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Megan

Mentor, OH

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#1
Feb 11, 2009
 
I have read that it's very difficult to forge and maintain deep, meaningful friendships in San Diego. I have wanted to live there for years because of the focus on outdoor recreation, beaches, Balboa Park, etc. However, I am now having serious reservations, as I am a single woman in her early thirties who has experienced difficulty in finding single friends her age in the Midwest. I chose a big city partly because I was hoping to find career-focused singletons like me there, but now I am wondering if I would be just as lonely there as I am here in the Midwest. Can you give me any hope, or should I start looking at other big cities in the U.S. I have fallen in love with San Diego over the years, so I would like to stick to the plan if real friendships there are feasible.
Laura

United States

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#2
Feb 12, 2009
 

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Megan,
CA is not the best place for long lasting close relationships. I am also from the midwest and CA is very different from OH. We are a very transient state and people here tend to be drinkers, druggies, and very focused on money. Sad but true. NOT everyone but a lot are. People tend to move a lot and tend to be very superficial. Be careful if you choose to move here. VISIT FIRST. Spend a week or two and see if you like it. Don't hang at bars or rough areas. Lots of crime and losers here. Go to church and schools and concerts and theater and meet decent hardworking folks and form friendships there. Be friendly but careful. If anyone sends bad vibes, run. There are lots of singles here but many are messed up, broke, or needing therapy. Hang out in areas that offer sports teams to join, learning and doing educational classes, and the arts, etc., and you'll meet a better class of people. It can be a positive living experience but stay on your toes and ask respectable people for advice and you'll find your way.
There are good people here and fun things to do. Just be more careful than in OH and try it out by visiting first. Get to know someone really well before you trust them.

Good luck.
Megan

Mentor, OH

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#3
Feb 12, 2009
 
Hi Laura,
Thank you very much for your response -- it was very thoughtful and insightful, one of the best takes I have come across online! It sounds like there is at least a bit of hope for a young person in San Diego. I really have fallen in love with so many things about the city/area, I would hate to give up the dream entirely. I will definitely visit, and exercise caution while I am there. Hopefully I will like it enough in person to make it my home!
FTW

Germany

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#4
Feb 13, 2009
 
Give SD a chance, it is a really nice town and besides, there are good and bad folks where ever you go, just keep your BS detector on alert and you'll be fine...
Dianne

United States

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#5
Feb 14, 2009
 
Laura wrote:
Megan,
CA is not the best place for long lasting close relationships. I am also from the midwest and CA is very different from OH. We are a very transient state and people here tend to be drinkers, druggies, and very focused on money. Sad but true. NOT everyone but a lot are. People tend to move a lot and tend to be very superficial. Be careful if you choose to move here. VISIT FIRST. Spend a week or two and see if you like it. Don't hang at bars or rough areas. Lots of crime and losers here. Go to church and schools and concerts and theater and meet decent hardworking folks and form friendships there. Be friendly but careful. If anyone sends bad vibes, run. There are lots of singles here but many are messed up, broke, or needing therapy. Hang out in areas that offer sports teams to join, learning and doing educational classes, and the arts, etc., and you'll meet a better class of people. It can be a positive living experience but stay on your toes and ask respectable people for advice and you'll find your way.
There are good people here and fun things to do. Just be more careful than in OH and try it out by visiting first. Get to know someone really well before you trust them.
Good luck.
You know I agree with you! I was in SD for a couple of years; and it was awful. In the fist place, SD is the 'meth' capital of California. In the second place, it's full of military or retired military people who tend to be very bland or dysfunctional. In the third place, it's also full of shallow and very hollow-minded people. My husband Keith and I are originally from Panarama City, California. But we moved to Lima, Ohio in the the late 1980s. And now we're still in the process of moving to Dayton, Ohio. I really did like the suburbs of L.A. a lot. I met some great people there! I like Ohio more than SD; but I don't like it more than L.A.. Some parts of L.A. are definately better than Lima and Dayton, Ohio -- in many ways!
Megan

