Six Reasons NEVER to Get Married

Six Reasons NEVER to Get Married

Posted in the Christian Forum

Cookie_Parker

Since: Sep 08

Location hidden

#1 Oct 21, 2013
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/21/no-m...

1. Because not-married doesn't mean all alone.

2. Because love is a mystery¬Ö
And marriage, by definition, is a contract, plain and simple.

3. Because real security comes from being known for who you are and cared for no matter what.

4. Because you can still have the ring.

5. Because you can break up.

6. Because you can always get married next year. Or the next. Or the year after that.
I'm no anti-marriage crusader. And this isn't an injunction; it's just a list. I was married once, and the truth is, my boyfriend and I haven't ruled out getting married someday. We're not sure what might prompt us to desire legal accreditation, but we remain open to the possibility. In a way, that's the whole point: remaining open. Both in our attitude toward marriage and in our relationship itself;

----------

Anyone dispute it? For reasons other than religious which is just dogma you follow.

“Only Biblical methods will ”

Since: Apr 10

help bring others to Christ

#2 Oct 21, 2013
Just thoughts, not really disputing or agreeing with it.

1. Sometimes, being married or single, with someone right beside you on the couch, you are still alone. Also, when married, you usually go through some periods of physical separation, even if only for a time. Marriage does not ensure companionship any more than being single ensures being alone.

2. Love is a mystery whether you are married or single. The contract does not negate the mystery and the lack of a contract does not enhance the mystery.

3. Some are secure single, some are secure married. No one shoe fits everyone.

4. Any man or woman, married or single can have a ring. This one makes no sense to me, I guess. But, then again, I refused an engagement ring and choose a simple wedding band over flash....so maybe that is why I cannot relate to this...I am just odd I hear :D.

5. 50 something percent divorce rate with some states allowing a divorce in as little as one week (7 weeks if you are not a state resident yet), marriage certainly does not ensure that you cannot break up.

6. For most Americas, so it seems, they feel they can always get divorced next year, or next should they wish to.

I have been married 23 years, and it is one of the best decisions I ever made. It is not for everyone, however.

NDanger

“Third Eye”

Since: Nov 10

You can't get there from here.

#3 Oct 21, 2013
Marriage is a 'commitment' which, for the most part, has been lost in the US ...

34 yrs thru thick and thin, sickness and health...

Since: Aug 08

Somewhere in Ireland

#4 Oct 21, 2013
I am a great believer in marriage. I know being married doesn't guarantee a successful relationship as the very sad divorce figures demonstrate, but I personally would not feel comfortable just living with someone without having made a lifetime commitment to that person. I can understand someone getting out of a violent relationship, no one should have to tolerate that, but it seems to me nowadays that some people ditch their marriage at the first difficulty they encounter and make no effort to work things out. For anything, no matter what it is, to be a success it has to be worked at, and marriage is no different, and my experience is that the more you work at it the more pleasurable and fulfilling it becomes. I have been married for 43 years and my only regret is that I won't have another 43 years!

Sceptical_Mal

“Born again atheist”

Since: Jun 12

Melbourne

#5 Oct 21, 2013
Q) what the difference between a wife and a job?

A) a job still sucks after 2 years.

Over 20 years here.:-)

“Invisible Pink Unicorn”

Since: May 08

Location hidden

#6 Oct 22, 2013
As an atheist still married to his high school sweet heart after 28 years. I can say marriage works for us.

The only logical reason for getting married I could come up with is "benefits" Tax, health insurance through employer.

Cookie_Parker

Since: Sep 08

Location hidden

#7 Oct 22, 2013
If you find someone compatible, and you stay together, cool.

But not everyone finds someone compatible, as suggested in our high divorce rate. Or, they marry for all the wrong reasons or both.

What the article implies, or what I took from the article, is that you don't have to married to be looked after (you can do that for yourself), to be loved (you have others around you to love and can have sexual love if you so desire), and you aren't alone if you aren't married.

Anyone else get that?
Punisher

Yonkers, NY

#8 Oct 22, 2013
Jammercolo wrote:
As an atheist still married to his high school sweet heart after 28 years. I can say marriage works for us.
The only logical reason for getting married I could come up with is "benefits" Tax, health insurance through employer.
Some of the reasons me and my lady married..and for the kids as in this country it gets all wiggy legally when parents are not married. We really, really didnt see the point, she came from a large family where many of the Aunts, Uncles, grands, cousins, etc, never married, but remained together, in my family marriage seemed either a death sentence, or was not what really kept people together...and even when we finally did it was such a small thing...and of course non-religious...

