Come on...Tell me a joke

“"*" Always Thinking "*"”

Level 8

Since: Nov 12

Tree City

#7124 Dec 24, 2013
Here's 13 of them:
http://www.youtube.com/watch...

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7125 Dec 24, 2013
In The News: President Obama sends gay delegates to the Sochi Olympics

In Other News: President Putin sends gay delegates to the Siberian Salt Mines

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7126 Dec 24, 2013
My son was with his long-time girlfriend, and he sat her down and said "There's something I need to do."

"What is it?" she asked. "You're scaring me."

He said "I don't want to be your boyfriend any more."

She jumped up and slapped him in the face, then started cussing and yelling at him. As she stormed out of the house she slammed the door, screaming "I hope you die! Never talk to me again, you son-of-a-bitch!"

My son was devastated.

"Two thousand dollars," he said sadly. "This engagement ring cost me two thousand dollars."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7127 Dec 26, 2013
My buddy has lost his mind when it comes to the latest technology. I was at his house yesterday when I saw his latest purchase.

"How big IS that?" I asked.

"It's a 70 inch screen. It's also true 19:9 aspect ratio with full High Definition and has LED technology. Why? What's wrong with it?"

"Dude," I said. "It's a f*cking calculator."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7128 Dec 26, 2013
I just saw a message in a different thread where someone wrote "Final day at work tomorrow, then vacation. I go back on January 9th... I CAN'T WAIT!"

He must really love his job.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#7129 Dec 26, 2013
What is the difference between an angry rooster and a crooked lawyer?

The rooster clucks defiance.

“Towards Spring”

Level 8

Since: Dec 06

Location hidden

#7130 Dec 26, 2013
Lady buying curtain material in a shop..
calls passer by and asks

'What is the difference between 1 Yard and 2 Yards'

he replied..

'A fence':)

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#7131 Dec 26, 2013
What's the difference between a wrecked motorcycle and 2 lesbians having sex?

One is a bike in a ditch...

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7133 Dec 27, 2013
There are three things I still really want to do this year, but they're sisters... so it's going to be tricky.

Level 8

Since: Dec 08

Germantown, OH

#7134 Dec 27, 2013
Q: What's the difference between snowmen and snow women?


A: Snow Balls

“Hi!”

Level 2

Since: Jun 12

Location hidden

#7135 Dec 27, 2013
White Fire wrote:
Q: What's the difference between snowmen and snow women?


A: Snow Balls
Hahahahahahahahaha

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7136 Dec 28, 2013
A guy comes home early one day and finds his wife sitting naked in the bedroom.

"Why are you sitting there naked?" he asked.

"Because I don't have any clothes to wear."

"Bullsh*t," the guy says, opening the closet door. "You have tons of clothes. Look, here's a red dress, here's a blue dress, here's Steve, here's a flowered dress......."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7137 Dec 28, 2013
North Korea sent a fax to South Korea warning that they will attack "mercilessly and without notice."

Well, except for this time, when they sent an early notice.

By fax.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7138 Dec 29, 2013
My mother-in-law has a very thick southern accent, and sometimes it makes her words and phrases sound odd. As an example, "frog" sounds like "frawg" and "talk" sounds like "tawk."

The best example is when she says "I love you" and it comes out "You're a real f*cking disappointment."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7139 Dec 30, 2013
My New Year's resolution for 2010: I will get my weight below 170 pounds.

My New Year's resolution for 2011: I will follow my diet plan religiously until I get below 200 pounds.

My New Year's resolution for 2012: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

My New Year's resolution for 2013: I will work out three days a week.

My New Year's resolution for 2014: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7140 Dec 31, 2013
My grandson came into the room and proudly said "We went Christmas singing, papaw!"

"Great," I smiled. "How did it go?"

"We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year!"

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7141 Dec 31, 2013
New Year's Eve

The optimist stays up to see the new year in, while the pessimist stays up to make sure the old one leaves.

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#7142 Dec 31, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
New Year's Eve
The optimist stays up to see the new year in, while the pessimist stays up to make sure the old one leaves.
And the optometrist will check both of them's eyes so they can see either one.

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

Location hidden

#7143 Dec 31, 2013
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"...

Level 9

Since: Feb 12

Location hidden

#7144 Dec 31, 2013
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of the forest one night . After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes."...

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