Walking to Golgotha
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“Just a Koldunia”

Since: Jan 08

Kostroma

#1 Sep 10, 2008
Somedays, while putting on lip stick, contemplating the controversy in your life, you are forced to just come out and be you. Some days you find yourself at the gates of hell. It is on those days you define who you are. Unfortunately when yo find yourself here, you also are in the shower trying to balance shaved legs and color conditioner.

I have made a very heartfelt decision to leave Topix. I honestly think I can claim that no one on Topix has been more condemned and vilified then I. Can anyone else make this claim? Can you think of anyone else who has been the subject of more attacks? Even our local Wiccan High Priestess urged me to consider the dead, before she would have dinner with me. I will walk away wishing you all read as carefully as you condemn.

Don't think twice, it's all right.

The truth is we all sit in life stranded, wondering, is there anyone out there that can understand who we are. Sure we have lovers, those who will battle for us, but do we have friends...I hang my head in shame pondering those who counted on me to be a friend that I have left behind. How about you? Can you take a moment of honesty to let life catch up with you? Who have you left abandoned?

If you can name me someone, not a parasite, at one time or another? I will say a prayer for them.

I am condemned, easily so, but I was a warm smile to many of you, the dying voice within me, reaches out with one single word....MERCY!

With that word said I go to, and accept your fire.

“living is learning”

Since: Sep 07

Nanaimo BC

#2 Sep 10, 2008
I left a very dear friend abandoned and broken hearted many years ago. I have recently been lucky enough to have the opportunity to apologize for my blindness, and he has very graciously re-entered my life. I have missed him every day for very close to ten years. I myself have been abandoned, and for what? Explanations that don't do justice or don't even come at all. I ask you to say a prayer for Brian, and for yourself Natalia. You have been hung as the witches of old were. What is a photograph? Why weren't you privately emailed "what's up with the fake photo?" Given a chance to say silly me, or i was drinking and typing, etc. Like I have said before, I don't give a rat's ass. You have been warm and kind and very open with your culture. Sometimes you are brash, and arrogant. Who here is without faults? If we expect our friends to be faultless, we will die cold and alone. Sometimes behaviors are only indicators of where we need to grow in our life to make us stronger. I can be very abrasive as times. I am filled with self doubt. I cannot let go of people who I love. I get drunk and flash my breasts all the time.:) I tell people I enjoy gardening, and I do the 4 times a year I get to it. Do you all get the picture? What Nat has given us on this forum is real, whether or not her photograph was. Now this real person, who has just laid herself bare for us all, is leaving the group. No more New Moon readings. No more personal readings. No more Tarot tips, or Russian folk practices. She is withdrawing not only that but her friendship as well, and I truly hope that this experience does not harden her heart. How can anyone learn if we are all afraid to teach? How can anyone be loved when we are unwilling to love ourselves. I cry on this sad day. I suppose human nature prevails.

Since: Feb 08

Coram, NY

#3 Sep 11, 2008
All I can say to all this is, Natalia, please reconsider and don't leave Topix. We can all chose to ignore things said about us on the internet, that are false or just plain not to our liking.

Peace to you.
albion

London, UK

#4 Sep 11, 2008
Natalia Tikimirova wrote:
Somedays, while putting on lip stick, contemplating the controversy in your life, you are forced to just come out and be you. Some days you find yourself at the gates of hell. It is on those days you define who you are. Unfortunately when yo find yourself here, you also are in the shower trying to balance shaved legs and color conditioner.
I have made a very heartfelt decision to leave Topix. I honestly think I can claim that no one on Topix has been more condemned and vilified then I. Can anyone else make this claim? Can you think of anyone else who has been the subject of more attacks? Even our local Wiccan High Priestess urged me to consider the dead, before she would have dinner with me. I will walk away wishing you all read as carefully as you condemn.
Don't think twice, it's all right.
The truth is we all sit in life stranded, wondering, is there anyone out there that can understand who we are. Sure we have lovers, those who will battle for us, but do we have friends...I hang my head in shame pondering those who counted on me to be a friend that I have left behind. How about you? Can you take a moment of honesty to let life catch up with you? Who have you left abandoned?
If you can name me someone, not a parasite, at one time or another? I will say a prayer for them.
I am condemned, easily so, but I was a warm smile to many of you, the dying voice within me, reaches out with one single word....MERCY!
With that word said I go to, and accept your fire.
Doesnt the lipstick get in your beard?

