Do you or have you spanked your child...

“How's about a kiss?”

Level 1

Since: Jun 08

BFE

#142 Jun 26, 2008
Stacey wrote:
<quoted text>You are so damn whiney. Grow some balls.
agreed

Since: Oct 07

San Jose, CA

#143 Jun 26, 2008
M4Pathfinder wrote:
All I can say is (since I don't have kids), that my Mom didn't believe in hitting, or spanking me.
Just teaches kids to hit.
I don't think it teaches kids to hit. My son has been spanked on many occasions, and he is not a bully by any definition.

It is sometimes effective, sometimes not. Spanking by itself is not good or bad, it is the entire parenting strategy that is good or bad.

MArtial arts lessons teach kids to hit, but that's okay, right? Because it teaches them self control also. A good parent who uses spanking as a punishment must also know when and how to spank, so that it is not done out of anger or frustration.

Since: May 08

United States

#144 Jun 26, 2008
Just telling you what my Mom believed. That's all.

“A mother's job is never done.”

Since: May 08

Maryville, TN

#145 Jun 26, 2008
There is a healthy way to spank you children. My mom taught me these rules.

1. Spank last talk first. Give your child a chance to correct themselves by warning them first.
2. Never spank in anger. If you are upset with your child when you spank them, then things can get out of hand. Set them in time out and tell them they are going to get a spanking when you come back.(This gives you time to calm down and the anticipation of a spaking is more effective for the child then the actual spanking, believe me... it's like sitting in the waiting room for hell)
3. Bare hand. If it hurts your hand it is to hard.
4. Three is enough. There is really no need to spank more than three times in a row.
Stacey

Tempe, AZ

#146 Jun 26, 2008
I love CROCKY wrote:
<quoted text>
What in the....??
How many kids do you have?
mom who spanks

Lexington, SC

#147 Jun 26, 2008
The Iggy wrote:
I have a great daughter, she is an awesome well behaved child. I have spanked her, but not often. I am not a monster for spanking my child and it isn't my first choice of discipline.
MOST of her spankings were over safety violations, ie running in a parking lot or breaking away from me & running down the street. There have been a couple for attitude and yelling at me, but those came with many opportunities to correct the behavior. Once spanked I didn't see the behavior for a very long time.
The last time I joined a conversation like this I was a monster because I spanked my child, so I will stay in this debate so long as everyone is respectful and doesn't start that crap.
:)
My 3 boys are all wonderful, well-behaved, respectful, and curteous children. They got that way by me tearing their butts up WHEN they needed it! The last time one of them acted out in public, I pulled his pants down and spanked his butt. I told him that he chose to act a fool in public then he chooses to be disciplined in public. That was nearly seven months ago, and guess what...not another problem from any of them. Two years ago, my oldest son decided to talk back to his teacher. I went to the school immediately and spanked him in in the principal's office in front of his teacher and principle. Once he got home, he wrote a letter of apology to his teacher, principle, and every single one of his classmates that were there that day for interupting class and interfering with their education. That was the first and only time ANY of my children acted out in school. My three year old also gets spankings. In my opinion, when a child knows to run from the scene of the crime, then the child is aware that they did something wrong. I am not a bad parent because I spank my children. Spanking is NOT abuse. I know what abuse is, I carried bruises many times from the belts and beatings my father gave me until I was removed from the home. There is a huge difference between abuse and discipline, and a spanking is NOT abuse.

Since: Oct 07

Alameda, CA

#148 Jun 26, 2008
Wow, go mom!!! Sounds like it's working for you!
mom who spanks wrote:
<quoted text>
My 3 boys are all wonderful, well-behaved, respectful, and curteous children. They got that way by me tearing their butts up WHEN they needed it! The last time one of them acted out in public, I pulled his pants down and spanked his butt. I told him that he chose to act a fool in public then he chooses to be disciplined in public. That was nearly seven months ago, and guess what...not another problem from any of them. Two years ago, my oldest son decided to talk back to his teacher. I went to the school immediately and spanked him in in the principal's office in front of his teacher and principle. Once he got home, he wrote a letter of apology to his teacher, principle, and every single one of his classmates that were there that day for interupting class and interfering with their education. That was the first and only time ANY of my children acted out in school. My three year old also gets spankings. In my opinion, when a child knows to run from the scene of the crime, then the child is aware that they did something wrong. I am not a bad parent because I spank my children. Spanking is NOT abuse. I know what abuse is, I carried bruises many times from the belts and beatings my father gave me until I was removed from the home. There is a huge difference between abuse and discipline, and a spanking is NOT abuse.
mom who spanks

