Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#24870 Jan 21, 2013
My buddy called off work Friday, telling the boss he had a terrible hangover. The boss said "If you don't come in today, don't bother coming in on Monday."

A four day weekend! My buddy sure is lucky.

Level 6

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#24871 Jan 21, 2013
Getting ready for work..

“ROCK ON ROCKERS!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 11

Rockin' USA ;)

#24872 Jan 21, 2013
Underachievers.. EXACTLY..is WHAT a friend described his two daughters.. Maybe.. they just want to a relaxed and stable life. Work, make enough bucks to pay the bills, save a bit and have FUN family vacations. NOT every child WANTS a harried lifestyle of Dad working two jobs, exhausting himself to have the PERFECT Split Level Home, NEW furniture every two years, ELITE dinner parties and KEEPING up with The Joneses... ALL because MOM wanted it all...Your children will remember TIME that you spent with them..NOT the material gift you tried to buy THEIR love with. Children are the parent's responsibility... RESPECT them FOR they are a GIFT from GOD for you to nurture and love. So DAD...lighten up!!
Homunculus Nebula

Brisbane, Australia

#24873 Jan 21, 2013
Why will the girls refuse,
why will the girls refuse ?
For every time one turns me down
I throw a fit of blues.
how can a guy go gad about
with no-one to amuse,
when each proposal meets with frown Ė
some clues, your views ?


Why canít they be content,
when taken out to dine
to Fredís fine fish and chip bazaar
with water Ďstead of wine,
it went down well with you and pa
before the parking fine,
so if we walk Ė no need for car Ė
why will Miss Prissy whine ?


Iím sure Iíve done my best, mamma,
to keep them at my heels,
and yet if ever weíre alone
each wretched creature squeals
should I embrace a funny bone
or wonder what conceals
the iron curtain of a bra
in kevlar none unpeels.


I only weigh five hundred pounds

must wait grow hand in hand

with weight whence maestro singer's sounds

are heard throughout the land ?

And why on Earth must out of bounds

my girth appear ? I'm grand,

although I cannot ride to hounds -

why won't ONE understand ?


Iím only fifty-four, mamma,
I long for one sure fling,-
if plastic painted proper shines
why wonít one wear my ring ?
Iíve duly learned my deaf-dumb signs
so studiously to bring
a new dimension to my lines Ė
each answers sharply, stings.


I try to psycho-analyse
the promises unkept,
Iíve kept my privates undersize
well hidden though I wept.
Iíve tried ignoring petty lies,
ate humble pies, and yet
I wait for one who Ďyes !í replies
to sighs none intercept...


If I invite to nightclub bar
there's someone else she'll choose.
Some say I seem far too bizarre
no socks and two left shoes,
tied up with string from old guitar -
it cost too much to lose -
while last semester's hershey bar
their judgement must confuse.


I've tried to spill a pint of scent
signed 'Channel' overseas -
though made in China it is meant
to conjur birds and bees.
I've spent darn almost every cent
yet all I get is tease,
though each and every compliment
is sent upon my knees

Why wonít they foot some bills,
why wonít they foot some bills ?
I put them up on pedestals
they put me down plug swills,
and if I dare suggest I care,
receive a look that kills,
it isnít fair the fair, mamma,
my gifts repay with ills,
the while, of course, they no holds bar
suggesting codicils.


In lavish clubs they love each rubs
me up wrong way, refills
the ladle full of caviar,
with much to spare as spills,
they eat their fills yet naught fulfills,
then pop pink slimming pills.
I double check when check appears,
groan green about the gills.


Years Iíve collected paper clips,
and clips about the ears
when I suggest that kissing lips
is sporty after beers,
Iím met with tears, canít come to grips
With undeservŤd fears
Confusing each advance as slips
before maid disappears.!


Why will the girls refuse, mamma,
why will the girls refuse ?
Hint of condition mint, have cased
the joint, left heavy clues,
I'll copy paste, give diamonds (paste),
reprint blogs which amuse,
yet all my efforts run to waste
though many tricks I use.


I've tried to post on Internet
in I.M., verse, and prose,
I've tried to run a contest yet,
although they queue in rows
for points not one appoints me pet
and should I dare propose,
they shy off, cry, regret or fret,
communication close.


