Stupid things to ponder ...

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#5797 Feb 11, 2014
Microscope - see very small things.
Telescope - see things far away.

Horoscope - the $100 to pay if Brandt wants to see?


(NSFW - PG-13 language)

RIP Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

“We're all Bozos on this bus”

Since: Jan 07

Indianapolis, IN

#5798 Feb 27, 2014
Another curious TV thought: I saw an ad for a company's better 'discrete catheters'.

As opposed to what, continuously-variable catheters?
Parden Pard

Catasauqua, PA

#5799 Feb 27, 2014
Uh Clem wrote:
Another curious TV thought: I saw an ad for a company's better 'discrete catheters'.
As opposed to what, continuously-variable catheters?
UMMM,,??? What was the question,,again,,//??
SLACK

Durand, MI

#5800 Feb 27, 2014
I have cheese and no crackers so I am cracka-lackin

Level 2

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#5801 Feb 27, 2014
SLACK wrote:
I have cheese and no crackers so I am cracka-lackin
You might be a redneck ; if you squirt cheese whiz straight from the can into your mouth ; because you're out of crackers ; and too stoned to drive to the Quickie Mart.

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#5802 Feb 28, 2014
Those Christmas commercials where a husband should surprise his wife with a luxury car with a big red ribbon.

Should that be a warning for the wife that when the lease on that car is up, she's also going to be traded in for a newer model?

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#5803 Feb 28, 2014
So you think you got lucky at the bar and go back to her place.

Before it gets hot and heavy and as a captain of industry, you need to dispose your beer byproduct as a minor sacrifice to the Porcelain Goddess when you notice...

A half empty tube of Vagisil.

Vag is ill.

Pop quiz time, hotshot. Will you buzz that tower, Maverick?

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#5804 Mar 1, 2014
Uh Clem wrote:
Another curious TV thought: I saw an ad for a company's better 'discrete catheters'.
As opposed to what, continuously-variable catheters?
It took me a while to get you. That takes me back to my electronics days with capacitors.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#5805 Mar 1, 2014
Is it true that a colorectal surgeon will always get you in the end?

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#5806 Mar 1, 2014
Spotted Girl wrote:
Is it true that a colorectal surgeon will always get you in the end?
Maybe that surgeon just enjoys the job.

From your pain, another gets pleasure. I've seen worse on the Internet.

But the voyeur insurance companies.... Those are the creeps. Always trying to stack the deck against you.

If they had to play fair and include everyone, they'd be about as sympathetic as a gambling addict (gambling problem? call 1-800-HAHAFU!) betting always on red on the roulette wheel.

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#5807 Mar 2, 2014
In a Free Market, why is prostitution mostly illegal?

I sell my mind for dollars.

Male and Female models sell their body's for advertising dollars.

Manual laborers sell their physical bodies to move stuff for dollars.

In this day and age, the only counter I can come up with is the traditional word of wife.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#5808 Mar 6, 2014
What does the music sound like when you pick your nose? You can pick a guitar and get a sound, so why not when you pick your nose?

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#5809 Mar 6, 2014
Today, I saw a school bus that had wheelie bars in the back.

It picked up the children at one stop and then flashing red lights went off.

In 6.3 seconds, that bus went a quarter of a mile to pick up the next group of kids.

My current car took an extra 18 seconds to catch up.

What new car should I buy next time so I can yell "I'm late!
and pound the steering wheel for an extra 10 seconds?

Level 6

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#5810 Mar 7, 2014
Is there the same number of M&M's in each bag?
What determines the ratio of green ones to red's or browns?

How many Cheerio's are in a 14 oz. box?
Are there fewer in a 14 oz. box of Honey Nut Cheerio's?

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5811 Mar 9, 2014
I knew there was something different about Stephen Hawking as soon as he walked into the room.

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#5812 Mar 9, 2014
Astronomers really need to take more humanities courses and get caught up to at least the latter 20th century naming conventions.

For example:

Dwarf Star should be Little People Star.

Solstice needs to be replaced with Christmas and Easter.

Large Hadron Collider - Making Whoopee.

Lagrange Points - Perfectly acceptable on TV as long as there isn't a wardrobe malfunction. Needs to be renamed to "My eyes are up here" points.
Independent

United States

#5813 Mar 10, 2014
Pondering:

Is HAARP responsible for global warming?

Or as Frank Luntz would say.....

"I prefer 'Hell and High Water,' since it is more descriptive of what is to come:"

Since: Jun 13

Location hidden

#5814 Mar 10, 2014
Little Janie asks mom to take the dog for a walk around the block and mom know puppy is in heat so she says go ask your daddy so she goes out to the garage to ask daddy and he says bring puppy over here and I'll get er ready. So the daddy puts some gas on a rag and rubs puppy's butt and says ok go on but only one time around the block. Janie says ok and off she goes. When she returns daddy asks well wheres puppy? Janie replies Oh daddy puppy ran out of gas half way down the block!

Since: Jun 13

Location hidden

#5815 Mar 11, 2014
So sorry I put that on the wrong forum.

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#5816 Mar 11, 2014
I have a 20 mile commute to work down the highway. I have a full tank of gas, a half pack of cigarettes, it's dark but I have sunglasses when dawn arrives.

At 60 mph, it will take me 20 minutes.

At 90 mph, it will take me 15 minutes.

How many times must I successfully commute before all my time savings are negated by being pulled over?

And how many hours beyond that do I need to work to pay the fine and increased car insurance premiums?

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