I think the key for us is we talked about every little detail (sometimes absurd ones) we could think of to see where the other person would land. We landed on so many of the same places and where we didn't - they've not been that important in the long run.
Punisher

Yonkers, NY

#9 Oct 22, 2013
Cookie_Parker wrote:
If you find someone compatible, and you stay together, cool.

But not everyone finds someone compatible, as suggested in our high divorce rate.

Or, they marry for all the wrong reasons or both.

What the article implies, or what I took from the article, is that you don't have to married to be looked after (you can do that for yourself), to be loved (you have others around you to love and can have sexual love if you so desire), and you aren't alone if you aren't married.
Anyone else get that?
Agree. I was a no-marriage guy in my day...never thought it would ever happen. Was happy and content, taking care of myself, etc.. Even when I met my now wife, I didnt think about marriage despite knowing I'd found the last woman I'd want to meet, and it turned out she was on the same page.

IMO, a big wrong reason/s to get married is the couple had no actual GOOD reason to get married - except for family pressure, social, or my fav - "its the next step." (cant count the number of divorced people I know who said that when they married..."we've been going out for so long...its the next step.")

I know an older man I think he's 92 now, who married when he was young, widowed within two or three years (accident) and never remarried. He's the busiest man I have ever met. Be it women, male friends or both...he never stops moving, has traveled the world at least three times...and has stories for 5 lifetimes...and I think thats the key for long term single people to remain active. While its true for all of us, but marriage and family keeps ya pretty busy...and in my clan we're active as hell.

What I also see happening around me/us - is couples who dont know what to do when the last child is off to school, or moved out. Suddenly they have no distractions...all they have is each other and many of them have no real idea who that other person is any more...or they do and simply dont like that other person all that much...and of these nearly all of them got married because it was the thing to do, the next step...!!
Punisher

Yonkers, NY

#10 Oct 22, 2013
Seriously__ wrote:
Just thoughts, not really disputing or agreeing with it.
1. Sometimes, being married or single, with someone right beside you on the couch, you are still alone. Also, when married, you usually go through some periods of physical separation, even if only for a time. Marriage does not ensure companionship any more than being single ensures being alone.
2. Love is a mystery whether you are married or single. The contract does not negate the mystery and the lack of a contract does not enhance the mystery.
3. Some are secure single, some are secure married. No one shoe fits everyone.
4. Any man or woman, married or single can have a ring. This one makes no sense to me, I guess. But, then again, I refused an engagement ring and choose a simple wedding band over flash....so maybe that is why I cannot relate to this...I am just odd I hear :D.
5. 50 something percent divorce rate with some states allowing a divorce in as little as one week (7 weeks if you are not a state resident yet), marriage certainly does not ensure that you cannot break up.
6. For most Americas, so it seems, they feel they can always get divorced next year, or next should they wish to.
I have been married 23 years, and it is one of the best decisions I ever made. It is not for everyone, however.
#2 is a bulls eye.

Cookie_Parker

Since: Sep 08

Location hidden

#11 Oct 22, 2013
Punisher wrote:
<quoted text>
Agree. I was a no-marriage guy in my day...never thought it would ever happen. Was happy and content, taking care of myself, etc.. Even when I met my now wife, I didnt think about marriage despite knowing I'd found the last woman I'd want to meet, and it turned out she was on the same page.
IMO, a big wrong reason/s to get married is the couple had no actual GOOD reason to get married - except for family pressure, social, or my fav - "its the next step." (cant count the number of divorced people I know who said that when they married..."we've been going out for so long...its the next step.")
I know an older man I think he's 92 now, who married when he was young, widowed within two or three years (accident) and never remarried. He's the busiest man I have ever met. Be it women, male friends or both...he never stops moving, has traveled the world at least three times...and has stories for 5 lifetimes...and I think thats the key for long term single people to remain active. While its true for all of us, but marriage and family keeps ya pretty busy...and in my clan we're active as hell.
What I also see happening around me/us - is couples who dont know what to do when the last child is off to school, or moved out. Suddenly they have no distractions...all they have is each other and many of them have no real idea who that other person is any more...or they do and simply dont like that other person all that much...and of these nearly all of them got married because it was the thing to do, the next step...!!
I agree...and congrats on you and your other half's find.
Punisher

Yonkers, NY

#12 Oct 22, 2013
NDanger wrote:
Marriage is a 'commitment' which, for the most part, has been lost in the US ...
34 yrs thru thick and thin, sickness and health...
While I agree with the commitment aspect...I personally don't see how the license solidifies anything...

