"The time has arrived, as it does every year, for America to be besieged by that familiar and insidious enemy: Christmas. We have endured its tyranny for 2,000 years, with its manger scenes, its mint-flavored everything, its bearded occupation of J.C. Penny locations nationwide. Christmas flaunts its influence from the gilded trees in suburban bay windows across our land, mocking us while hijacking the radio waves for reindeer idolatry and the glorification of little boys with drums.

And we shall suffer it no longer.....

Rise up, atheists! Rise up to ruin it for the innocents, who only want to have a nice time! We must show them the error of their ways, and smush the face of Christmas all up around the glass wall of justice, and leave behind gross spitty smears! We will find Christmas where it hides, and we shall greet it with rocks and heavy books. We will hit it from the north, west, south, and west. We will hit it all over the place. Christmas, that is. We will hit Christmas so hard that its cries will be heard from pretty far from where it is crying...."

http://wonkette.com/489914/a-declaration-of-w...