Dear Abby: Friend needs to know about...

Dear Abby: Friend needs to know about bad habit

There are 17 comments on the Columbus Dispatch story from Jun 14, 2009, titled Dear Abby: Friend needs to know about bad habit. In it, Columbus Dispatch reports that:

Dear Abby: I'm a happily married woman who has always valued my friendships. I feel fortunate to have about a dozen women friends I can talk to, have lunch with and enjoy girls' weekends with.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Columbus Dispatch.

“Merry Holidays!”

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#1 Jun 14, 2009
L1: That a pretty difficult thing to tell someone. If someone is a poor listener, will she listen to the LW about a negative trait and take it well? The LW seems (seems!) to be kind enough to delicately say this, but boy would I tread lightly and gently.

L2: Clearly the LW needs counselling. I don't think HE even knows what he wants at this point. He should just tell his wife he is feeling anxiety and would like to go to counselling for his anxiety and marriage counselling. Parenting classes would be an excellent idea as well (yes, Angelique). This man seems a little emotionally immature to start a family.
PEllen

Lake Forest, IL

#2 Jun 14, 2009
If LW is indeed the last friend, then the choice is between telling Cecily or letting her flounder. But telling her will leave her with a problem and no information how to deal with it. I think Abby would have done better to suggest one of those self help books to give yo Cecily. Surely someone has written one for people like this.
We just had a woman like this leave our office and unfortunately for her, everyone was glad to see her go. Sad.

For LW 2, I agree that counseling is definitely needed, but 30 is a bit young to be worried about not being married. maybe I have been reading these boards too long, but I think his anxiety is about sexual identity and that marriage is a gay cover. Otherwise, with that level of anxiety, why did he go through with it in the first place?
Anne

Portland, OR

#3 Jun 14, 2009
PEllen wrote:
If LW is indeed the last friend, then the choice is between telling Cecily or letting her flounder. But telling her will leave her with a problem and no information how to deal with it. I think Abby would have done better to suggest one of those self help books to give yo Cecily. Surely someone has written one for people like this.
We just had a woman like this leave our office and unfortunately for her, everyone was glad to see her go. Sad.
For LW 2, I agree that counseling is definitely needed, but 30 is a bit young to be worried about not being married. maybe I have been reading these boards too long, but I think his anxiety is about sexual identity and that marriage is a gay cover. Otherwise, with that level of anxiety, why did he go through with it in the first place?
I didn't think gay so much as wondering what kind of woman he did expect to marry several years ago. I got the impression that whatever his ideal was he wasn't the one they wanted and he got desperate to get married and married the first person who said yes. I remember the day when lots of women did the same thing and then tried to find meaning in their lives via children. She may be as unhappy as he. So,yeah, counseling, NO children and, with luck, she will find someone who really does love her.

“Merry Holidays!”

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#4 Jun 14, 2009
Anne wrote:
<quoted text>
I didn't think gay so much as wondering what kind of woman he did expect to marry several years ago. I got the impression that whatever his ideal was he wasn't the one they wanted and he got desperate to get married and married the first person who said yes. I remember the day when lots of women did the same thing and then tried to find meaning in their lives via children. She may be as unhappy as he. So,yeah, counseling, NO children and, with luck, she will find someone who really does love her.
Now I'm projecting -- but I'm thinking he might have an "idealized" view of marriage and is not sure if he can do it -- hence the anxiety and need for counselling and parental classes. Lots of projection on my part, I realize.
MaryAnn

United States

#5 Jun 14, 2009
Notice LW2 said...."I thought we'd grow together over time."

Sounds like he was expecting their relationship to become more to his liking. A bad sign, thinking s the dynamics of the relationship will change and then everything will fall into place. Doesn't sound like he was ready for marriage. I wonder if counseling will help if he cannot even see that the biggest part of the problem is his unrealistic expectations. Seems like an uphill battle.
MaryAnn

United States

#6 Jun 14, 2009
Thanks Terri for finding this thread!:)

Just want to mention I noticed that the Columbus Dispatch notes that Abby is posted Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Guess the rest of the week we'll still need to do our own thread.

Have a good weekend, everyone!

“Merry Holidays!”

Since: Mar 08

Location hidden

#7 Jun 14, 2009
MaryAnn wrote:
Thanks Terri for finding this thread!:)
Just want to mention I noticed that the Columbus Dispatch notes that Abby is posted Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Guess the rest of the week we'll still need to do our own thread.
Have a good weekend, everyone!
I didn't notice that -- guess that solves that mystery (for me). I'm sure someone will post it in the Amy thread.

