grandkids,unbelievable,she said I am a good wife who stands by her man, it makes me sick. My heart and soul go to all the children who this happens to and to the mothers who are the really mothers who stand up for there kids and believe them, I tell everyone about my dad thats why my mom dont like me, guess what OH WELL tuff,molest runs on both sides of the family,my moms sister had her own fathers child that is plain sick.Keep sticking by your children they come first, even to this day I wish someone would adoped me as there child to love me and to have new parents, crazy idea I know but I have a new husband that is so loving to me I wish I could live in his heart,we have a daughter that is 16 and believe me when I say he would take care of that person who ever touched her,his family is pure Italian and have Mafia back ground,so he was raised with very strong up bringing.Thank you for taking the time to read about my life and hope that your life becomes better.
MMM

Los Angeles, CA

#36 Oct 18, 2007
Lock him up and throw away the key. Sex offenders never stop. I hope he spends many years getting raped in jail.
Lynne

Honduras

#37 Oct 20, 2007
Thank you for telling me the truth. i thought I could somehow protect my other children from the truth and I knew it was stupid but he was so sorrowful I truly believed he would stop drinking and it would neverhapen again. I realize now that is garbage.I have throw himout. My children and I will be very very poor as we have no welfare in this country but we will survive.
I thought I would post something he wrote to me to convince me at first that he should stay. This is what I fell for..
LYnne
My husbands email to me:
I am an alcoholic, have been for many years. And now because I could't admit it or deal with it I am a pedophile. There is no excuse for what I did to our daughter. There is no reason I can give to jusitify my actions. It was sick and mean and brutal and stupid. I hurt the ones I love the most. I am so ashamed. I cant look in the mirror without seeing a monster. I cant look at her without shame. I cant look at my wife, I cant sleep next to her anymore. I cant touch or hold my children without thinking about what I did and the hurt I've caused. Through my cations I;vew destroyed the very things I love most. But more important I've destoyed the ones I love most. How can my family livw with this. All things I should have asked my self before taking a drink, before doing what I did. I am self distructive have always been. No thought to what I would do to others. I just wanted to be a tragic figure. I fanatized about what people would feel about me as they stand over my grave. How they would feel sorry for me because I was so tragic. Well I've gotten my just deserts I am not trgic I am sick thats the way the people I love will think of me. Spit on my grave as I spit on me now. No excuses, there are none.
What should I do? Should I leave because I cant take the guilt, shame and hate. Thats the easy thing to do. I could disappear into Miami or New Orleans. Thats the easy way, but also the way I would most hurt my family. I will not hurt them anymore. Do I turn to god, become born again like so many others who have done bad things in their life? No, thats just a way to say, see I've changed I am now a good person. I will live with my guilt and shame.
I will never take another drink. I will do all I can to become a better person. I will deny self pity. I will be more understanding of otjer people. I will hope someday I will be forgiven. I hope someday I will earn this families love. I hope someday my wife can look at me again.
My eleven year old said to me "Daddy you went a whole day without drinking" and gave me a kiss. One day at a time I will work toward forgiveness. I will think of those words everyday. Every time I want a drink. And I will hope I see smiles again in our house.
jess

United States

#38 Oct 21, 2007
can I date date a man thats a child malester,Im 28 and I have kids but he wont see my kids just me.
victim

Seattle, WA

#39 Oct 22, 2007
Please, Dont see him your kids come first,molesters are very sneeky and of course he wants only you he wants you to get close to him so he can start comming over to see the kids Please stay away from him they are not trust worthy you will regret it if he hurts your kids and once the damage is done that is a whole lot of quilt to live with.I am sure you are a really good mother and need a friend to share some time with, but he is not the one, I mean if you all ready know he is a molester and you continue to see this guy then you as a mother have to answer to your kids,you never know what kind of guy he is until he gets in a bad situation,if he really had good thoughts and really cared about you he would want to meet your kids because they are part of you, wanting to see just you he is being controlling already. I super beg you to get rid of him and dont do it in a way where you anger him just tell him your kids come first and they need you, please remember your kids will follow your example.If this has helped you please feel free to write again,I would love to know what happened,If the molester insist he see you and wont leave you alone then call the police,dont ever confront him alone and say "I am going to the police" because it will only make him mad just call,but you have to be firm and mean it.
Noah

Newark, NJ

#40 Oct 22, 2007
Child molesters do need to be incarnerated until they can be rehabilitated. And such rehabilitation usually does take decades, and involves working with their emotions for very long periods each day. But I don't believe in harming people. Nobody should be executed, tortured, abused or raped in prison, because when we do that, we become the very thing we detest the most: criminals, rapists, torturers, abusers.

I know I'll receive flames for this, but those men and women that "serve our country" and kill and torture and rape overseas are awarded with purple hearts and medals; those who commit those same crimes at home, but to a far lesser extent, are reviled as absolute evil.

Don't you think that's a contraction?

None of us haven't done wrong at some point in our lives. We haven't molested children, but most of us have supported wars that have killed millions, perhaps even sold drugs or weapons, or simply were very unkind to alot of people. None of us are perfect. Self-righteousness is the beginning of immoral crusades like war that kill millions, and really one of the basic causes of destructive action. So remember, the next time you want to torture and execute a sex offender, an Arab, or whoever it is you hate, we have all done wrong, and while people may need to be restrained for the safety of society, destroying people is not the answer.

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