Brisbane, Australia

#25137 Feb 7, 2013
I know what you really think of me

I know you want me gone

I know whenever my mouth opens you cringe

I know you think Iím stupid

I know you wish I would die

I know people hate me

I know Iím really stupid

I know I donít get you

I know you donít get me

I know you wish we really never met

And Iím sorry...

Ayr, UK

#25138 Feb 7, 2013
My wife and I were on holiday and after a few sambucas and hours of persuasion she finally agreed to take it up the arse..I was so relieved,there was no way I could get another eight pouches of tobacco in the suitcase.

Brisbane, Australia

#25139 Feb 7, 2013
"The past lives on in art and memory, but it is not static: it shifts and changes as the present throws its shadow backwards.

The landscape also changes, but far more slowly; it is a living link between what we were and what we have become.

This is one of the reasons why we feel such a profound and apparently disproportionate anguish when a loved landscape is altered out of recognition;
we lose not only a place, but ourselves, a continuity between the shifting phases of our life."

“Just a lil' humor there.....”

Since: Sep 12

OR NOT .... <[;-)

#25140 Feb 7, 2013
It's easy to lose yourself.
It's easy to forget who you are.
It's easy to forget what you want.
And that's okay.
You have to let yourself remember that.
You're a human. A living being.
Your brain might not function the way you wish all the time.
Your body might not follow your orders every time.
And that's okay.
You have to let yourself remember that.
Promise me you will try to do what you feel is right
- only at the moment.
Don't think about what will happen in a year from now.
Don't think about who you will hook up with.
Don't think.
Just let yourself be that person you feel like being.
Because it's okay to shout if you're mad.
It's okay.
I like that. Thanks for sharing it with us.:)


Spending some quiet time alone will help you maintain your sanity as the MQQn moves into your twelfth house of secrets and solitude.

The next two days may find you feeling less sociable than usual.

Honor your soul's need for regeneration. Find time to do the things that make you feel whole, peaceful and rested. There'll be time for action later.

Have a good day OFFBEAT.

“I gotta dig bick.”

Level 2

Since: Nov 10

You read that wrong.

#25141 Feb 7, 2013
Has anyone seen my ointment?

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#25142 Feb 7, 2013
I saw in the local paper where a gal named Gloria Sampsell is marrying a guy named Robert Stitts.
I can't help but wonder if she'll take his name.

Brisbane, Australia

#25143 Feb 7, 2013
"Where words come from, into consciousness, baffles me.

Speaking or writing, the words bounce instantaneously into their context, and I am victimized by them, rather than controlling them.

They do not wait for my selection; they volunteer."

“Happy Halloween”

Level 9

Since: Mar 12


#25144 Feb 7, 2013
Goodnight offbeat friends...have a good one...Smile thru it all.the world smiles back when you smile..:O)

Ayr, UK

#25146 Feb 8, 2013
The worlds first hand transplant patient is unfortunately back in hospital,his hand is ok,but his cock has rejected it!

Level 8

Since: Jun 08

Location hidden

#25147 Feb 8, 2013
Krypteia wrote:
The worlds first hand transplant patient is unfortunately back in hospital,his hand is ok,but his cock has rejected it!
lmao.... I see we are back with a vengeance .....

Level 8

Since: Jun 08

Location hidden

#25148 Feb 8, 2013
wow...... who knew 'horse meat' was so popular....

Ayr, UK

#25149 Feb 8, 2013
stacked and proud wrote:
wow...... who knew 'horse meat' was so popular....

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#25150 Feb 8, 2013
Richard III won't be the last guy to have his face reconstructed after being found in a bar parking lot.

Level 2

Since: May 12

Cashel, Ireland

#25151 Feb 8, 2013
stacked and proud wrote:
wow...... who knew 'horse meat' was so popular....

Ayr, UK

#25152 Feb 8, 2013
My gay mate who is dyslexic can't wait for February 14th,he thinks it's Vaseline Day.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#25153 Feb 9, 2013
A Burger King Whopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"

Level 8

Since: Jun 08

Location hidden

#25154 Feb 9, 2013
Krypteia wrote:
<quoted text>Kinky..
only you could turn that around.... lol

Brisbane, Australia

#25155 Feb 9, 2013

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S . Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:


The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%(now get this...)

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:$ 16,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:


Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?

A.. One thousand


Brisbane, Australia

#25156 Feb 9, 2013

What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.

When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase.........'goodnight, sleep tight.'

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'

It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'

Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service.'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?


1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.:)

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was NO #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Haywards Heath, UK

#25157 Feb 9, 2013
Last night I spent an hour defrosting the fridge,or foreplay as she likes to call it..

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