“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

#41 Aug 9, 2009
People who don't like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn't have such funny beliefs

“Quantum Junctn: Use Both Lanes”

Since: Dec 06

Tulsa, Oklahoma USofA

#42 Aug 9, 2009
nina wrote:
<quoted text>
I love that site
www.cafepress.com plays all interests, but evolve fish takes a side.
I do have the tshirt that says
Undocumented
Gay Atheist
Lesbian Liberal
and a group of rednecks threatened to kick my head in.
seriously.
That's what they do: kick people's heads in.

It stems from their evil religion, which advocates people to stone anyone different than they...

Which is why I fight the good fight...

:P

(I also carry protection-- no, not that kind, but the kind that can be lethal, at need....just in case.)
redneck

United States

#43 Aug 9, 2009
nina wrote:
<quoted text>
I love that site
www.cafepress.com plays all interests, but evolve fish takes a side.
I do have the tshirt that says
Undocumented
Gay Atheist
Lesbian Liberal
and a group of rednecks threatened to kick my head in.
seriously.
Let me apologize. My 3rd wife was a hot bisexual and I miss her and one of her friends.

“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

#44 Aug 9, 2009
Christian fundamentalism: the doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.

A puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone, somewhere, is having fun.

“Invisible Pink Unicorn”

Since: May 08

Location hidden

#45 Aug 9, 2009
Q: A candy is on a table in the center of a room. In the four corners of the room are God, an atheist, the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus. Suddenly the lights go out. When the lights come back on, the candy is gone. Who ate it?

A: The atheist. There's no such thing as Santa Claus, there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny, and there's no such thing as God.

“Invisible Pink Unicorn”

Since: May 08

Location hidden

#46 Aug 9, 2009
Subject: Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound"
That the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which
Is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(Absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(Gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.

So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions State that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose!

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until
Hell freezes over!

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!"

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A!!!"

“Invisible Pink Unicorn”

Since: May 08

Location hidden

#47 Aug 9, 2009
A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks: "Is God male or female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds: "Well, God is both male and female."
This confuses the little boy, so he asks: "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks: "Is God Michael Jackson?"
nina

Canada

#48 Aug 9, 2009
Bob of Quantum-Faith wrote:
<quoted text>
That's what they do: kick people's heads in.
It stems from their evil religion, which advocates people to stone anyone different than they...
..
well, being religious doesn't really prepare a person to live in a diverse culture or develop problem solving skills - since that requires critical thinking ability

“Quantum Junctn: Use Both Lanes”

Since: Dec 06

Tulsa, Oklahoma USofA

#49 Aug 9, 2009
nina wrote:
<quoted text>
well, being religious doesn't really prepare a person to live in a diverse culture or develop problem solving skills - since that requires critical thinking ability
Yep.

I sometimes wonder if, sooner or later, all persons *with* even a modicum of critical thinking skills sooner or later become agnostic*.

I think those that continue cling to a shred of "there is *some* form of god" only do so out of either habit, respect, or a "why not? its mostly harmless.." attitude.

As such, I categorize these folk in with the rest of us anyway, wheither they like it or no.

:)
_________

* by agnostic, I mean, recognize that it is impossible to eliminate all doubt with regards to god(s) existence(s), such as what Richard Dawkins asserts: there probabily is no god.

“Quantum Junctn: Use Both Lanes”

Since: Dec 06

Tulsa, Oklahoma USofA

#50 Aug 9, 2009
On with the Jokes:

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

__________

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

(read it again slowly, if you missed it...)

“Quantum Junctn: Use Both Lanes”

Since: Dec 06

Tulsa, Oklahoma USofA

#51 Aug 9, 2009
As seen on Church Bulletins:
__________

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

__________

Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

__________

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

__________

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

__________

**this final one, I can really appreciate***

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

“Invisible Pink Unicorn”

Since: May 08

Location hidden

#52 Aug 9, 2009
I got no problem with Christians, they just don't hold 'em underwater long enough....

“Invisible Pink Unicorn”

Since: May 08

Location hidden

#53 Aug 9, 2009
God is tired, worn out. So he speaks to St. Peter, "You know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?"

St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Jupiter? It's nice and warm there this time of the year."

