Veer

Delhi, India

#2884 Jun 16, 2013
This is Classic humour, devoid of any swear word...
But you hv to read twice to understand it , it is very subtle in nature,

There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.

A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?"
The man says “I make a good living”

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out she’ll kill me!

What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused..
When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed I feel hungry.

The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

The Doctor called Mrs Cohen saying, "Mrs Cohen, your cheque came back."
Mrs Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I AM 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor answers "That's what puzzles me!"

Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the foetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

A man called his mother in Florida, "Mum, how are you?" "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself" she replied.
Veer

Delhi, India

#2885 Jun 16, 2013
This is a naughty one ...just LoLzzz

It was professor Smith's first day at St. Johns medical college as a faculty. Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm welcome from the students, followed by their intro.
To start with, he planned to put forth a question to the class. He said, "Well students, before we start off with today's lecture, let me ask you a simple question on human anatomy".

He gazed across the classroom, spotted a female student Suzie, and said, "Tell me Suzie, which part of the human body grows 10 times its original size when excited?"

Hearing this question, Suzie's face grew pale in embarrassment, she replied:" you should be ashamed to ask such a question to a female. I am sorry, but I can't answer your, this question".

Thwarted by the girl's reply, professor Smith rolled on his sight around the classroom afresh, to find out if there was anyone else who could satisfy his query.

This time he located a male student Henry, who had already raised his hand in affirmation to answer the question, and allowed the lad to go ahead.

Henry answered: "pupil of a human eye".

The professor applauded for the boy's accurate answer; then turned back to Suzie and said: "look, Suzie, I am sorry but, I must tell you a couple of things:

(1) You lack knowledge

(2) You have a dirty mind and

(3) Your Expectations are too high !!!(10 times .... Huh .... MY GOD !!!)
Veer

Delhi, India

#2886 Jun 16, 2013
Another nice one For Your Eyes Only...

This is out of dis world .....
A young woman on a flight asked the Priest beside her : Father, may I ask you a favor?
What may I do for you?
Well, I bought an expensive ladies' electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robe perhaps?
I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you I will not lie.
When they got to the Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked : Father, do you have anything to declare?
From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked :
And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?
I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.
Roaring with laughter, the official said :
Go ahead, Father! Next please!!
Cheers

Veer

Delhi, India

#2887 Jun 16, 2013
Jannu, U hv to study and sm times tension and stress causes Headache etc, so try this breathing therapy..

BREATHING THERAPY

When we breathe, for some time the right side is clear and the left is not. After some time the left become clear and the right is not.This goes on throughout day and night.

The nose has a left and a right side; we use both to inhale and exhale.

Actually they ar e different; you would be able to feel the difference.
The right side represents the sun, left side represents the moon.
During a headache, try to close your right nose and use your left nose to breathe.

In about 5 mins, your headache will be gone? If you feel tired, just reverse, close your left nose and breathe through your right nose.
After a while, you will feel your mind is refreshed.

Right side belongs to 'hot', so it gets heated up easily, left side belongs to 'cold'.

Most females breathe with their left noses, so they get "cooled off" faster.

Most of the guys breathe with their right noses, they get worked up.

Do you notice the moment we wake up, which side breathes faster? Left or right??

If left is faster, you will feel tired.
So, close your left nose and use your right nose for breathing, you will get refreshed quickly.

This can be taught to kids, but it is more effective when practiced by adults.

My friend used to have bad headaches and was always visiting the doctor.

There was this period when he suffered headache literally every night, unable to study.
He decided to try out the breathing therapy here: closed his right nose and breathed through his left nose.

In less than a week, his headaches were gone! He continued the exercise for one month.

This alternative natural therapy without medication is something that he has experienced.

So, why not give it a try?


