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“This Rose is for You”

Since: Dec 12

RoseVille

#1 Dec 16, 2012
I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother
Liza Long

Three days before 20-year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year-old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.

"I can wear these pants," he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.

"They are navy blue," I told him. "Your school's dress code says black or khaki pants only."

"They told me I could wear these," he insisted. "You're a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!"

"You can't wear whatever pants you want to," I said, my tone affable, reasonable. "And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You're grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school."

I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.

A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7- and 9-year-old siblings knew the safety plan—they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.

conti.....,

“This Rose is for You”

Since: Dec 12

RoseVille

#2 Dec 16, 2012
That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room. The mental hospital didn't have any beds that day, and Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home with a prescription for Zyprexa and a follow-up visit with a local pediatric psychiatrist.

We still don't know what's wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He's been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood-altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work.

At the start of seventh grade, Michael was accepted to an accelerated program for highly gifted math and science students. His IQ is off the charts. When he's in a good mood, he will gladly bend your ear on subjects ranging from Greek mythology to the differences between Einsteinian and Newtonian physics to Doctor Who. He's in a good mood most of the time. But when he's not, watch out. And it's impossible to predict what will set him off.

Several weeks into his new junior high school, Michael began exhibiting increasingly odd and threatening behaviors at school. We decided to transfer him to the district's most restrictive behavioral program, a contained school environment where children who can't function in normal classrooms can access their right to free public babysitting from 7:30 to 1:50 Monday through Friday until they turn 18.

conti.....,

“This Rose is for You”

Since: Dec 12

RoseVille

#3 Dec 16, 2012
The morning of the pants incident, Michael continued to argue with me on the drive. He would occasionally apologize and seem remorseful. Right before we turned into his school parking lot, he said, "Look, Mom, I'm really sorry. Can I have video games back today?"

"No way," I told him. "You cannot act the way you acted this morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly."

His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. "Then I'm going to kill myself," he said. "I'm going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself."

That was it. After the knife incident, I told him that if he ever said those words again, I would take him straight to the mental hospital, no ifs, ands, or buts. I did not respond, except to pull the car into the opposite lane, turning left instead of right.

"Where are you taking me?" he said, suddenly worried. "Where are we going?"

"You know where we are going," I replied.

"No! You can't do that to me! You're sending me to hell! You're sending me straight to hell!"

I pulled up in front of the hospital, frantically waving for one of the clinicians who happened to be standing outside. "Call the police," I said. "Hurry."

Michael was in a full-blown fit by then, screaming and hitting. I hugged him close so he couldn't escape from the car. He bit me several times and repeatedly jabbed his elbows into my rib cage. I'm still stronger than he is, but I won't be for much longer.

conti....,

“This Rose is for You”

Since: Dec 12

RoseVille

#4 Dec 16, 2012
The police came quickly and carried my son screaming and kicking into the bowels of the hospital. I started to shake, and tears filled my eyes as I filled out the paperwork—"Were there any difficulties with… at what age did your child… were there any problems with.. has your child ever experienced.. does your child have…"

At least we have health insurance now. I recently accepted a position with a local college, giving up my freelance career because when you have a kid like this, you need benefits. You'll do anything for benefits. No individual insurance plan will cover this kind of thing.

For days, my son insisted that I was lying—that I made the whole thing up so that I could get rid of him. The first day, when I called to check up on him, he said, "I hate you. And I'm going to get my revenge as soon as I get out of here."

By day three, he was my calm, sweet boy again, all apologies and promises to get better. I've heard those promises for years. I don't believe them anymore.

On the intake form, under the question, "What are your expectations for treatment?" I wrote, "I need help."

And I do. This problem is too big for me to handle on my own. Sometimes there are no good options. So you just pray for grace and trust that in hindsight, it will all make sense.

I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza's mother. I am Dylan Klebold's and Eric Harris's mother. I am Jason Holmes's mother. I am Jared Loughner's mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho's mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it's easy to talk about guns. But it's time to talk about mental illness.

conti.....,

“This Rose is for You”

Since: Dec 12

RoseVille

#5 Dec 16, 2012
According to Mother Jones, since 1982, 61 mass murders involving firearms have occurred throughout the country. Of these, 43 of the killers were white males, and only one was a woman. Mother Jones focused on whether the killers obtained their guns legally (most did). But this highly visible sign of mental illness should lead us to consider how many people in the U.S. live in fear, like I do.