God shakes His head before saying, "No. Too much gravity. You know how that hurts my back."

"Hmmm," St. Peter reflects. "Well, how about Mercury?"

"No way!" God mutters, "It's way too hot for me there!"

"I've got it," St. Peter says, his face lighting up. "How about going Down to Earth for your vacation?"

Chuckling, God remarks, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're STILL talking about it!"

“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

#54 Aug 10, 2009
Bob of Quantum-Faith wrote:
As seen on Church Bulletins:
...
To celebrate the completion of our new addition, this Sunday there will be services in the North and South ends of the church. Children will be Baptized at both ends.

“Turning coffee into theorems”

Since: Dec 06

Trapped inside a Klein Bottle

#55 Aug 10, 2009
Jesus and St. Peter are playing a round of golf. Jesus is looking at a shot over a water trap to reach the green. St. Peter starts to hand Jesus a 5 iron, but Jesus says, "No. Arnold Palmer would use a 6 iron."

Jesus hits the ball with a 6 iron and the shot is short of the green, landing in the water trap. St. Peter says, "You'll either have to take a penalty stroke or find your ball." Jesus walks out on top of the water trap and starts poking around for his lost ball.

A rather inebriated golfer walks up, gawking. "Who's that guy think he is? Jesus Christ?"

St. Peter replies, "No. He thinks he's Arnold Palmer."
nina

Ottawa, Canada

#56 Aug 10, 2009
Bob of Quantum-Faith wrote:
<quoted text>
..
I think those that continue cling to a shred of "there is *some* form of god" only do so out of either habit, respect, or a "why not? its mostly harmless.." attitude....
okay - true story, not a joke

When I was 12 or so, I asked my Grandmother if she beleived in God

and her answer was yes - and I asked why and got the hedging her bets and not causing harm explaination

so I asked her, but what abou the people who beleive that do cause harm by their beleif to others (at the time, I only knew about the Spanish Inquisition and Witch Burning - abortion doctor shooting and suicide bombers were still years away - well, from my awareness if not in fact)

and she didn't have answer except to say that people shouldn't beleive that hard and should keep their beleif to themselves

“Quantum Junctn: Use Both Lanes”

Since: Dec 06

Tulsa, Oklahoma USofA

#57 Aug 10, 2009
nina wrote:
<quoted text>
okay - true story, not a joke
When I was 12 or so, I asked my Grandmother if she beleived in God
and her answer was yes - and I asked why and got the hedging her bets and not causing harm explaination
so I asked her, but what abou the people who beleive that do cause harm by their beleif to others (at the time, I only knew about the Spanish Inquisition and Witch Burning - abortion doctor shooting and suicide bombers were still years away - well, from my awareness if not in fact)
and she didn't have answer except to say that people shouldn't beleive that hard and should keep their beleif to themselves
Your grandmother was an extremely wise woman, IMHO.

:)

I wish more folk heeded such wisdom.
nina

Ottawa, Canada

#58 Aug 10, 2009
Bob of Quantum-Faith wrote:
<quoted text>
Your grandmother was an extremely wise woman, IMHO.
:)
I wish more folk heeded such wisdom.
thanks, she was married off at 15 to a man in his 40's that her father owed money to.

she was probably one of the first women in Canada to get a divorce (1940's), she had 2 other significant relationships (the last one lasting 30+ years ) and was smart enough never to tie herself legally down again.

“Quantum Junctn: Use Both Lanes”

Since: Dec 06

Tulsa, Oklahoma USofA

#59 Aug 10, 2009
"If you open your mind too much, your brain will fall out"

"
"

“Quantum Junctn: Use Both Lanes”

Since: Dec 06

Tulsa, Oklahoma USofA

#60 Aug 10, 2009
&#8592; prev | next &#8594;
A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a whore house. They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about, then ducking into the house. "Would ye look at that, Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant Reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!". They both shook their heads and continued working.

A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking. "Did ya see that, Darby?" Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "Is nothing holy to those Jewish Rabbis? I just can't understand what the world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh.'Tis a shame, I tell ya!".

Not much later a third man, a Catholic Priest, was lurking about the house, looking around to see if any one was watching, then quietly sneaking in. "Oh no, Darby, look!" said Pat, removing his cap, "One of the poor girls musta died."

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