The Jolly Bible!
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“Of Course I Can”

Since: Sep 08

Location hidden

#5 Oct 12, 2013
I like the part that says and the Troth shall turn into the KOOKIE and the butt-hurt tour will proceed.
Aussie Bob

Adelaide, Australia

#6 Oct 13, 2013
I like the notion of a "jolly bible". Sounds like good fun!
Aussie Bob

Prospect, Australia

#9 Oct 15, 2013
Hardie-Har-Har wrote:
Hi Aussie Bob!...

Mucho thanx for your voucher and support for the "Jolly Bible!"

I have to kinda dribble the JB posts in as time allows....

I'll keep at it as long as the interest and THE MONEY hold out....

Jolly Bible is part of a bigger project,...
which I'm contributing to....

My hope is to inform and to invite skepticism, based on biblical fact and logic; ...

and to do so with a degree of levity ...
and god-laughable humor as the laminate!

I read and enjoy much of your postage here in CF!

With no intent of sidestepping the subject matter of this JB thread,...

I'll just say as an aside that I enjoy your comments (and the others) in,...

"The Detrimental Effects of Zionist Rule" thread; ... However,...

I feel that some new revealing historical facts concerning "The Habiru" may be helpful!...

If I may suggest the following enlightening links for your perusal....

They proved helpful to me!...

If you wish a tete-tete with me about
the Habiru & Zionism I'd be happy to do so,...

but let's keep it on the "Zionist" thread,...
and leave this purely for "Jolly Bible" stuff!
http://www.israel-a-history-of.com/habiru.htm...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Habiru

Thanx again, Aussie!

Hardie!
Awesomo!!
Happy happy joy joy!!!
I want a copy of the Jolly Bible!
Let me know when it is in print...
Hee hee...

I will check out your links now.
Mucho gracias for the kind response.

Since: Jun 10

Location hidden

#13 Oct 19, 2013
Hello H-H-H,

This evolution of astronomy and understanding the true structure of this solar system and beyond that, it became a headache for the Church and Christian leaders.
It had to be banned and rejected because it threatened the credibility of the Bible.
In some way we could say that “Universum” became too big for the God of the Bible, and it has continued to grow a lot since then, it is far out of the proportions of the Bible world.
On the other hand we have the humanistic side of the Bible; moral laws, cultural norms, stories with some philosophical aspects to common situations of everyday life.
New knowledge about psychology, sociology, brain research, general biology, medicine, philosophy and environmental realities are far beyond that of the Bible ages.
It is about time for all of this to be rewritten and explained in totally new ways, this old “house” is about to fall apart because of its weakened structures, it has to be rebuilt from bottom up by new materials.

Since: Jun 10

Location hidden

#15 Oct 20, 2013
Hardie-Har-Har wrote:
<quoted text>
Thanx for that well-put input, Mr. I,...
Much of what you pointed out is true, of course,...
and,...
Much of what you wish for "to be rewritten and explained",
... I believe ... is happening before our eyes and its growing!
There is a brave new world up ahead,... if we survive this one!
Hardie!
Yes and the number one question is how we could get control on this “exponential growth” principle of running this world.
First; nothing will ever grow all the way into heaven, it will inevitably come to a tilting point sooner or later and this point follows the same rules.
Two types of growth are pulling things in the wrong direction; the economic growth model and the population growth, both of these are by now running wild.
It looks as if the leaders of this world are unable to manage this problem, probably even worse than for the mess around Obama-care.

Since: Jun 10

Location hidden

#17 Oct 20, 2013
Hardie-Har-Har wrote:
<quoted text>
Mr. I,...
U touch some hot buttons for sure!... Like the great problems with the world's economic whirlpool (it's a black hole!); ...
The human population bomb with its ravenous and uncontrolled appetite for consumption, eco-pollution, warfare and crime; ...
The Healthcare business, which feeds the population bomb by keeping people alive (at all cost!) way beyond what nature intended for the human body. thus upsetting the balancing act between natural life and natural death,... as seen in the remote wild areas where humanity exerts very little, if any, affect....
Instead of a case of "Man-Nurturing-Nature ",...
It's become a case of "Man-Against-Nature! "
But,... Mr I,... those are subjects for other threads!
Perhaps we should start one like,...
"The Destructive Global Zeitgeist"!
And,... You should be the first poster, Mr. I!!
Hardie-Har-Heart!
Hi H-H-H,

Ok, I see your point, but it is also like this; we tend to operate in different ”rooms” when things are debated, the religious, the economic, the health room and so on.
On my part I prefer to be under the open sky where everything can be seen as a part of the totality.
Aussie Bob

Adelaide, Australia

#19 Oct 28, 2013
We should have a serious debate about the Jolly Bible. It is the only thing to do in times like this.