Veer

Delhi, India

#2888 Jun 16, 2013
Did you wish your Dad on Fathers Day, Actually following is more for Mothers Day also...Ha Ha Ha,,

My Father Me...
When I was 4 Yrs Old : My father is THE BEST
When I was 6 Yrs Old : My father seems to know everyone

When I was 10 Yrs Old : My father is excellent but he is short tempered

When I was 12 Yrs Old : My father was nice when I was little

When I was 14 Yrs Old : My father started being too sensitive

When I was 16 Yrs Old : My father can't keep up with modern time

When I was 18 Yrs Old : My father is getting less tolerant as the days pass by

When I was 20 Yrs Old : It is too hard to forgive my father, how could my Mum stand him all these years

When I was 25 Yrs Old : My father seems to be objecting to everything I do

When I was 30 Yrs Old: It's very difficult to be in agreement with my father, I wonder if my Grandfather was troubled by my father when he was a youth

When I was 40 Yrs Old: My father brought me up with a lot of discipline, I must do the same


When I was 45 Yrs Old: I am puzzled, how did my father manage to raise all of us

When I was 50 Yrs Old : It's rather difficult to control my kids, how much did my father suffer for the sake of upbringing and protecting us

When I was 55 Yrs Old: My father was far looking and had wide plans for us, he was gentle and outstanding.

When I became 60 Yrs Old: My father is THE BEST

Note that it took 56 Yrs to complete the cycle and return to the starting point "My father is THE BEST "

Let's be good to our parents before it's too late because what goes around comes around. Remember that our children will treat us the same way as we treat our parents today...!!!

LOVE YOUR DAD COZ HE IS THE BESTT!!!
NO ONE WOULD HAVE SACRIFICED FOR US AS MUCH AS OUR PARENTS HAVE!!!
SHOW THEM HOW MUCH U LOVE THEM BEFORE ITS TOO LATE...

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!
Jannu

Ashburn, VA

#2889 Jun 16, 2013
sohna m going cinema . Metro big cinema in new movi Fukre.
Veer

Delhi, India

#2890 Jun 16, 2013
Write this on a Card and give it to your Dad...He would love it..

A father is a fortress
Protecting you from the wars of the land
He'll save you time and time again
A father is a teacher
For you to learn from and to model
He'll give you the strength to navigate life
A father is an advisor
Always available when you are in need
He'll point you down the firm, solid road
A father is a friend
To play with, relish and rejoice in
He'll bring smiles on your darkest of days
Veer

Delhi, India

#2891 Jun 16, 2013
Jannum some thing you may save on ur Lappy.

Understanding And Expressing Your Potential

Once you've confirmed that your goal is achievable and realistic, whether it is a set goal or a long-term thing, get to work. The most difficult part of beginning anything is, frankly, beginning.
However, once you get past that first step, you'll be onto success! It is often said that if you do something continuously with confidence, it becomes a habit!

You don't go from crawling to running - you have to take your baby steps first. Once you gather the energy and mindset needed to take on your task, no matter how big or daunting, slow down and take a peek at eye level.
Your goal(s) may be more or less onerous than you expected it to be as you get started, so adjust your pace and approach to whatever you're doing so that it fits you best.

Setbacks and failures will happen; they're a natural part of life. Failures are a simple way of showing you what works and what doesn't; they will help you figure out what you're capable of, and what needs work as you move toward achieving your goal(s).
Life is trial and error, and as you make mistakes, you'll emerge and move on a stronger person.

Find your confidence - Everyone has it inside themselves, no matter how deeply buried. Confidence can also mean very different things depending on the person and their goal(s). If your goal is to learn to juggle five balls at a time, your confidence might be getting them up in the air in the first place. If your goal is to be an overall better person, your confidence might be to give people compliments on a regular basis.

Get support. TEAM work is most important for a successful venture. This could mean friends, family & colleagues, depending on your goals and environment.

Always be self confident for a successful life!
Jaanu

India

#2892 Jun 17, 2013
Shona M sry fo my absence cn v meet on our purana tym 2pm...til den i'l read al ur cmmnts nd wil do rpy on it...agan sry fo my absence hope u'l undstnd me
Veer

