Atheist Humor

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“Invisible Pink Unicorn”

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#21
Aug 9, 2009
 

Judged:

1

There was third grade teacher who had just become a born again Christian. She asked her class if any of them were born again Christians. Not knowing what a born again christian was, but wanting to please the teacher, they all raised their hands, except for little Sarah. The teacher asked her why she didn't raise her hand.
'Well I'm an atheist,' she replied.
'Why are you an atheist?' the teacher asked.
'Well my dad's an atheist and my mom's an atheist, and I'm not very religious myself, so I'm an atheist.'
'Well that's no reason,' the teacher replied,'what if your parents were both morons?'
Little Sarah perked her head up and smiled then replied,'Well then I'd be a born again christian.'
ScienceRules

Montpelier, VT

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#22
Aug 9, 2009
 
The priest in a small village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out behind the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.

Well, one Saturday night, the cock rooster was missing, and because the priest had heard that cock fights occurred in the village, he decided to question his parishioners about it at church the next morning.

At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Who's got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, No," he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, No," he said, "That wasn't what I meant either. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, No," he said, "I meant: Has anybody seen MY cock?"

Up stood five nuns, three altar boys, and two priests...

“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

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#23
Aug 9, 2009
 
Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called ..........Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

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#24
Aug 9, 2009
 
The 3 religious Truths:

1. Jews don't recognize Christ as the Messiah

2. Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith

3. Baptists don't recognize each other at the liquor store
nina

Canada

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#25
Aug 9, 2009
 
Bob of Quantum-Faith wrote:
Fundamentalism ...
_________
And I'll just push *my* favorite subversive website: " http://www.evolvefish.com "
I love that site

www.cafepress.com plays all interests, but evolve fish takes a side.

I do have the tshirt that says

Undocumented
Gay Atheist
Lesbian Liberal

and a group of rednecks threatened to kick my head in.

seriously.

“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

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#26
Aug 9, 2009
 
Emo Philips - When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

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#27
Aug 9, 2009
 
Doug McLeod - I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence

“ecrasez l'infame”

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Atlanta, Georgia

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#28
Aug 9, 2009
 
George Bush says he speaks to god every day, and christians love him for it. If George Bush said he spoke to god through his hair dryer, they would think he was mad. I fail to see how the absence of a hair dryer makes it any less absurd.

“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

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#29
Aug 9, 2009
 
Friedrich Nietzsche - Which is it, is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's?

“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

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#30
Aug 9, 2009
 
Andrew Waterhouse - Take five minutes to name one example of "fun" that isn't considered "sin".... If you did it, you've just been a sinner of "sloth". Isn't Christianity fun?

“ecrasez l'infame”

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Atlanta, Georgia

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#31
Aug 9, 2009
 
Woody Allen - If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse

“ecrasez l'infame”

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Atlanta, Georgia

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#32
Aug 9, 2009
 
Salvador Dali - Thank god I'm an atheist.

“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

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#33
Aug 9, 2009
 
The total absence of humor from the Bible is one of the most singular things in all literature. ~Alfred North Whitehead

“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

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#34
Aug 9, 2009
 
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.~H.L. Mencken

“ecrasez l'infame”

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Atlanta, Georgia

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#35
Aug 9, 2009
 
Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?~Jules Feiffer

“ecrasez l'infame”

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Atlanta, Georgia

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#36
Aug 9, 2009
 
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

“ecrasez l'infame”

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Atlanta, Georgia

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#37
Aug 9, 2009
 
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday. ~Thomas Russell Ybarra, The Christian

“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

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#38
Aug 9, 2009
 
To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.~Don Schrader

“ecrasez l'infame”

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Atlanta, Georgia

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#39
Aug 9, 2009
 
A converted cannibal is one who, on Friday, eats only fishermen.~Emily Lotney

“ecrasez l'infame”

Since: May 08

Atlanta, Georgia

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#40
Aug 9, 2009
 
A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.~Carl Sagan

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