Lexington, SC

#149 Jun 27, 2008
Oakland is a hole wrote:
Wow, go mom!!! Sounds like it's working for you!
<quoted text>
Thanks! I learned a while back that for my kids, time out and taking stuff was a joke! Time out gave them more time to come with sneakier ways to do what they were doing or more ways to agravate one another. They have such wonderful imaginations, that they could be happy with just a matress in their room (I did this with my middle child - didn't work). I don't spank in anger or frustration. When I spank them, I make them tell me why they are being disciplined and afterwards we discuss ways to make sure the bahavior does not happen again. One thing I will say though in regards to spanking and discipline is that every cihld is different and every parent is different. As a family unit, the parent must decide what is best for them and their family, whether it be spanking, time-out, taking things, etc. It is not my place to judge how another parent raises their children. Because of the physical, emotional, and mental abuse that I endured for the majority of my childhood, spanking was an absolute last option for me. I tried EVERYTHING else. I talked to doctors and went through family counseling and I was told the same thing over and over again that what I was doing was NOT working. I finally had enough of my children disrespecting me and one another and took my hand to their butts. Their attitudes changed immediately and when baby number 3 came along, I went straight to spanking with him. For my children, that's what works. I feel that allowing my children to continue to act the way they were, that that would have been worse than a spanking every now and then.

Since: Oct 07

San Jose, CA

#150 Jun 27, 2008
Wow, mom, your story sounds a LOT like mine, but I only have one kid. It's good that you took control, those moms out there with kids that don't get defiant have NO idea, am I right?
mom who spanks wrote:
<quoted text>
Thanks! I learned a while back that for my kids, time out and taking stuff was a joke! Time out gave them more time to come with sneakier ways to do what they were doing or more ways to agravate one another. They have such wonderful imaginations, that they could be happy with just a matress in their room (I did this with my middle child - didn't work). I don't spank in anger or frustration. When I spank them, I make them tell me why they are being disciplined and afterwards we discuss ways to make sure the bahavior does not happen again. One thing I will say though in regards to spanking and discipline is that every cihld is different and every parent is different. As a family unit, the parent must decide what is best for them and their family, whether it be spanking, time-out, taking things, etc. It is not my place to judge how another parent raises their children. Because of the physical, emotional, and mental abuse that I endured for the majority of my childhood, spanking was an absolute last option for me. I tried EVERYTHING else. I talked to doctors and went through family counseling and I was told the same thing over and over again that what I was doing was NOT working. I finally had enough of my children disrespecting me and one another and took my hand to their butts. Their attitudes changed immediately and when baby number 3 came along, I went straight to spanking with him. For my children, that's what works. I feel that allowing my children to continue to act the way they were, that that would have been worse than a spanking every now and then.
Christopher

Clinton Township, MI

#151 Jun 27, 2008
No. I have never spanked my own children, nor any other children. Why? Because there are other methods, better ones, to discipline children and.... let's face facts here: most times, when children do something 'bad', they don't know it is bad (having never had the thing in question come up before) or the 'adult' in question doesn't like what they are doing, it is not hurting that adult in question in ANY direct way, and they just want to force the child to do what THEY want them to do, which is not right.

I was blunt with my children: as long as they were not destroying property that wasn't theirs or hurting other people physically DIRECTLY/forcing them to do something they didn't want to do...... they could do anything they damn well wanted to, and if someone wanted to get on their case because of that..... just ignore that person like I did when I was a child. I still tell other children that same thing today, and... wonder of wonders..... those children are the ones who are BETTER behaved than the ones who have what they do dictated to them by their parents.

Since: Jun 08

Beaverton, OR

#152 Jun 27, 2008
mom who spanks wrote:
<quoted text>
My 3 boys are all wonderful, well-behaved, respectful, and curteous children. They got that way by me tearing their butts up WHEN they needed it! The last time one of them acted out in public, I pulled his pants down and spanked his butt. I told him that he chose to act a fool in public then he chooses to be disciplined in public. That was nearly seven months ago, and guess what...not another problem from any of them. Two years ago, my oldest son decided to talk back to his teacher. I went to the school immediately and spanked him in in the principal's office in front of his teacher and principle. Once he got home, he wrote a letter of apology to his teacher, principle, and every single one of his classmates that were there that day for interupting class and interfering with their education. That was the first and only time ANY of my children acted out in school. My three year old also gets spankings. In my opinion, when a child knows to run from the scene of the crime, then the child is aware that they did something wrong. I am not a bad parent because I spank my children. Spanking is NOT abuse. I know what abuse is, I carried bruises many times from the belts and beatings my father gave me until I was removed from the home. There is a huge difference between abuse and discipline, and a spanking is NOT abuse.
Excellent post!
Miley Cyrus

Orlando, FL

#153 Jun 27, 2008
A good punishment is to lock the kid in the closet for two or three days. Another good one is to dunk their head underwater until they pass out.
Emma