Delhi, India

#2893 Jun 17, 2013
Jaanu, its ok, see u at 2PM..
Veer

Delhi, India

#2894 Jun 17, 2013
Communication Skills & Personality Development
Some Questions to Start Conversations and
Have Successful Small Talk
A few questions can ignite and make an interesting conversation during interview.
1. Tell me about yourself, what is not given in your CV.
2.What have you done for fun lately?
3. Did anything interesting happen this week?
4. How did you end up getting into this career?
5. What books, movies, tapes ,or magazines do you like? Why?
6. How do you spend most of your time?
7. If you could live in anywhere where would you choose and why?
8. Who is one person who has had a lot of influence on your life? Why?
9. You look really nice, where did you get ________?
10. Have you seen any movies recently? How did you like it/them?
11. What kind of music do you listen to?
12. Which is the interesting TV program you have seen lately.
13. What sports do you play or like? How long have you played?
14. What did you do this weekend (week)?
15. What kind of foods do you like?
16. Where did you go to school/college?
17. Have you read any good books lately? What did you enjoy about them?
18. What do you normally do for fun?
19. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
20. What place do you want to visit most?
21. If you could interview anyone living or dead, who would it be?
22. If you knew then, what you know now, what would you have done different in your
teen years?
23. If your house were on fire and you, your family and pets were all out safely and
you could only grab 3 things to take out, what would they be?
24. What is your earliest childhood memory?
25. If you were to describe the perfect marriage in a few simple sentences, how would
you do it?
26. If you wrote a book, what would it be about?
27. If you knew you'd be financially taken care of for the next year, what would you
do with your time or where would you go?
28. What childhood games do you remember playing?
29. If you knew you had 24 hours to live what would you do?
30. If you could be invisible for a day, where would you go, and what would you do?
31. What are some of your greatest fears?
32. What has been the happiest day of your life?
33. If you could change one thing in the world what would you change?
34. If you could change one thing about yourself what would you change?
35. What is the most important thing in your life?
36. What is the one thing you couldn’t live without?
37. What is your favorite movie of all time? Why?
38. What is your favorite book of all time? Why?
39. Describe your perfect day.
39. What job would you never want to have?
40. Who is your best friend? Why are they your best friend?
41. Would you rather mow the lawn for 8 hours or give a book report in front of
500 kids?
42. Who would you most like to meet?
43. In what other country would you most like to live?
44. What things don’t boys understand about girls?
45. What things don’t girls understand about boys?
46. What embarrasses you the most?
47. If you could take a family vacation any place in the world, where would you go?
48. If you had three wishes, what would they be?(You’re not allowed to wish for money !)
49. How do you make friends in a new neighborhood?
50. What are some of your hobbies?
Next Fifty in next cmnt
Veer

Delhi, India

#2895 Jun 17, 2013
Communication Skills & Personality Development

Some Questions to Start Conversations and
Have Successful Small Talk

A few questions can ignite and make an interesting conversation during interview.

51. What are you good at?
52. What would you like to be doing in 3 years?
53. Describe the ideal job?
54. What are some of your good and bad habits?
55. What is one of the world’s greatest problems?
56. What are some of your favorite topics of discussion?
57. If you could ask God one question, what would it be?
58. If you could be a famous person in history, who would you be?
59. What subjects did you enjoy in school?
60. Imagine you had a totally free day. How would you spend it?
61. Imagine you had 50000 rupees. How would spend it?
62. Who has had the greatest impact on your life?
63. What books do you like to read?
64. What movies do you enjoy watching?
65. What makes you laugh?
66. What makes you happy, content or joyful?
67. What have been some things in life that you have really enjoyed?
68. Describe a time when you were really scared in life?
69. Describe an ideal vacation?
70. At the end of your life, after looking back, what do you hope to accomplish?
71. What are some of your likes and dislikes?
72. Where were you born? How did your parents end up being there?
73. If you were going to give a talent show, what would you do?
74. What is your favorite place to eat?
76. How do you enjoy spending your free time?
77. What is your favorite time of year?
78. What is really important to you in life?
79. Growing up, what were your childhood ambitions? Why did they change?
80. What are some main differences you see between guys and girls?
81. What are your top three abilities?
82. What have been some difficult or challenging experiences in life. Why?
83. What advantages or disadvantages do you see in your position (birth order) in the
family?
84. What do you appreciate most about each brother and sister?
85. What special traditions does your family have?
86. What advantages or disadvantages do you see in your growing up experiences?
87. Have you ever had an experience where you almost died and did that change your thinking?
88. If the house was on fire and you could grab 3 things, what would you grab?
89. Of all the places you have visited, which ones have you liked the most?
90. What is your idea of great entertainment?
91. Looking back, what are some things you wish people had told you before
you entered high school?
92. What is some of the best advice you have ever been given?
93. What is your greatest hindrance to communication?
94. Why do so many relationships fall apart?
95. If you could ask God one question, what would be?
96. What is your earliest childhood memory?
97. If you could relive your family life, what things would you do similarly, and what would you do differently?
98. What subject matter piques your interest and curiosity?
99. What Museums do you enjoy visiting?
100. Name some people who have had some great impact on your life?
Veer

