funny medical stories

funny medical stories

Posted in the Weird Forum

Level 2

Since: Apr 07

Key Largo

#1 May 21, 2007
Many years ago a man came into the ER with a grapefruit up his rectum. It couldnt be grasped with a clamp so the doc used a needle to extract the juice out of the grapefruit. After the man was released the doc asked anyone if they would like a glass of grapefruit juice. True story. got one?

paisleyposey

“END THE FED!”

Level 1

Since: Feb 07

DON'T TREAD ON ME!!!!

#2 May 21, 2007
Well, my husband had a close encounter, under-the-sheet, with a chipmunk fleeing for it's life from the cat who had just brought in in the house. But I don't think he'd want me to put that into cyberspace...
Mysterious One

United States

#3 May 21, 2007
1988,I was in for orthrospcopic surgery.In the pre-operative room,waiting for the anestheic to take affect,I heard the nurse talk about an operation for a guy that had the same name,age as me.I called to the nurse and told her I didn't want us to get the wrong surgery.So,she put on my wrist an additional braclet to distingush the two of us and what surgery was to be done on each of us.I got the right surgery.What are the odds of that?

opistoglyph

Since: Sep 07

Hannacroix, NY

#4 May 3, 2008
I guess not to many people have funny medical experiences?

RealMusicFan

“I'm Joe Cool”

Level 1

Since: Dec 07

Wasilla

#5 May 3, 2008
opistoglyph wrote:
I guess not to many people have funny medical experiences?
That thread died almost a year ago..........Now thats funny
Druid

Pompano Beach, FL

#6 May 3, 2008
I once had the pleasure of escorting a re-habber to the local hospital with an Anhinga attached to her. She had been working on the bird without her safety goggles when it struck her dead center in the eye! Due to the backward slant in serration of the beak/bill we could not remove it for fear of the entire eye coming with it...so I had to ride along in the ambulance with a tight grip on the bird to keep it in place...we had to tranquilize the bird...then turn both of them over to the surgeon. They both turned out fine, the re-habber has a split pupil to this day, and she released the bird back to the wild upon her recovery. The looks on the faces of all who witnessed this sight...priceless.
dr know it all

United States

#7 May 3, 2008
grapefruit stuck up his rectum? Ive seen worse than that. hotdogs to hamsters.. And some of them were actually prominent members of the community who enjoyed extracurricular activities

Since: Mar 08

Hannacroix, NY

#8 May 3, 2008
Druid wrote:
I once had the pleasure of escorting a re-habber to the local hospital with an Anhinga attached to her. She had been working on the bird without her safety goggles when it struck her dead center in the eye! Due to the backward slant in serration of the beak/bill we could not remove it for fear of the entire eye coming with it...so I had to ride along in the ambulance with a tight grip on the bird to keep it in place...we had to tranquilize the bird...then turn both of them over to the surgeon. They both turned out fine, the re-habber has a split pupil to this day, and she released the bird back to the wild upon her recovery. The looks on the faces of all who witnessed this sight...priceless.
LOL- I had a great blue heron strike and as I pulled back my head it's beak went up my nose!!! I thought it went straight through to the brain. Had to get it cauterized three times to keep the bleeding stopped. I can sympathize. But still, the EYE!
Druid

Pompano Beach, FL

#9 May 3, 2008
proteroglyph wrote:
<quoted text>LOL- I had a great blue heron strike and as I pulled back my head it's beak went up my nose!!! I thought it went straight through to the brain. Had to get it cauterized three times to keep the bleeding stopped. I can sympathize. But still, the EYE!
Holy crap! Thats gotta smart...

“cougar w/sharp claws”

Level 4

Since: Mar 08

The kitten, NOT ME!!!!

#10 May 3, 2008
dr know it all wrote:
grapefruit stuck up his rectum? Ive seen worse than that. hotdogs to hamsters.. And some of them were actually prominent members of the community who enjoyed extracurricular activities
Not gonna visit my friends in Morrison any more. Yuck!!!!
Shameless

Lincoln, NE

#11 May 3, 2008
A few years ago, I was in the hospital for a relatively routine procedure. Complications arose, and I ended up staying there an entire week.

One night, in a morphine-induced haze, I had what I thought was one of those "near death experiences".

I was drifting down a long, dark tunnel, toward a brilliant white light.

When I finally arrived there I realized the "tunnel" was actually the hospital hallway, and the "light" I was so eager to reach was just the Nurses station.

The head nurse looked up at me and said,

Go back to your room,
get back in your bed,

and STOP WEARING YOUR GOWN BACKWARDS!!

Since: Aug 07

United States

#12 May 3, 2008
These are so funny!

Okay, here's one. Let me say it's a little racy, and I apologize ahead of time if anyone is offended.

About 20 years ago I worked in a little hospital that serviced a largely rural area. I had been pulled to help out in ER...which I loved to do.

We were very busy that night. I cleaned up an exam room, and went to call back the next patient.
This lady, God love her, was about 68 years-old, 4-foot-nothing and weighed about 400 lbs. What caught my eye was her T-Shirt which had a very disturbing saying plastered across it:

"It's not how deep you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm."