“My name is Trunks...”

Since: Jun 10

the alternate future

#22 Oct 28, 2013
Mr. Hardie, I've been curious about something. Are you by any chance a user of the great website Television Tropes and Idioms? You talk like someone who uses the website a lot and I was curious. I use the same website constantly, too.:D

Retcon is something that is a TV Tropes phrase, so I was wondering if you picked up stuff like that from the site and ingrained it into your daily speech. I know I'm guilty of that.

Cookie_Parker

Since: Sep 08

Location hidden

#25 Oct 28, 2013
Hardie-Har-Har wrote:
Hardie's Jolly Bible; Post #6
Medieval and Renaissance mentalities were centered on the pervasive scientific theory of "Sublunary Spheres", which believed and taught that, at the Moon's demarcation, there was the existence of what C.S. Lewis called "this great divide ... from aether to air, from 'heaven' to 'nature', from the realm of gods (or angels) to that of daemons, from the realm of necessity to that of contingence, from the incorruptible to the corruptible...".
However, the theories of Copernicus began to challenge the sublunary/aether distinction.
In 1508 Copernicus developed his own celestial model of a heliocentric planetary system. In 1514 Astronomer Copernicus shared his findings in the "Commentariolus". His second book on the topic, "De revolutionibus orbium coelestium", was officially banned by the Roman Catholic Church soon after his May 24, 1543 death in Frauenburg, Poland.
Actually, Heliocentricism was first proposed by Aristarchus of Samos (circa.270 BCE), who concluded the Sun was hundreds of thousands of times larger than Earth and was the center of a system in which the Earth revolved around it.
Known as the "Father of Modern Astronomy," it was Copernicus' extensive empirical work which was fundamental in establishing the then extremely controversial ideas of the Earth revolving around the Sun, and that gave substance to Aristarchus' earlier theory!
In their wake Tycho Brahe's observations of a new star (nova) and of comets in the supposedly unchanging heavens further undermined the Aristotelian view. Tycho Brahe (Dec 1546 - Oct 1601) was a Danish astronomer and alchemist. In his work "De nova stella" of 1573, he refuted the Aristotelian belief in an unchanging celestial realm.
Brahe's precise measurements indicated that "new stars," (stellae novae, now known as supernovae) lacked the parallax expected in sub-lunar phenomena and were, therefore, "not atmospheric" tail-less comets as believed, but were above the atmosphere and moon. Brahe also showed that comets were not atmospheric phenomena, as previously thought.
In 1962 Thomas Kuhn wrote The Structure of Scientific Revolution. He fathered, defined and popularized the concept of "paradigm shift". Kuhn saw scientists' new ability to see change in the 'incorruptible' heavens as a classic example of new possibilities that are always opened up by a paradigm shift.
A "Paradigm Shift" as a change from one way of thinking to another. It's a revolution, a transformation, a metamorphosis; ... But, it just doesn't happen,... rather, it is driven by agents of change.
A great agent of change to Heliocentricism was the invention of the telescope which helped create a paradigm-shift that moved scientific theory from the Geocentric Plolemaic system to the Copernican Heliocentric system, and moving from Newtonian physics to Relativity and Quantum Physics; thus, changing the world's old natural view to "a new gestalt!"
Our perceptions are subject to the limitations and distortions produced by our inherited and socially-conditional nature; ... HOWEVER,... we need not be locked-in by this!...
Humanity is moving at an accelerated rate of speed in this cyber age, and our state of consciousness is transforming and transcending far beyond the olden bronze/iron ages.
Many of us are awakening as our conscious-awareness expands, and at times, too swiftly!
"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience,...
We are spiritual beings having a human experience!" - Teilhard de Chardin
(Onward Christian and Christless Soldiers!)
Wow...I love this

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience,...
We are spiritual beings having a human experience!"

This is really cool, Hardie-Har-Har. My apologies for not focusing on it before. I'm going to continue reading. I, too, am liking this Jolly Bible.

“My name is Trunks...”

