Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7082 Dec 4, 2013
What smokes and has two eyes?

Pompeii.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7083 Dec 4, 2013
When I met my current girlfriend, she was learning to cast a fishing line at the lake.

That's when she caught my eye.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7084 Dec 4, 2013
On my first day on the ship everyone kept asking me if I'd found my sea legs yet. I didn't fall for it, though.

I know seals don't lay eggs.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7085 Dec 4, 2013
My old grandmother always has a song in her heart.

Somehow her pacemaker picks up a local radio rock station.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#7086 Dec 4, 2013
Little Billy went crying to his mother at his birthday party, regarding the magician that they had hired. "Mommy! I thought the magic guy was supposed to pull a rabbit out of his HAT!!"

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#7087 Dec 4, 2013
"In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is
a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress" -- John Aams

Level 8

Since: Jan 11

Location hidden

#7088 Dec 4, 2013
Penis Fracture.(there's a groaner for ya!)

Level 8

Since: Jan 11

Location hidden

#7089 Dec 4, 2013

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7090 Dec 5, 2013
My grandpa drove to the edge of his farm, pointed forward and said "When you're eighteen, this will be yours." I was ecstatic.

True to his word, when I turned 18 he had the truck windshield sent to my house.

“Hi!”

Level 2

Since: Jun 12

Location hidden

#7091 Dec 5, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
My grandpa drove to the edge of his farm, pointed forward and said "When you're eighteen, this will be yours." I was ecstatic.

True to his word, when I turned 18 he had the truck windshield sent to my house.
Are y'all frozen yet up there? Stay warm Hoofy!

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7092 Dec 5, 2013
Brandiiiiiiii wrote:
<quoted text>
Are y'all frozen yet up there? Stay warm Hoofy!
LOL! No, nowhere close to frozen. we're in the upper 50's with rain. Bad stuff is (supposed) to be here overnight... rain to freezing rain to wintry mix to snow. Thank you, dear Brandiiiiiiii, for asking!

“Hi!”

Level 2

Since: Jun 12

Location hidden

#7093 Dec 5, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
<quoted text>LOL! No, nowhere close to frozen. we're in the upper 50's with rain. Bad stuff is (supposed) to be here overnight... rain to freezing rain to wintry mix to snow. Thank you, dear Brandiiiiiiii, for asking!
Your welcome! One more thing....I'm in the Deep South and you're up yonder. You are in the 50's and we are freezing and going to drop in the teens, what the HELL? I water ski....not snow ski!!!! Brrrrrrrr......

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7094 Dec 6, 2013
Brandiiiiiiii wrote:
<quoted text>
Your welcome! One more thing....I'm in the Deep South and you're up yonder. You are in the 50's and we are freezing and going to drop in the teens, what the HELL? I water ski....not snow ski!!!! Brrrrrrrr......
We're back to our normal temps... 30's right now, 20's later today and in the teens tonight with rain, sleet, freezing rain and snow in the meantime. Schools are being cancelled left and right. When I got home last night our road had been without power for three hours, but the electric company was working on the lines and, about fifteen minutes later, we were back on-line. I don't know what the problem was, but it makes me wonder if we'll be having problems when the snow starts falling. We hope not. But we have a bathroom INSIDE and we're not sleeping OUTSIDE, so life is good.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7095 Dec 6, 2013
My buddy said he's ready for Christmas and is filled with the spirit.

But it's mostly vodka.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#7096 Dec 6, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
<quoted text>
We're back to our normal temps... 30's right now, 20's later today and in the teens tonight with rain, sleet, freezing rain and snow in the meantime. Schools are being cancelled left and right. When I got home last night our road had been without power for three hours, but the electric company was working on the lines and, about fifteen minutes later, we were back on-line. I don't know what the problem was, but it makes me wonder if we'll be having problems when the snow starts falling. We hope not. But we have a bathroom INSIDE and we're not sleeping OUTSIDE, so life is good.
Where ya from Hoof?

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7097 Dec 7, 2013
JM_Brazil wrote:
<quoted text>
Where ya from Hoof?
The hills of Southeast Ohio.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7098 Dec 7, 2013
As we walked in the door, mom asked "Did you guys tie the dog up and put him in the kennel?"

We turned right around and ran back to the canal.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#7099 Dec 9, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
As we walked in the door, mom asked "Did you guys tie the dog up and put him in the kennel?"
We turned right around and ran back to the canal.
LOL!!
Coastal CT myself.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#7100 Dec 9, 2013
One of Murphy's laws;

Even the smallest hole will quickly drain even the largest container; unless it was put there for drainage, in which case it will clog.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7101 Dec 10, 2013
If our government were as strictly regulated as the cut off time for breakfast at McDonalds, there would be no problems with our economy.

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