“Nakedness reveals itself”

Since: Oct 07

Location hidden

#8 Jun 14, 2009
LW2- Wow, I feel bad for Kelly more than I do you. You should have got your **** together before you married Kelly. If you were having doubts you shouldn't have just ignored them. Now you have caused a mountain of problems and probably a mountain of pain for Kelly.
PEllen

Lake Forest, IL

#9 Jun 14, 2009
Terri at home wrote:
<quoted text>
I didn't notice that -- guess that solves that mystery (for me). I'm sure someone will post it in the Amy thread.
When all else fails go to UExpress. That seems to be her syndication site. They don't have Topix, but they always have the column.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#10 Jun 14, 2009
This guy is way too immature to be married.

Did anyone else notice that his mom asked if he wanted to cancel it? Maybe he's a little more closely linked to his mom than a 30 year old man ought to be? It just seems to me that he would have talked to his dad, brothers, cousins, friends, etc., instead of his mom.

Of course my son talks to me about the important things, so maybe I have a double standard going on in my head...I dunno.

I do know thta he is being way unfair to his wife to keep this up without letter her in on his feelings.
J-Kat

United States

#11 Jun 14, 2009
PEllen wrote:
I think Abby would have done better to suggest one of those self help books to give yo Cecily. Surely someone has written one for people like this. We just had a woman like this leave our office and unfortunately for her, everyone was glad to see her go. Sad.
I used to work with a woman like this. Every day was a running narrative of all of her problems. If any of us tried to talk about ours, she'd poo-poo us and say, "Oh, but you're married." As if that solved everything.

Self-help books--she had them out the wazoo. She read every new one that came along. In her apartment, in the living room, her bookshelf was solid self-help books. I could only imagine how a new guy she was trying to date would feel if he looked at her bookshelf. I think she read most of them, trying to figure out what was wrong with the guys who never stuck around very long.

She worked 1/2 hour less than the rest of us, but we enjoyed it so much when she left every day that we didn't say anything to the boss.

I tried to stay friends with her for years, but I got so tired of listening to her problems that when I moved, I didn't bother to tell her my new phone #. She could have looked it up, but she was so ditzy that she probably didn't know how.

She'd go to therapy, but just about the time she'd start to get better, which would require changing on her part, she'd stop. I could tell her I was on the way out the door when she'd call, and she'd still whine and complain for an hour.(LOVE Caller I.D.)

“Snow days!”

Since: Nov 08

A winter wonderland

#12 Jun 14, 2009
I had to tell a friend of mine that she wasn't much of a friend, because it was all Lauda, all the time. She'd say things like "We're talking about me, not you!" When I told her, she got very angry & stopped speaking to me. I had even asked her husband to say something to her. I've known her nearly 30 years & it about killed me to have to finally confront her. Oh well, sometimes you can't win any of them.
MaryAnn

United States

#13 Jun 14, 2009
I have an idea. What if someone posts the Dear Abby letter here, in this comment thread?

I should say, everyone check here tomorrow for Abby's column! Maybe that would keep it off of the Tribune's Topix and we could still comment and share!

“Snow days!”

Since: Nov 08

A winter wonderland

#14 Jun 14, 2009
OK, so what happens with this section of Topix, is when you post, it changes your local news to Columbus. But it's showing that I have replies to the threads on the same page that the Tribune posts are on. If you get what I'm trying to say???

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#15 Jun 14, 2009
LW2. Counseling.
MaryAnn

United States

#16 Jun 14, 2009
Andie J wrote:
OK, so what happens with this section of Topix, is when you post, it changes your local news to Columbus. But it's showing that I have replies to the threads on the same page that the Tribune posts are on. If you get what I'm trying to say???
You're saying it is confusing to have the Columbus news and threads instead of Chicago's when you come to read Dear Abby here?

If you click on or go back to Ask Amy and Topix there, you will be back to Chicago's news. Does that help?

“Snow days!”

Since: Nov 08

A winter wonderland

#17 Jun 15, 2009
MaryAnn wrote:
<quoted text>
You're saying it is confusing to have the Columbus news and threads instead of Chicago's when you come to read Dear Abby here?
If you click on or go back to Ask Amy and Topix there, you will be back to Chicago's news. Does that help?
I'm not confused. I was just trying to describe what happens if you respond to Abby's column. It will be added to your Topix listing. Just the city name will change & you can always change it back.

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