One thing to consider re; the lost art of commitment, is the changes in the socio-economics for both men and women. Women simply no longer need a man to provide for them. Plus the way things are going, with more women (especially in the black and Hispanic demographics) earning more college degrees and getting better jobs than their male counterparts - who are not earning the same or better degrees - the need for a man to be the earner is lessening. Add that males, across the boards, keep taking the bigger hit (employment wise) at each economic downturn, and if they are middle aged, they become the most difficult demographic to be rehired.

I make no judgment on these trends, they are just the reality.

The times they are a changing...the old traditional paradigms are shifting...for better or worse no one can truly know.

“Invisible Pink Unicorn”

Since: May 08

Location hidden

#13 Oct 22, 2013
Punisher wrote:
<quoted text>Some of the reasons me and my lady married..and for the kids as in this country it gets all wiggy legally when parents are not married. We really, really didnt see the point, she came from a large family where many of the Aunts, Uncles, grands, cousins, etc, never married, but remained together, in my family marriage seemed either a death sentence, or was not what really kept people together...and even when we finally did it was such a small thing...and of course non-religious...
I think the key for us is we talked about every little detail (sometimes absurd ones) we could think of to see where the other person would land. We landed on so many of the same places and where we didn't - they've not been that important in the long run.


We married because the misses would not move in with me till I married her. I though that funny then and still do. She would sleep over days on end when her parents were out of town. I teased her over this.

I guess you can say we married over her parents needs.

Our first child born day after our 4th wedding anniversary.

By our ten year high school reunion we were the only remaining married couple in our class.
Punisher

Yonkers, NY

#14 Oct 22, 2013
NDanger wrote:
Marriage is a 'commitment' which, for the most part, has been lost in the US ...
34 yrs thru thick and thin, sickness and health...
Another thing about commitment in this country. Consider that we've become the disposable culture and its not so hard to see where that lack of stick-to-it-tiveness has come from...and might be going...

We toss everything out and replace things before they even reach their useful life span...that many people don't see inherent value in most of the objects around them. How long does it take for that to be the way we view relationships of all kinds?

Everything is disposable in the US - all but our bureaucracies - those seem to have eternal life!(and most have little value!)
idealist

Birmingham, UK

#15 Oct 23, 2013
Very difficult question, I hope we all understand that homosexuels relationship is satanic marriage although some systematic laws legalizing this spiritual relationship between man and woman through them parants that's religious organized by the only God in heaven, now the question what's definition of man and woman? Was man or woman was under influence of illegal substance or alcohol? was the woman virgin? Did the man or woman had sex with others outside the heavenly rules of the only God? Are these questions are additional reasons to think twice before getting married? Sorry, as my questions might not related at all to the topic, so never mind?

“Jesus is Lord”

Since: Aug 11

Greenwood, Indiana

#16 Oct 23, 2013
You people on here need to get a real life and grow up....

NDanger

“Third Eye”

Since: Nov 10

You can't get there from here.

#17 Oct 23, 2013
Punisher wrote:
<quoted text>Another thing about commitment in this country. Consider that we've become the disposable culture and its not so hard to see where that lack of stick-to-it-tiveness has come from...and might be going...
We toss everything out and replace things before they even reach their useful life span...that many people don't see inherent value in most of the objects around them. How long does it take for that to be the way we view relationships of all kinds?
Everything is disposable in the US - all but our bureaucracies - those seem to have eternal life!(and most have little value!)
Agreed, and that says a lot about the generation at hand...some of the greatest sufferers of AADD...

I see this generation put so little 'value' on life as they know it... Live for today and if I don't like it, I'll move on...

I stand by the 'commitment' idea as I believe it makes for the better...relationship/familywi se...

Cookie_Parker

Since: Sep 08

Location hidden

#19 Oct 23, 2013
NDanger wrote:
<quoted text>
Agreed, and that says a lot about the generation at hand...some of the greatest sufferers of AADD...
I see this generation put so little 'value' on life as they know it... Live for today and if I don't like it, I'll move on...
I stand by the 'commitment' idea as I believe it makes for the better...relationship/familywi se...
Well, I know, but then I look at what the older generation left them. When I was in my 20's there were more jobs than employees. Wages were GREAT and the benefits unbelievable. That was voted away and now there are few if any good jobs, hours are mostly part-time, college literally unaffordable now that the banks took it over under Reagan and charge outlandish interest rates, and housing is off the charts, not to mention food, gas, cars, etc.

What do they HAVE to live for? They sure can't save and there's very little to NO retirement plans being offered if they COULD save any money.

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