Gay grief is 'a second-class experience'

Dec 14, 2008 Full story: gay_blog.blogspot.com 1,315

DOCTORS, nurses and priests are adding to the suffering of grieving gay people by not acknowledging their relationship to deceased partners, a study claims. “Not having the relationship openly acknowledged at a time when the participants were in deep emotional pain exacerbated their distress and reinforced their invisibility,” according to the study by Michelle Glackin of St Angela’s College, Sligo, and Agnes Higgins of Trinity College, Dublin. More

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Brian

Los Angeles, CA

#1 Dec 14, 2008
This is not a surprise from a culture that does not acknowledge our equality. This is another reason why marriage matters. This society looks at us as less than animals.
equalityboy81

United States

#2 Dec 14, 2008
You got that right.

Since: Dec 08

Toronto, ON, Canada

#3 Dec 14, 2008
Brian wrote:
This is not a surprise from a culture that does not acknowledge our equality. This is another reason why marriage matters. This society looks at us as less than animals.
Ireland (and I assume you are referring to the Irish and not to Western Culture in general) has been amazingly fast to throw off its strict Catholic heritage and become a modern country in it views about gay. Given the short amount of time in which they have done this, of course one would expect things not to have been evened out.

But compared to those other two Catholic bastions, Portugal and Poland, they are light-years ahead. Guess having such a literate population to begin with probably helps.

“SCOTUS will Rule in June for”

Since: Aug 08

MARRIAGE EQUALITY:-)

#5 Dec 14, 2008
I was extremely lucky.
When my partner of 12 1/2 years passed away, she did so at home. The funeral home was very helpful in handling her death and made sure that I was listed on her death certificate as her life partner
Throughout our lives together, I was with her through every surgery, even staying in the hospital with her. The nurses loved me being around because they had one less patient to totally care for.
In 1996, she had spinal menegitis and I spent the entire week with her minus 4 hours.
Even after her death, I had a great SUTTER VNA home hospice berevement counselor who helped me make it through the grieving process, but I never went to any meetings because I knew that if someone had made a comment to me like was made in the article, I would of throttled someone.
I grieved my partner's death for close to 5 years
I am married now and my life is better, but the only way to prevent these things from happening is to allow Same-Sex Couples the right to marry and have it recognized in all 50 states
Blessed Be

Since: Dec 08

McAllen, Texas

#6 Dec 14, 2008
Nurse wrote:
“[Healthcare professional] educators need to think outside the heterosexual norm."
Erm, no we don't. This is still a free country and perverse gay activists are never going to control my THOUGHTS.
Are gay activists perverse because they're gay or because they are capable of controlling your gay thoughts?

“I Am What I Am”

Since: Sep 07

Palm Springs

#7 Dec 14, 2008
Nurse wrote:
“[Healthcare professional] educators need to think outside the heterosexual norm."
Erm, no we don't. This is still a free country and perverse gay activists are never going to control my THOUGHTS.
Without knowing where you are located, I'm glad I will probably never be in your care. My mother has been a nurse for over 50 years and has never ONCE had the kind of attitude you have with your comment. She was always a caring and loving person, no matter who she was caring for. She took her duties seriously, not like you, apparently. She's retired now, but we need more PROFESSIONALS like her not YOU!!!

Speaking as one who lost his partner unexpectedly 4 years ago, and NO not of AIDS, I know what it is like to loose someone who is more than a "friend" in the eyes of the law and health care professionals. I only thank God that the paramedics that came to our home allowed me to say good bye to him for the last time before he was taken away, since he died at home in the middle of the night. It was only then that I was subjected to the "second class" experience that the article states, as I was not allowed by his family to have any say in the arrangements for his funeral.

