Topix Theist NewsIt appears SETI found something. Transcript of communications between somewhere in California and a spot between Saturn and Uranus.
Beginning of intercepted transmission.
"...has been dispatched to unit 708 dfgt, arrival due within 18 rotations
Supply unit 988-06 out
E unit 3314, this is base unit 3776
E unit here, sir.
How is the mission progressing?
For the complexity of this world, pretty well, sir.
Good to hear. We do have some questions regarding some of your data collecting.
Just what are these Topix atheists? We have been trying to find a pattern to their thought processes, but are drawing a zero. Have you managed to secure one for lab tests?
No, sir. Our efforts in that has met with problems.
Well, sir, as you note there are issues of coherency, but we have found that the originating source of those emissions are of a very low power level, making it impossible to date to locate and secure one for further study. After beaming up three of their human corpses from remote areas, five what they call rutabaga plants, and one electronic wrist watch with severe corrosion issues, we have refrained from further search for one of them.
You have not located where they keep them secured?
They do not secure them, sir.
They are allowed to run free, sir.
Run free? Seriously!?
Yes, sir. In addition, they are also allowed to breed with the local population.
Are you there, sir?
Yes, I am here. I think.
You did say they are allowed to breed?
End your mission immediately E Unit 3314, and report to Decon unit 833 before returning to here.
Decon unit 833, sir. That's a long process. Can't we just use bleach?
End of transmission.
The media has been in something of a frenzy recently on this whole topic of meteors, said Dave Nelson.I think its irresponsible of them to frighten the public about something that, at the end of the day, may be about as real as unicorns.
Nelson said that he had seen recent reports of the so-called Russian meteor of last week, but added,Maybe its the scientific skeptic in me, but this meteor may just have been a bunch of fireworks that some Siberian fellow set off after drinking a little too much Stoli. It is winter, after all, and thats how those folks keep warm.
Nelson said that he and other meteor doubters are worried that scientists had a vested interest in convincing people that meteors are real:They want the government to spend more money on science, and, let me tell you, that is the last thing the Science Committee is going to do.
As for the scientific theory that meteors may have killed the dinosaurs, Nelson chuckled,That theory would also have us believe that there were dinosaurs.
Sincere apologies to Andy