Why will the girls refuse, Mamma,
why will the girls refuse ?

Debs' spider webs my brushes tar,

however snide I'd ruse.

They sense me coming from afar,

spin s[l]ick silk cunning glues,

peruse their residues as scar

which [t]issues must confuse.


Why will the girls refuse, Mamma,
why will the girls refuse ?
when shy it doesn't get me far,
when bold they blow a fuse !


when no holds barred the siren car
my motives may accuse,
and when I wish on shooting star

they still, they still refuse !

“The golden age is before us, ”

Level 2

Since: Jan 13

not behind us.

#24874 Jan 21, 2013
Colorado Chick wrote:
<quoted text> Have you been visiting The Three Bears again??
*looks guilty* YES.

“The golden age is before us, ”

Level 2

Since: Jan 13

not behind us.

#24875 Jan 21, 2013
Homunculus Nebula wrote:
Why will the girls refuse,
why will the girls refuse ?
For every time one turns me down
I throw a fit of blues.
how can a guy go gad about
with no-one to amuse,
when each proposal meets with frown Ė
some clues, your views ?
Why canít they be content,
when taken out to dine
to Fredís fine fish and chip bazaar
with water Ďstead of wine,
it went down well with you and pa
before the parking fine,
so if we walk Ė no need for car Ė
why will Miss Prissy whine ?
Iím sure Iíve done my best, mamma,
to keep them at my heels,
and yet if ever weíre alone
each wretched creature squeals
should I embrace a funny bone
or wonder what conceals
the iron curtain of a bra
in kevlar none unpeels.
I only weigh five hundred pounds
must wait grow hand in hand
with weight whence maestro singer's sounds
are heard throughout the land ?
And why on Earth must out of bounds
my girth appear ? I'm grand,
although I cannot ride to hounds -
why won't ONE understand ?
Iím only fifty-four, mamma,
I long for one sure fling,-
if plastic painted proper shines
why wonít one wear my ring ?
Iíve duly learned my deaf-dumb signs
so studiously to bring
a new dimension to my lines Ė
each answers sharply, stings.
I try to psycho-analyse
the promises unkept,
Iíve kept my privates undersize
well hidden though I wept.
Iíve tried ignoring petty lies,
ate humble pies, and yet
I wait for one who Ďyes !í replies
to sighs none intercept...
If I invite to nightclub bar
there's someone else she'll choose.
Some say I seem far too bizarre
no socks and two left shoes,
tied up with string from old guitar -
it cost too much to lose -
while last semester's hershey bar
their judgement must confuse.
I've tried to spill a pint of scent
signed 'Channel' overseas -
though made in China it is meant
to conjur birds and bees.
I've spent darn almost every cent
yet all I get is tease,
though each and every compliment
is sent upon my knees
Why wonít they foot some bills,
why wonít they foot some bills ?
I put them up on pedestals
they put me down plug swills,
and if I dare suggest I care,
receive a look that kills,
it isnít fair the fair, mamma,
my gifts repay with ills,
the while, of course, they no holds bar
suggesting codicils.
In lavish clubs they love each rubs
me up wrong way, refills
the ladle full of caviar,
with much to spare as spills,
they eat their fills yet naught fulfills,
then pop pink slimming pills.
I double check when check appears,
groan green about the gills.
Years Iíve collected paper clips,
and clips about the ears
when I suggest that kissing lips
is sporty after beers,
Iím met with tears, canít come to grips
With undeservŤd fears
Confusing each advance as slips
before maid disappears.!
Why will the girls refuse, mamma,
why will the girls refuse ?
Hint of condition mint, have cased
the joint, left heavy clues,
I'll copy paste, give diamonds (paste),
reprint blogs which amuse,
yet all my efforts run to waste
though many tricks I use.
I've tried to post on Internet
in I.M., verse, and prose,
I've tried to run a contest yet,
although they queue in rows
for points not one appoints me pet
and should I dare propose,
they shy off, cry, regret or fret,
communication close.
Why will the girls refuse, Mamma,
why will the girls refuse ?
Debs' spider webs my brushes tar,
however snide I'd ruse.
They sense me coming from afar,
spin s[l]ick silk cunning glues,
peruse their residues as scar
which [t]issues must confuse.
Why will the girls refuse, Mamma,
why will the girls refuse ?
when shy it doesn't get me far,
when bold they blow a fuse !
when no holds barred the siren car
my motives may accuse,
and when I wish on shooting star
they still, they still refuse !
Black? Is that you? I KNOW that poetry!