Four years have gone by, and it still hurts, especially at this time of the year since the Christmas season was always his favorite time of the year.
equalityboy81

United States

#8 Dec 14, 2008
Nurse wrote:
“[Healthcare professional] educators need to think outside the heterosexual norm."
Erm, no we don't. This is still a free country and perverse gay activists are never going to control my THOUGHTS.
You are entitled to your opinion but you should be given no right to discriminate or act unprofessional based on your beliefs.
equalityboy81

United States

#9 Dec 14, 2008
cross99 wrote:
<quoted text>
Without knowing where you are located, I'm glad I will probably never be in your care. My mother has been a nurse for over 50 years and has never ONCE had the kind of attitude you have with your comment. She was always a caring and loving person, no matter who she was caring for. She took her duties seriously, not like you, apparently. She's retired now, but we need more PROFESSIONALS like her not YOU!!!
Speaking as one who lost his partner unexpectedly 4 years ago, and NO not of AIDS, I know what it is like to loose someone who is more than a "friend" in the eyes of the law and health care professionals. I only thank God that the paramedics that came to our home allowed me to say good bye to him for the last time before he was taken away, since he died at home in the middle of the night. It was only then that I was subjected to the "second class" experience that the article states, as I was not allowed by his family to have any say in the arrangements for his funeral.
Four years have gone by, and it still hurts, especially at this time of the year since the Christmas season was always his favorite time of the year.
I'm sorry to hear this. What matters is you loved your partner and they loved you. Your partner knows how you felt and what ya'll meant to each other. Screw his bigoted family.

Since: Dec 08

McAllen, Texas

#15 Dec 14, 2008
Nurse wrote:
<quoted text>As I stated quite clearly, beaner, they CANNOT control my thoughts.
Wow. Beaner. That's EXACTLY the word that I placed in your thoughts right before your last post. Scary, isn't it?

P.S. I bet I can control what you're going to say next. Try me.

Since: Jan 08

Bangkok, Thailand

#16 Dec 14, 2008
John in Ottawa wrote:
<quoted text>
Ireland (and I assume you are referring to the Irish and not to Western Culture in general) has been amazingly fast to throw off its strict Catholic heritage and become a modern country in it views about gay. Given the short amount of time in which they have done this, of course one would expect things not to have been evened out.
But compared to those other two Catholic bastions, Portugal and Poland, they are light-years ahead. Guess having such a literate population to begin with probably helps.
What about Spain? I can't believe that it came from the "keeping the Vatican on the right (extreme right!) track" of the '60s to being one of the first countries to legalize SSM. Our time is coming, and, God, wouldn't you hate to have "Nurse" working in any hospital/medical care facility near you!? What a bigoted bitch! She was probably fired for her less than helpful opinions!
John

United States

#17 Dec 14, 2008
Eradicate Homosexuals wrote:
Quran 4:16 - If two men among you are guilty of lewdness, punish them both...
Quran 27:55 - Would ye really approach men in your lusts rather than Women? Nay, ye are a people (grossly) ignorant!
The Hadith are a group of passages and rights written by Muhammad and are used in teaching Islam.
"When a man mounts another man, the throne of God shakes. Kill the one who is doing it and also kill the one that it is being done to."
Homosexuality is a corruptive force to Muslim societies and that humans are not homosexuals by nature. Only by environment do these immoral ideas form. Islam states that the desire for same sex partners is a choice that can easily be controlled. These people deviate from the norm and should be treated like any other criminal who threatens tradition. The practice is also feared because it is associated with AIDS.
"Homosexuality is a moral disorder, a sin and corruption... No person is born homosexual,just like no one is born a thief, a liar or murderer. People acquire these evil habits due to a lack of proper guidance and education... Homosexuality deprives a man of his manhood and a woman of her womanhood and leads to the destruction of family life." (Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi, Islamic Society of North America)
--
"Homosexuality is violence against Holy Islam and HIV/AIDS is Allah's answer to it."
Guessing as people are not born into islam but forced into it or murdered

“Equality under the law for All”

Since: Jun 08

Fontana, CA

#18 Dec 14, 2008
No one is going to force you to think differently than you do already, but as a nurse don’t you think it’s important to do no harm first and not acknowledge the grief of the surviving partner in a same sex union is doing harm, whereas acknowledging that person’s grief is doing no harm and in fact is showing empathy and care is the more noble thing a nurse or doctor can do?

I have written about the one couple, Jim and John, who I knew from PFLAG,(Parents, Family, & friends of Lesbians And Gays) they had been together for around 70 years till John died, Jim grieved deeply as deeply as I am now after my husband died.

