(: _***Laugh of The Day***_ :)

(: _***Laugh of The Day***_ :)

Posted in the Weird Forum


United States

#1 Feb 26, 2013
I'm sure most of us have read the so-called comparison of Lincoln and

Kennedy, but did you ever consider the relationship between Obama

and Lincoln ?

You might be surprised.

Parallels of Abraham Lincoln and Barack Hussein Obama:

1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used

the same Bible.

2. Lincoln came from Illinois . Obama comes from Illinois .

3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the Illinois


4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama

had very little experience before becoming President.

5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his

inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington

for his inauguration.

6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

8. Lincoln was in the United States military. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

9. Lincoln believed in everyone carrying their own weight. Obama is a

skinny lawyer.

10. Lincoln did not waste taxpayers' money on personal enjoyments.

Obama is a skinny lawyer

11. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

12. Lincoln was born in the United States Obama is a skinny lawyer.

13. Lincoln was honest, so honest he was called Honest Abe. Obama

is a skinny lawyer.

14. Lincoln saved the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer.

"Thanking Obama for killing Bin Laden is like going into McDonalds

and thanking Ronald McDonald for the hamburger. It's the guy who is

cooking the burger that should get the credit, NOT the clown."

“"*" Always Thinking "*"”

Level 8

Since: Nov 12

Greensburg, IN

#2 Feb 26, 2013
Three men went to hell.

The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3"

He then opened the doors to the three rooms.

Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.

Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.

Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee.

The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.

They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."

“New & Improved..”

Level 8

Since: Oct 07

Formerly From Kenya

#3 Feb 26, 2013
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major
found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts
There was no shortage of extremely
young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant
Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you
seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by

The young lady looked at his awards
and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of

The young lady, tiring of trying to
start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and
enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at
her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You
know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you
had sex?"


"Well, there you are. No wonder
you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax"
him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she
leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much
since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said, after
glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2230

“"*" Always Thinking "*"”

Level 8

Since: Nov 12

Greensburg, IN

#4 Mar 1, 2013
Don't want to =have-to-find= it again...
Go see if 'i' can find a gud'n & be right back.

“"*" Always Thinking "*"”

Level 8

Since: Nov 12

Greensburg, IN

#5 Mar 1, 2013
A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets.

"Who's the other ticket for?" the ticket girl asked.

"For my pet chicken." He said, pointing to the bird.

"I'm sorry," the girl tells him, "but we don't allow animals in the theater."

The man walked around the corner of the building, and stuffed the chicken into his pants. He returned to the ticket window and bought a ticket, entered the theater, and sat down.

The chicken started to get too hot, so the man, figuring it was okay because it was dark to unzipped his pants and let the chicken stick its head out.

The woman seated next to him looked down in horror. She nudged her friend Amanda and whispered, "Amanda! This man next to me just unzipped his pants!"

Amanda replied, "Oh, don't worry about it. Just ignore him. If you've seen one, you've seen them all."

The woman whispered back, "I know, I know, but this one's eating my popcorn!"
Level 7

Since: Apr 08

Location hidden

#6 Mar 1, 2013
not a joke, but watching the obnoxious neighbor this morning, run out to his car, slide on the ice...screaming WHOOAAAAAAAA!!!!!! until he landed near the trash dumbster all in a big ol heap....
still chuckling..
Take that! you loud obnoxious wannabe...

ps.. note to self.. tell management to salt the sidewalks better....

“"*" Always Thinking "*"”

Level 8

Since: Nov 12

Greensburg, IN

#7 Mar 5, 2013
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning
to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I
converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!

* The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did.
She's 21, and her name's Kathy.

* Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting
"pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm
50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

* My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give
him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year!
You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

* The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with
me because she can't afford batteries.

“"*" Always Thinking "*"”

Level 8

Since: Nov 12

Greensburg, IN

#8 Mar 6, 2013
Spanish Oysters
> A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Spain ...
> While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
> He asked the waiter,'What is that you just served?'
> The waiter replied,'Si senor, you have excellent taste!
> Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'
> The cowboy said,'What the heck, bring me an order.'
> The waiter replied,'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'
> The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said,'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'
> The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied,'Si, Senor.
> Sometimes the bull wins.'

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