Funny Muslim Jokes!

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Ted Morgan

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#1
Aug 28, 2013
 

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Q: Why don't Arabs take their wives to soccer games?
A: Because they jump the fence and eat the grass!
Ted Morgan

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Aug 28, 2013
 

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After two days in the desert, Abdul's camel was about to collapse."Ahmed," Abdul ordered, "bring her over here to the watering hole!"Ahmed brought the camel to the watering hole, but no matter what they did, the camel would not drink. Knowing that the camel would die if it did not drink, Abdul came up with an idea. "We will have to force the camel drink," Abdul explained,"Ahmed, when I hold the camels head under the water, you start sucking through it's butthole, and it will be forced to drink!"Knowing they would die if the camel didn't drink, Ahmed went to the rearof the camel. As Abdul stuck the camel's head under the water, Ahmed began sucking on the camel's butthole. After a couple of minutes sucking on the butthole, Ahmed shouted to Abdul, "Lift her head a little, she's sucking mud!"
Ted Morgan

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Aug 28, 2013
 

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Q: What's 8 miles long and has a combined IQ of 56?
A: A Parade in Mecca,Saudi Arabia.
Ted Morgan

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Aug 28, 2013
 

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An Arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint."Your name please?"“Abdul Aziz”“Sex?”“Six times a week!”“No, no, I mean male or female.”“Doesn’t matters, sometimes even goat or camel.”
Ted Morgan

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Aug 28, 2013
 

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*.A young Arab asks his father “What is this weird hat that we are wearing?”“Why, it’s a ‘chechia’ because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun,” says the father.Then asks the son “And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?”The father is Obliged to reply:“It’s a ‘djbellah’ because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!”The boy gets even more curious:“And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?”Again the father lovingly explains:“These are ‘babouches,’ which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!”Finally the son says,“Tell me Abba?”“Yes my son?”
“Why the f*ck are we living in Detroit and still wearing all this shit?
Ted Morgan

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Aug 28, 2013
 

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Q. Mohamed and Mouloud are in a car, who's driving?
A. The police.
Ted Morgan

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Aug 28, 2013
 

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An American man, a French guy, and an Arab are all on a plane. Suddenly the pilot comes over the PA and says the plane is going to crashif they don't get rid of some unnecessary weight.
The American takes a huge bag of hamburgers out of his suitcase and tosses it out the window, saying "Not a problem, I've got plenty of these where I come from."
The Arab guy somehow produces an entire barrel of oil and tosses it out, saying "Not a problem, I got plenty of this where I come from."
The French guy thinks things over for a minute, then grabs the Arab and throws himout the window.
Ted Morgan

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#9
Aug 28, 2013
 

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What do you call a guy with his hand up a camels ass?
An Arab mechanic!
Ted Morgan

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Aug 28, 2013
 

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Mohammed heard one of his wives was leaving him, so he rushed home where he found her on the carpet in front of the tent with her belongings; he sat beside her and said,“I heard you were planning to leave me?”
She replied,“Yes, I heard your other wives saying you were a pedophile!”
Mohammed thinks for a minute or so and then responds,“that's a mighty big word for a 6 year old."
Ted Morgan

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#11
Aug 28, 2013
 

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A Muslim walks into his local mosque with a big grin on his face."What are you so happy about, Abdul?" Asks the Imam."Well, I'll tell you," replies Abdul."I live by the railroad tracks and on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the rails, like in the American movies. I cut her free and took her back to my humble abode. Allah be praised - we made love all night, all around the tent. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every positionpermitted by Mohammed, Peace Be Upon Him!""By the most Merciful," exclaimed the Imam, "you have been blessed. Was she as beautiful as a desert flower?"Abdul grimaced, "By the Jinn, I do not know - I never found her head."
Ted Morgan

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Aug 28, 2013
 

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A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door. The Arab Muslim asked him,“What are you doing? The cabbie answered,“In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so fuck off and wait for a camel!”
Hello

Flushing, NY

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Aug 28, 2013
 

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4 people in the carriage of a train – a Jew, a pretty young blond, an ugly old woman and a Muslim.
It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel.
In the dark there’s the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Muslim is rubbing his face, and there’s a huge red mark on his cheek.
The old lady thinks “I bet that Muslim fondled the blond in the dark and she slapped him”
The pretty young blond thinks ” I bet the Muslim tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him”.
The Muslim thinks “I bet that dirty Jew fondled the blond in the dark, but the blond thought it was me and hit me”
The Jew thinks “I hope there’s another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that Muslim moron again.
Hello

Flushing, NY

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Aug 28, 2013
 

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Q: What did God say after creating Muslims?
A:“I can do better.”
——————————
A popular bar in Bahrain had a new robotic bartender installed, to make serving drinks more efficient.