Delhi, India

#2896 Jun 17, 2013
Communication Skills & Personality Development

Some Questions to Start Conversations and
Have Successful Small Talk

A few questions can ignite and make an interesting conversation during interview.

1. Tell me about yourself, what is not given in your CV.
2.What have you done for fun lately?
3. Did anything interesting happen this week?
4. How did you end up getting into this career?
5. What books, movies, tapes ,or magazines do you like? Why?
6. How do you spend most of your time?
7. If you could live in anywhere where would you choose and why?
8. Who is one person who has had a lot of influence on your life? Why?
9. You look really nice, where did you get ________?
10. Have you seen any movies recently? How did you like it/them?
11. What kind of music do you listen to?
12. Which is the interesting TV program you have seen lately.
13. What sports do you play or like? How long have you played?
14. What did you do this weekend (week)?
15. What kind of foods do you like?
16. Where did you go to school/college?
17. Have you read any good books lately? What did you enjoy about them?
18. What do you normally do for fun?
19. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
20. What place do you want to visit most?
21. If you could interview anyone living or dead, who would it be?
22. If you knew then, what you know now, what would you have done different in your
teen years?
23. If your house were on fire and you, your family and pets were all out safely and
you could only grab 3 things to take out, what would they be?
24. What is your earliest childhood memory?
25. If you were to describe the perfect marriage in a few simple sentences, how would
you do it?
26. If you wrote a book, what would it be about?
27. If you knew you'd be financially taken care of for the next year, what would you
do with your time or where would you go?
28. What childhood games do you remember playing?
29. If you knew you had 24 hours to live what would you do?
30. If you could be invisible for a day, where would you go, and what would you do?
31. What are some of your greatest fears?
32. What has been the happiest day of your life?
33. If you could change one thing in the world what would you change?
34. If you could change one thing about yourself what would you change?
35. What is the most important thing in your life?
36. What is the one thing you couldn’t live without?
37. What is your favorite movie of all time? Why?
38. What is your favorite book of all time? Why?
39. Describe your perfect day.
39. What job would you never want to have?
40. Who is your best friend? Why are they your best friend?
41. Would you rather mow the lawn for 8 hours or give a book report in front of
500 kids?
42. Who would you most like to meet?
43. In what other country would you most like to live?
44. What things don’t boys understand about girls?
45. What things don’t girls understand about boys?
46. What embarrasses you the most?
47. If you could take a family vacation any place in the world, where would you go?
48. If you had three wishes, what would they be?(You’re not allowed to wish for money !)
49. How do you make friends in a new neighborhood?
50. What are some of your hobbies?

Veer

Delhi, India

#2898 Jun 17, 2013
Team player
Reasoning Ability
Leadership
 Flexibility  
Assertiveness
Initiative
Creativity / Out of the box thinking .
Inspiring ability . 
Listening  
Awareness

Great emphasis is laid on this parameter because it is essential for managers to be team players.
The reason: Managers always work in teams.
At the beginning of  career, a manager works as a team member and later, as a team leader.
Management aspirants who lack team skills cannot be good managers.

Reasoning ability plays an important role while expressing your opinions or ideas at a GD.

For example, an opinion like 'Reduction in IIMs' fees will affect quality' can be better stated by demonstrating your reasoning ability and completing the missing links between fees and quality as:

'Reduction in IIMs' fees will result in less funds being invested on study material, student exchange programmes, research, student development activities, etc.
'Moreover, it costs money to attract good faculty, create good infrastructure and upgrade technology.

'With reduction in fees, less money will be available to perform these activities which will lead to deterioration in the quality of IIMs.'

There are three types of situations that can arise in a GD:
~ A GD where participants are unable to establish a proper rapport and do not speak much.
~ A GD where participants get emotionally charged and the GD gets chaotic.
~ A GD where participants discuss the topic assertively by touching on all its nuances and try to reach the objective.