When I asked my son's social worker about my options, he said that the only thing I could do was to get Michael charged with a crime. "If he's back in the system, they'll create a paper trail," he said. "That's the only way you're ever going to get anything done. No one will pay attention to you unless you've got charges."

I don't believe my son belongs in jail. The chaotic environment exacerbates Michael's sensitivity to sensory stimuli and doesn't deal with the underlying pathology. But it seems like the United States is using prison as the solution of choice for mentally ill people. According to Human Rights Watch, the number of mentally ill inmates in U.S. prisons quadrupled from 2000 to 2006, and it continues to rise—in fact, the rate of inmate mental illness is five times greater (56 percent) than in the non-incarcerated population.

With state-run treatment centers and hospitals shuttered, prison is now the last resort for the mentally ill—Rikers Island, the LA County Jail and Cook County Jail in Illinois housed the nation's largest treatment centers in 2011.

No one wants to send a 13-year-old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten classroom. And we wring our hands and say, "Something must be done."

I agree that something must be done. It's time for a meaningful, nation-wide conversation about mental health. That's the only way our nation can ever truly heal.

God help me. God help Michael. God help us all.

“This Rose is for You”

Since: Dec 12

RoseVille

#6 Dec 16, 2012
My take on living in this kind of situation.

Some folks seem to think that mental illness is a cop out. Is it really? Or is mental illness like any other illness?

How can anyone think that mental illness is a cop out anyway? Have you heard of the heavy head blows from boxers, and the head trauma they continue to suffer with? Or those who have suffered severe head trauma from car wrecks, or from heavy objects that have fallen on their heads?

What about imperfection of the human body? We see diseases today that weren't heard of in the 19th century. Is it okay to say that these critical times in all history have just about laid us to waste? I believe so.

There are too many factors that could bring on mental illness. But what I do know is that young people who are unpredictable with mood swings, who can be ok one day and go off the next, and who put a fear and terror into everyone around them, need a medication to relax them.

Relaxation is what they need. Even marijuana helps people like this to remain calm.

A young man who suffers from a mental disorder, who has wished his own mother dead, is better off medicated than not. and believe me, the mother and the rest of the family is better off also.

Living in fear of another person is like drowning in terror daily, never knowing what will happen next, and with no help.

I believe it is rampant, like a cancer, with more people mentally ill than ever before.

Bottom line is that we need Jehovah more than ever.

There really is no one else to help us. Sure, we can get a quick fix from a Dr. or a shrink, but it is temporary.

Jehovah promises much more when he wipes out all disease along with the worst culprit, death.

“John 4:23,24”

Since: Oct 09

Location hidden

#7 Dec 16, 2012
Madisons Victory wrote:
I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother
Liza Long
Three days before 20-year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year-old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.
"I can wear these pants," he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.
"They are navy blue," I told him. "Your school's dress code says black or khaki pants only."
"They told me I could wear these," he insisted. "You're a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!"
"You can't wear whatever pants you want to," I said, my tone affable, reasonable. "And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You're grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school."
I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.
A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7- and 9-year-old siblings knew the safety plan—they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.
conti.....,
I sent you a private message.

“This Rose is for You”

Since: Dec 12

RoseVille

#8 Dec 16, 2012
eagleeye2 wrote:
<quoted text>
I sent you a private message.
Thank you.

“This Rose is for You”

Since: Dec 12

RoseVille

#10 Dec 16, 2012
TPMP wrote:
This is a fantastic thread.
Thank you for sharing. Please continue when you feel like doing so.
This story caught my eye for sure. But I forgot to post the link.

You can find it if you type in the heading in your search bar.

I have reason to believe that this problem is more common than we realize. It is a silent terror under the family roof.
apple

Singapore, Singapore

#12 Dec 17, 2012
there was story about a mental problem boy beheaded his japanese mother.

Since: Sep 09

Location hidden

#13 Dec 17, 2012
TPMP wrote:
<quoted text>Very much so.
And it is the most difficult illness to treat and diagnose.
It is also the most prevalent.
Only Jehovah can cure this malady that countless people in society suffer from in one form or another.
The vast majority lead and live productive, fruitful lives and are under the radar. On would never know who they are.
However, if the more severe cases are left untreated. Those that carry the gene will wreck havoc in some fashion sooner or later.
People just don't know what others are dealing with. After my cousin killed his mom we found out that he was abusing her and his dad, physically and mentally. His problem wasn't mental, it was drugs, the need for more drugs. That's why I can't stand illegal drugs or those who use them.