“Dance with Fire- Boycott BS”

Since: Apr 07

Moon

#5 Sep 11, 2008
Natalia Tikimirova wrote:
Even our local Wiccan High Priestess urged me to consider the dead, before she would have dinner with me.
Perhaps something was lost in the translation. It was not a condition. Since Anton suddenly 'needed' to meet with me, I figured I would ask something that might help you, or him, with the anger & hurt that I could not.(he appears to be much more consumed with the emotions then you) And yeah, all the better if we met without all that rancor- sacred space and all that jazz that us Wiccans go on about...

However, he has since shrewdly pointed out that I am not as neccessary to his cause anymore. So I wish you guys with whatever helps with the healing, the coping, the getting through this with the least amount of devastation. If we can meet someday, that would be nice, I would have much more freedom of communication with you without the restraints of a public comment that anyone can read.

This thing has been an unfortunate incident that has obviously caused quite a few people anger & hurt.

Since: Feb 08

Coram, NY

#6 Sep 11, 2008
Ilona wrote:
All I can say to all this is, Natalia, please reconsider and don't leave Topix. We can all chose to ignore things said about us on the internet, that are false or just plain not to our liking.
Peace to you.
If you all want to judge me clueless - ok whatever. All I wanted to do is get everyone to calm down and stop this endless bickering. So go ahead, judge away. I'm still remaining neutral in all this. I hate this constant squabbling over dumb issues that have no real relevance in our day to day lives.

Since: Feb 07

Ireland

#7 Sep 11, 2008
Ilona wrote:
<quoted text>
If you all want to judge me clueless - ok whatever. All I wanted to do is get everyone to calm down and stop this endless bickering. So go ahead, judge away. I'm still remaining neutral in all this. I hate this constant squabbling over dumb issues that have no real relevance in our day to day lives.
Ilona, I understand your desire to remain impartial but I think yourself, Bondgiirl and Triquetra seem to underestimate the level to which this runs. People made real friendships and they were albeit not necessarily broken tehy were soilded.

People want to know why. Natalia is the only poster with such answers. CShine and Lili aside all it would have and still does take is an explanation. None was provided.

What has happened (which also adds to people's believe that they are one in the same) is that Natalia in trouble it's not Natalia that posts its Interested/Anton. And he does not do the rational thing and defend his wife he digs deeper insulting all around including those attempting to strike a balance and defend her (your good selves!).

Since: Feb 07

Ireland

#8 Sep 11, 2008
Just to clarify, this is something that has run deep since early last year and before for many.

Since: Feb 07

Ireland

#9 Sep 11, 2008
Hmmm interesting thread name Natalia. Golgatha the place of the Skull, where Jesus the Christ was crucified. Are you planning to be a martyr then? Do you take with you our sins?

Another thing to consider is that Jesus left behind Mysteries not Secrets. Mytseries for people to discover, you are leaving secrets to that people may vilify and sanctify you in rotation. Personally this takes too much time from my busy day. If you leave may your Path carry with it the Illumination of the Moon.

Since: Feb 07

Ireland

#10 Sep 11, 2008
I truly apologise for the spamming nature of posts....

Another thing to consider for many is the way in which the Interested/Natalia partnership tend to post. Turning on people attempting to support them thus endeth the dinner that was in preparation for the 18th Sept. Many of those same individuals may well recall that some posts to Kethry highlighted the fact that Natalia on her trip to Russia would find some reason not to meet with Kethry.

