Atheist Humor

[Bob of Quantum-Faith]

nina wrote:

<quoted text>
I am so going to use that

Please do-- I was inspired by you and PZ obviously....

:)

[Hedonist]

nina wrote:

<quoted text>
...
"God was my co-pilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him"
...

Oh, so this is where they get the expression "Jesus is coming"

[nina]

Hedonist wrote:

<quoted text>
... "Jesus is coming"

or is he just breathing hard?

[scaritual]

jesus walks up as the crowd begin's to stone the harlot.... he walks to the center ...the crowd hushes as he begins to write in the sand,he stands, and says "let he who is among you without sin cast the first stone"...from deep in the crowd a stone comes flying,and hit's the harlot in the head, the crowd groans....and parts, revealing the culprit

[scaritual]

...and jesus yell's.. "I'll be a sonofab*tch mom , go home!

[scaritual]

Two nuns are driving at night in a swamp.A vampire flys out of a shadowy stand of moss-covered trees and lands menacingly on the hood of their car. The nun who's driving says to the other nun, "Quick! Sister! Show him your cross!"

[scaritual]

The second nun leans out of the window, grabs the vampire and screams, "GET THE F**K OFF THE GO**AMN CAR!!!"

[Jay]

Lots of atheist oriented humor, and maybe a few pictures of beautiful women, at www.squibcrib.com .

[nina]

Superman has saved the planet for destruction numerous times. Jesus has threatened to return and bring upon the end of the earth with him, but so far is a fucking “no-show”.
Jesus performed a few miracles, but Superman can shoot laser beams out of his eyes, he can fly, is indestructible, and can see through everything except lead. In one movie he turned back time. How awesome is that?
Jesus may have died for your sins, but Superman died to protect us from an intergalactic killing machine called Doomsday.
When Jesus died, he was resurrected 3 days later and then abruptly left, telling his disciples he’d be back within their lifetimes (an obvious lie). Superman died, was in stasis for a while, and emerged with long glorious 90’s hair. Unlike Jesus, however, Superman stuck around and has been busy keeping the world safe from evil.
Although not a God, Superman still risks his life all the time trying to combat super villains. Jesus, on the other hand, is apparently all powerful, and yet refuses to do something as basic as healing amputees.
Superman can move mountains. Jesus claims praying to him will accomplish the same feat, but no noticeable effects from prayer have ever been measured.
Superman is an expert in dozens of languages, and is an accomplished journalist. Jesus never left any writings, or evidence of any of his works.
Superman hooked up with the insanely hot Lois Lane, while the only women that showed any interest in Jesus were all prostitutes.
Jesus said “But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me”(Luke 19:27). Superman, on the other hand, has a strict code of conduct that forbids him to kill anyone.
If you fell out of your apartment window and cried for help, Superman would try and save you. Not only will Jesus not even bother to save you; he will send you to hell for all eternity if you don’t believe in him.

[melevy]

nina wrote:

Superman has saved the planet for destruction numerous times. Jesus has threatened to return and bring upon the end of the earth with him, but so far is a fucking “no-show”.
Jesus performed a few miracles, but Superman can shoot laser beams out of his eyes, he can fly, is indestructible, and can see through everything except lead. In one movie he turned back time. How awesome is that?
Jesus may have died for your sins, but Superman died to protect us from an intergalactic killing machine called Doomsday.
When Jesus died, he was resurrected 3 days later and then abruptly left, telling his disciples he’d be back within their lifetimes (an obvious lie). Superman died, was in stasis for a while, and emerged with long glorious 90’s hair. Unlike Jesus, however, Superman stuck around and has been busy keeping the world safe from evil.
Although not a God, Superman still risks his life all the time trying to combat super villains. Jesus, on the other hand, is apparently all powerful, and yet refuses to do something as basic as healing amputees.
Superman can move mountains. Jesus claims praying to him will accomplish the same feat, but no noticeable effects from prayer have ever been measured.
Superman is an expert in dozens of languages, and is an accomplished journalist. Jesus never left any writings, or evidence of any of his works.
Superman hooked up with the insanely hot Lois Lane, while the only women that showed any interest in Jesus were all prostitutes.
Jesus said “But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me”(Luke 19:27). Superman, on the other hand, has a strict code of conduct that forbids him to kill anyone.
If you fell out of your apartment window and cried for help, Superman would try and save you. Not only will Jesus not even bother to save you; he will send you to hell for all eternity if you don’t believe in him.

And there's just as much evidence of the existence of Superman as there is for the existence of "god." If I had to choose (which I don't) I'd put my money on Superman.

Hey, my code for this post is 7777! I win!

[Bob of Quantum-Faith]

nina wrote:

Superman has saved the planet for destruction numerous times.....

If you haven't read this little essay by Larry Niven?

I think you'd enjoy it:

"http://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html" ;

Notice that the item is printed **with** permission.

:)

[nina]

Bob of Quantum-Faith wrote:

<quoted text>
If you haven't read this little essay by Larry Niven?....
:)

yes, variations over the years too

it's very funny

[Hedonist]

"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image, when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do." ~ Anne Lamott

[MrDesoto1]

An Arab Muslim enters a taxi cab in Dallas, Texas. Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to "turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music, which is music of the infidel's."

So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, pulls over to the side, stops the cab and opens the back door.

The Arab asks him: "What are you doing, man?"

The Texan answers: "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis. So get out, stand on the curb and wait for a camel."

[England 2012]

Jesus goes to a hotel, throws 3 nails onto the counter and says, can you put me up for the night mate?

[Hedonist]

“Christian fundamentalism: the doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.”~ Andrew Lias

[Hedonist]

A puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone, somewhere, is having fun.

[Hedonist]

“To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.”~ Don Schrader