“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#4776 May 11, 2013
I think I know how Armageddon will start...

It all begins with a question:

"Do I look fat in this dress?"

And the person who is supposed to answer that question says to his friend:

"Hold my beer and watch this..."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#4777 May 11, 2013
When I was a kid, the only priest I listened to was Judas.

“Proud White Woman for life!”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#4778 May 11, 2013
Vending machines are so homophobic. I'm sorry my dollar is not straight enough for you.

“This is how I see you”

Level 8

Since: Jun 11

Location hidden

#4779 May 11, 2013
Spotted Girl wrote:
Vending machines are so homophobic. I'm sorry my dollar is not straight enough for you.
Too funny, never though of it that way!

Level 6

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#4780 May 11, 2013
lmfao reading this page.

Level 6

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#4781 May 11, 2013
Have a great day funny people
:)))))))))

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#4782 May 11, 2013
Spotted Girl wrote:
Vending machines are so homophobic. I'm sorry my dollar is not straight enough for you.
Pfft. As if the most homophobic vendor won't take your dollars.*

What you might have experienced is vending machine AI. They can now sense your desire for those potato chips or a Snickers bar or Tic Tacs. And they deliberately thwart your purchase.

Now Ye may be thinking... "There's no way a machine would do that!"

You best start believing in vending troll stories, Miss Spotted Girl... you're in one!

/Barbossa

*The transaction needs to be done in private. Airport bathrooms seem to be quite popular.

“Proud White Woman for life!”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#4783 May 11, 2013
greymouser wrote:
<quoted text>
Pfft. As if the most homophobic vendor won't take your dollars.*
What you might have experienced is vending machine AI. They can now sense your desire for those potato chips or a Snickers bar or Tic Tacs. And they deliberately thwart your purchase.
Now Ye may be thinking... "There's no way a machine would do that!"
You best start believing in vending troll stories, Miss Spotted Girl... you're in one!
/Barbossa
*The transaction needs to be done in private. Airport bathrooms seem to be quite popular.
So you just don't have the right "stance" as you use the machine?

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#4784 May 11, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
I'm finally convinced that women are better at multi tasking than men. Last night, at dinner, my elderly mother in law sneezed, spit her teeth out, farted, and peed herself all at the same time.
I can't top that.
Wow.

Didn't George Carlin ask if you farted and sneezed at the same time, you might lose all control?

Kudos to your mother!

She exceeded all expectations.

Sorry there's no raise. But here's a nice Number 2 pencil with my name on it.
Krypteia

Newcastle Upon Tyne, UK

#4785 May 11, 2013
I was pondering to be an agony aunt and as a male thought it would be a change but it didn't last long,I got one letter from a women who wrote..
Dear Krypteia,I am a 42 year old mother,I left for work but after a mile or so my car broke down.I had to walk home again,and on arriving home I found my 16 year old babysitter handcuffed to the bed in her school uniform giving oral to my husband,I'm devastated!can you help.
I replied Dear Susie,a common cause for this,is dirt in the carburettor.Don't let your fuel drop to low in the tank..Hope this helps,regards Krypteia.

“Right click Left click Yay!”

Level 7

Since: Dec 10

Nehwon

#4786 May 11, 2013
Spotted Girl wrote:
<quoted text>
So you just don't have the right "stance" as you use the machine?
Alas, apparently I don't.

Even after doing some research on the Internet, I still can't get a GOP Congresscritter to do anything I could extort, err, lobby a nice Defense Contract.

I'm quite willing to put a paper bag over my head and pretend that's some up and coming Hollywood starlet.

I don't know. Perhaps I'm challenging their gag reflex too much and scaring them off.

It's quite a blow, in the parlance of our times, to the ego.

“a man chooses, a slave obeys.”

Level 2

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#4787 May 11, 2013
How does Edward scissorhands wipe he's ass?

Level 6

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#4788 May 11, 2013
Dante infernox wrote:
How does Edward scissorhands wipe he's ass?
I bet he ain't playing with his man parts either. LOL

“a man chooses, a slave obeys.”

Level 2

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#4789 May 11, 2013
Proud To Be Trina wrote:
<quoted text>I bet he ain't playing with his man parts either. LOL
Hahahahah

“We're all Bozos on this bus”

Since: Jan 07

Indianapolis, IN

#4790 May 11, 2013
Dante infernox wrote:
How does Edward scissorhands wipe he's ass?
Ver-r-r-r-ry carefully!

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#4791 May 12, 2013
I saw blind people were playing softball at the park and was surprised to see the umpires were fully sighted.

Perhaps the major leagues could try this innovation.

“I call it as I see it.”

Level 8

Since: Jul 09

Retirement City

#4792 May 12, 2013
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

New York, NY

#4793 May 12, 2013
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you
strap toast butter side up on the back of a cat and drop it?

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#4794 May 12, 2013
I don't want start an argument, but if you check your chemistry books you'll find that alcohol is a solution.

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

New York, NY

#4795 May 12, 2013
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?...

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