Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian!!!
Posted in the Christian Forum
#1 Feb 8, 2013
Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanised" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity of Gods.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who committed suicide while praying to himself for help, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
Can I get an Amen?
“Born again atheist”
Since: Jun 12
#2 Feb 8, 2013
#3 Feb 8, 2013
George Carlin on Religion.
Since: Mar 12
#4 Feb 8, 2013
You really have to wonder what goes on in the mind of someone who starts a thread such as this! Sad or what?-par five
#5 Feb 8, 2013
Yeah, they're a sad lot alright.
But don't let these addle-brained goof-nuts get to you.
I don't give them the chance to yank my scapular.
“ ILKS r kewl ”
Since: Apr 09
#6 Feb 8, 2013
gee.. i've heard that line somewhere.. hmmmm, maybe about YOU'RE thread starts?
#7 Feb 8, 2013
This is who inspired this thread.
By the way you should charge a little something. If you look hard enough you should be able to find someone to pay what your worth!
#8 Feb 8, 2013
Then you should be able to answer the question.
Who wears the pants in Troth and Jays relationship?
I'm able to pay what you're worth.
How do I get the two cents to you?
Since: Mar 12
#9 Feb 8, 2013
I think you need to work on composition!
#10 Feb 8, 2013
Thanks that was great! Laughing out loud is good for ya. I just now had time to watch it. His opinion of sun and prayer is brilliant. I was a little worried at the end when he said his leg cramped and then after a pause said his ballz were hurting! LOL
#11 Feb 8, 2013
Just after George's balls and leg cramps got worse his heart blew up.
Nothing like alcohol and opiates to screw somebody up.
He burnt his brain up and they burnt up his body.
One can only guess where his soul resides now.
Better he than me.......
#12 Feb 8, 2013
I don't know them or anyone on here really. I'm just going by a few posts I have read so far. I have seen a few of yours that sounded fairly interesting and not dripping with fundamental delusions like some on here. There are some Catholics, Agnostics and non Bible based Christians on here that sound very reasonable so far. Punisher is on a whole different level however and I bet some of you pray he doesn't turn up on your threads!
As far as the two cents go, just leave it on the night stand and I will get it when you're at work. A penny saved is a penny earned!
Since: Aug 08
Somewhere in Ireland
#13 Feb 8, 2013
I don't see too much to disagree with in the thread's opening post. Sums up a fundie quite well. Perhaps you would like to tell everyone where you think it has got it wrong!
#14 Feb 9, 2013
Ironically, I consider myself a fundamentalist, but don't identify with any of these.
One might make a case with #4, but even that one is seriously flawed. For one, what would be the difference between the fundamentalist view of eternity, versus one with a liberal form of religion (whatever that may be) who also believe in an eternal separation from God (based on a sliding scale of leading a relatively moral life, etc.)? Unless this is answered,#4 is 'moot'.
And even if one is an atheist or agnostic, it doesn't mean they are more 'inclusive'. There are certainly atheists and agnostics who are ultra elitists that won't hand out the time of day to just anyone. In other words...snobs. They may not believe in an afterlife, but their whole level of tolerance (and the lack thereof) can be summed up on terra-firma.
And you know how it goes as far as life having it's strange twists. Just like a fundamentalist Christian might have their life saved by an atheist, the same holds true the other way around.
But a lot of these quotes merely use "paint brush" exaggerations that can be placed on anyone. For instance, I don't 'laugh' at polytheists or Hindus. There may be 'some' fundamentalist somewhere in the world who laugh at them, just as there are probably some atheists who laugh at them. The irony to quotes like #10, 8, 7, and 6 is that they apply just as much to atheists as anyone else. The atheist is no crusader of justice for polytheists, Hindus, Muslims, etc.(the word 'patronization' comes to mind). And with all of the "lol's, lmao's, etc. I see here; it seems that many atheists do a lot of laughing at those who don't hold to 'their'(tolerant..lol) viewpoint.
Now #1 gets the grand "booby" prize. That is, unless one is willing to roll a huge boulder-like asterix next to it. Number "1" only applies to a minority of vocal/activist atheists who were often Bible students, ministers, theology professors; often turned atheists, who 'naturally' will know more than say, a new convert who never read the Bible prior to conversion. And to even make such a comparison would be highly questionable for the one making it.
#16 Feb 9, 2013
You must have posted this the same time as me and I missed it. Kid I may have been wrong about you! LOL.. My post stands, it was brilliant and laugh out loud funny. He was an award winning stand up comedian, what did you expect? Let see, he made a living making fun of the ridiculous bible god and called him out on stage with a standing ovation from thousands of people and what happened? Nothing!!! The leg cramp and ballz hurting was a joke. He walked of the stage laughing! He was old, gray and looked to be at least 70 years old. So you think god allowed him to mock religion for 70 years, then teach him a lesson by letting him die of natural causes? What a perfect opportunity for god to strike him down on stage when he asked for it but a myth can't strike down anything!
