Alien 911
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“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#1 Nov 29, 2013
I guess this could be a game, and a tribute to a certain other poster. Anyway, what would 911 calls on other planets be like? Just imagine:

911, what is your emergency?

This orange guy broke into my house and hacked off one of my heads.

Tell me where you live.

I'd tell you, but I can't access my other brain.

Well please stay calm. Help is on the way.

Calm? They killed half of me and I'm supposed to remain calm? What will my friends think, I'm missing a head?!!

I know this is frustrating for you, but you need to stay calm.

----

Or for more of a game, if we don't have stories like that, then maybe at least give a one-line scenario, eg.:

Someone stole my spaceship.

This Green guy robbed me.

I am human, but this space alien r*ped me, and I seem to be pregnant with a whole litter of aliens.

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#2 Nov 30, 2013
Yeah, Hi. Alien-911?

This is Mars.

Earth keeps sending probes at us.

I just want to have this on the record in case our friends in Alpha Centauri start seeing them too.

I think the Earthlings are looking to burglarize our abodes for our gold and diamonds.

Instead of the stealthy police starships patrolling, could you scare them off with full lights and sirens?

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#3 Nov 30, 2013
Caller: Alien 911? I can't get into my living room. There is this creature with 3 eyes on tentacles coming out of its head and blue fur. It is growling, and lots of a slimy substance is coming out of what might be a mouth, and I am scared to go near it.

Operator: That sounds like a dogoid. Normally they are friendly, but by your description, that one sounds like it is very sick with a contagious disease. We will send out animal control, and try your best to avoid contact with it.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#4 Nov 30, 2013
911? My kid has spots, what do I do?

“Seems fishy to me!”

Level 2

Since: Sep 13

Pool the Stream and Sea

#6 Dec 1, 2013
Alien 911: 9-1-1 fire or emergency?

Caller: Hello...? 9-1-1 I'm lost!

Alien 911: Okay sir, stay claim. Can you tell me what you see?

Caller: Yes, I can see just fine.

Alien 911: Sir, stay claim, and tell me what you see? What are you around?

Caller: I'm around Mars! I told you I can see just fine! Venus is right there in front of me! But, I'm lost and can't find where I'm going!

Alien 911: Sir, Sir! Stay claim! Where exactly is it you're going? What are you trying to locate?

Caller: Uranus! I'm trying to locate Uranus!

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#7 Dec 2, 2013
911: Alien 911, what is your emergency?

Caller: My Green daughter ate some weird plant, and she's now blue with orange spots, what do I do?

911: Don't panic, help is on the way. Meanwhile, try to induce vomiting.

Caller: Okay, I have a tentacle down her throat, and ewww! Up it comes! What is all this? It looks like bugs!

911: It sounds like she ate some mildly poisonous bugs. It is good you got them out. A medical hovercraft is still on the way to be sure she is alright.

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#8 Dec 2, 2013
Alien 9-11?

My daughter was visiting Earth and she accidentally ate one of the creatures. According to the tourist brochure pictures, it was a human. Are they poisonous?

<Alien 9-11> Yes. Induce vomiting now.

We're sending an emergency vehicle now and she may need to be quarantined for a short time.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#9 Dec 3, 2013
911: Alien 911, what is your emergency?

Caller: It looks like a riot is starting down the street from me.

911: What makes you think it is a riot?

Caller: There are two dumpsters on fire, a burning spaceship in the middle of the street, and bunch of orange, green, and blue guys in one hell of a fight.

911: About how many sentient beings are involved?

Caller: About 50 to 100

911: What about weapons?

Caller: It appears they have slimeguns, phasers, chains, brass tentacles, and even hand grenades smuggled in from Earth.

911: We will send out a riot team. What else do you see?

Caller: A group of alien girls all stuck together and engaging in tentacle pulling and slapping.

911: Let us know if that escalates, but we are more concerned with the riot and the artillery being used. Just hope they stay clear of the main riot, and make sure you stay clear of it too.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#10 Dec 4, 2013
Alien 911: What is your emergency?

Caller: a spaceship just crashed in my residence pod.

911: Are you alright?

Caller: Yes. My place is in a mess, but I'm alright.

911: What about the pilot?

Caller: They're feeling no pain. They're so slime-faced. They are lying on the ground giggling uncontrollably and grasping a huge bottle of Tentacle Tickler. Most of it is gone too.

911: Emergency vehicles are on the way. You might want to get out of your residence in case the place is unstable from the crash.

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#11 Dec 4, 2013
Alien 9-11, how may I help you?

My child is missing!

Where are you?

Earth!

Did you take the all the stealth precautions?

Yes!

Which planet are you from?

Octopi Centauri!

The beings with a 100 tentacles?

Yes!

Where on Earth did this happen?

Japan!