A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him,“what’s your IQ?” The man replied,“140.” So the robot proceeded to make conversation about string theory and the latest cancer research.

Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him,“what’s your IQ?” The man responded,“120.” So the robot started talking about the controversies surrounding creationism and the abortion argument.

A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him,“what’s your IQ?” The man replied,“65.” The robot then said,“so, how are things in Saudi Arabia these days?”
——————————
all jokes from http://plancksconstant.org

“PROUD INFIDEL”

Since: Nov 08

The Crusades got it right!

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#17
Aug 29, 2013
 

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Q. Why don’t Muslims eat pork?
A. The Koran forbids cannibalism.

Q. Why do Arab men wear dirty bed sheets?
A. Because a camel can hear the sound of a zipper from a mile away.

Q. What’s the difference between Mecca and a bowl of yogurt?&#8232;
A. The yogurt has a living culture.

Q. How do you get a Muslim out of a shower?
A. Turn the water on.

Q. Why does Osama make his wives wear veils?&#8232;
A. Because he gets jealous when they have longer beards than him.

Q.Why doesn’t God stop the wars in the Middle East?
A. He doesn’t like Muslims either.

Q. How can you tell when a Muslim becomes a man?
A. When the diaper goes from his dirty butt to his greasy head.

Q.When is it okay to spit in a Saudi princess’s face?
A. When her moustache is on fire.

Since: Apr 11

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#18
Aug 29, 2013
 

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This is no joke!

The One true God is a reflection of the unique concept that Islam associates with God. To a Muslim, Allah is the Almighty Creator and Sustainer of the universe, Who is similar to nothing, and nothing is comparable to Him.

Definition of NOTHING

1 : not any thing : no thing <leaves nothing to the imagination>

2 : no part

3 : one of no interest, value, or consequence <they mean nothing to me>

Allah god defined by Muslims does not exist!

That is my point the god Muslim call Allah does not exist.

Muslims pray to a non-existing God!

Muhammad fabricated a non-existing god into being the one true god of his religion of Islam

And Muhammad made himself prophet of a god that does not exist!

Muslims are INSANE!

Since: Jun 09

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Aug 29, 2013
 

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What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple waits until you're 13 before coming on your face.

Since: Apr 11

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#21
Aug 29, 2013
 

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Sarah ___ wrote:
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple waits until you're 13 before coming on your face.
John 20:28,29
After he saw proof of Jesus' resurrection, Thomas addressed Jesus as "my Lord and my God." So, Thomas here called Jesus "God."

If Jesus did not possess Deity, Thomas' statement would have been blasphemy, and Jesus should have rebuked Him. Instead, Jesus praised Thomas and pronounced a blessing on everyone who believes the same (v29)! Then John proceeded to claim that His record of Jesus' miracles gives us all reason to believe in Him (vv 30,31).

You don't believe in Jesus words because you worship the Muslim Allah a non-existing God.

The One true God is a reflection of the unique concept that Islam associates with God. To a Muslim, Allah is the Almighty Creator and Sustainer of the universe, Who is similar to nothing, and nothing is comparable to Him.

Definition of NOTHING
1 : not any thing : no thing <leaves nothing to the imagination>
2 : no part
3 : one of no interest, value, or consequence <they mean nothing to me>
Allah god defined by Muslims does not exist!

That is my point the god Muslim call Allah does not exist.

Muslims pray to a non-existing God!

Muhammad fabricated a non-existing god into being the one true god of his religion of Islam
And Muhammad made himself prophet of a god that does not exist!

Muslims are INSANE!

“Fly low, fly fast.”

Since: Apr 07

East Midlands, UK

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#22
Aug 29, 2013
 

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Very good Sarah, I like it.

John Lennon said The Beatles were bigger than Jesus and some Christian shot him dead.
All we need to do is spread the rumour that One Direction said they were bigger than Mohammed and the problem should solve itself...

Muslims mark the end of Ramadan with multiple car bombings in Iraq.
That's strange.
Most Christians mark the end of Christmas by just throwing out a tree and promising to go on a diet.

The Muslim part of Dewsbury is called Savile Town
They couldn't call it Mohammed Town so they settled for the closest alternative.

The police have Identified the suspicious item found at a Birmingham mosque.
It was a book on religious tolerance.

Prison slang for a paedophile is 'bacon'.
Which is funny, because most paedophiles can't touch bacon.
mat

UK

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#23
Aug 29, 2013
 

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A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out. A Muslim cleric approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"The little girl turns to him and says, "My mommy and daddy were in their car - and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."The imam slowly looks around him, lifts his robe and while unraveling his loincloth says, "It's just not your day, is it?"
bilal

Kempton Park, South Africa

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#24
Feb 14, 2014
 
How u guys ramadamadoing?

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