“a man chooses, a slave obeys.”

Level 2

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#62 May 9, 2013
Ohio Cowgirl wrote:
I'm still reading..:)
Chapter ten

"Aftermath"

It took only a few days for ruby to get out of hospital, she was still a bit shaken i felt that would be a good thing in the long run, she might get rid of that habit. As we arrived at jakes place he was sitting on the couch, Jessie ran in with a look of relief as we both stumbled in, ruby just collapsed on the bed as I ran straight to the shower.
As the warm water fell on me I felt like all the worries I had was washing away to. As I closed my eyes I started having flashbacks. A soft kiss, a gunshot, the warmth of her body against mine and then ruby on the floor, foam coming out of her mouth, shaking uncontrollably. It felt like a bad dream I was hoping it was as I felt the warm water around me. I turned of the water and stepped out of the shower, I heard a soft cough. I turned and saw ruby standing there wearing nothing, her breast heaving up and down, her red hair down, her green eyes staring at me. She walked up and kissed me held me tight we didn't even need to say it she pulled me back in the shower and started the water as we were kissing with so much passion her body against mine. She was holding me so tight, her nails digging deep into me, moaning and laughing. she was waiting for this all of her pent up passion, me feeling her body, her beautiful scars bumping in-between my fingers. She leans back and starts to moan louder, loving every bit of our passion we were holding back. This was an occasion worth celebrating, we were both alive, we felt alive for the first time in a long time...

“A *wink* and a smile!!”

Level 8

Since: Apr 10

USA

#63 May 9, 2013
Nice but you need more detail in the shower. Kissing and holding and passion are all great but it needs more details..

“a man chooses, a slave obeys.”

Level 2

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#64 May 9, 2013
Ohio Cowgirl wrote:
Nice but you need more detail in the shower. Kissing and holding and passion are all great but it needs more details..
I thought it was to much detail, I tried making it more but I didn't want to make it into a porn scene if you get me,

“A *wink* and a smile!!”

Level 8

Since: Apr 10

USA

#65 May 9, 2013
Dante infernox wrote:
<quoted text>
I thought it was to much detail, I tried making it more but I didn't want to make it into a porn scene if you get me,
I do but you can make it sultry and sexy without going all porn.
Words put thoughts in our heads and then our imaginations takes over.

Example: I ran my tongue up the inside of her thigh...My body tense anticipating the taste of her sweetness...

See, it says what you're doing without being to (porn)

“a man chooses, a slave obeys.”

Level 2

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#66 May 9, 2013
Ohio Cowgirl wrote:
<quoted text>I do but you can make it sultry and sexy without going all porn.
Words put thoughts in our heads and then our imaginations takes over.

Example: I ran my tongue up the inside of her thigh...My body tense anticipating the taste of her sweetness...

See, it says what you're doing without being to (porn)
Wow... I guess I never thought of it like that, thanks! I'm gonna put up the next chapter and edit the last, thank you.

“The who whating how...”

Level 6

Since: Dec 12

"...with huh?"

#68 May 9, 2013
Dante infernox wrote:
<quoted text>
haha you do relise i added this as a joke to shut up sublime, the whole idea of it all was to make a chapter out of nowhere useing all the details he wanted in a message, given the fact that the whole chapter itself has no plot and the characters might have been just a copy and paste from the hobbit, i will not continue this retarded story. the whole ruby story seems crap to my eyes all im trying to do is get opinons of much more experianced writers so i can progress the story and make it more better and hopefully readable :)
Silly boy. Sublime will smite you. Watch yo mouth kid. Luv u <3

“A *wink* and a smile!!”

Level 8

Since: Apr 10

USA

#69 May 9, 2013
Dante infernox wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow... I guess I never thought of it like that, thanks! I'm gonna put up the next chapter and edit the last, thank you.
You're welcome..:)

Sexy details, what were you both doing with your hands, fingers, tongue, body and how did you take her.? From the front, from behind?? Did u stand? Etc. etc. etc..

