Son abashed at mother's nudity
Join the discussion below, or Read more at Monterey County Herald.
#1 Oct 14, 2009
What you mom feels is right or is okay doesn't matter when it comes to what really is sexually inappropriate conduct. Why is it inappropriate? Because it makes you uncomfortable! It’s really that simple! And that should be enough reason alone to get her to stop. You should be under no obligation to explain "why"--that's BS. This isn't about HER, it's about YOU and your brother. What matters is how this makes you and your brother feel.
In workplace sexual harassment prevention training we're taught that what we feel isn't the issue, it's how the other person feels or perceives things. For example, I might not think anything of putting my hand on another workers shoulder is an issue--to me it's just a kind gesture--but if she feels uncomfortable and finds it upsetting then I'd be harassing her. It's that simple, and the law sees it that way. It’s not up for discussion or debate.
Assuming your mom works (or goes to church, or is in some other social situations relating to school, or sports, etc.), would she want her boss or someone else grabbing her butt or fondling her? What if the grabber feels it's no big deal and she we all should be free to express our feelings and desires? Would that make it right? Obviously the answer is no. What if someone leered at her or made suggestive comments that made her uncomfortable? Would that be okay? You might want to try explaining it that way and say just as that would make her uncomfortable this makes you uncomfortable. Find a situation based on her life she can hopefully relate to and put it in that context.
In terms of practical advice, go to Orchard Supply Hardware and get a simple slider lock for the bedroom door. That's a five minute fix to the bedroom issue, which is just plain creepy and just plain wrong.. I say OSH because they actually have folks who will help you, unlike some of the larger stores. They'll even help in explaining how to install it.
If you can't get your mom to understand how you feel and get her to change her behavior so you and your brother have a good environment to grow up in then there are larger issues with your mom. That's tough to consider, I nkow, but you sound like a reasonable and pretty mature guy, so I'm not shrinking from saying that. Hopefully this will pan out. Can you get your dad to help out with this if you can't make progress? If not, then there are other stronger steps you can take, such as talking to a school counselor, trusted teacher, pastor. This isn’t something that should be taken lightly, and I’m backing you 100% in that it’s inappropriate, wrong, and needs to stop. I wish you the best and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
#7 Nov 27, 2009
#8 Nov 30, 2009
Not reading all this. You wasted your time.
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