I know a man who has Asperger's syndrome and he is living on his own. His mom told me that he has a job that she had to help him get, go to interviews, she even went to college with him to help him with his courses. She said it has been hard through the years but she knows that he has to try to be independent. Mom's are the ones who worry, help, etc. We are so busy wanting our child to succeed that we can't see those red flags.

“BIBLE TRUTHS *NEVER* CHANGE”

Since: Aug 09

LET GO AND LET GOD

#14 Dec 17, 2012
There is an old but accurate Native American proverb that states "Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins"....reason being that you often never know what he has encountered on his path.

I am not only appalled at seeing the negative icons placed by morons on Madison's Victory's opening posts, but sickened and disgusted at their total insensitivity. It demonstrates the deepest ignorance I have seen on this forum to date.

We raised a child with Aspergers syndrome and only those who have lived with the roller-coaster ride of bizarre behaviors....could understand this hideous world that caregivers of these children go through each and every day, and attempting to carry on a "normal" family life for the rest of those living in the same home.

I related to so much of what was said in he article....right down to the Snuggle collection that my child also had....and cherished. He also loved his vast library of "Little Critter" books.

I could go on and on describing the many sacrifices that we ALL made in having a child with this handicap but it wouldn't begin to cover this reality. Suffice it to say that one never knows what those with this syndrome...will DO on any given moment...and it is a frightening existence not being able to relax and get a good night's sleep.

Even with medication, Asperger's kids sleep on the average of 2-3 hours a night and then they are up and about, often venturing outside and walking for miles and getting into mischief. Being extremely smart, they can think up things that boggle the mind...so without a doubt, it's a dangerous combination to deal with.

Perhaps now, the national attention to this tragedy resulting from a young man with Asperger's syndrome, will result in more funding and government grants to research finding a cause and/or a cure for this awful "disease".

Since: Feb 08

Arlington, VA

#16 Dec 17, 2012
The big problem I see is that this mom (teacher of small children) knowing her sons mental state took this young man out and taught him how to shoot..Now maybe I'm being unpopular here but how about we put some of this on the person who taught him how to shoot. She paid with her life and unfortunatley so did those little innocent children. Maybe if she kept her guns at someone elses house locked her kid would not have gained access. Yes I feel sorry for him because the mental health care in this country is non existant and the mentally ill have to many rights to just walk out the door lets change the mental health care first. it is not uncommon for kids like this to have schizophrenia. So she chose not to have him locked up instead sacraficed everyone elses kids as well as her own...

“Surprised By Love”

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#17 Dec 17, 2012
I had a mentally ill child. Every time I hear of something like what happened in Connecticut, I think, there but for the grace of God go I. It was a five year nightmare of suicide attempts, mental hospitals, psychologists, psychiatrists, and constant worry about whether she would hurt herself or others. She had episodes of extreme rage, she cut herself, swallowed pills, made threats, once she tried to choke me, once in class she took a screw and dragged it up and down her arm. This was twenty years ago, but it is still painful to remember.

It was a miracle we made it out of those years alive, she recovered and is doing well now, amazingly. We need to figure out how to do a better job of helping the mentally ill. My daughter survived because I had good insurance and money for therapists, and never gave up on her. Others are not so fortunate.

“BIBLE TRUTHS *NEVER* CHANGE”

Since: Aug 09

LET GO AND LET GOD

#20 Dec 17, 2012
TPMP wrote:
<quoted text>I don't know why you pay attention to the icons. Iv'e gotten used to them by now. All the poster Madison did was put the name of Jehovah in her avatar and the icons came out.
Anytime there is a positive or helpful story on here. Irregardless of religion. People do not like to see it.
JW Topix is a den of hatred. At the end of the day. That's all it is. Many of those who put on the negative icons all day are from the anti Jw side. I have seen posters wishing death on children. And they get love icons. How crazy is that?. Just the most insane stuff. And i have a good idea of who the handful of poster are who this crap all day.
Really... If one is going to to post here. Then they should just get get used to them. The icons are stupid-silly anyway. One's self esteem should no be dictated by the icons.
Those "bad" icons don't intimidate ME so much....but I grimaced when I saw them because of what I would think was a new poster who was sharing a meaningful article and who was not familiar with the haters here on this forum. It was just such a slap in the face for her efforts.

