I want to love you. I want you to love me. I want to make this work, but I can't be a slave to torment. I have things I have to do in my daily life, my family, my pups etc.. etc..
Please have some compassion. This might be the highest position you claim but after all I have been through look at me. Look at where I am!!! Fifteen to Seventeen years of Hell is a long time. Please don't make it twenty or thirty....or any more years of it. I've done so much to pay for my sins. I can't give more than what I am giving. And now I have almost lost my God. Even though you think my God is a God that killed me.
I know you think it's important to stay reduced. But can't we have some fun, too. Healthy fun. Can't you show me around a little bit. I would never torment someone the way you are tormenting me.
I know you are being kind too at the same time. I know you stand by my side twenty four hours a day seven days a week. I thank you for that. I greatly greatly thank you for that. But is this my life? I just feel so cheated. I don't want hell and I want to do everything in my power to avoid it. But there has got to be some way to keep the emoticon smiley face shining brightly more than twice a day for two seconds.
Have some compassion please. Don't strand me on the desert island. I'm not an island. And I'm not going to become a success by being an island. I don't want my life to be over. Can you care that much??
Spread the love. I try to spread it as much as I can. I know I need to try harder to spread it towards my family. It's just been difficult lately. Just be a part of my family, be my other family too.
Take care. Thank you for taking care of me so far. Don't go away. I need you, but I don't need to be reduced to ashes.
With great love,