Cambria Heights, NY

#154 Jul 3, 2008
my name is emma and i'm 16. i still get spanked regularly, always bare bottem, by my father, my mother and father are divorced and its jst me and him.he spanks me with a switch, a belt, by hand, and by paddle. he makes sure it hurts too. i dnt feel confortable having my under wear forced down by my father and it dosent feel right at all. he has many techneqes and i hate them all i get spanked for everything i do. my ass literally gets beat. depending on what i did sometimes he makes me stay the rest of the day with no pants or panties. is this nomal? please help

Since: Oct 07

Alameda, CA

#155 Jul 6, 2008
Emma wrote:
my name is emma and i'm 16. i still get spanked regularly, always bare bottem, by my father, my mother and father are divorced and its jst me and him.he spanks me with a switch, a belt, by hand, and by paddle. he makes sure it hurts too. i dnt feel confortable having my under wear forced down by my father and it dosent feel right at all. he has many techneqes and i hate them all i get spanked for everything i do. my ass literally gets beat. depending on what i did sometimes he makes me stay the rest of the day with no pants or panties. is this nomal? please help
Emma, If you're serious, especially about having to go without clothes on, I think you need to talk to someone at school. Go to a school counselor or a teacher you trust. They can help you to get the help you need because your dad is out of line. Maybe you can go live with your mom and stepdad instead. Does your mom know abou this?
psychandtheology

Minneapolis, MN

#156 Jul 10, 2008
RebeccaG wrote:
<quoted text>
That Dave Pelzer is one AWESOME MAN!!! Talk about overcoming hard situations, and beating the odds. He sure has figured out how to live and learn from things in life. Half the world needs to read his books to get an idea how to move on!!! Great suggestion for "Poor Me David"!
I agree, Dave Pelzer is an inspiration. I have met him personally. But I have to be honest... he's a compassionate man. He would NEVER, and I mean NEVER, speak to another human being the way that that Stranger Than Fiction, and to a lesser extent, others on this message board, are speaking to David. David is in a great deal of pain right now, and he accurately realizes that his upbringing is going to have something to do with it.

It's important to be aware of the fact that everybody responds differently to abuse, and that the abuse never takes place in a vacuum - there are several other factors involved. For instance, perhaps one child who is severely abused can take some sanctuary among a friend's loving family, and another child who is mildly abused has nowhere to turn for comfort and reassurance. Thus, a discussion of who was abused the most is not particularly relevant.

Most importantly, if you want to encourage a person to take control of their life and work past their abuse, the only way to do it is compassionately. This whole "swift kick in the pants" idea is completely absurd. The most that you will succeed in doing is rubbing salt into an open wound.

David, It's okay to feel very hurt and very sad. I do hope and pray that one day, your current depression, and hurtful experiences, will become a resource to you and not a liability. Incidentally, Pelzer's books are worth considering (despite the source who recommended them), if you feel that they are appropriate for where you are at this point in your life. Take care!
Cotton Tail Rabbit

Lewisburg, TN

#157 Jul 10, 2008
I only had to spank my children a few times to let them know that I was serious about it. I used a belt but only had to give them about 2 good swats. By age 5, they never needed spanking again. They were really good kids and I didn't have to wait up on them to come home. They are 20 and 21.
Mackenzie

Australia

#158 Aug 31, 2008
My mom spanked me when I was younger (I'm 15 now) and I felt like she abused me.
I don't think there's anything wrong with spanking for punishment, but I think she spanked me out of anger instead... like she would spank me when she was still really pissed.
At the end of spankings, she didn't tell me that she forgave me and that I was punished, so it's ok now. She didn't tell me that she loved me and hugged me and try to hush my crying. She would leave me in my room and we would never talk about it again.
It would have been ok if she HAD hugged me and said she loved me, but she didn't.
It made me scared of her.

I'm going to spank my childeren, but I'm going to comfort them after they've been puished.
Bubba

Red Oak, TX

#159 Aug 31, 2008
I am going to spank my kids right now...lol
grampy

United States

#160 Aug 31, 2008
a drill instructor in the military can take 50 unruly teenagers, some of them can barely dress themselves, and within 2 months can turn them into standing tall Marines who will go on and put their own lives at risk defending and protecting our country. The drill instructor does this without ever hitting any of them even once (by military regulation, they're not allowed to).

And yet some parents feel it's necessary to smack their 5 year old around as proper discipline. These are parents who have no damn business raising children.
I stand firm by what I say.
peter

AOL

#161 Sep 21, 2008
Parents have to know: dont spank only discipline and disciplining sometimes requires a good few whacks on the Tush and sometimes on the Bare Tush but only save it for the last resort. im a mother of 5 and rarely spanked, maybe 5 to 10 x a yr. but when it was deserved it was done the old fashioned way. my 18 yr. old son recently got it with his pants down after he was warned 3 times. believe me he wont do it again

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