What bible story do you find hardest to believe?

[aWitchintheWoods]

dollarsbill wrote:

<quoted text>
Why would I live in fear. It is you who will face the eternal fire that Jesus warned us of.

You live in fear of displeasing your imaginary parental figure and getting spanked with "eternal fire."
How sad.
What part of "it's a myth" don't you understand?

[aWitchintheWoods]

Mister_ E wrote:

<quoted text>
He wasn't talking to you...or you would know the answer!!!
Sheesh...don't any of you get it?

No, none of us get it.
Only YOU, oh enlightened one, understand the mystery.
That certainly makes you VERY SPECIAL.

Oh yes.

[aWitchintheWoods]

dollarsbill wrote:

<quoted text>
He is everywhere. You will see Him soon, but you will wish you didn't when He sends His angels after you.
Matthew 13:41-42 (NASB)
41 "The Son of Man will send forth His angels, and they will gather out of His kingdom all stumbling blocks, and those who commit lawlessness, 42 and will throw them into the furnace of fire; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Just another version of "JUST WAIT TIL YOUR DADDY GETS HOME! THEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE SORRY!"

Only daddy isn't real.....

[observer]

dollarsbill wrote:

<quoted text>
Let us know if you still think it's funny after Satan visits you and those you love.

Does satan shit,shower and shave too?

[Colorado Chick]

The pillar of salt thingy..GOT PEPPER,,.. PARTY..
OMG!!

[Mister_ E]

aWitchintheWoods wrote:

<quoted text>
No, none of us get it.
Only YOU, oh enlightened one, understand the mystery.
That certainly makes you VERY SPECIAL.
Oh yes.

Not much.. I can say to you....lol

I'm not special but am chosen!

He needs no help....we were broke and he fixed us...I'm good with that...not you??? sorry!

:(

[frank]

I've often wondered how many (of the haters) here would brazenly say such hateful things to the face of a muslim or "jew"...or anyone for that matter.

Your brave in an anonymous internet forum talking smack to "turn the other cheek" xtians--would you or could you do the same thing in real-life?

shalom

[01Justsayin]

hmm...the book of revelation is a little hard to follow so i'd say that

[bible examiner]

01Justsayin wrote:

hmm...the book of revelation is a little hard to follow so i'd say that

I agree.I think it was written after goat herders ate some mushrooms that gave them some wild assss dreams.

[dragoon70056]

Rosa wrote:

<quoted text>...old and tired joke...just like you and barfie and bonkers...hey do you ever make it back to NOLA for Mardi Gras?...might be fun for you and all your ex-wives to get together...

Which loonie bin did you escape from this time?

[dragoon70056]

dollarsbill wrote:

<quoted text>
The Jesus who will send His angels after you.

He sent me one last night, for about 20 minutes worth of heaven :)

[aWitchintheWoods]

Mister_ E wrote:

<quoted text>
Not much.. I can say to you....lol
I'm not special but am chosen!

What then? You are just a random selection?

Mister_ E wrote:

<quoted text> He needs no help....we were broke and he fixed us...I'm good with that...not you??? sorry!
:(

So you believe your god is not perfect after all?
Because a perfect being could not create anything less than perfection.
(Don't try to say that "we" did it since that would mean we have as much or even more power than your god. How could mere humans thwart "his plan" for us.)

Face it. You are anthropomophizing an imaginary being to explain the things you don't understand and fear in reality.
Things like why bad things happen to good people... and lying, cheating bastards have success.
To convince yourself that you are not going to cease to exist one day.
To feel loved and protected by a big invisible parent.

Don't be sorry that I don't buy your nonsense.
I have a great life, no superstitious fantasies required.

[01Justsayin]

bible examiner wrote:

<quoted text>I agree.I think it was written after goat herders ate some mushrooms that gave them some wild assss dreams.

Lol I wouldn't go as far as to say all that. It's still pretty hard to wrap my head around, though.

[backstrokes]

2 Kings 2:
The story of the bald (and apparently vainly so) Prophet Elijah. One day while walking to Bethel a group of little children teased him about his bald head, calling him "Old Baldy."

Elijah, totally losing control of his temper, turns and curses them in the name of the Lord. Instantly, two female bears emerge from the woods and maul all those 42 babes to death.

Oh yes, I am fundie-ly chastised and reminded that "god does work in mysterious ways."

[backstrokes]

1 Kings 18:25-27
Young and madly in love, David desperately wants to marry Saul’s daughter Michal and offers Saul anything he wants to let him marry her. What dous Saul want from David? Saul wants foreskins. 100 to be exact. David wonders why? Who cares. it's what Saul demands If Dave wants to marry Michal, and Dave must deliver the 100 foreskins by tomorrow. David finds Saul's price quite odd, but then again, so is his hard-on for Michal.

Well, the story goes, David goes out immediately, if not sooner, and murders 200 men, and collects their foreskins. It’s only then he remembers that he only needs 100 foreskins.

Oops. Oh well, maybe if he hands over twice as many foreskins, Saul will be doubly as impressed. Indeed he is and duly hands over his daughter to David.

The moral of this story? Men will do anything for love. Move over, Don Juan!

[backstrokes]

Exodus 4:24-26
Continuing the Bible’s fascination with all things foreskin, we get the bizarre story of God trying to kill Moses because his son isn’t circumcised.

God is about to obliterate Moses when his wife Zipporah takes out a flint and quickly cuts the foreskin of his son (ouch), throwing the bloody skin fragment at Moses’ feet.“You are a bloody husband to me!” squeals Zipporah, flint in one hand, child in other.

God, clearly freaked out by this woman, backs off from killing Moses, figuring his life with Zipporah is more punishing than death.

[bible examiner]

01Justsayin wrote:

<quoted text>
Lol I wouldn't go as far as to say all that. It's still pretty hard to wrap my head around, though.

Well they didnt know which herbs were healthy or the ones that got ya spaced out.Maybe they did know and said hey man lets have some of them purple mushrooms before we write this last chapter dude.then the other goat herder said Like wow dude far out!!! Lets do this dude!!!!!

[backstrokes]

I find the many Bible stories and obsession about "FORESKINS" extremely bizarre!

Why does god hate foreskins? What is it about nature's dick-protection gift that made God, Abraham, Moses, the Priests and Rabbis, the Jews and the Bible Writers hate the foreskin so much, even to this day???

[01Justsayin]

bible examiner wrote:

<quoted text>Well they didnt know which herbs were healthy or the ones that got ya spaced out.Maybe they did know and said hey man lets have some of them purple mushrooms before we write this last chapter dude.then the other goat herder said Like wow dude far out!!! Lets do this dude!!!!!

Lol

[tickedoffchic]

Mister_ E wrote:

<quoted text>
Not much.. I can say to you....lol
I'm not special but am chosen!
He needs no help....we were broke and he fixed us...I'm good with that...not you??? sorry!
:(

Sorry dear, you're not special, you're delusional.