Unwanted Help
Level 2

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#21 Jun 6, 2014
Spotted Girl wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't consider that nice, but nosy people helping others as a way of emotionally controlling others. What if you wanted to struggle alone? What if you wanted to accomplish something solely by your own effort or prove to others you don't need them? What if the whole purpose you do something is to get it done a certain way or to do it alone?
For instance, when I was in maybe 2nd grade, I dropped some papers. I saw how they fell, and I knew my own filing order. I was picking them up alone just fine and another kid came over and picked them up in an inferior way which generated much more work for me, like 15 minutes or so. Most people are too stupid to pick things up precisely as they fell without scrambling them. They didn't give a damn about doing it the right way, just scoring points from some supernatural sky being or feeling good at the expense of others. Had they left me alone for 15-20 more seconds, there would have been NO additional work created in getting things back 100% in the same order they were before they fell.
I don't mind help, but it must ALWAYS be with my permission. Are most parents too stupid to teach their offspring to ASK before helping and to NEVER assume anyone wants it or needs it? Are they too stupid to teach others to ONLY help others in the ways they want and to do things only the way the other person dictates? Are they too stupid to teach that you most be 100% sure they want and need help before helping it? If they don't want it, it is just another type of rape, and if they don't need it, it would be immoral to wasted limited time and effort on someone that doesn't need it when there are many inferior, broken people who do need it. A drunk doesn't need another drink. What they need is taken to a detox center and a treatment center. Enabling bad behavior is wrong and ensures the person will stay broken and constantly in need of help. That brings us to codependency, once known as co-addiction. That is a person who enables and alcoholic or doper in any way, whether directly through supplying it, nor indirectly through b*tching, nagging, griping, and trying to clean up their messes (bailing them out of jail, apologizing for them, pouring out their booze, paying their fines, etc).
Hi. I think I understand what you are saying.
It brings to mind the story of a person in a wheelchair. The first time he went out alone in his chair to shop.
It was a big step for him, this new independence. He comes to a busy street corner and pushes the walk button. Waits for the cars to pass stop or turn and at last rolls across the intersection with seconds to spare. On reaching the other side, he sees there is a slick on the curb. So he must do a round about, turning his chair facing the way he came, to back up the curb. As he maneuvers closer to his goal, the light changes once again. Another fellow steps around the corner. See's our fellow and without asking grabs the handles of the chair and safely pushes him back across the street from where he came.:)

“Towards Spring”

Level 8

Since: Dec 06

Location hidden

#22 Jun 7, 2014
SimplyLoveYou wrote:
<quoted text>
Hi. I think I understand what you are saying.
It brings to mind the story of a person in a wheelchair. The first time he went out alone in his chair to shop.
It was a big step for him, this new independence. He comes to a busy street corner and pushes the walk button. Waits for the cars to pass stop or turn and at last rolls across the intersection with seconds to spare. On reaching the other side, he sees there is a slick on the curb. So he must do a round about, turning his chair facing the way he came, to back up the curb. As he maneuvers closer to his goal, the light changes once again. Another fellow steps around the corner. See's our fellow and without asking grabs the handles of the chair and safely pushes him back across the street from where he came.:)
BRILLIANT!

that says it all:)

I have seen that kind of thing too..
In fact not long ago while driving on a main busy street..
I slowed up to allow a big truck negotiate it's way into
a rather narrow entrance, it took a few mins but,
Realising his predicament, I didn't mind at all..

There was a friend on the ground guiding the truck in, suddenly a speed merchant arrived behind me,
and decided not to engage his brain and observe what was going on,
He blew the horn at me in agitated fashion, to 'get moving'

Then the guide appeared, took one look at me and...
blaming me for the other's guy's behaviour, gave me
The two finger sign!!!
Sometimes you can't win:). Lol

Tehee Candor

“A Time for laughter and ...”

Level 3

Since: Apr 13

A Time to be candid.

#23 Jun 7, 2014
Funny story SLY and Grace. I just hate getting blamed for something I didn't do. Haha

Well SG, I'm kind of speechless at all things you've said in here. You are a very interesting and intelligent woman as I've already told you. As a very independent woman all my life I just didn't like asking for help and fortunately for me, no one offered. It seemed when I needed help and did bring myself to ask .. well, I could have done better myself and we all know what that is like.

Now that I'm getting older .. there are things I rather need assistance with and I would never put myself in situations just so I could experience struggling to do it without assistance. I seriously wish I had people to ask for help now with some of the things I know is a struggle for me. I swear if I have to make another move again by myself I may throw everything I own in the trash.