Anyway, I took her back to the exam room, did her initial assessment, and asked what we could help her with. She said...and I will never forget...."I have a Kernel down 'there'" I remember thinking to myself she could have not only the "Colonel," but the whole chain of KFC...(I know, shame on me)

She then asked if I wanted to see it..........

"Um, that won't be necessary, Ma'am, just take off everything from the waist down, put this gown on, and the doctor will be in shortly."

I went to the doctors desk...he was a jovial man...and informed him of his next patient...I then whispered to him to take a glance at her T-shirt.

I continued calling back patients and assessing them, when I heard cries of, "Oh, doctor, what are you doing??!! Oh...my" coming from the woman's exam room.

As I went to check, the doctor came out of the room. I asked what happened and the doctor said:

"I guess I fished too deep."

I had to wait a moment to calm my laughter before I went to discharge the woman with a diagnosis of "Removal of Foreign Object."

“Augusy '16”

Level 8

Since: Dec 06

‘

#13 May 4, 2008
This is true... his Mom told me.

A few years ago, a small boy who was always giving trouble and was very obstinate, sprained his arm, he was taken to hospital, and everything they asked him to do,
he had a ' bold discontented expression' on him, tho' thedoctor was very nice to him, he was there with his Mom a while, getting the arm all plastered up, it took time to get it right..
In all the time he never spoke a word, although the nurses were fussing over him.

When they were almost home, he got out of the car and stasrted swinging his 'bad' arm about, immediately Mom
said 'Please STOP doing that, you must rest it'

the first word he spoke in reply was >"WELL, I don't have to stop! it is the OTHER arm I hurt''!!

For devilment he told them the wrong one .. on purpose!!!

Boys will be boys!

paisleyposey

“END THE FED!”

Level 1

Since: Feb 07

DON'T TREAD ON ME!!!!

#14 May 6, 2008
LolaFrump wrote:
These are so funny!
Okay, here's one. Let me say it's a little racy, and I apologize ahead of time if anyone is offended.
About 20 years ago I worked in a little hospital that serviced a largely rural area. I had been pulled to help out in ER...which I loved to do.
We were very busy that night. I cleaned up an exam room, and went to call back the next patient.
This lady, God love her, was about 68 years-old, 4-foot-nothing and weighed about 400 lbs. What caught my eye was her T-Shirt which had a very disturbing saying plastered across it:
"It's not how deep you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm."
Anyway, I took her back to the exam room, did her initial assessment, and asked what we could help her with. She said...and I will never forget...."I have a Kernel down 'there'" I remember thinking to myself she could have not only the "Colonel," but the whole chain of KFC...(I know, shame on me)
She then asked if I wanted to see it..........
"Um, that won't be necessary, Ma'am, just take off everything from the waist down, put this gown on, and the doctor will be in shortly."
I went to the doctors desk...he was a jovial man...and informed him of his next patient...I then whispered to him to take a glance at her T-shirt.
I continued calling back patients and assessing them, when I heard cries of, "Oh, doctor, what are you doing??!! Oh...my" coming from the woman's exam room.
As I went to check, the doctor came out of the room. I asked what happened and the doctor said:
"I guess I fished too deep."
I had to wait a moment to calm my laughter before I went to discharge the woman with a diagnosis of "Removal of Foreign Object."
OMGosh! LOL! I would not have been able to stop laughing!

paisleyposey

“END THE FED!”

Level 1

Since: Feb 07

DON'T TREAD ON ME!!!!

#15 May 6, 2008
Grace Nerissa wrote:
This is true... his Mom told me.
A few years ago, a small boy who was always giving trouble and was very obstinate, sprained his arm, he was taken to hospital, and everything they asked him to do,
he had a ' bold discontented expression' on him, tho' thedoctor was very nice to him, he was there with his Mom a while, getting the arm all plastered up, it took time to get it right..
In all the time he never spoke a word, although the nurses were fussing over him.
When they were almost home, he got out of the car and stasrted swinging his 'bad' arm about, immediately Mom
said 'Please STOP doing that, you must rest it'
the first word he spoke in reply was >"WELL, I don't have to stop! it is the OTHER arm I hurt''!!
For devilment he told them the wrong one .. on purpose!!!
Boys will be boys!
Oh boy! did you wring his neck? LOL

Since: Mar 07

Location hidden

#16 May 6, 2008
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorse the patient.
-Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

-Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

ROLFL.....

Since: Aug 07

United States

#17 May 6, 2008
paisleyposey wrote:
<quoted text>
OMGosh! LOL! I would not have been able to stop laughing!
I later asked the nurse that was with him during the exam what the foreign object was...she would just shake her head and say, "You don't wanna know."

:o)
vicky

Hesperia, CA

#18 Mar 28, 2010
Having a cronic illness I've had several funny and not so funny experiences... check out [email protected]
Krypteia

Bromley, UK

#19 Mar 29, 2010
I was in hospital having a large mole removed from my willy...
won't be trying to hump one of those again....
OnceAWalrus

Patrick, SC

#20 Jul 15, 2013
My eyes started to cross and I saw double, then blood started coming from my eyes. Here's the story:

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