I can study determinism but I can't believe it.<quoted text>
It would be a great benefit for you to study determinism as it applies to the human condition. I doubt you will, because it stands in conflict with most conceptualizations of "free will". You may also be too entrenched in dichotomous thinking to get very far.
I don't believe in predestination.
I believe we all have free will and we are all responsible for our actions.