I wish and hope that I can be proven wrong on this because it is very disheartening to think that someone could be so manipulative for no apparent reason. Ultimately it is Natalia that can shed some light on this matter and end the chaos.

Should she elect to that is.

Since: Feb 07

Ireland

#11 Sep 11, 2008
Sugar that really made little sense!! Ok what I meant was that Natalia and Anton always (to my mind) seem to post one in an antagonistic fashion and the other in submissive. This time the antagonistic poster was Interested/Anton and basically was very insulting to his wife's friends. CShine, you are no longer going (frankly I think it best as there isn't a hope that under these circumstances it will be pleasant, possibly false but certainly not pleasant) that is of course you're own decision. But could we expect Lili to go and 'report' back by herself in a strange house with people she'll be meeting for the first time. And I would wager that that is what Interested intended.

I am glad because it was truly for all the wrong reasons. Also his insinuation that he and his wife with you guys would work something during the Moon Void is alarming. Friends don't use people like this, at elast not where I am from.

Whatever you guys decide please accept my blessings and well-being! x

Since: Feb 07

Ireland

#12 Sep 11, 2008
Also people may well recall Interested and Natalia's tendancy for cryptic posts on using the negative aspects of the Moon on myself and Kethry.

I am sorry if I am venting but I think it important to assertain all aspects of the issue. Natalia may well have reasons for posting a false picture of herself but her husband's hostility distracts from an explanation. And then starts the veiled threats as if people need to be afraid. Then in a few months will attempt to rationalise their remarks.

I understand that rational discussion tends not to happen when Anton and Natalia are hot tempered but I feel that before people continue this argument potentially hurting by-standers in the process the one question Natalia can answer to end all this is simply...why?

Why post a false picture?

Since: Feb 07

Ireland

#13 Sep 11, 2008

“Follow your dreams”

Since: Jul 07

Sydney, Australia

#14 Sep 12, 2008
I have read all the posts concerning this altercation between Natalia/Interested/Anton and various others that were very hurt by their actions and through all the insults and the antagonism, the main question that started all this crap has not been answered by either Natalia or Interested/Anton... Why did Natalia post a picture in her profile and calim it was of herself when it turns out it wasn't? That is the only thing I have failed to be able to work out. Why?

If Natalia is actually leaving the Topix forum then that is her decision. May her gods/goddesses shine their light on her path in life with love.
albion

London, UK

#15 Sep 12, 2008
Miss_Firefly wrote:
I have read all the posts concerning this altercation between Natalia/Interested/Anton and various others that were very hurt by their actions and through all the insults and the antagonism, the main question that started all this crap has not been answered by either Natalia or Interested/Anton... Why did Natalia post a picture in her profile and calim it was of herself when it turns out it wasn't? That is the only thing I have failed to be able to work out. Why?
If Natalia is actually leaving the Topix forum then that is her decision. May her gods/goddesses shine their light on her path in life with love.
There is something more important, you have failed to work out, which might become obvious when a certain arrogant threatening being is unable to resist the urge to return and bait people.

“Just Li'l ol' me....LiLi”