As a nation, this horrifying incident in Newtown CT has drawn us all together in shock and sorrow....one would have to be a stone statue if their hearts were not affected at all. We ARE all in this world together whether some want to believe this or not and we all suffer the outcome of this earth's catastrophes. NO one is immune. This could have happened anywhere, in any big city or small village. It doesn't matter where we live OR what faith we happen to embrace.

Take care....and give your little ones an extra hug :o)

Since: Aug 10

Location hidden

#21 Dec 17, 2012
Thank you for this post, its so sad that there aren't more avenues to assist those raising children who are having difficulties.

One thing I don't understand though is why, with Adam's mother's knowledge of his condition, did she purchase firearms either for his use or accessible to him.

I understand she was a gun enthusiast and survivalist, but by making those weapons available, it just increased the extent of the tragedy. I'm assuming he would not have been able to purchase them himself but I could be wrong.

“John 4:23,24”

Since: Oct 09

Location hidden

#23 Dec 17, 2012
Nedoba wrote:
<quoted text>
Those "bad" icons don't intimidate ME so much....but I grimaced when I saw them because of what I would think was a new poster who was sharing a meaningful article and who was not familiar with the haters here on this forum. It was just such a slap in the face for her efforts.
Give us a break, please!!!

“Surprised By Love”

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#25 Dec 17, 2012
lise2468 wrote:
The big problem I see is that this mom (teacher of small children) knowing her sons mental state took this young man out and taught him how to shoot..Now maybe I'm being unpopular here but how about we put some of this on the person who taught him how to shoot. She paid with her life and unfortunatley so did those little innocent children. Maybe if she kept her guns at someone elses house locked her kid would not have gained access. Yes I feel sorry for him because the mental health care in this country is non existant and the mentally ill have to many rights to just walk out the door lets change the mental health care first. it is not uncommon for kids like this to have schizophrenia. So she chose not to have him locked up instead sacraficed everyone elses kids as well as her own...
It is not as simple as "locking somebody up". If he was over 18, she couldn't even have had him locked up. And the signs of mental illness are not that obvious sometimes. Having had a mentally ill child, I wouldn't have had guns, but until we know more, I am not ready to condemn her, perhaps this illness was a recent thing, and she did not yet know the extent of it.
hMMMMM

Aurora, IL

#26 Dec 17, 2012
lise2468 wrote:
The big problem I see is that this mom (teacher of small children) knowing her sons mental state took this young man out and taught him how to shoot..N
I agree 100% Lise.
No citizen need the kind of weapons of mass destruction she did, and do so, knowing that her son was violently mentally ill, is something none of us will understand.
Heartbreaking that did not only she pay the price, but so did 26 innocents.
It is a disturbing fact that Jehovah's Witnesses are all but forbidden from getting the therapy most JWs need.
Hey, if they get mentally healthy, they will most likely leave the cult, so the wBTS just pushes the drugs, and the drugs only.
This monster was not a JW, but rarely a day goes by when a JW is not in the news for some hideous crime.
We as a society need to demand change, and that time is now.
How many prayers were said for those brave "worldly" teachers and administrators in Sandy Hook who gave their lives protecting children?
None

“This Rose is for You”

Since: Dec 12

RoseVille

#27 Dec 17, 2012
hMMMMM wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree 100% Lise.
No citizen need the kind of weapons of mass destruction she did, and do so, knowing that her son was violently mentally ill, is something none of us will understand.
Heartbreaking that did not only she pay the price, but so did 26 innocents.
It is a disturbing fact that Jehovah's Witnesses are all but forbidden from getting the therapy most JWs need.
Hey, if they get mentally healthy, they will most likely leave the cult, so the wBTS just pushes the drugs, and the drugs only.
This monster was not a JW, but rarely a day goes by when a JW is not in the news for some hideous crime.
We as a society need to demand change, and that time is now.
How many prayers were said for those brave "worldly" teachers and administrators in Sandy Hook who gave their lives protecting children?
None
This article had nothing to do with Jehovah's Witnesses.

It has everything to do with mental illness.

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