They haven't flip-flopped. Its just that sometimes they have given sterner warnings than others.The loss of family was eventually minimised when the WT flip-flopped re DF'd people. When they flip-flopped back again, my parents didn't flip-flop.
It has always been up to the family do decide what to do with disfellwoshipped family members in a non-spiritual context.
If at times they have given out sterner warnings you can bet it is because disfellowshipped people are trying harder to destroy the Christian faith of the rest of the family.
So you can blame apostates for the fact that the flock is being warned of the dangers.