I am curious about your first post though. If you say WP are less likely, than who is it you believe to be more likely? I hope I didn't miss it in any post prior, though I did read this thread the other day.

Peace :)

Tehee Candor

“A Time for laughter and ...”

Level 3

Since: Apr 13

A Time to be candid.

#24 Jun 7, 2014
Then ^^^

Tehee Candor

“A Time for laughter and ...”

Level 3

Since: Apr 13

A Time to be candid.

#25 Jun 7, 2014
Okay, I read it again. I am one of those WP that is always trying to jump in and help people. Finally after years of being taken advantage of and blatant abuse I realized .. ASK first. It's a three letter word, but oh so valuable in all sorts of circumstances.

I too would like folks to ASK me before they help because it is true, like with that wheel chair story, they don't know what kind of help others may require or if they do at all.

I'd also like others to ASK before they assume, accuse and believe the word of another/others about something I'm supposed to have done. I guess though that is ASKing way too much from the folks on Topix though.
*spits the bitter pill back out*:O

Petal Power

“It's a New Dawn”

Since: Feb 14

Location hidden

#27 Jun 7, 2014
ANYONE w/ an Addiction..Needs To Be CURED!!

Detox is just a Cleansing of the Body..Putting the person themselves in a Mental Stress Mode...

They may say..THIS is Good..I need to Clean up my act..I need to get my life back on track..ALL ADDICTS..Feel this way..

UNTIL Temptation Looks them in the eye..and mutters the word PARTY!!

Then..It's ALL about Having a GOOD TIME..Not giving a HOOT..Whom they are HURTING!!

It's The ME Factor..My Way, My Life , My Happiness..

Ya know..The SPIRIT within..ALWAYS wants to GO GO GO!!

BUT, it's the BODY That takes the RISKS!!

And..Sad to say..Your BODY has the FINAL SAY..When it Comes to DYING..

Treat your BOD Well..and You Could Very Well Live to be 100 or MORE!!

As with anyone of our LOVED ONES that has an ADDICTION..

You can Pamper them, Hope they can Change OR..just Live w/ their Cruelty...

OR..You can Enforce TOUGH LOVE!!!

THAT is a Sure Thing..On their Way to Salvation!!

DO IT..Because YOU Love them..Not to PUNISH them..

;)

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#28 Jun 7, 2014
Tehee Candor wrote:
Funny story SLY and Grace. I just hate getting blamed for something I didn't do. Haha
Well SG, I'm kind of speechless at all things you've said in here. You are a very interesting and intelligent woman as I've already told you. As a very independent woman all my life I just didn't like asking for help and fortunately for me, no one offered. It seemed when I needed help and did bring myself to ask .. well, I could have done better myself and we all know what that is like.
Now that I'm getting older .. there are things I rather need assistance with and I would never put myself in situations just so I could experience struggling to do it without assistance. I seriously wish I had people to ask for help now with some of the things I know is a struggle for me. I swear if I have to make another move again by myself I may throw everything I own in the trash.
I am curious about your first post though. If you say WP are less likely, than who is it you believe to be more likely? I hope I didn't miss it in any post prior, though I did read this thread the other day.
Peace :)
Thank you for your compliments and the good sense that you post.

My later posts tell that I posted it in the wrong forum. So that means that the people compared to would be in the name of the correct forum. But still, this is something that can be figured out on one's own. There are 3 main races, and how many pushy Asians have you encountered? So using the process of elimination, who is left?

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#29 Jun 7, 2014
On addictions, I tend to agree. Show them tough love and let them hit rock bottom. There is no way to punish them like they are already doing to themselves. However, this doesn't always work, particularly when multiple addictions are involved.

If you want, you can go online to A&E and find their Intervention reruns. That is where families will confront an addict and bring in professional help. The issues they handle vary, including conducts issues (eg., anger, stealing, fire-setting), obesity, eating disorders, alcoholism, and drug addiction. Probably hoarding too, though not all cases of that need intervention, but acceptance. Someone with a lot of stuff might actually need it in the future or can use it to help others. If there is a logical reason for a lot of stuff, that is one thing. But many collect things that have no purpose or only have some vague sentimental value, eg., "This is the pen that the nice teacher I met in college that one time gave me, though it doesn't write..."

With one on the show, while their anger did get better, they were expelled from the anger management class. One held his family hostage with his crack addiction and violent temper.

“.WHERE DID”

Since: May 14

THAT POST GO

#30 Jun 7, 2014
television isn't real life .....

