Karma-chan

Westminster, CA

#1 Aug 10, 2009
A trucker stops at a McDonald's and notices an old couple at the counter. He watches as they order a burger and fries and carefully split the two between them. Feeling sorry for them, he asks if they would mind if he bought the old woman her own meal. "Oh, no," says the old man. "That's all right. We share everything." He begins eating, but the old woman just stares at her food. Concerned, the trucker brings up the offer again. "No thank you," says the elderly man. "We share everything."

The trucker looks at the woman. "Why aren't you eating?"

She snaps:"Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"
Karma-chan

Westminster, CA

#2 Aug 10, 2009
A young blond college student gets on a plane and finds out she has a seat next to a lawyer. She craves her sleep, but the lawyer keeps on waking her up. Finally, he insisted on playing a trivia game. "If I ask you a question and you don't know the answer, you give me five dollars. If you ask a question and I don't know the answer, I give you fifty dollars."

It's his turn. "What's the distance between the earth and moon?" She hands him five dollars.

Now it's her turn. "What goes up a mountain on three legs and goes down on four?"

The lawyer is befuddled. He calls every scientist he knows, scours the Internet, and flips through his pocket encyclopedia. No dice.

Finally he wakes her up and hands her fifty dollars. "So what's the answer?" He asks.

She just hands him five dollars and goes back to sleep.

“It's quiet, can you hear it?”

Since: Oct 07

Whassup,USA

#3 Dec 30, 2009
The Meaning of Life Explained:
On the first day, God created the dog and said:'Sit all day by the
door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said:'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:'Entertain
people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a
twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said:'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty
long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed .

On the third day, God created the cow and said:'You must go into
the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun,
have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this,
I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said:'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:'Eat, sleep, play,
marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years..'

But man said:'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God,'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and
enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to
entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on
the front porch and bark at everyone.

“It's quiet, can you hear it?”

Since: Oct 07

Whassup,USA

#4 Jan 2, 2010
Blonde Cops
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

“It's quiet, can you hear it?”

Since: Oct 07

Whassup,USA

#5 Jan 2, 2010
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so just shut up."
pat

Old Bridge, NJ

#6 Jan 2, 2010
MOWMUD wrote:
Blonde Cops
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
Your jokes are great! I'm rolling on the floor LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

“It's quiet, can you hear it?”

Since: Oct 07

Whassup,USA

#7 Jan 2, 2010
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan." This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian Community cannot tolerate.

I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.

Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask for forgiveness from God and this Christian family.

No one moved, the preacher continued, "Do you have the nerved to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared.

Ya'll have a nice day!!!!!!

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North!!!

“It's quiet, can you hear it?”

Since: Oct 07

Whassup,USA

#9 Jan 6, 2010
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully ...”We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully
bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.

"The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs.
The bartender says,
"You are now.,,,,,,,,,That was a barbitchyouate."
Independent

United States

#13 Jan 15, 2014
What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48,
58, 68 and 78?

At 8 -
You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -
You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -
You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -
She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -
You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -
You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -
If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

At 78 -
If you can get her out of bed, that's another story!!!

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