Girl thinks she's bisexual, Mom wants advice

Full story: The Reporter

Dear Straight Talk: My 15-year-old daughter, "Amy," has never had a boyfriend nor kissed a boy.
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1 - 4 of 4 Comments Last updated Jan 26, 2009
Tracey

Fairview, NC

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#1
Jan 18, 2009
 

Judged:

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I agree with the people who have responded to you. Fifteen is a confusing time for most every person, and sexual orientation issues make this even harder for Amy. Sometimes being bisexual is a phase, and sometimes it is not. Either way, it's best to support Amy through this and be the loving parent that she so needs at this point.

Sexuality is not just a black and white thing--there are lots of shades of gray, and many times women go through a stage where they think they are bisexual, but they are actually lesbian, and sometimes they really are bisexual and may choose to have relationships with men or women or both.

I was born a lesbian, but never put a label on it until I was around 16. I just thought I was attracted to my female friends because I did not have a big sister. I went through a phase when I "dated" guys--well as much as a 14 to 15 year old girl dates, but then I fell head-over-heels in love with my first GF, and the light went on concerning what I'd felt towards females my whole life.

I didn't have to have sex with a guy to figure this out. It's like me asking any straight person "How do you know you are straight if you've never been intimate with someone who is the same sex as you are?" I knew I was lesbian all along, because this is how I was born.

When people say to me, "You are CHOOSING this lifestyle," I do agree that if you are bisexual, you may have a choice in who you date, but if you are truly lesbian or gay, then I believe that the only choice people have is if they are going to choose to lie about who they are in this life or
not.

The one thing I've seen over and over again is that most people who are truly homophobic are usually gay, lesbian, or bisexual themselves. They've got one finger pointing at me, while they have three of their own fingers pointing right back at themselves. I've experienced this many times, but no matter what, I sure won't lie about myself to make anyone else feel better.

When people push the issue, saying it IS a choice, then I just reply, "So it sounds like you are speaking from experience, and that you are bisexual and you are CHOOSING to be straight." Being truly gay or lesbian is just like being born with blue or green eyes, and there's plenty of scientific evidence that supports this.

Since I didn't have any support coming out in Florida during the Anita Bryant, anti-homo, 1970's, I now write support books for women who coming to terms with their sexual orientations. My first book, "How To Be A Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide," was written for younger women coming out. After its release, I had women emailing me that they loved the book, but how should they come out
when they living in a small town, married to a guy, and they have kids? Seems I wasn't thinking about the women who, because of family, society, church, whatever, they had denied who they truly are, and now they are coming out in situations that are indeed painful to everyone involved.

Because of these situations, I opened an online support group for women who are questioning their sexual orientations. This group has been online for over 5 years, and we have helped thousands of women worldwide. At this time, we have over 800 members, and they range from the ages 15 to 70! We have women in this group who are lesbian, bisexual, straight but fell in love with a woman, and some who are questioning their sexual orientations. We do not discriminate against anyone, nor push anyone to be anything that she is not--we support women in what they need to do to find their true selves, no matter what their sexual orientation may truly be.

If you would like to know more about our books and support group for either yourself or Amy, please visit http://www.amazingdreamspublishing.com .

Sincerely,
Tracey Stevens
Co-author of "How To Be A Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide"
and our Spring 2009 release "Coming Out Advice for Lesbians and Bisexual Women"
Tracey

Fairview, NC

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Jan 18, 2009
 

Judged:

1

1

I agree with the people who have responded to you. Fifteen is a confusing time for most every person, and sexual orientation issues make this even harder for Amy. Sometimes being bisexual is a phase, and sometimes it is not. Either way, it's best to support Amy through this and be the loving parent that she so needs at this point.

Sexuality is not just a black and white thing--there are lots of shades of gray, and many times women go through a stage where they think they are bisexual, but they are actually lesbian, and sometimes they really are bisexual and may choose to have relationships with men or women or both.

I was born a lesbian, but never put a label on it until I was around 16. I just thought I was attracted to my female friends because I did not have a big sister. I went through a phase when I "dated" guys--well as much as a 14 to 15 year old girl dates, but then I fell head-over-heels in love with my first GF, and the light went on concerning what I'd felt towards females my whole life.

I didn't have to have sex with a guy to figure this out. It's like me asking any straight person "How do you know you are straight if you've never been intimate with someone who is the same sex as you are?" I knew I was lesbian all along, because this is how I was born.

When people say to me, "You are CHOOSING this lifestyle," I do agree that if you are bisexual, you may have a choice in who you date, but if you are truly lesbian or gay, then I believe that the only choice people have is if they are going to choose to lie about who they are in this life or
not.

The one thing I've seen over and over again is that most people who are truly homophobic are usually gay, lesbian, or bisexual themselves. They've got one finger pointing at me, while they have three of their own fingers pointing right back at themselves. I've experienced this many times, but no matter what, I sure won't lie about myself to make anyone else feel better.

When people push the issue, saying it IS a choice, then I just reply, "So it sounds like you are speaking from experience, and that you are bisexual and you are CHOOSING to be straight." Being truly gay or lesbian is just like being born with blue or green eyes, and there's plenty of scientific evidence that supports this.

Since I didn't have any support coming out in Florida during the Anita Bryant, anti-homo, 1970's, I now write support books for women who coming to terms with their sexual orientations. My first book, "How To Be A Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide," was written for younger women coming out. After its release, I had women emailing me that they loved the book, but how should they come out
when they living in a small town, married to a guy, and they have kids? Seems I wasn't thinking about the women who, because of family, society, church, whatever, they had denied who they truly are, and now they are coming out in situations that are indeed painful to everyone involved.

Because of these situations, I opened an online support group for women who are questioning their sexual orientations. This group has been online for over 5 years, and we have helped thousands of women worldwide. At this time, we have over 800 members, and they range from the ages 15 to 70! We have women in this group who are lesbian, bisexual, straight but fell in love with a woman, and some who are questioning their sexual orientations. We do not discriminate against anyone, nor push anyone to be anything that she is not--we support women in what they need to do to find their true selves, no matter what their sexual orientation may truly be.

If you would like to know more about our books and support group for either yourself or Amy, please visit http://www.amazingdreamspublishing.com .

Sincerely,
Tracey Stevens
Co-author of "How To Be A Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide"
and our Spring 2009 release "Coming Out Advice for Lesbians and Bisexual Women"
Tracey

Fairview, NC

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Jan 18, 2009
 
Sorry about the double-post. Had a computer glitch, and it didn't take me to the reply area...
daquita

Springfield, IL

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#5
Jan 26, 2009
 

Judged:

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well,i think that you need to sit down and talk to her and let her know that whatever she decides to be you would still love her the same and treat her the same. and her selfesteem you have to help build that up with her beauty is not just on the inside its on the outside as well help her and support her she needs you!

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