Since: Jun 07

Like many others

#16 Sep 12, 2008
Pharaoh-Nile wrote:
<sfb> what I meant was that Natalia and Anton always (to my mind) seem to post one in an antagonistic fashion and the other in submissive. <sfb> CShine, you are no longer going <sfb>that is of course you're own decision. But could we expect Lili to go and 'report' back by herself in a strange house with people she'll be meeting for the first time. <sfb>Also his insinuation that he and his wife with you guys would work something during the Moon Void is alarming. <sfb>Whatever you guys decide please accept my blessings and well-being! x
They have not "turned on me" in order to "cancel" the dinner meeting....if you will read again you will see that I said the 18th would not work FOR ME because it is a Thursday and I help care for my sister's children Monday through Friday so I can't go out of town unless it is a weekend or school is not in session for some reason during the week days. Also, you would see that I asked if another date would be acceptable, the response to me was regret at not being able to meet on the 18th but still to "lets make this happen"/"your time my dime" by Anton, to which I responded I would see what works for both schedules and I would be in touch soon -AND- I did say I would NOT be travelling alone...my husband would travel with me which received no balking or problematic issues to stop my husband from coming with me. The dinner is not hardcore at their home....the offer has been made to meet at a restaurant...therefore, in public and on neutral ground. My husband and I even have friends in the Asheville area we can stay with instead of staying at Anton and Natalia's home or we can rent a room somewhere if we so choose(even though the hospitality of lodging has been offered by Anton.). Furthermore, I do NO workings with people I do not know and know well. This should be known about me as I believe I have stated it before...but in case I have not...let it be known now..I do no workings with any person I do not know and know well..which is one reason you don't see me doing online workings with others. As for being used....I have been around the block more than a few times dear (I'm almost 50) and it is difficult to use me or catch me unawares.
Regarding "reporting back"....I do not kiss and tell..I would let you know if they are indeed two seperate people (which I think they are) and I might say we had a lovely time or we had an interesting/unique time. Beyond that it is doubtful I would discuss anything further. I would do no differently for you or anyone else....but that's just me.

So my dear Pharaoh-Nile, I do appreciate your concerns regarding me and my well being....but I will be ok..honest. Thank you for your blessings and well wishes.

Since: Feb 07

Ireland

#17 Sep 12, 2008
I do apologise Lili I wasn't referring to yourself directly in the comment about "turning" on people. I was in fact referring to Interested's posts to Bondgrrl and Triquetra. You and CShine did probably the wise decision and awaited Natalia's return to hear her side (I think we are all awaiting this still).

Though I also noted that At some point in another thread there was post to CShine that stated that your presence at the dinner table was more worthwhile seeing as she in the past has been accused (I believe completely in the wrong) of being Anton/Natalia. To be frank I think this more evident that Anton/Natalia use others and then play the violin for themselves.

As for the working I highly doubted either yourself or CShine would be so flippant about joining people in workings. I apologise if what I said came across as otherwise but I was trying to direct people's attention to YET ANOTHER veiled insinuation.

Forgive my wariness but I find that when people cite age as a means for not being "caught out" its time to worry! Please, PLEASE both of you look after yourselves!! x You know where to find me should either of you need to!! x

“Dance with Fire- Boycott BS”

Since: Apr 07

Moon

#18 Sep 12, 2008
Sort of kinda ditto for me. Wasn't withdrawing per say, but trying to clear up the thing on the 'condition', and reiterating my misgivings/understanding the circumstances under which they were suddenly interested in meeting with me.

But... you know, I do challange my comfort zone on occassion and I would be doing this for my own reasons too. Thank you too, Pharoh for being concerned, but yeah, I understood it also to be happening somewhere public.

“Dance with Fire- Boycott BS”

Since: Apr 07

Moon

#19 Sep 12, 2008
I suppose I should add to "they were suddenly interested in meeting with me", "if indeed they still are". My uncertainity at meeting them in my post to Natalia was due to them backing off, not me.

Either way, I visit Knoxville on occasion to see my gal pal and could also meet with Lili too someday there. That would be cool :)

Since: Feb 07

Ireland

#20 Sep 12, 2008
Actually that sounds like fun!!! I hope that it manifests for the two of you! Both of you are lovely people. I have said it before if either of you find yourselves my side of the pond PM me and we can arrange for a coffee or tea (don't panic broad daylight and crowded streets are alright by me!!! lol)

As it stands I'm not really posting on here anymore so you know where to find me! I would like to see Natalia's responses to my posts and to the posts of others here. We'll have to wait and see if she will though.

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