“The golden age is before us, ”

Level 2

Since: Jan 13

not behind us.

#24876 Jan 21, 2013
Homunculus Nebula wrote:
Why will the girls refuse,
why will the girls refuse ?
For every time one turns me down
I throw a fit of blues.
how can a guy go gad about
with no-one to amuse,
when each proposal meets with frown Ė
some clues, your views ?
Why canít they be content,
when taken out to dine
to Fredís fine fish and chip bazaar
with water Ďstead of wine,
it went down well with you and pa
before the parking fine,
so if we walk Ė no need for car Ė
why will Miss Prissy whine ?
Iím sure Iíve done my best, mamma,
to keep them at my heels,
and yet if ever weíre alone
each wretched creature squeals
should I embrace a funny bone
or wonder what conceals
the iron curtain of a bra
in kevlar none unpeels.
I only weigh five hundred pounds
must wait grow hand in hand
with weight whence maestro singer's sounds
are heard throughout the land ?
And why on Earth must out of bounds
my girth appear ? I'm grand,
although I cannot ride to hounds -
why won't ONE understand ?
Iím only fifty-four, mamma,
I long for one sure fling,-
if plastic painted proper shines
why wonít one wear my ring ?
Iíve duly learned my deaf-dumb signs
so studiously to bring
a new dimension to my lines Ė
each answers sharply, stings.
I try to psycho-analyse
the promises unkept,
Iíve kept my privates undersize
well hidden though I wept.
Iíve tried ignoring petty lies,
ate humble pies, and yet
I wait for one who Ďyes !í replies
to sighs none intercept...
If I invite to nightclub bar
there's someone else she'll choose.
Some say I seem far too bizarre
no socks and two left shoes,
tied up with string from old guitar -
it cost too much to lose -
while last semester's hershey bar
their judgement must confuse.
I've tried to spill a pint of scent
signed 'Channel' overseas -
though made in China it is meant
to conjur birds and bees.
I've spent darn almost every cent
yet all I get is tease,
though each and every compliment
is sent upon my knees
Why wonít they foot some bills,
why wonít they foot some bills ?
I put them up on pedestals
they put me down plug swills,
and if I dare suggest I care,
receive a look that kills,
it isnít fair the fair, mamma,
my gifts repay with ills,
the while, of course, they no holds bar
suggesting codicils.
In lavish clubs they love each rubs
me up wrong way, refills
the ladle full of caviar,
with much to spare as spills,
they eat their fills yet naught fulfills,
then pop pink slimming pills.
I double check when check appears,
groan green about the gills.
Years Iíve collected paper clips,
and clips about the ears
when I suggest that kissing lips
is sporty after beers,
Iím met with tears, canít come to grips
With undeservŤd fears
Confusing each advance as slips
before maid disappears.!
Why will the girls refuse, mamma,
why will the girls refuse ?
Hint of condition mint, have cased
the joint, left heavy clues,
I'll copy paste, give diamonds (paste),
reprint blogs which amuse,
yet all my efforts run to waste
though many tricks I use.
I've tried to post on Internet
in I.M., verse, and prose,
I've tried to run a contest yet,
although they queue in rows
for points not one appoints me pet
and should I dare propose,
they shy off, cry, regret or fret,
communication close.
Why will the girls refuse, Mamma,
why will the girls refuse ?
Debs' spider webs my brushes tar,
however snide I'd ruse.
They sense me coming from afar,
spin s[l]ick silk cunning glues,
peruse their residues as scar
which [t]issues must confuse.
Why will the girls refuse, Mamma,
why will the girls refuse ?
when shy it doesn't get me far,
when bold they blow a fuse !
when no holds barred the siren car
my motives may accuse,
and when I wish on shooting star
they still, they still refuse !
Is this Black from Surfers paradise? I KNOW that poetry Black!