Here, a leader would be someone who facilitates the third situation at a GD.

A leader would have the following qualities:

~ Shows direction to the group whenever group moves away from the topic.
~ Coordinates the effort of the different team members in the GD.
~ Contributes to the GD at regular intervals with valuable insights.
~ Also inspires and motivates team members to express their views.

You must be open to other ideas as well as to the evaluation of your ideas: That is what flexibility is all about. 
But first, remember: Never ever start your GD with a stand or a conclusion.
Say the topic of a GD is,'Should India go to war with Pakistan?'
Some participants tend to get emotionally attached to the topic and take a stand either in favour or against the topic, i.e,'Yes, India should', or,'No, India should not'.

You must put forth your point to the group in a very emphatic, positive and confident manner.
Participants often confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness.
Aggressiveness is all about forcing your point on the other person, and can be a threat to the group.
An aggressive person can also demonstrate negative body language, whereas an assertive person displays positive body language.

A general trend amongst students is to start a GD and get the initial kitty of points earmarked for the initiator.
But that is a high risk-high return strategy.
Initiate a GD only if you are well versed with the topic. If you start and fail to contribute at regular intervals, it gives the impression that you started the GD just for the sake of the initial points.
Also, if you fumble, stammer or misquote facts, it may work against you.
Remember: You never ever get a second chance to create a first impression.

Jaanu

India

#2899 Jun 17, 2013
Read ur 1st msg baba re so mch vade vade sentce m in u nd al nyc teaso...kya yaar u gt me ony 2 tease.... Thanks fo Da seeties....:D
Jaanu

India

#2900 Jun 17, 2013
By Da way hv u tkn ua lunch nd Hws u? Til den m readng u r cmmnts nd gvng 1 by 1 rpy
Veer

Delhi, India

#2901 Jun 17, 2013
The Qs tht I hv sent are the ones if you read and make a mental note of answers for them, then in the interview you will not be found wanting...
The cmnt is about GD, not mentioned on top...
it gives you the idea what an employer is looking in the GD and susequently I have given gist for each quality given initially...llike fee reduction or increase is just an example.. but gives you an idea what to expect in GD.
If u hv practiced GD and interview then
Please ignore my cmnts...
Sry for wasting your time....
Jaanu

India

#2902 Jun 17, 2013
Oye Mr. Writr again teasng wala pana open kiya towl veni....nd i tld u abt muma ka pkng bt u ony didnt g8 it By Da way a ki tha..thnks fo proctng me 4rm fun xpln na...i knew u dun lyk me 2 Qs bt wht so wrng in dt if 1 z askng wht de dint g8 Wht....E lowe the Bindaas Girl en Yoo???
Veer

Delhi, India

#2903 Jun 17, 2013
Jaanu wrote:
Read ur 1st msg baba re so mch vade vade sentce m in u nd al nyc teaso...kya yaar u gt me ony 2 tease.... Thanks fo Da seeties....:D
I am sry if I hv teased u but I knw no one whom I cn tease, learnt from u ony... but if u hd told me tht mum is nt at hm,, then????
Veer

Delhi, India

#2904 Jun 17, 2013
An idea or a perspective which opens new horizons for discussion on the GD topic is always highly appreciated.
When you put across a new idea convincingly, such that it is discussed at length by the group, it can only be positive.
You will find yourself in the good books of the examiner.

A good group discussion should incorporate views of all the team members.
If some team members want to express their ideas but are not getting the opportunity to do so, giving them an opportunity to express their ideas or opinions will be seen as a positive trait.

Always try and strike a proper balance between expressing your ideas and imbibing ideas.

You must be well versed with both the micro and macro environment.
Your awareness about your environment helps a lot in your GD content, which carries maximum weightage.

The content or awareness generally constitutes 40 to 50 percent marks of your GD.
Apart from these qualities, communication skills, confidence and the ability to think on one's feet are also very important.

Did you know that humans…..

Can think at a rate of 1200+ words per minute?
Can talk at a rate of 250+ words per minute?
Spend about 40% of their working hours listening?
Listen at 25% effectiveness?

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