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Level 1

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#1 Apr 28, 2013
My wife is going through menopause.
She despairs, and is mean to everyone but holds me in the utmost contempt.
We haven't made love in almost 3 years, she does not tell me she loves me anymore and regrets our 30 years of marriage. She is fairly nice to me maybe 25% of the time. She is like a different person.
My question, is this what I can expect for the rest of my life if I stay with her?
I don't want to throw away my 30 year marriage but I am losing hope, I have to be if I am posting this on Topix.
Advice, condolences, or snippets of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.

“Geaux Tigers!”

Level 9

Since: Jun 12

Down on the bayou

#2 Apr 28, 2013
Sounds like it's time for a trade in.
observer

Reading, PA

#3 Apr 28, 2013
there are medications to take for menapause, to relieve the symptoms. I am not there yet,so I can't speak from experience, just something I heard about on tv and radio commercials, I forget the name of it. I think its called amberin?

Level 8

Since: Feb 13

Location hidden

#4 Apr 28, 2013
Rick Howe wrote:
My wife is going through menopause.
She despairs, and is mean to everyone but holds me in the utmost contempt.
We haven't made love in almost 3 years, she does not tell me she loves me anymore and regrets our 30 years of marriage. She is fairly nice to me maybe 25% of the time. She is like a different person.
My question, is this what I can expect for the rest of my life if I stay with her?
I don't want to throw away my 30 year marriage but I am losing hope, I have to be if I am posting this on Topix.
Advice, condolences, or snippets of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.
Ask her what she wants. Follow through with her want. I think you know why she so angry. It can not be all hormones. Live life while living is good. Not too late for you both make a happy life.

Level 1

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#5 Apr 28, 2013
MissStress wrote:
<quoted text>Ask her what she wants. Follow through with her want. I think you know why she so angry. It can not be all hormones. Live life while living is good. Not too late for you both make a happy life.
She wants to be away from everyone, especially me.
Yet when any problems in here life arise she runs to me and will talk to me for hours.
It is truly baffling, I feel as though I am only her best friend.

As for what the previous post mentioned about the meds, the doctor prescribed meds but she refuses to take them because she says they make her "break out".
Even with the meds she has no romantic inclinations toward me. It only makes her nicer to be around.

Level 1

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#6 Apr 28, 2013
I will wait for her longer if need be, I love her dearly and cherish my 30 year marriage to her.
I only wonder if anyone one else can has been through this and can offer any words of hope.

Level 9

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#7 Apr 28, 2013
She can go through this up to 10 years...Menapause..

“Sweet As Can Be”

Level 8

Since: Feb 13

Location hidden

#8 Apr 28, 2013
Rick Howe wrote:
I will wait for her longer if need be, I love her dearly and cherish my 30 year marriage to her.
I only wonder if anyone one else can has been through this and can offer any words of hope.
If your marriage has been good and strong you will get past this also. If you think this is hard on you try being in her shoes. Believe me when I say it's no picnic
Red

Columbus, GA

#9 Apr 28, 2013
Probably not the best advise to try on her shoes, probably best to leave her stuff alone.

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

Location hidden

#10 Apr 29, 2013
You know what the problem is - it was your first line. It is a treatable problem that zillions of women go through. Doctors can help and so can patient husbands.
It is more terrible for her than it is for you.
Level 4

Since: Feb 13

Location hidden

#11 Apr 29, 2013
Coming from a family mostly dominated by women in number and also being the youngest of the group, I'll tell you it's hard. Read up and perhaps this will also help you understand what is happening. Sometimes this situation exasperates an existing issue that was not dealt with previously and NOW it's not in the back burner... happened a lot with the women in my house. Not saying it's happening but... just trying to help.

Good luck and don't give up on love IF you are still in-love with her...

“*Merry Christmas*”

Level 8

Since: Nov 12

Greensburg, IN

#12 Apr 29, 2013
Rick Howe wrote:
I only wonder if anyone one else can has been through this and can offer any words of hope.
Don't feel like the Lone Ranger, all couples go thru it!
*It's been 45 years of marriage for me.
I've been thru what your going thru and when you come out on the other side things are different. Remember your vows, now you know what they meant.LOL
Discussing it in a "clam" (logical) way helps,@ least temporarily-
the 'key' word 'there' is =temper=. Check with Merriam-Webster and you'll find many definitions that fit the situation.
You may find (on-the-other-side) things have changed and will always be different-like they say-Nothing remains the same
forever!
The friendship and bond between the two of you [from getting thru it] could be even greater but I won't guarantee the sex part. That'l have to be discussed also. "Good Luck!"

“M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S”

Level 9

Since: Mar 12

And Have A Happy New Year

#13 Apr 29, 2013
its rough for the woman as well.you are moody its like no matter what anybody says you feel like its all about you.your in an oven then a frig.you love people then you want to strangle them..it cant be helped either..some times the sex leaves,instead of getting angry,fussing or walking off try understanding her more,maybe a hug when she cries,go to bed and just hold her without sex..why does it always have to be about sex.we have no control of it either..do you really think we want to be this way with someone we love..think about ti..have a great day

“*Merry Christmas*”

Level 8

Since: Nov 12

Greensburg, IN

#14 Apr 29, 2013
We must learn to appreciate the "woman's" perspective.
"Talk about taking ((( Patience!!!)))"
It Will Pass

Medford, NY

#15 Apr 29, 2013
Get an iPod.
When you see her coming put the earbuds in your ears and listen to the music you love.

“*Merry Christmas*”

Level 8

Since: Nov 12

Greensburg, IN

#16 Apr 29, 2013
MI doesn't know why he can't find a woman!

“http://www.stude ntshelp.info”

Level 8

Since: Dec 12

http://www.studentshelp.info

#17 Apr 29, 2013
what question?
Level 7

Since: Dec 12

Location hidden

#18 Apr 29, 2013
Think about it! She's going through Menopuse! I'm sure she hates the way she's feeling and acting. Also she must have many things on her mind. I am not to that point in my life. But I bet the not being able to have children anymore is a big issue for her. What used to be I can't wait till I'm done with these damn cycles are now oh my GOD I can't have children anymore! It's almost like a death. That and thinking damn I'm getting old and unattractive..........

Since: Feb 09

Location hidden

#19 Apr 29, 2013
Rick Howe wrote:
My wife is going through menopause.
She despairs, and is mean to everyone but holds me in the utmost contempt.
We haven't made love in almost 3 years, she does not tell me she loves me anymore and regrets our 30 years of marriage. She is fairly nice to me maybe 25% of the time. She is like a different person.
My question, is this what I can expect for the rest of my life if I stay with her?
I don't want to throw away my 30 year marriage but I am losing hope, I have to be if I am posting this on Topix.
Advice, condolences, or snippets of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.
it could be worse, she could have a serious illness. so thank ur lucky stars its just menopause..

“M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S”

Level 9

Since: Mar 12

And Have A Happy New Year

#20 Apr 29, 2013
menopause has split alot of marriages up..so listen to us and work with us..we dont want to be this way but we have no control over it its what our bodies are going thru..men go thru it too only in a different way..

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