<hot mic> Damn. That's the fifth one this year. What is it with Japan and tentacles?

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#12 Dec 4, 2013
911: Alien 911 here.

Caller: My Orange boyfriend just beat me up.

911: Are you injured?

Caller: A little bit. My mother warned me not to get involved with Orange guys. She told me I should stick with Blue guys.

911: Well, where is your boyfriend, do you feel safe now?

Caller: He left to go to the inner city to score some alien fun pills. Probably on 54th Street.

911: We will send out police and medical.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#13 Dec 5, 2013
911: Alien 911, how can I assist?

Caller: There is a Green guy standing outside my door with spray paint and spraying vandalism on my house.

911: Someone is on the way. But please, don't go out there.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#14 Dec 6, 2013
Alien 911: What's your emergency?

Caller: We have a holdup here at First Tentacle Bank and Trust.

911: How many robbers are there?

Caller: Four.

911: What do they look like?

Caller: They are Green with yellow spots.

911: I heard shots fired, is everyone safe?

Caller: One of the robbers shot himself and has left a trail leading out the door, but nobody in the bank is hurt. The robbers are gone.

911: Police are on the way.

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#15 Dec 7, 2013
Alien 9-11. How can I help you?

Help! There's a red giant coming for us!

General Mill's not so Jolly twin brother?

No! The star in our solar system!

I see. Remain calm and turn up the thermostat a thousand or two Kelvins.

<few minutes pass>

That worked! It's back to its usual yellow self again! Thanks!

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#16 Dec 7, 2013
911: How can we help you?

Caller: We are on vacation on another planet, and we were just robbed.

911: What happened?

Caller: They accosted us and threatened us, one with a dead mouse-like creature, and the other threatened us with a noodle. They said if we didn't give them the ashes and cigarettes out of our ashtray, they would shoot us. Then the one shoved money into my mouth. And they took a rag out of the back seat.

911: Let me guess, you are taking a trip on planet Stupidicus Robberia?

Caller: How did you know?

911: Lets just say the way they robbed you tipped me off. If you were anywhere else, they would have pointed an actual weapon at you. They would have hit you in the face with the ashtray, tied you with the rag, and taken money out of your pockets, not steal your ashes and give you money. They would have told you not to rat, not threaten you with a rat.

Caller: So what should we do?

911: I would leave their planet, and I wouldn't have any contact with their police, since they might arrest you for being a robbery victim. That's all, so have a nice day!

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#17 Dec 7, 2013
Alien 9-11, this is Tom. How may I help you?

Help! How should I cook a turkey?

Sir. This is for emergencies only.

This is an emergency! I promised to cook the dinner for the family this year!

Like I said sir, this if for emergencies... did you say a turkey?

Yes!

Sir, please hold a moment while I access the cooking instructions...

Ok.

< Meleagris Gallopavo Police, this is Alien-911. We have a lead on the disappearances from your turkey colony on Earth. How long will it take to respond in force?>

< 200 - 250 standard stellar minutes? That's roughly 2 - 2.5 hours Earth hours. Here's the coordinates.>

Sir?

Yes?

You should cook the turkey for 3 to 3.5 hours.

Oh! Thank you so much!

No problem. Anything else I can do for you?

No! Thank you! This is going to be a memorable family get together!

“DON'T FORGET YO FLU SHOT”

Level 3

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#18 Dec 7, 2013
I like this thread, I like esp. what Spotted Girl has to share ;-)

I'll come back later.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#19 Dec 8, 2013
Thank you Liz!

Caller: Hello?

911: Alien 911, how can we help you sir?

Caller: Me and my same-tentacle lover just got attacked at home.

911: Are you hurt bad, and are you safe?

Caller: We are not hurt bad, but I don't think we are safe. There is a mob outside, and it looks like they have a container with something flammable. They are chanting names and yelling threats.

911: Sounds like a hate crime. Stay put and barricade yourself the best way you know. Police, fire, and medical are on the way.

“DON'T FORGET YO FLU SHOT”

Level 3

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#20 Dec 8, 2013
Spotted Girl wrote:
Thank you Liz!
Caller: Hello?
911: Alien 911, how can we help you sir?
Caller: Me and my same-tentacle lover just got attacked at home.
911: Are you hurt bad, and are you safe?
Caller: We are not hurt bad, but I don't think we are safe. There is a mob outside, and it looks like they have a container with something flammable. They are chanting names and yelling threats.
911: Sounds like a hate crime. Stay put and barricade yourself the best way you know. Police, fire, and medical are on the way.
Hopefully the mob can be contained without using much force.

“DON'T FORGET YO FLU SHOT”

Level 3

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#21 Dec 8, 2013
a one liner...

Help, I'm being probed by an alien with 8 legs. Just let me go when your finised, won't ya!?!?

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