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#31 Jun 7, 2014
Tehee Candor wrote:
Okay, I read it again. I am one of those WP that is always trying to jump in and help people. Finally after years of being taken advantage of and blatant abuse I realized .. ASK first. It's a three letter word, but oh so valuable in all sorts of circumstances.
I too would like folks to ASK me before they help because it is true, like with that wheel chair story, they don't know what kind of help others may require or if they do at all.
I'd also like others to ASK before they assume, accuse and believe the word of another/others about something I'm supposed to have done. I guess though that is ASKing way too much from the folks on Topix though.
*spits the bitter pill back out*:O
I never said WP did it more, but that another race did it more. There was no need to mention who since it was in the name of the forum. We White folks tend to be more self-absorbed and pay more attention to our friends and families. We don't have this need to force unwanted help on strangers or act like we own strangers. I believe I know why there are ethnic differences, and it goes back to a horrible chapter in American history.

Like you, I'd like others to ask before assuming. Africans from Africa tend to be more insular and simply want to live their own lives in their own groups and don't concern themselves with strangers, though I am sure they would help them if they were asked. Part of that comes from feeling they are blessed. They struggled to be here and see it as a blessing. They lack an entitlement mentality.

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#32 Jun 7, 2014
tora tora tora wrote:
television isn't real life .....
Who said it was? Intervention is real stories that were broadcast using actual people, not actors. Regardless of my source material, human nature and basic principles remains the same. What you see in a half-hour portrayal of human events is not the same reality that you see in a courtroom. I think we all know and understand that. And I imagine the hell depicted in that episode is only a fraction of the struggling that real families face.

“.WHERE DID”

Since: May 14

THAT POST GO

#33 Jun 7, 2014
Spotted Girl wrote:
<quoted text>
Who said it was? Intervention is real stories that were broadcast using actual people, not actors. Regardless of my source material, human nature and basic principles remains the same. What you see in a half-hour portrayal of human events is not the same reality that you see in a courtroom. I think we all know and understand that. And I imagine the hell depicted in that episode is only a fraction of the struggling that real families face.
right a users always shows the world of their re-lapses

“.WHERE DID”

Since: May 14

THAT POST GO

#34 Jun 7, 2014
Matthew Gilbert (The Boston Globe), a critic of the show, argues that the program is exploitative and showcases individuals as they self-destruct. He also argues that the confrontation within the intervention is milked to show only the most dramatic moments and that the final results of the intervention and subsequent rehabilitation is glossed-over.[7]

Melanie McFarland, another television critic, also laments that the show does little to educate on successful intervention and instead deceives the subjects of each episode in order to film them at their lowest point

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#35 Jun 7, 2014
tora tora tora wrote:
<quoted text>
right a users always shows the world of their re-lapses
Yes, and such programs don't do followups.

One cop-out I hate is, "Relapse is a part of recovery." Sure, give yourself permission to fail, but don't tell yourself that failure is inevitable or that you have to do it.

That is like the 20-year-old who said, "I have to smoke dope, I'm young." Well, first of all, in ancient times, people created new families as young as 14. Our society doesn't foster as rapid of growth, but my point is that you should have some maturity by age 20, and that 20 isn't age 12. That blows part of her argument. And to blow the rest of it, no ordinary person HAS TO smoke dope.(To keep it simple, I won't go into the medical use arguments, so I added the "no ordinary" clause for that reason.) But this attitude ties back to my original post about certain cultures being more likely to foster dependence.

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#36 Jun 7, 2014
tora tora tora wrote:
Matthew Gilbert (The Boston Globe), a critic of the show, argues that the program is exploitative and showcases individuals as they self-destruct. He also argues that the confrontation within the intervention is milked to show only the most dramatic moments and that the final results of the intervention and subsequent rehabilitation is glossed-over.[7]
Melanie McFarland, another television critic, also laments that the show does little to educate on successful intervention and instead deceives the subjects of each episode in order to film them at their lowest point
Good points. So summarizing that, it is just saying it is another "reality" show. And I'd like to see a psychologist cover whether such a show does more harm than good.