“M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S”

Level 9

Since: Mar 12

And Have A Happy New Year

#24877 Jan 21, 2013
Its not who is real to your face,its about who stays real behind your back.!!!

“The golden age is before us, ”

Level 2

Since: Jan 13

not behind us.

#24878 Jan 22, 2013
^ hell yea. So true.

Level 2

Since: May 12

Dublin, Ireland

#24879 Jan 22, 2013
Princess Hey wrote:
Its not who is real to your face,its about who stays real behind your back.!!!
Amen to that, post pf the day!

Level 9

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#24880 Jan 22, 2013
Good Morning Niter.Hope you are ok.Miss you around here.

“M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S”

Level 9

Since: Mar 12

And Have A Happy New Year

#24881 Jan 22, 2013
Renegade_22 wrote:
<quoted text>
Amen to that, post pf the day!
Hey my bestests how are you??im good..hope your day is a good one..I like seeing you around..take care..LY..:O)

“frequently laughing”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Hotel California

#24882 Jan 22, 2013
Wolfganged wrote:
<quoted text>
Is this Black from Surfers paradise? I KNOW that poetry Black!
Adrian is a well known plagiarist. He will spam threads with another poets poetry and never give the authors credit. Oddly enough it seems he told another to stay off "his" threads, yet he posts where he likes. Many women here adore him, then he treats them like crap and they cry.

Double standards, sadistic mind games and a plagiarist, a real gem of Offbeat.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#24883 Jan 22, 2013
The only thing worse than the guy who doesn't wash his hands after taking a leak in a public toilet is the guy who just goes straight to the hand dryer.
DILF

Medford, NY

#24884 Jan 22, 2013
Always Wary wrote:
<quoted text>Adrian is a well known plagiarist. He will spam threads with another poets poetry and never give the authors credit. Oddly enough it seems he told another to stay off "his" threads, yet he posts where he likes. Many women here adore him, then he treats them like crap and they cry.
Double standards, sadistic mind games and a plagiarist, a real gem of Offbeat.
I love it.
It makes women appreciate the likes of me more!!!!

;-)
Homunculus Nebula

Brisbane, Australia

#24885 Jan 23, 2013
Always Wary wrote:
<quoted text>Adrian is a well known plagiarist. He will spam threads with another poets poetry and never give the authors credit. Oddly enough it seems he told another to stay off "his" threads, yet he posts where he likes. Many women here adore him, then he treats them like crap and they cry.
Double standards, sadistic mind games and a plagiarist, a real gem of Offbeat.
This alone is what I wish for you:
knowledge.

To understand each desire has an edge,
to know we are responsible for the lives
we change.

No faith comes without cost,
no one believes without dying.

Now for the first time
I see clearly the trail you planted,
what ground opened to waste,
though you dreamed a wealth
of pretty flowers.

There are no curses Ė only mirrors
held up to the souls
of gods and mortals.

And so I give up this fate, too.
Believe in yourself,

go ahead Ė see where it gets you.

~DeVine.
Level 5

Since: Jun 12

Location hidden

#24886 Jan 23, 2013
Hope Everyone has a good day!

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#24887 Jan 23, 2013
I was up before dawn this morning because I wanted to walk the dog, but can't because the wife hid my yo-yo.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#24888 Jan 23, 2013
At what age will Ryan Gosling have to change his last name to Goose?

“frequently laughing”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Hotel California

#24889 Jan 23, 2013
Homunculus Nebula wrote:
<quoted text>
This alone is what I wish for you:
knowledge.
To understand each desire has an edge,
to know we are responsible for the lives
we change.
No faith comes without cost,
no one believes without dying.
Now for the first time
I see clearly the trail you planted,
what ground opened to waste,
though you dreamed a wealth
of pretty flowers.
There are no curses Ė only mirrors
held up to the souls
of gods and mortals.
And so I give up this fate, too.
Believe in yourself,
go ahead Ė see where it gets you.
~DeVine.
"Demeter's Prayer to Hades" from Mother Love by Rita Dove

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rita_Dove
http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Love-Poems-Rita-...

:)

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