“a man chooses, a slave obeys.”

Level 2

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#70 May 9, 2013
Ohio Cowgirl wrote:
<quoted text>You're welcome..:)

Sexy details, what were you both doing with your hands, fingers, tongue, body and how did you take her.? From the front, from behind?? Did u stand? Etc. etc. etc..
You really want a lot of detail... I'm flattered that you are interested in my sexual exploits haha XD

“a man chooses, a slave obeys.”

Level 2

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#71 May 9, 2013
Chapter twelve

"Celebration"

This was the day, I was happy inside and out. It was now one year the night I met ruby, as I rushed home from work I was texting Jessie 'dude gotta celebrate tonight man wanna go for drinks?' Jessie was single and loving it, you might think it's bad bringing a mate along for something like this but Jessie didn't care he was fine by the end of the night, he never was a third wheel. When I arrived home ruby wasn't anywhere to be seen, I walked into our bedroom and saw her sitting there.
"It's fancy dress night down at the club!"
She dyed her hair chocolate brown, had beautiful brown contact lenses and was wearing brown short shorts, and a cyan tight top, with boots and two guns on her hip. She was my Lara croft!
I let out a soft laugh
"Oh there you are my sexy man" she said in a ridiculous British accent
I let out a loud laugh "I think you better brush up on the accent" as I let out a little chuckle. She started giggling, I loved that giggle it made me feel like I'm worth something to someone.
"Maybe you should teach me" she said in her normal voice.
I didn't know what I was gonna dress as, Jessie was going as Tate from American horror story and ruby was as Lara croft so I didn't know what to wear.
"How about a zombie?" I said
"Naa to much blood" ruby replied
"Ok... How about a nazi officer?" I still had no idea how that got costume.
"What? You wanna get stabbed?"
Ruby said
"Master chief? Halo?" I said as I got the suit out
"I wanna hold you half the night, that armour is to bulky" ruby said as you can tell this isn't the first time we were dressing up
"Christ this is harder than I thought."
I said as ruby started walking over
"How about this?" She asked as she pulled out an old leather jacket
"What the hell?" As I took it off her "I thought I lost this." It was my old Alex mercer jacket. It had white stripes, a red collar and a red dragon imprint on the back. As I looked at the jacket with a look of nostalgia on my face I couldn't help but remember what this jacket went through with me.
"Naa" I said as I put it back in the wardrobe "it's to small and I don't want to reck it anymore"
Just as I said that Jessie came in
"Dude? Why not just wear the guilly suit?" He said as he pulled it out of the old chest in the wardrobe.
"Hhhoolly shit!" I said as I was laughing uncontrollably "this thing? Man I haven't seen this in a long time" ok then it's settled
About 8 we left to the club, out the front there was a few multi colour people at the door. You know? It always seemed like speed dating at a club a group of guys talk to a group of girls asking each other things while dancing if it doesn't work out they move to another group and if I does they dance with them. It was always a funny thing that I never understood. As I was dancing with ruby and Jessie was dancing with some random girl I knew we were going to be ok.

“A *wink* and a smile!!”

Level 8

Since: Apr 10

USA

#72 May 9, 2013
Dante infernox wrote:
<quoted text>
You really want a lot of detail... I'm flattered that you are interested in my sexual exploits haha XD
It's your story sweetie and you ask how to make it better. I'm just trying to help.

If hum drum sex is your thing thats fine with me but when writing you need to elaborate more not just in a sex situation but in all situations you write about.

The devil is in the details, ever heard that before?

Word are thoughts that evoke imagination.

Since: Feb 13

Step Into My Realm

#73 May 9, 2013
Dante infernox wrote:
<quoted text>
haha you do relise i added this as a joke to shut up sublime, the whole idea of it all was to make a chapter out of nowhere useing all the details he wanted in a message, given the fact that the whole chapter itself has no plot and the characters might have been just a copy and paste from the hobbit, i will not continue this retarded story. the whole ruby story seems crap to my eyes all im trying to do is get opinons of much more experianced writers so i can progress the story and make it more better and hopefully readable :)
I knew it...:)

“a man chooses, a slave obeys.”