Why was it brilliant for him to worship the sun? The sun was the original god! The only god out of almost 3,000 gods worthy of worship! The sun gives life and without it we all die. The bible mythology is littered with remnants of pagan sun worship.
The sun makes a yearly descent southward until December 21 or 22, the winter solstice, when it stops moving southerly for three days and then starts to move northward again. During this time, people back then believed that "God's sun" had "died" for three days and was "born again" on December 25. After December 25, the Sun moves 1 degree, this time north, foreshadowing longer days. And thus it was said, the Sun died on the zodiac cross, was dead for 3 days, only to be resurrected or born again. The sun's "followers" or "disciples" are the 12 months and the 12 signs of the zodiac or constellations, through which the sun must pass annually. I would say the reflection of the sun has no trouble walking on water every day! LOL
Don't worry about were old Carl went when he died because we all go to the same place. The only way he saw any flame action is if they cremated him and I promise he didn't feel a thing! An immortal soul was created for religious mythology. When your brain dies completely (not nearly) its lights out and game over!
#17 Feb 9, 2013
Okay don't even know were to start with this? I'm not familiar with your posts but I think this is a serious reply??? So you think your a fudie but this list isn't representative of your beliefs? There is no edit button but I could improve on it some.
Lets just take it from the top. Do you deny all these gods: Zeus, Poseidon, Hades, Hera, Demeter, Hestia, Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Aphrodite, Hermes, Dionysus, Hephaestus, Ares, Jupiter, Neptune, Pluto (or Dis), Juno, Ceres, Vesta, Minerva, Apollo, Diana, Venus, Mercury, Bacchus, Vulcan, Mars, Odin, Frigg, Thor, Freyr, Freyja, Baldr, Loki, Tyr, Heimdall, Njord, Ra, Amun, Osiris, Isis, Nephthys, Set, Horus, Anubis, Bast, Hathor, Thoth, Ma'at and the rest of the 2800 plus gods that I don't want to type out here?
#18 Feb 9, 2013
Naah, you weren't wrong about me.
You don't even know me, and I don't even know you. That's what getting acquainted is all about.
It takes time to know anything or anybody.
But think about it. How did the sun originate?
"In the beginning was the Word,
and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.
He was in the beginning with God.
All things came to be through him,
and without him nothing came to be.
What came to be through him was life,
and this life was the light of the human race;
the light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness has not overcome it."
No mystery why we celebrate God on Sunday.
No mystery why we worship the Son,(sic).
The immortal soul is not 'a creation for religious mythology'.
There is absolutely no evidence that 'your brain dies completely (not nearly) its lights out and game over!'
We have a written and verbal record of God come as son of man who defeated death.
There is no denying recorded history, despite whatever revisionist replacement theories you may have read.
I don't just type this out of heartfelt faith, I experience the reality of faith come as truth.
What Jesus Christ said works,.....works.
#19 Feb 9, 2013
It would be difficult for the ardent student of history and theology to deny the existance of most of those 'gods' you listed.
There are some others that mankind has manufactured over the ages that you don't have on your list. But it's redundant to delve into the minutiae.
However, there are scriptural records to substantiate your claim;
"When human beings began to grow numerous on the earth and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw how beautiful the daughters of human beings were, and so they took for their wives whomever they pleased......
The Nephilim appeared on earth in those days, as well as later, after the sons of God had intercourse with the daughters of human beings, who bore them sons.
They were the heroes of old, the men of renown."
So think about it, we're talking about rogue fallen angels going evil and putting themselves up as gods.
By Zeus, it happened!
After all, if those gods didn't exist, why would The Almighty Creator command us:
"I am the Lord, your God; you shall not have strange gods before me."
Now if one wanted an expansion on details of the aforementioned 'gods', they could pick up 'The Book of Enoch The Prophet', a deuterocanonical study in the characters of those Nephilim and their interactions with mankind.
Just sayin, ya know?
“Jesus=only way into Heaven”
Since: Nov 12
saved by grace through faith
#20 Feb 9, 2013
I consider it a great honor to be a fundamentalist Christian.......which is someone who holds to the fundamentals of the Christian faith. My Independent Fundamental Bible Believing beliefs are in line with the original apostles' teachings and early church model.
Who would want to be a worthless worldly "Christian"? There is something wrong with a Christian if people can't tell the difference between you and the world. The Holy Bible is clear that we are to be separate.(2 Corinthians 6:17)
But the most important thing is:
Do you know that Heaven will be your home if you were to die right now?
#21 Feb 9, 2013
Is there more of God than what's in The Bible?
Can God be contained inside the covers of a book?
Does God stretch beyond "In the begining" and "The one who gives this testimony says,Yes, I am coming soon. Amen! Come, Lord Jesus! The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all."
This is an important question for anybody to ponder.
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