Since: Jun 10

the alternate future

#26 Oct 28, 2013
It's quite entertaining stuff, so I think I'll continue to read and frolic about.
Aussie Bob

Adelaide, Australia

#27 Oct 31, 2013
Hardie-Har-Har wrote:
Hardie's Jolly Bible; Post-1

Genesis One:

IN THE BEGINNING,...(HARR! That's the Bible's first dump of bullcrap for our pile...)

There was NO BEGINNING,... and before that everything was chaotic,... a sort of roll-of-the-dice situation, with bubbly universes coming and going like the froth on seashores.

Pre-Genesis Chaos, if it had tongue, would best refer to itself as "The All"; ... or a kind of out-of-control "I AM THAT I AM!" The gods that came from it call it "The Omniverse!"

Time was non-existent,... as was Thought; ... thus too, as was any kind of sentient deity. "The ALL" was nothing but endlessness and universal-sized collision and explosions....
Omniverse-after-Omniverse bubbled forth, grew, abutted one another and popped away.

Imagine that ... hundreds, thousands, billions and trillions-upon-umpteen-trillio ns of years (by our count) lulled, as the Omniverse was born, grew, abutted and violently-coalesced in mutual-mutative, destructive and element-constricted mindless and timeless embraces.

Amid quintessential measureless ETERNITY what was bound to happen HAPPENED!!!...

As every gambler knows, Given enough dice-rolls any number is bound to come up 100 times in a row; ... AND,... Given enough deadly traffic crashes it's inevitable for someone to walk away unscathed; AND,... given enough tornados it's very likely for the falling tornado debris to form itself into a 747 Jumbo Jet!

(If I had enough time I could give you the approx number of dice rolls, traffic crashes and tornados for such results to occur.... I'm working on it!)

... So,... One of an umpteen omniverses produced a quantum fluctuation and "singularity" was born!

"Quantum fluctuations" are profusely occurring now in our own universe .. all around us, all the time, on an inconceivable scale. First, a particle isn't there, and then suddenly it is! The singularity that began our universe arose as a quantum fluctuation in a prior universe.

VIOLA!!... Constructive Matter was formed thereby; ... the next natural stage produced the newly-discovered "Higgs Boson" (GRAVITY'S GLUE!) and "The Beginning" began ...(It's Bereshith!)!

Next we shall deal with the making of "The Gods" (Hebrew: Elohim) by our Jolly Omniverse!

I'm in a real wrestle with that concept, having trashed a half-dozen or so god-concepts,... which I knew would fail to blow the skirt over the heads of Jewish and Christian fundies.

I do welcome any logical inputs from the more rational posters in this forum,... Please!!

Hardie-Har-Har!

(Onward Christian and Christless Soldiers!)
A brilliant beginning Mr Hardie Har! Absolutely inspired. I do so enjoy reading the colorful imagery you depict in this masterwork of yours.

I would suggest that you attempt to reconcile the belief systems of the various (divided) religions on this planet in to this awesome new Jolly Bible, somewhat like Einstein's failed attempts at a Unified Field Theory.

Also, it would be super-cool if you could find a way to write-in some of the spiritual parallels between concepts like string theory, deja vu, synchronicity (Jung), quantum entanglement, quantum relativity and the like.

Afterall, coincidence is never just (meaningless) coincidence.

I was glad to see that you interpret the multiverse theories in the form of the ominiverse.

It would also be neat if you would write in the Pyramids and their ancient (& advanced) architects, the Sun Gods. That is what the Egyptians called them.

Maybe they could be time-travelers?

Maybe also write in the deep and profound corruption of the Pharisees and their legacy of religiously legitimized hatred & supremacism.

Just some ideas.
I look forward to reading the Jolly Bible further when I am next online. You will go far my friend. Far indeed.

Bob.
Aussie Bob

Adelaide, Australia

#29 Nov 1, 2013
Cookie_Parker wrote:
<quoted text>Wow...I love this

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience,...
We are spiritual beings having a human experience!"

This is really cool, Hardie-Har-Har. My apologies for not focusing on it before. I'm going to continue reading. I, too, am liking this Jolly Bible.
I always wondered where David Icke got that quote from. It didn't sound like one of his own. Great that you are also on-board with the Jolly Bible as well Ms Cookie Parker. You are an enlightened soul, no doubt about it. Thank you for your unyielding optimism, it gives us all great strength!
Aussie Bob

Adelaide, Australia

#30 Nov 1, 2013
Hardie-Har-Har wrote:
The group of evolved, more-intelligent, elohim met and decided to go to war with the dementedly-primitive destructive gods.(Bible hint: "There was WAR in heaven!" - Rev)

It was "The Neo Gods-vs-The Olden Gods"!... Since death of the elohim members was not possible as yet, the warring factions agreed to create a prison stronghold that would temporally house and contain the souls of any and all defeated, slaved and chained gods....