Do you really think that Jim shouldn’t receive the same recognition over his loss as I received over mine?

Maybe if you’d lost the person you love as I and Jim have then you would better understand why the changes this report suggests are all important for the well fare of all grieving people no matter their sexual orientation.

Virginia Rae
.
Nurse wrote:
“[Healthcare professional] educators need to think outside the heterosexual norm."
Erm, no we don't. This is still a free country and perverse gay activists are never going to control my THOUGHTS.
Dove

Seattle, WA

#19 Dec 15, 2008
Nurse wrote:
This is still a free country and perverse gay activists are never going to control my THOUGHTS.
Mwahahaha! I am already controlling her thoughts. Watch as I make her say absolutely ridiculous things. Now she is only my puppet and I will use her to say absurdly troll-like things to make it sound as if she is a babbling bigotted moron whose hatred causes her to mock the grief of others. Come on, you didn't believe someone could really be as evil as she seems to be, did you? It is all through my hypnotic manipulation.
Jack Corsaut

San Luis Obispo, CA

#20 Dec 15, 2008
Rose T-H wrote:
I was extremely lucky.
When my partner of 12 1/2 years passed away, she did so at home. The funeral home was very helpful in handling her death and made sure that I was listed on her death certificate as her life partner
Throughout our lives together, I was with her through every surgery, even staying in the hospital with her. The nurses loved me being around because they had one less patient to totally care for.
In 1996, she had spinal menegitis and I spent the entire week with her minus 4 hours.
Even after her death, I had a great SUTTER VNA home hospice berevement counselor who helped me make it through the grieving process, but I never went to any meetings because I knew that if someone had made a comment to me like was made in the article, I would of throttled someone.
I grieved my partner's death for close to 5 years
I am married now and my life is better, but the only way to prevent these things from happening is to allow Same-Sex Couples the right to marry and have it recognized in all 50 states
Blessed Be
My heart goes out to for your loss, but marriage based on a sexual preference is absurd. Civil unions I am all for, but holy matrimony is a veiled attack on the Christian faith, and you as a Wiccan know this to be true.
Jack Corsaut

San Luis Obispo, CA

#21 Dec 15, 2008
Whoops, double post - sorry.
Robin Hood

Alpharetta, GA

#22 Dec 15, 2008
Jack Corsaut wrote:
My heart goes out to for your loss, but marriage based on a sexual preference is absurd.
Did you base your marriage on sexual preference?

If so, you did it for the wrong reason.

Your marriage should be based on love and trust.

Since: May 08

Location hidden

#23 Dec 15, 2008
I suppose most of you know i lost my partner of 10 years to breast cancer this week.... and even though we drew up all the proper legal papers before her passing there has been nothing that has happen this week in relation to her final disposition that I have not had to have my lawyer go to court over to make happen... up to and including making the funeral director release my darling Debbie's ashes to me.
whos_mama

Midland, TX

#24 Dec 15, 2008
Nurse wrote:
<quoted text>How did she die, did you sit on her?
You're an ignorant biotch or a extremely lonely one!!

“I will not go quietly.”

Since: Feb 07

Indianapolis Indiana

#25 Dec 15, 2008
Jack Corsaut wrote:
<quoted text>
My heart goes out to for your loss, but marriage based on a sexual preference is absurd. Civil unions I am all for, but holy matrimony is a veiled attack on the Christian faith, and you as a Wiccan know this to be true.
No, it isn't an attack at all and your "faith" isn't any more valid than any other.

Since: Nov 08

Tolono, IL

#26 Dec 15, 2008
Nurse wrote:
<quoted text>How did she die, did you sit on her?
SHAME ON YOU! As a professional nurse (as I am), you should have been taught to put your thoughts as to others life styles aside. You are a shame to the nursing profession with your comments. I don't care one whit if you like or dislike homosexuals, but NEVER EVER apply your title when you are spewing hateful comments such as this. AND yes, thank you very much, I am queer, and proud of it, you little twit. Get another job, cause that's all you have, your not a professional.

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