“.WHERE DID”

Since: May 14

THAT POST GO

#37 Jun 8, 2014
Spotted Girl wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes, and such programs don't do followups.
One cop-out I hate is, "Relapse is a part of recovery." Sure, give yourself permission to fail, but don't tell yourself that failure is inevitable or that you have to do it.
That is like the 20-year-old who said, "I have to smoke dope, I'm young." Well, first of all, in ancient times, people created new families as young as 14. Our society doesn't foster as rapid of growth, but my point is that you should have some maturity by age 20, and that 20 isn't age 12. That blows part of her argument. And to blow the rest of it, no ordinary person HAS TO smoke dope.(To keep it simple, I won't go into the medical use arguments, so I added the "no ordinary" clause for that reason.) But this attitude ties back to my original post about certain cultures being more likely to foster dependence.
follow ups they but the results are unpleasant and don't sell tv

the biggest loser is heavier nos/ the last druggie was back on after 5 weeks

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#39 Jun 8, 2014
Again, that doesn't address patronizing behavior or helping others as a form of control or implied ownership over someone. Why do BP, for instance, have to pretend that WP who are doing something differently from most people are doing it the wrong way or need help? Maybe they have completely different needs and goals. And since they are strangers and don't know, the correct response is nothing. The whole need to approach strangers or interact with them is just part of their need to control everyone and the environment. But a person in their own world is no threat. The problem I see in the BC is the inability to adopt modern values and behaviors that are not tied to the past, and to refrain from behaviors that once served a purpose and no longer do or which generate resentment from outsiders when practiced.

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#41 Jun 9, 2014
Emerald wrote:
<quoted text>
The history of slavery is not so much up front as it used to be, but it is still being kept alive by those that raise and teach their children that wp still can't be trusted and should never be trusted. That's the thought I had when my family and I were trapped in our auto in a rough part of Delaware some years before. No one came to our aid, except a young black police officer. I'll never forget him and how kind and intelligent he was. If it weren't for him, I possibly might not be here today. Then again, maybe all those men wanted to do was scare the hell out of us before eventually letting us go. I'll never know for sure.
No doubt because of the history of slavery, many of the bc believe they deserve everything they can get from and off the wp. Not all have this attitude, but there are those who still do. Perhaps it's the fear that history could one day repeat itself, but I don't believe that could ever happen again. Unfortunately, when children grow up in such an atmosphere, they learn to be distrustful of society as a whole. They may go along with the rules and boundaries of society, but deep down, they'll always have a distrust and dislike for the wp. I can understand why they would want to be equal in every sense of the word. I don't blame them at all. I would too. No race should be beneath any other race and that is what has caused problems all over the world Our indifference towards one another, be it race, color, gender, disability, political beliefs, etc. continues to thrive. How one race perceives the generosity of aid or help from someone outside his own race, will depend on his character. Everyone should be grateful to anyone who helps them and whose interest is to genuinely mean them good. If you are really in need of help, it makes no difference what or who the person is, as long as their intention is to truly help you.
But what if you are self-sufficient and not in need of help, and people of your own race respect you enough to ignore you, but people outside force it onto you without you asking or showing legitimate need? I'd rather a driver in a car ignore me and go on and let me decide when it is best for me to go, not try to force me across the intersection. BM are most likely to try to do this and can't understand they don't have a right to notice me nor any other mere stranger to begin with. And it is hard to get them to go about what they were doing as if I were not there. And some almost want to fight when you tell them to ignore you and go about their business. Is their ego that weak that they have to rape others with unwanted help? What am I supposed to do? Suffer in silence and pretend to appreciate this? And how do I force myself to pretend to like it without the consequences of repressed anger later?

“.WHERE DID”

Since: May 14

THAT POST GO

#43 Jun 9, 2014
go to traffic school learn the laws of the road , you were suppose to know them when issued a permit..

1st pedestrians always have the right away even when they are wrong ... they are right

sometimes DEAD RIGHT been to a cemetery recently

“Towards Spring”

Level 8

Since: Dec 06

Location hidden

#44 Jun 9, 2014
Similar to post 42..

A relative of mine, unfortunately has
MOTOR NEURON disease..
She can still walk a little but she is very slow and fragile
and her footing very unsure ..

Once I was linking her arm across the street,
upon reaching the far side she completely
lost her balance and fell right down on the ground knocking
me down with her, her immediate reaction was start
laughing uncontrollably! Probably
nervous laughter!

and however it was.. it became
Infectious, and I began laughing too..

the passers by ..on seeing this..immediately put their own label
on what had happened, which in their eyes looked like
we had too much alcohol!!!
probably thinking
'why else would two women be sitting on the
street laughing '.....So they passed us by
with disdain, not ONE offer of any help, the most offensive one was a man wheeling
a bicycle came along and wheeled his bike in and out through both of
us, with absolute disregard!

Finally I dragged myself up somehow, and only then when she had
ceased laughing did other people who arrived on...offer help,
It took 3 of us to lift her to her feet.

Gratefully, we weren't injured..

It's interesting how folks label situations,
but in this case I suppose I couldn't blame them,
with all the laughing:)

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