Excuses to avoid work

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“Go Big Blue!”

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#1
Sep 3, 2011
 

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I'm stuck in the blood pressure machine at Walmart!

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#2
Sep 3, 2011
 
I'm having eye troubles!

I cant see myself going in to work today!

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#3
Sep 3, 2011
 
Sorry I missed work today!

Ill miss tomorrow also to make up for it!

“Go Big Blue!”

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cincinnati ohio

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#4
Sep 3, 2011
 
I can't come in today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work, ok?

“Too, too sweet for words.”

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#5
Sep 3, 2011
 
My twin sister died in a car accident...used that one before.
beatlesinthebog

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#6
Sep 3, 2011
 
Won't be in because of illness.....I'm sick of it!

“Go Big Blue!”

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#7
Sep 3, 2011
 
I won't be coming in today, constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

“T.H.I.N.K. Before you Speak”

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With My Wife and Family

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#8
Sep 3, 2011
 
I won't be into work today because I'm dead......lol!!!

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#9
Sep 3, 2011
 

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ron1 wrote:
I can't come in today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work, ok?
This one REALLY made me laugh...LOL

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#10
Sep 3, 2011
 
I can't come to work...my dog ate the cookies...I work in a bakery...

“Monument Valley”

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#11
Sep 3, 2011
 
I got locked in the apartment and had no keys to get out until my boyfriend came back from work.

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#12
Sep 3, 2011
 

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Hi Boss, Howz the wife and kids?
Hey, about work today, umm, I have a scheduling conflict. Some of my mafia friends are stopping by, I have that around 9ish but we usually end up cleaning our shotguns and getting really drunk so,,,,,,,
We're cool today right?

“Purple girl in a purple world”

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#13
Sep 3, 2011
 

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"My bed broke, I'm pinned against wall, and I cannot get out of bed."

"I am too queer to work." - used by some as a gay protest.

"I'm not coming to work, I'm an illegal immigrant." - similar to the above.

"I killed someone an am at the police department." - based on an excuse one man used for not testifying in a trial. He claimed he killed 6-7 people and would hurt the case.

“Yum Chocolate!”

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#14
Sep 3, 2011
 

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I can't come in today I am out of coffee!

“Monument Valley”

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#15
Sep 3, 2011
 

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When I was a beverage manager at a Casino one of my workers called and said:

I can't come in today because I feel a little wobbley, last night was my b-day.

My response:

Yeah, I guess you don't remember that I was there and I'm the one that took you home after you told me 5 times to eff off. By the way, don't bother coming back to work until you clean the barf out of my car.

I heard, OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD, I'm so sorry for the next month!

“Purple girl in a purple world”

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#16
Sep 3, 2011
 
Chatty Kathy wrote:
I can't come in today I am out of coffee!
I know a guy who claimed he was too sober to work, that he had the shakes and couldn't work safely until he could get a couple of drinks. That is an alcoholic for you.

“"Eatin' Ain't Cheatin!"”

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#17
Sep 4, 2011
 

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I don't need an excuse. There are no jobs here in Tennessee.
I'm over 50.
I'm over educated.(you can't tell it from my posts.)
I have been paid too much in the past.
It's been two years without work and I cannot find a job flippin' burgers! You need great Spanish communication skills now. This is not racist but fact.

“Go Big Blue!”

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#18
Sep 4, 2011
 

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I just found out that I was switched at birth.Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records contain false information.

“Monument Valley”

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#19
Sep 4, 2011
 

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Mexican Hillbilly wrote:
I don't need an excuse. There are no jobs here in Tennessee.
I'm over 50.
I'm over educated.(you can't tell it from my posts.)
I have been paid too much in the past.
It's been two years without work and I cannot find a job flippin' burgers! You need great Spanish communication skills now. This is not racist but fact.
Wow MH, I'm really sorry to hear this. I know a lot of people out of work and some that have even lost their homes.

“Purple girl in a purple world”

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#20
Sep 4, 2011
 
Oh, in the excuse not to testify in a court trial, it was in the Hans Reiser case. Sean Sturgeon really didn't want to testify, so he said he killed 8-9 people.

The following search string should work:
+"Hans Reiser" +serial +"Sean Sturgeon"

That was sort of a scary guy too. I mean, he was into all sorts of kink and all. That seemed to be Mr. Reiser's motive for killing Nina Reiser, since Sean was allegedly doing all that with her and he couldn't stand it.

Back on topic, I could see someone trying that with their boss.

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