That prison became the Biblical "Heaven and Earth" complex, or as we know it today,...

"The Solar System!"

With the above synopsis (much being absent) of the Pre-Beginning Omniverse, Kiddies,...
I particularly enjoyed this bit. Your insinuation that the Revelation's "War in Heaven" was a war in the cosmos is most appropriate and fitting. It always sounded like a metaphor to me as well.

The word "God" literally translates to mean "creator", and from this you could easily insinuate that the planet earth (who I call Gaia) is a sentient god to humanity. She nurtures us.

The sun could also be interpreted in much the same way. The ancient Egyptians believed that "Sun Gods", came from the sky, built the pyramids and taught them the basics of civilization.

What if these "Sun Gods" were the ancient ancestors of humanity and they descended from the heavens (stars) to engineer humanity on this planet?

It would be like a religious paradox or oxymoron because that would make humanity it's own creator, it's own god. The question would then become; who created them?

And for what purpose.

----------
Modern Theoretical Physics postulates that there are as many as 4 types of civilizations, most of them galactic. Ours is considered to be a type 0 civilization because we have not yet mastered space travel and are currently bound to planet Earth.
----------

Just thinking out-loud.
Please continue.
Your story is most riveting.
A real page-turner!
Aussie Bob

Adelaide, Australia

#31 Nov 1, 2013
Hardie-Har-Har wrote:
Hardie's Jolly Bible; Post-3

Genesis One:

Let us flash on thru the G-One creation myth with it's mal-guessed and regurgitated dumb lineup:

1 > Some 5-billion years ago, the Milky Way Galaxy (Sol's Mom) spit forth an ordinal mainstream star called Sol, with a clutch of planets and sub-planets on the drawing board;

2 > The Elohim maneuvered one watery and rocky planet into perfect position with Sol to become their chosen Prison Planet; ... They called it "Earth",... for some ungodly reason;

3 > The Elohim sat 'round in a circle over the water-drowned Earth to suck away some water so's some dry land appears. They dumped the excess water on the moon "Europa";

4 > For aesthetic pleasure, Elohim created all kinds of fish/animal/insect life, on a whim;

5 > After much debate, Elohim designed mankind, the recipient species for all bad spirits;

6 > Elohim environmentally confined all mankind to be imprisoned on the Solar System;

7 > After 5-billion years of creative work the prison system was completed in 6 phases;

8 > So Elohim decided to take a break and throw one helluva celebration party on day #7;

9 > Thus, Sol Heaven and Earth came to its finish and Elohim said, "Damn, We's Good!"

10 > Let's get on with the REAL STORY!!

Hardie-Har-Har!

(Onward Christian and Christless Soldiers!)
Aka. Scientology.
You left out Xenu btw.
Tom Cruise would love it.
Aussie Bob

Adelaide, Australia

#33 Nov 16, 2013
I want MORE Jolly Bible installments!!!

"Please sir, may I have some MORE"?!?
"MORE"??!
"MUCH MORE"!!!!
"Give, NOW"!!!
The truth works

United States

#34 Nov 16, 2013
Did you mean the Jolly Candy-like Bible?
Aussie Bob

Adelaide, Australia

#35 Nov 16, 2013
The truth works wrote:
Did you mean the Jolly Candy-like Bible?
Yep. It is very creative.

