i got a joke today you wana hear it

Posted in the Weird Forum

Level 6

Since: Apr 09

Location hidden

#1 Mar 15, 2013
In response to the Sandy Hook school shooting, the LA police Department will send an officer to visit every school in LA County at least once a day. Some parents have expressed fears that it may be dangerous to introduce a group used to seeing gun play and violence on a daily basis.
But the cops insist they know the dangers and will wear extra body armor. I woke up dying for a pee in the middle of the night, and spotted a Muslim sneaking around the next door neighbor's yard.
Suddenly, my neighbor came out of nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.
Astonished, I got back into bed. Jeannie stated, "You're shaking, Jack, what is it?"
"You'll never believe what I just saw," I said. "That bastard next door still has my shovel!"

“Geaux Tigers!”

Level 9

Since: Jun 12

Down on the bayou

#2 Mar 16, 2013
LoL.

“We're all Bozos on this bus”

Since: Jan 07

Indianapolis, IN

#3 Mar 16, 2013
I usually do my shaking over the toilet and then pull my pants up. Going back to bed to do it is really pretty gross.

Since: Jan 07

Location Shown

#4 Mar 16, 2013
If you shake it more than twice your playing with it.

“Geaux Tigers!”

Level 9

Since: Jun 12

Down on the bayou

#5 Mar 16, 2013
Big Time wrote:
If you shake it more than twice your playing with it.
So i'm playing with it; sue me. LoL.

Since: Jan 07

Location Shown

#6 Mar 16, 2013
Hello
How are you doing?
I am Miss Helen to be brief, I came across your contact today
while searching for a good business relationship and also foreign
partnership, I want to know more about you, and if you do not mind you
can write me back.and i shall send you my pictures and tell you more about my self,
My best regards.
Helen,

This was in an e-mail, no joke

Level 6

Since: Apr 09

Location hidden

#7 Mar 16, 2013
Big Time wrote:
Hello
How are you doing?
I am Miss Helen to be brief, I came across your contact today
while searching for a good business relationship and also foreign
partnership, I want to know more about you, and if you do not mind you
can write me back.and i shall send you my pictures and tell you more about my self,
My best regards.
Helen,
This was in an e-mail, no joke
sounds like some one trying to scam don,t wright back they will hack and get your info

Since: Jan 07

Location Shown

#8 Mar 16, 2013
Don't tell me that, I think this one has to be real,..

The reason why I am contacting you from my sick bed is because I want to divide
the part of my husband wealth to contribute to the development of the church
andMosque in Africa, America,and Asia And also in Europe. I prayed over it, and I am
willing to donate the sum of Five Million Great Britain pounds (5,000,000.00 GP) to
the less privileged and orphanage Home through you.My God is the one that directed
me to you and I want you to use 70% this funds to work for God and keep 30% to
yourself. Please I want you to note that this fund is lying in a Bank and upon my
instruction, my Bank will proceed with their transfer Procedures once they get some
vital information from you as my next Beneficiary.
Dangerous Brian

UK

#9 Mar 16, 2013
Big Time wrote:
Don't tell me that, I think this one has to be real,..

The reason why I am contacting you from my sick bed is because I want to divide
the part of my husband wealth to contribute to the development of the church
andMosque in Africa, America,and Asia And also in Europe. I prayed over it, and I am
willing to donate the sum of Five Million Great Britain pounds (5,000,000.00 GP) to
the less privileged and orphanage Home through you.My God is the one that directed
me to you and I want you to use 70% this funds to work for God and keep 30% to
yourself. Please I want you to note that this fund is lying in a Bank and upon my
instruction, my Bank will proceed with their transfer Procedures once they get some
vital information from you as my next Beneficiary.
I'll take it in cash if that's ok

Level 6

Since: Apr 09

Location hidden

#10 Mar 16, 2013
Today's Joke


After 25 years of marriage, a husband took a long look at his wife one day and said: "Twenty-five years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, and I slept on a sofa bed, but I got to sleep every night with a sexy twenty-six year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, a nice car and a big bed, but I'm sleeping with a fifty-one year old woman. It seems that you're not pulling your weight."

She replied calmly: "Then why don't you go out and find a sexy twenty-six year old blonde? And when you do, I'll make sure once again that you'll be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed."

“Still Waters Run Deep”

Level 6

Since: Sep 11

Waters Edge

#11 Mar 16, 2013
Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.
Anonymous

Sydney, Australia

#13 Mar 16, 2013
Dragon Dreamer wrote:
Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.
funny!
what do you call a nun who walks in her sleep???
a roaming catholic:))))))))

Since: Jan 07

Location Shown

#14 Mar 16, 2013
A blind cowboy wonders into a girls bar and sits down and orders a drink feeling a lil uneasy hes says loudly hey let me tell yall a blond joke the bar tender rushs over and say wait a min cowboy before u tell that joke over there at the jukes boxes is emma she is a ex pro wrestler and she is blond over at the pool table there is beth and sarah beth just got out of a 10 year stay in prison and she is blond sarah is a 6 foot biker and blond the girl to ur left is 300 pounds and blond and sir i am a blond now do u real want to tell that joke.......





the cowboy replys why hell no i dont what to have to tell it 5 times lol

Level 6

Since: Apr 09

Location hidden

#15 Mar 16, 2013
lol those are all funny

Level 6

Since: Apr 09

Location hidden

#16 Mar 17, 2013
Today's Joke

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Screw him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Since: Jan 07

Location Shown

#17 Mar 18, 2013
This blonde was at a coke machine and and put her change in and mashed a button and out comes a drink. So she puts some more change in and pushed another button and out comes a drink.

She keeps putting change in and pushing buttons and getting drinks. Here comes a man and asks the blonde if she is gonna be through at this machine any time soon and she responds

"I'm not gonna quit until I stop winning."

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