Level 2

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#74 May 9, 2013
Ohio Cowgirl wrote:
<quoted text>It's your story sweetie and you ask how to make it better. I'm just trying to help.

If hum drum sex is your thing thats fine with me but when writing you need to elaborate more not just in a sex situation but in all situations you write about.

The devil is in the details, ever heard that before?

Word are thoughts that evoke imagination.
Thank you very much! You really are helping I appreciate it :)

“a man chooses, a slave obeys.”

Level 2

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#75 May 9, 2013
Fairy Verte wrote:
<quoted text>I knew it...:)
Ok just checking ;)

“The who whating how...”

Level 6

Since: Dec 12

"...with huh?"

#76 May 9, 2013
I'm not coming in here anymore... LOL

“A *wink* and a smile!!”

Level 8

Since: Apr 10

USA

#77 May 9, 2013
Dante infernox wrote:
<quoted text>
Thank you very much! You really are helping I appreciate it :)
You're welcome..:)

“a man chooses, a slave obeys.”

Level 2

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#78 May 9, 2013
Ohio Cowgirl wrote:
<quoted text>You're welcome..:)
Would you like me to post up one more chapter?

“a man chooses, a slave obeys.”

Level 2

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#79 May 9, 2013
Chapter twelve

"Light"

It's now has been 3 years since I met ruby rocking back and forth on the side of the road, you won't even recognise her now. Her hair was bright red and healthy, her skin clean only the scars on her body was the one thing showing, and her smile... Man she could light up anyone's day, everything was perfect like the end of a fairy tale.
I arrived home late one night and ruby was already cooking.
"Hey darl'" I said as I came home
"What's going on?"
She just smiled at me and served up one plate
"What none for me?" I asked looking at the empty frying pan
"Bitch please you cook yourself food" she replied munching
I just smiled I walked past Jessie's room, it was empty. It's been a while since I saw him. He moved out a year ago and I kept looking in the room hoping to see him on his laptop or with a girl, it was weird looking at the empty room.
I picked up my coat
"I'm going to get something to eat" I said as I walked out with my keys
"Ok babe ill see you soon"
As I arrived I stopped by the bottle shop, I wanted to get something for ruby I thought she forgot it was our third year now as I was looking for a nice vodka she would like I heard something.
"Give me the fucking money! In the bag! NOW!!"
It was a robber, holy shit man I was freaking out I dropped a bottle and it smashed.
HEY YOU!! COME OUT HERE!"
Oh fuck I'm going to die. As I stepped out a started walking towards him
"Dude" I said calmly walking towards him as he's gun was pointed toward me "just take the money man, I don't want any trouble"
"Stay where you are!" He warned as he clocked back his gun
I kept going toward him, looking in his eyes I was scared yeah but I knew everything was going to be fine. He shook his head and pulled the trigger.
All I heard was a loud bang then I started to feel heat in my stomach as I looked down I saw blood.
"You shot me... You... Asshole.."
I fell and everything was fading I was going quick, I couldn't feel anything all I could see was this light and all that was on my mind was soft lips, red hair, those green eyes...

Level 8

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#80 May 9, 2013
Ashelah wrote:
<quoted text>
Silly boy. Sublime will smite you. Watch yo mouth kid. Luv u <3
I'll forgive him just this once, since you are fond of him. Just for you.

:p

“a man chooses, a slave obeys.”

Level 2

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#82 May 9, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>I'll forgive him just this once, since you are fond of him. Just for you.

:p
She's my mother dude :P also just for the record I don't want to start a fight. I just get defensive but you did ask for dragons so there :)

“The who whating how...”

Level 6

Since: Dec 12

"...with huh?"

#83 May 9, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I'll forgive him just this once, since you are fond of him. Just for you.
:p
LOL... Thank you Sublime1, much appreciated, the kid is arrogant though so if he doesn't heed my advice...*shrugs*

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