Mentor, OH

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#6
Feb 15, 2009
 
Thanks to everyone who has replied to far. I think I need to at least give SD a try. I mean, I am still young (well, I consider myself young, at least!), I am single and I have no kids. So if I am going to try out a city, I might as well do it before I have a family of my own that I need to worry about. Plus, there are so many cultural and recreational aspects of SD that appeal to me, and have for several years now. I am passionate about running, and in fact I love ALL outdoor activities...From what Laura said, it sounds like I am can meet some of the quality people in SD just through athletic activities like these. It's like FTW said, too: You have to have your bullshit detector on, and be careful. But that's the case no matter where you live. Believe me, Dianne, I have met plenty of meth users, shallow people, and VERY dysfunctional people here in OH. After reading all of your posts, in addition to talking to a few people I know who used to live in SD, I feel like it really is going to be what I make of it and that it's worth a try at least. However, it won't be in the immediate future, since the job market is so rotten and I have a very secure job here in OH. I realize that I need to be smart about my timing. I appreciate the time all of you took to respond!
Dianne

United States

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#7
Feb 15, 2009
 
Megan wrote:
Thanks to everyone who has replied to far. I think I need to at least give SD a try. I mean, I am still young (well, I consider myself young, at least!), I am single and I have no kids. So if I am going to try out a city, I might as well do it before I have a family of my own that I need to worry about. Plus, there are so many cultural and recreational aspects of SD that appeal to me, and have for several years now. I am passionate about running, and in fact I love ALL outdoor activities...From what Laura said, it sounds like I am can meet some of the quality people in SD just through athletic activities like these. It's like FTW said, too: You have to have your bullshit detector on, and be careful. But that's the case no matter where you live. Believe me, Dianne, I have met plenty of meth users, shallow people, and VERY dysfunctional people here in OH. After reading all of your posts, in addition to talking to a few people I know who used to live in SD, I feel like it really is going to be what I make of it and that it's worth a try at least. However, it won't be in the immediate future, since the job market is so rotten and I have a very secure job here in OH. I realize that I need to be smart about my timing. I appreciate the time all of you took to respond!
Oh, I absolutely agree with you. I've met some terrible people in Lima and Dayton. That's why I said I like Panarama City better. But like all of you have said, there are terrible people everywhere. And there are good people everywhere. So, I hope you only make freinds with the best people. I wish you well. Dianne
Declan

Escondido, CA

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#8
Feb 20, 2009
 
The word "single" may mean never having been married or losing spouse to death. If it is the latter, there is a "WOW of San Diego" (WOW for Widows or Widowers)that is quite active.
Admittedly, Widows are in the majority, but one caught me, so it's worth a try.
(Proof of having lost a spouse is required.)
Megan wrote:
I have read that it's very difficult to forge and maintain deep, meaningful friendships in San Diego. I have wanted to live there for years because of the focus on outdoor recreation, beaches, Balboa Park, etc. However, I am now having serious reservations, as I am a single woman in her early thirties who has experienced difficulty in finding single friends her age in the Midwest. I chose a big city partly because I was hoping to find career-focused singletons like me there, but now I am wondering if I would be just as lonely there as I am here in the Midwest. Can you give me any hope, or should I start looking at other big cities in the U.S. I have fallen in love with San Diego over the years, so I would like to stick to the plan if real friendships there are feasible.
boomer

United States

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#9
Feb 21, 2009
 

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have fun but do what laura said. be careful. mega druggieville here.
Karrie

San Diego, CA

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#10
May 13, 2009
 
Megan...drop everything and relocate as soon as you can! I have been here 10 months and I love it! I have a few friends and every day is like a new experience here. There is so much to love about San Diego! I only wish I didn't work so much so I could enjoy it more. Also, there is lot's of work here. I have two friends that moved here from Chicago and got jobs right away. I did to. I am 40 and I can't say enough about this place. It's very laid back and people are very accepting. More down to earth than L.A. for sure. Give it a shot! What do you have to loose? Besides, we could hang out and I'll show you the town. Best of luck to you what ever you decide!
Ed Norton

