the Lord's true, GLORIOUS church --- you in ??

Posted in the Weird Forum

ready4Him

AOL

#1 Aug 5, 2013

“Forehead wrinkle”

Since: Dec 10

Homefries

#2 Aug 5, 2013
Nope.

“I know where you are,”

Level 8

Since: Jun 08

Right here under my thumb

#3 Aug 5, 2013
Depends...do they have Sunday pancake breakfast?

Level 4

Since: Dec 09

Buffalo

#4 Aug 5, 2013
I would rather meet Kirk Douglas then Kirk Cameron.

“Merry Christmas”

Level 8

Since: Dec 08

Cincinnati, OH

#5 Aug 5, 2013
Will i get paid?

“If you're happy & you know it”

Level 7

Since: Feb 13

clap your hands!

#6 Aug 5, 2013
Nawp. I reserve my Sundays for nascar, football & loafing.

“near Halloween.”

Level 8

Since: Dec 06

#7 Aug 5, 2013
Later on, do you have to sit a examination
to get into Heaven?

“Mess with me.”

Level 2

Since: Dec 09

I like it.

#8 Aug 5, 2013
Grace Nerissa wrote:
Later on, do you have to sit a examination
to get into Heaven?
Yes, Grace. That's why so many older people read their Bibles all the time. They're cramming for finals!

;)

“Truth + context + perspective”

Since: Nov 09

informs against BS

#9 Aug 5, 2013
in the words of 'Annie Savoy':

I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshiped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen.'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty.'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust it. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.

“Pillars of Creation....”

Level 4

Since: Jan 11

Into this world we're thrown

#10 Aug 5, 2013
Count me out, but thanks for the invite..........

I think I'll spend the afterlife cruising the horizons and pass on daily worship of a God with insecurities.........

Do you think Gwyneth Paltrow would mind if I'd check in on her once in awhile after I'm gone?

;-P

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