Alien 911
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“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#22 Dec 10, 2013
Alien 911, How may I help you?

What?

Alien 911.

I was trying to dial the NCC-1701A Galaxy...

Sir, what is the prefix dialing code for them?

Umm... 116.

Sounds like have your phone upside down.

Oh yeah, you're right. Jeez, I feel stupid.

No problem sir. Happens all the time. Especially at your time/space coordinates - New Orleans during Mardi Gras.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#23 Dec 10, 2013
911: Alien 911, how can I help?

Caller: My two daughters are stuck together.

911: What were they doing before they got stuck?

Caller: They just took a slime bath. We were trying a new brand...

911: What was the brand?

Caller: Heads & Tentacles

911: There was a recall issued. The parent company makes a lot of products, including glue, and they occasionally mix them up.

Caller: So what do I do?

911: Luckily, this is not a medical emergency. Just bathe them in warm water and soap to get all the glue out. Yes, that will be irritating, so you might want to have real slime on hand, and some tentacle oil. But if they break out, you should get them to a doctor.

Caller: Thank you so much!

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#24 Dec 11, 2013
Alien 911: Your OnStar is reporting your anti-gravity bags have deployed.

Yes! We crashed on Earth!

Sir, I see your location as Milky Way, Sol System, Earth, Area-51. How many critters are with you?

Me, my wife and both offspring! Send help before the locals find us!

Help is on the way, sir. Please hold for a galactic minute.

<Second inter-galatic phone line
Yeah, Thrag-a-riffic? How close are you to the IX system? Some joker on a family vacation just crashed their ship so no one's home.

Yeah, there's a security system but that comes to us. I'll over ride that and you'll have plenty of time. Just make sure to get all the plastics and water.
>

Sir. Help is on the way but may take a few minutes.

Leave the ship and conceal yourselves so the Earthlings don't find you. Their fixation on anal probes is not a rumor.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#25 Dec 12, 2013
Oh, here are some real 911 calls:


One called saying that aliens were coming through her walls.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#26 Dec 13, 2013
911: How can we help?

Caller: I'm of the Tentaclesian race and I can't get out of bed.

911: Why is that?

Caller: Most of my tentacles are knotted up and matted together. Some are wrapped around the sheets and bed posts.

911: This is common. Most bed makers on your planet are required to have safety features. Is there a lever on the side?

Caller: Yes.

911: I want you to pull it.

Caller: the bed posts are retracting, and the bed is secreting a slimy substance. What is that?

911: That is a tentacle conditioner and lubricant.

Caller: I am getting free.

911:Do you need medical care?

Caller: No, I think I am okay now.

911: Okay, if you have any more trouble, you can call back.

Caller: Thank you so much!

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#27 Dec 14, 2013
911: How can we help?

Caller: There is another being like me trapped inside a window in the bathroom.

911: Where are you calling from?

Caller: Earth.

911: Is this window over the sink?

Caller: Yes.

911: What is the creature in the window doing?

Caller: Everything I do, but from the other side of the body.

911: There is no creature trapped in any window.

Caller: It can't get out.

911: That is your reflection. The device you are looking at is not a window. It is a mirror.

Caller: A mirror? What is that?

911: It is what Earthlings use to look at themselves. You probably come from some place where there is no need for mirrors.

Caller: Why would I need a device for looking at myself? We are born with a bunch of eye stalks, and all we have to do it bend them around so we can see ourselves.

911: If there is no emergency, we'll have to clear the line.

Caller: Thank you.

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#28 Dec 15, 2013
Alien 9-11, how may I help you?

We're lost and almost out of fuel!

Sir, can you tell us where you are now?

I don't know. I made a right turn at Albuquerque, New Mexico, Earth.

On the way to Pismo Beach, Alpha Centuri Festival for all the clams you can eat?

Yes.

No problem, sir. Happens quite a bit. Look around you. Do you see an abombatamal snowman named Yeti?

<off phone... Yeti?... Hi. One Sec. Talking to Alien 911.">

Yeah.

Ask him for directions. We stationed him there because so many travelers made a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

Great! Thanks! I think we're okay now.

Good to hear. Your galactic tax dollars at work.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#29 Dec 16, 2013
911: What seems to be your emergency?

Caller: One of my eye stalks just fell off.

911: I want you to count your remaining eye tentacles.

Caller: Wait a moment. I still have 20. How can that be? You mean I had an extra one?

911: Were you ever able to see out of it?

Caller: Come to think of it, I had a dead one up there, and always wondered why.

911: I will send Infectious Disease Control to collect what fell off, inspect your residence, and examine everyone living with you.

Caller: Why?

911: It is likely a parasite that resembles ophthalmic tentacles, and they are highly contagious.

Caller: What should I do?

911: Put it in a bowl with a lid and wait for them to arrive for it. It fell off because it is probably about ready to replicate.

Caller: It is in a bowl and....ewww! It just exploded inside the bowl and stuff is crawling in there.

911: Whatever you do, don't open the bowl.

Caller: Okay, I'll just wait until they get here.

911: Okay, if you need any more help, just let us know.

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#30 Dec 17, 2013
Alien 9-11, how may I help you?

I've just taken a jump to the left!

Sir, did you just now take a step to the right?

Yes!

Are your hands on your hips?

Yes!

Your knees are tight?

How did you know?

Pelvic thrust?

Ohhh, yeah.

Sir, you are about to go insane and do the time warp again. But don't worry. In about an hour you'll be going home.

“Purple girl in a purple world”

Level 8

Since: Apr 08

Plum, Purplonia

#31 Dec 19, 2013
You all started an alien thread without me?:-)

Alien 911, what is your emergency?

There is something wrong with my baby.

Do remain calm. What seems to be the trouble?

She isn't moving. Something is wrong with her skin, and there is this hardened material on her.

How old is she, and what is the baby's race?

She is 3 months old and a Slimacian.

That explains it. This is a perfectly natural process. It should pass in a couple of days. It isn't really an emergency, but you can take her to the nearest medical center just in case.

Whew! Thank you! This is my first child, and me and my husband have been nervous.

If you need any more help, just call us back.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#32 Jan 24, 2016
911: What's your emergency?

Caller: There seem to be a bunch of deceased creatures in the public park.

911: Is there any more information you can give?

Caller: They seem to be all dressed alike, it appears they all used identical-looking knives, and they are in a circle around a statue.

911: We will send the authorities. We suggest that you stay home. This sounds like a cult suicide.
Emerald

Allentown, PA

#33 Jan 24, 2016
Help, we just got pummeled with 31 inches of snow.

Alien 911: What is snow?

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