Dear GOD,<quoted text>
Received your complaint about the neighbors on 02/14/1000BC. I will take care of this matter post haste.
In the meantime, you need to relocate. Take your wife and convince her to follow you. Tell her I have plans to make her a pillar of the community.
Love ya bro,
Thanks for the lifetime supply of salt to season the bountiful plenty of manna you've provided.
However, I'm a bit dismayed at your punishment that seems so cruel. She only glanced back once at the only home she ever knew and that you destroyed in such a spectacular fashion.
Not all of us have the patience of Job.
It's been long enough mourning the first love. I guess it's time to put a profile up on eHarmony and start living again.
X's -n- O's
PS. I thought the Devil is supposed to be the jerk. You have a very odd way of showing your love.
PPS. I look forward to the Heaven New Arrival Orientation program where everything is explained. I'm really curious what Harry Houdini's secret word is to prove his spirit was was communicating from the beyond. My guess is "Purple Monkey Dishwasher."