Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5506 Nov 2, 2013
Sometimes I'll go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver, shouting "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"

“We're all Bozos on this bus”

Since: Jan 07

Indianapolis, IN

#5507 Nov 2, 2013
If you cross a pen!s and a potato, do you get a dicktater?

“We're all Bozos on this bus”

Since: Jan 07

Indianapolis, IN

#5508 Nov 2, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
Sometimes I'll go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver, shouting "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
At Walmart, you can buy a monkey wrench AND bananas at the same time.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#5509 Nov 2, 2013
Uh Clem wrote:
<quoted text>
At Walmart, you can buy a monkey wrench AND bananas at the same time.
But hopefully not from the same aisle.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5510 Nov 3, 2013
"Hmmmm," I thought, when my buddy asked me what "ham" would sound like without a vowel.

“I'll paint any car,”

Level 9

Since: Aug 08

For $99.99

#5511 Nov 3, 2013
Why do "Otter-Pops" contain 0% otter?

That's false advertising.

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

Danielson, CT

#5512 Nov 3, 2013
If a Jewish friend sprinkles your conversations with Yiddishisms would it be fair to consider him an oyster?...

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#5513 Nov 3, 2013
I Am Enzo - The Baker wrote:
If a Jewish friend sprinkles your conversations with Yiddishisms would it be fair to consider him an oyster?...
Oy vey!

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5514 Nov 4, 2013
"I'm going to f*ck you over!" can mean two completely different things, depending on whether you're talking face to face or on a walkie-talkie.

Level 6

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#5515 Nov 4, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
"I'm going to f*ck you over!" can mean two completely different things, depending on whether you're talking face to face or on a walkie-talkie.
OMG!!! ROFLMAO

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5516 Nov 5, 2013
I started up a business selling drawing boards, but it didn't work out.

So I started selling drawing boards again.

(Think about it.)

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

Bronx, NY

#5517 Nov 5, 2013
What do cannibals think of other cannibals who like talking about their inner child?

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5518 Nov 5, 2013
That the other cannibal must have a wife and 8 kids.

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

Bronx, NY

#5519 Nov 5, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
That the other cannibal must have a wife and 8 kids.
How long does it take for the cannibal to pass one of them in the jungle?...

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5520 Nov 5, 2013
I Am Enzo - The Baker wrote:
<quoted text>
How long does it take for the cannibal to pass one of them in the jungle?...
I don't know, but I hope he remembers to put them in the 'fridge. There's nothing worse than a bunch of spoiled kids.

“We're all Bozos on this bus”

Since: Jan 07

Indianapolis, IN

#5521 Nov 5, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't know, but I hope he remembers to put them in the 'fridge. There's nothing worse than a bunch of spoiled kids.
The new mother was admonishing her husband about spoiling their child. Upon changing his first poopy diaper, dad said he wished she'd brought that subject up sooner because it's already happened.

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

Bronx, NY

#5522 Nov 5, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't know, but I hope he remembers to put them in the 'fridge. There's nothing worse than a bunch of spoiled kids.
...especially when you're fed up with their parents...

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#5523 Nov 5, 2013
Maybe he'd bitten off more than he could chew...

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#5524 Nov 5, 2013
If I were to go to a psychiatrist, should I bring a bag of pecans, filberts and almonds to snack on during the session?

Or would the good doc exclaim "Oh, no! A bunch of nuts!" and start scribbling furiously on his prescription pad?

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#5525 Nov 5, 2013
I think I have a good invention.

A filter to put on the soda bottle to eliminate the sugar, artificial flavors and colorings and carbon dioxide bubbly stuff.

The critics will say the end result is just water!

And I'll counter "But it's Coca-cola brand water minus the Coca and cola!"

Oh, wait. Dasani bottled water already beat me to it.

Nevermind.

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