Shelter Looking for Volunteers

Shelter Looking for Volunteers

There are 11 comments on the NBC29 Charlottesville story from Oct 3, 2009, titled Shelter Looking for Volunteers. In it, NBC29 Charlottesville reports that:

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and a Charlottesville shelter for women in need needs your help.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at NBC29 Charlottesville.

A victim

United States

#1 Oct 4, 2009
The SHE center encourages welfare dependency as a virtue. The staff demands isolation of children from their fathers, and harass residents who recognize the father's relationship with their child. They harass and intimidate shelter residents who seek help to reunite their family. They encourage women to move far away and not demand child support as a way of isolating the family members and denying the father's rights. They will even go so far as threatening to take children away from a resident and put the children in permanent foster care with no visitation rights for the parents if the "woman in crisis" does not obey their agenda.
Before a woman accepts the advice of their counselors, she should ask the counselor if they have ever had a successful relationship with a member of the opposite sex who loves their children.
A victim

United States

#2 Oct 4, 2009
To whoever marked my post as clueless and nuts over an hour ago, this is the truth and you don't have any rebuttal, do you? A miserable person with a master's degree is not necessarily smarter than a mother whose efforts and values are rewarded by a happy family.
not a victim

Charlottesville, VA

#3 Oct 4, 2009
i am not the one who marked you nuts, but i do understand the frustration of people who know better, these are the ones trying to help you and your children. if your life is so bad, your childrens safety is in question and you had to go to a shelter, i don't understand how you could even consider going back to a man who "LOVES" you like that or allowing him to be a part of your childrens lives. it is very frustrating for me to see and hear stories of women calling the cops for domestic abuse and having them arrive only to cry and plead not to take this "loving" man away. don't go in search of help if you are not going to accept it. if you are a mother who's efforts are rewarded by a happy family then why are you calling yourself a victim?
Lorraine Heilig

Martinsville, VA

#4 Oct 4, 2009
Where is the shelter located? Obviously, that could be a determinative factor for one who may be thinking of volunteering. Thank You!
Doby

Marietta, GA

#5 Oct 5, 2009
Lorraine Heilig wrote:
Where is the shelter located? Obviously, that could be a determinative factor for one who may be thinking of volunteering. Thank You!
And also could endanger thw women who seek shelter. For those who crticize the shelter because they insist on complete isolation from the husband/father, if your claims against the male in your life are legitimate, if you have been abused, do not fool yourself into thinking this behavior will change. Chances are very good the abuse will escalate and you and your children will be in ever increasing danger. Accept the fact you are in danger from the moment you are first slapped, punched or pushed. Get out, don't wait to become a statistic.
not a victim

Charlottesville, VA

#6 Oct 5, 2009
Doby wrote:
<quoted text>And also could endanger thw women who seek shelter. For those who crticize the shelter because they insist on complete isolation from the husband/father, if your claims against the male in your life are legitimate, if you have been abused, do not fool yourself into thinking this behavior will change. Chances are very good the abuse will escalate and you and your children will be in ever increasing danger. Accept the fact you are in danger from the moment you are first slapped, punched or pushed. Get out, don't wait to become a statistic.
wonderfully said! the sooner the abused accept the fact that abusers don't change, they will be better off, abusers are like a time bombs, they may be on good behavior for a while if push comes to shove and they get their hand slapped or get embarrassed by their behavior, but you will never be fully at peace, you will always have the thought in the back of your mind. you never know when or what will set him off and you may not have the opportunity to seek help, it may be too late for that and you'll end up being another statistic. don't ever believe him when he says "it will never happen again, believe me IT WILL!
i put physical/emotional abusers in the same catagory as child molesters.....they may be in control on the outside but what is brewing on the inside is just a matter of time before it explodes. its a battle they have fight daily and you can't fight it for them, you can't change them, but you can change yourself and the life you give your children.

Since: Jun 09

Charlottesville, VA

#7 Oct 5, 2009
I've been a victim and it's one of two choices. Either you leave and move on , easy no, but you do what's best for you and the child(ren) or you stay and continue to be abused. Those of you who cry but "he loves me" need serious counseling because if he loved you he wouldn't be beating you everytime he needed to make himself feel more like a man...
John

Charlottesville, VA

#8 Oct 5, 2009
I know several of the people involved with the Shelter. They are good people. Their goal in all of this is to hopefully, one day, never to be needed. If you do not care for being helped, then do not ask for it. When those who see what is happening to you bring it to your attention, don't shoot the messenger. Save the bullet for the abuser. I was an abused child. My mother stayed with the man "who loved us so much" until I was six years old. That was the day we ran for our lives.
There are abusers who have changed. I have met them. There are very few of them and they struggle daily to maintain peace within themselves. Their success comes from surrounding themselves with people who are strong enough and brave enough to hold them accountable for backsliding.
To the person who considers themselves a victim of the Shelter, I'm sorry you feel you had a bad experience, but they are good people trying very hard to help people who choose to be around very bad people.
A victim

United States

#9 Oct 5, 2009
To all of you defenders of the great people at the SHE shelter, you are .aking in ignorance. Forcing someone to get a mental evaluation, having them sign a temporary custody order, and then refusing to return their children as per the order's specification until they "adopt new values" and "make good decisions" is not only abuse, it is abuse of their apparent authority and in my opinion it is kidnapping. My husband and I have problems that we can work on. I am more traumatized by the abuse of the SHE shelter management and people at Region 10's Albermarle County office. My husband never took my children and hid them from me as a means of manipulation, they did.
I'm sure some of you know who I am, it must be very frustrating to you small minded control freaks to fail at your attempts to ruin my children's relationship to their loving father.

Jane

Marietta, GA

#10 Oct 5, 2009
A victim wrote:
To all of you defenders of the great people at the SHE shelter, you are .aking in ignorance. Forcing someone to get a mental evaluation, having them sign a temporary custody order, and then refusing to return their children as per the order's specification until they "adopt new values" and "make good decisions" is not only abuse, it is abuse of their apparent authority and in my opinion it is kidnapping. My husband and I have problems that we can work on. I am more traumatized by the abuse of the SHE shelter management and people at Region 10's Albermarle County office. My husband never took my children and hid them from me as a means of manipulation, they did.
I'm sure some of you know who I am, it must be very frustrating to you small minded control freaks to fail at your attempts to ruin my children's relationship to their loving father.
I will pray for you. I am very afraid one day you will need a lot of prayers.
not a victim

Charlottesville, VA

#11 Oct 5, 2009
dear victim,
i am not affiliated with the shelter. i do not have a phd, but i do have common sense. my heart goes out to you. do you need help? by your action of commenting on a story that is just asking for volunteers it seems to me you are grasping for a hand to hold. would your husband be upset with you for spending time on-line writing comments? i once knew an abused woman who had 2 daughters, all 3 were verbally abused and was frequently slapped around, covering up bruises and blaming themselves for his unjust outbursts. these 2 girls grew up with two very different lives, one was an alcoholic in one bad relationship after another, the other daughter was a loner and as her mother aged she would visit and listen to the abuse the man she spent 50+ years with gave her. this daughter would always say "its ok, things will get better" guess what? things never got better. the man died, the woman lived only 8 months after his death and for those 8 months, she feared dying, worrying that she would see him in the afterlife and he would be mad at her for something she did or didn't do after his death (he always told her what to do, she was never allowed to make a decision or even give a suggestion, things were always his was). its too late for her. her life could have been so different. if this story helps one person, maybe you "a victim" then it was worth my time typing it.

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