San Diego, CA

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#11
May 14, 2009
 
Megan wrote:
I have read that it's very difficult to forge and maintain deep, meaningful friendships in San Diego. I have wanted to live there for years because of the focus on outdoor recreation, beaches, Balboa Park, etc. However, I am now having serious reservations, as I am a single woman in her early thirties who has experienced difficulty in finding single friends her age in the Midwest. I chose a big city partly because I was hoping to find career-focused singletons like me there, but now I am wondering if I would be just as lonely there as I am here in the Midwest. Can you give me any hope, or should I start looking at other big cities in the U.S. I have fallen in love with San Diego over the years, so I would like to stick to the plan if real friendships there are feasible.
Hi I moved from Portland Oregon several year's ago and I found the people in San Diego about the same as back in Portland, finding friend's is always easy if your a friendly person.

Try to meet people with similar interest you have but above all I wish you the best of luck on life's journey.

Edward "Eddy" Norton
San Diego California
James

La Jolla, CA

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#12
Jul 24, 2009
 
Megan wrote:
I have read that it's very difficult to forge and maintain deep, meaningful friendships in San Diego. I have wanted to live there for years because of the focus on outdoor recreation, beaches, Balboa Park, etc. However, I am now having serious reservations, as I am a single woman in her early thirties who has experienced difficulty in finding single friends her age in the Midwest. I chose a big city partly because I was hoping to find career-focused singletons like me there, but now I am wondering if I would be just as lonely there as I am here in the Midwest. Can you give me any hope, or should I start looking at other big cities in the U.S. I have fallen in love with San Diego over the years, so I would like to stick to the plan if real friendships there are feasible.
Wherever you heard that from was correct about hard to forge and maintain deep relationships in SD. I moved to SD in Jan. 2004 from DC and have had trouble making friends. It's definitly a town that's very cliquish. I am 25 and just got my bachelor's from San Diego state and have been working all this time as well. Now that I have more free time I plan to invest more time in meeting people. The general vibe for atleast people my age (20s) is that the guys are really insecure and not intelligent.
The girls are really vain and shallow.
john holmes

United States

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#13
Jul 24, 2009
 
a great way to break the ice is casual sex. wanna?
Beach Comber

Broken Arrow, OK

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#14
Jul 24, 2009
 
Dear Megan,

If you're looking for friends and you don't have any where you're currently living, I'm afraid you won't have any in San Diego, Portland, Chicago or anywhere else. You see, friends arn't readily available for the picking, but rather only cultivated over time.

I'm a loner of sorts and love it that way. I spend my time exploring the things that appeal to me, the beaches, the parks and museums and other places. I brouse antique shops and old record stores and flea markets. I own a 50 foot River Queen house boat and spent several years exploring the Mississippi River and its tributaries, meeting people and visiting small towns along the water ways.

Then I slowly piloted my boat, the Linda Jo, westward along the Texas coast, and on down to the Panama Canal. I say "slowly," because the Linda Jo is not made for ocean sailing and it was a bit risky going that direction.

Once through the Panama Canal, I brought her north to San Diego and I've been here for about two years.

I'm telling you this because when you forget about a specific goal and just enjoy doing something you like to do, it's amazing how your original goal comes about. In other words,look for other things in life that you can achieve and enjoy, things of beauty, romance and kindness, and before you know it, people will gravitate to you. It's when you try to force a relationship that it won't happen.

Take this advice from an old sea dog and I promise you, you won't be dissappointed. There are wonderful things out there, the beauty of nature, soft music in the air and the sun and surf on your face, and these things will mean more to you than all the friends in the world.

