Caregiving can take a toll

Caregiving can take a toll

There are 7 comments on the Marietta Times story from Dec 7, 2010, titled Caregiving can take a toll. In it, Marietta Times reports that:

The last three years brought some major changes to Edna Ely's life. Her mother, now 98, was diagnosed with dementia and eventually had to be placed in a nursing facility, then Ely learned her husband was in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Marietta Times.

Ming

United States

#1 Dec 10, 2010
I know the toll caretaking takes. I've taken care of my mother for eleven years (Parkinson's), and the last four I've cared for my dad, too, who passed away about a year and a half ago. There is not any reliable help in our small town. I am 60, and it got to be that I couldn't carry or lift my mother. I'd always promised never to put her in a facility, and then had to do it. The guilt is overwhelming. I go see her twice a day to feed her. Fortunately, she does not have Alzheimer's, but she does have mild dementia where there are good days a bad ones. I've been in theapy twice weekly just trying to keep from killing myself. I use to come home to my home--now I come to house that kills me with memories. I thank God I have my cats that keep me going, plus my psychologist. I have not had a break for even three hours in over eleven years. I've lived with my parents all my life and we had so much fun together. It's so hard. My brothers never offer to give me time off. I am not complaining, really. I am just so lonely, but grateful that I still have my mother, who is 94 and the most beautiful woman imaginable. She looks no more than 70, and a young 70. My heart is just breaking because I can't take care of her in our home. Suicide is on my mind constantly, but I have to be here for here. I wish I had more people to talk to, but I guess things are just what they are. God bless all of you who are caregivers. There is no way to explain the pain. We always let each other know how much we love one another and how we keep each other "going." Love goes a long way.
iknow

Pittsburgh, PA

#2 Feb 20, 2011
i know what you are talking about i cared for my mother for 10 years my brothers and sister was not there to help or to lend a hand my father worked so he helped a little there were no home health back then like there is today so it was all up to me a boy 16 to care for her giving shots and cooking and cleaning and doing things a nurse does i had to quit school in the 7th grade to be there it took a mental tole on me i could not be a teen ager or go out for any fun my parents told me the farm would be mine for what i did but that didnt happen dad sold it for next to nothing and gave the money to a girl friend to gamble away now im 46 with a bad back and dont have anything to show for what i did I DONT REGRET IT FOR ONE MINIT just wish they had home health like we have now back then things would have been better for me now
Ming

United States

#3 Feb 20, 2011
I know exactly how you feel when you say 'I don't regret it for one minute.' I only wish I had someone to talk to. Every day when I go to see her I never know what to expect. There are times that are becoming more frequent when it's impossible to wake her up. She is almost completely bedfast. They do get her up for meals and try to walk her, which is more like pulling her. I tried to bring her home about a month ago but failed miserably. I couldn't pick her up. She only weights 94 lbs., but it is dead weight. I could get home health, but it would only be for a few hours a day, which isn't enough. She needs 24 hour care. She has a good disposition, which I'm grateful for. I only wish that my brothers would just offer a couple of hours, but in all those years, they never have. I had to quit my job, too, but I got my college degree before all this happened, but it does me no good, now. It's made me so lonely it's hard to handle. Because of all this, I am on disability, which is so degrading and shameful to me. My mind is just shot. I hope you are doing okay, and I hope knowing you did the right think helps. I know it's hard when others are perfectly capable of helping and don't. It's just plain selfishness, in my opinion, and it's change my feelings about my brothers for the worse. Good luck. Take care of yourself and KNOW that YOU are apecial.
iknow

Zanesville, OH

#4 Feb 21, 2011
the bad thing is after my mother past away in 1990 my sister tells people she took care of mom and helped and cooked meals and took mom to the doctor and thinks every one should beleave her my aunts and uncles know better but it makes me so mad to hear this from others the whole time mother was bedfast my sister worked and only came to the house on holidays for 1-2 hours . i to am on disability and because i didnt have the work history i dont get much money the work i did was back breaking and left me disabled. i have a great woman iv been with along time she has worked in home health and nursing care for many years there are many programes that help people like you to have time to your self and even take a vacation without worry please take advantage of them i just wish i had that back in the 80s
i sleep good every night knowing i did what i could for mom i just get bitter knowing my brothers and sister are rich and well to do because they got to go on with they'er lives when i didnt
Im a Caregiver

Frankfort, OH

#5 Oct 15, 2011
I'm sorry to hear about the trouble your going through. I understand completely! I'm a private caregiver that is employed, taking care of a gentleman here in the marietta area. I MAKE his wife take time out for herself, ifs its nothing more than driving to the mall and walking around. Everyone needs a break and your siblings should be ashamed of themselves. The nursing homes in this area are dispickable! there are too many patients and not enough staff. I wouldnt take a dog/cat to one of them. You need to sit your siblings down, have a family meeting and let them know your feelings. Ending your life is not the anser... What would happen to your Mother then?
Hope things are going better for you since you last posted.
sincerely,
Just a caregiver who cares.
Quinten
#6 Sep 24, 2013
I have ordered 2 times from this website PILLSMEDSHOP. COM . I called yesterday the customer care and asked for a discount as i was about to order twice the regular amount.

Since: Sep 13

Kansas City, MO

#8 Jan 3, 2014
Caregiving will definitely take its toll on you especially if you don't take care of yourself. This is a demanding and stressful task that can lead to burnout so it's important that you take care of your health too. If not then your health will deteriorate and thus you'll become inefficient in providing care. The best thing you can do is seek help from support groups or research about tips on how to make caregiving less stressful. If you're a family caregiver and you have other obligations, then you should look for tips on how to manage caregiving and your other responsibilities. Doing these things will help you maintain good health and you can do your caregiving task much better.

Lizzy Bowen
www.ltcoptions.com

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