Since: Dec 09

Chicago, IL

#36 Nov 17, 2013
Hardie-Har-Har wrote:
Hardie's Jolly Bible; Post-1
Genesis One:
IN THE BEGINNING,...(HARR! That's the Bible's first dump of bullcrap for our pile...)
There was NO BEGINNING,... and before that everything was chaotic,... a sort of roll-of-the-dice situation, with bubbly universes coming and going like the froth on seashores.
Pre-Genesis Chaos, if it had tongue, would best refer to itself as "The All"; ... or a kind of out-of-control "I AM THAT I AM!" The gods that came from it call it "The Omniverse!"
Time was non-existent,... as was Thought; ... thus too, as was any kind of sentient deity. "The ALL" was nothing but endlessness and universal-sized collision and explosions....
Omniverse-after-Omniverse bubbled forth, grew, abutted one another and popped away.
Imagine that ... hundreds, thousands, billions and trillions-upon-umpteen-trillio ns of years (by our count) lulled, as the Omniverse was born, grew, abutted and violently-coalesced in mutual-mutative, destructive and element-constricted mindless and timeless embraces.
Amid quintessential measureless ETERNITY what was bound to happen HAPPENED!!!...
As every gambler knows, Given enough dice-rolls any number is bound to come up 100 times in a row; ... AND,... Given enough deadly traffic crashes it's inevitable for someone to walk away unscathed; AND,... given enough tornados it's very likely for the falling tornado debris to form itself into a 747 Jumbo Jet!
(If I had enough time I could give you the approx number of dice rolls, traffic crashes and tornados for such results to occur.... I'm working on it!)
... So,... One of an umpteen omniverses produced a quantum fluctuation and "singularity" was born!
"Quantum fluctuations" are profusely occurring now in our own universe .. all around us, all the time, on an inconceivable scale. First, a particle isn't there, and then suddenly it is! The singularity that began our universe arose as a quantum fluctuation in a prior universe.
VIOLA!!... Constructive Matter was formed thereby; ... the next natural stage produced the newly-discovered "Higgs Boson" (GRAVITY'S GLUE!) and "The Beginning" began ...(It's Bereshith!)!
Next we shall deal with the making of "The Gods" (Hebrew: Elohim) by our Jolly Omniverse!
I'm in a real wrestle with that concept, having trashed a half-dozen or so god-concepts,... which I knew would fail to blow the skirt over the heads of Jewish and Christian fundies.
So,... how best to create some god(s) that would be both pleasing to a fundie and, also,... arguably constrained and chained to be warily approachably-reproachable to us skeptics!
I do welcome any logical inputs from the more rational posters in this forum,... Please!!
Hardie-Har-Har!
(Onward Christian and Christless Soldiers!)
Bullshit.
And I read it twice.
But it's your only comment in this thread I've read so far.

“Shoot for the stars”

Since: Dec 10

Planet Earth

#37 Nov 17, 2013
Aussie Bob wrote:
<quoted text>
I particularly enjoyed this bit. Your insinuation that the Revelation's "War in Heaven" was a war in the cosmos is most appropriate and fitting. It always sounded like a metaphor to me as well.
The word "God" literally translates to mean "creator", and from this you could easily insinuate that the planet earth (who I call Gaia) is a sentient god to humanity. She nurtures us.
The sun could also be interpreted in much the same way. The ancient Egyptians believed that "Sun Gods", came from the sky, built the pyramids and taught them the basics of civilization.
What if these "Sun Gods" were the ancient ancestors of humanity and they descended from the heavens (stars) to engineer humanity on this planet?
It would be like a religious paradox or oxymoron because that would make humanity it's own creator, it's own god. The question would then become; who created them?
And for what purpose.
----------
Modern Theoretical Physics postulates that there are as many as 4 types of civilizations, most of them galactic. Ours is considered to be a type 0 civilization because we have not yet mastered space travel and are currently bound to planet Earth.
----------
Just thinking out-loud.
Please continue.
Your story is most riveting.
A real page-turner!
I love to watch "Ancient Aliens" on the History Channel and listen to different theories about ancient civilizations. It's facsinascinating that ancient cultures across the globe have gods and goddesses who all descended from the sky. Time travel also is discussed in one of the series too. Fascinating stuff!

Since: Jun 10

Location hidden

#45 Nov 20, 2013
From time to time I have been thinking, and sometimes thinking very hard, until I had this terrible headache.

What is the problem then, what is so hard to understand?

Well, it is all this talk about a resurrection, how could that be possible?

And then suddenly all became very simple and logical to understand; if anything or anyone in the whole universe should come back exactly the way this person once was or his world looked like at that time, then the whole universe with every single tiny particle in it had to be reversed to exactly its position where it was at that particular time.

And back then everything in between had not yet happened ---.
That means to say; we could not follow back in time to see for ourselves.

Why; because what we see as time is the event horizon of the evolution of matter and energy in the whole universe and this moment is the only fixed point there is within the entire universe.

We are living at exactly the same present moment that unit all ages and events, only there is no going back in events, back to how it once were and happened.

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