God's speed, my dear,

The old man and the sea
john holmes

United States

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#15
Jul 24, 2009
 
what about the casual sex being an icebreaker
tiddly winks

Louisa, KY

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#16
Jul 27, 2009
 
john holmes wrote:
what about the casual sex being an icebreaker
why? is Renata not enough for you? LOL
Good for you

San Marcos, CA

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#17
Jul 28, 2009
 
Megan wrote:
I have read that it's very difficult to forge and maintain deep, meaningful friendships in San Diego. I have wanted to live there for years because of the focus on outdoor recreation, beaches, Balboa Park, etc. However, I am now having serious reservations, as I am a single woman in her early thirties who has experienced difficulty in finding single friends her age in the Midwest. I chose a big city partly because I was hoping to find career-focused singletons like me there, but now I am wondering if I would be just as lonely there as I am here in the Midwest. Can you give me any hope, or should I start looking at other big cities in the U.S. I have fallen in love with San Diego over the years, so I would like to stick to the plan if real friendships there are feasible.
Megan, I was born and raise din San Diego and I think Laura has a point and I see where she wouls say that, but you can find that element anywhere. There are lots of people here from other places, especially in the corporate world. You would meet plenty of outgoing, productive people here. However, it's very expensive and you can meet good people in other, more affordable cities. If I were in your situation I would keep an open mind and look at all your options. I've lived all over Ca. and there are pros and cons to all. S.D. Pros: weather (no snow, warm all year, it's scenic (northern CA. blows doors), it's near a lot of cool places (again, No. Ca. is way better. Cons: There is a bad element like Laura said, it's expensive to live here, it's crowded......... it's harder to cons. But, still, good place to live, but won't solve your problems.
Good for you

San Marcos, CA

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#18
Jul 28, 2009
 
Beach Comber wrote:
Dear Megan,
If you're looking for friends and you don't have any where you're currently living, I'm afraid you won't have any in San Diego, Portland, Chicago or anywhere else. You see, friends arn't readily available for the picking, but rather only cultivated over time.
I'm a loner of sorts and love it that way. I spend my time exploring the things that appeal to me, the beaches, the parks and museums and other places. I brouse antique shops and old record stores and flea markets. I own a 50 foot River Queen house boat and spent several years exploring the Mississippi River and its tributaries, meeting people and visiting small towns along the water ways.
Then I slowly piloted my boat, the Linda Jo, westward along the Texas coast, and on down to the Panama Canal. I say "slowly," because the Linda Jo is not made for ocean sailing and it was a bit risky going that direction.
Once through the Panama Canal, I brought her north to San Diego and I've been here for about two years.
I'm telling you this because when you forget about a specific goal and just enjoy doing something you like to do, it's amazing how your original goal comes about. In other words,look for other things in life that you can achieve and enjoy, things of beauty, romance and kindness, and before you know it, people will gravitate to you. It's when you try to force a relationship that it won't happen.
Take this advice from an old sea dog and I promise you, you won't be dissappointed. There are wonderful things out there, the beauty of nature, soft music in the air and the sun and surf on your face, and these things will mean more to you than all the friends in the world.
God's speed, my dear,
The old man and the sea
This guy has an excellent point! You will only have a few true friends in your lifetime.
Local

San Marcos, CA

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#19
Jul 28, 2009
 
James wrote:
<quoted text>
Wherever you heard that from was correct about hard to forge and maintain deep relationships in SD. I moved to SD in Jan. 2004 from DC and have had trouble making friends. It's definitly a town that's very cliquish. I am 25 and just got my bachelor's from San Diego state and have been working all this time as well. Now that I have more free time I plan to invest more time in meeting people. The general vibe for atleast people my age (20s) is that the guys are really insecure and not intelligent.
The girls are really vain and shallow.
This guy is trying to meet his friends at the bar.
katie

San Diego, CA

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#20
Jan 16, 2010
 
Iv been living in San Diego all my life, and even though im only in my late 20's i have no friends here, it is very hard to meet people here even when your in school :(

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