Come on...Tell me a joke

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7044 Nov 21, 2013
I see the power companies have already put the Christmas lights up.

By another 10%.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7045 Nov 21, 2013
My buddy got arrested as he left Wal Mart.

"I just forgot to put it back," he told me. "I tried to explain, but they wouldn't listen."

He's been charged with indecent exposure.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7046 Nov 21, 2013
I'm trying to talk my buddy out of naming his newborn son after an insect, but he's very Adam Ant about it.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7047 Nov 21, 2013
My sister-in-law was reading one of those women's magazines and commented "It says here that supermarkets are a good place to meet single women. Hmmm. No one's ever asked me out while at the supermarket."

"That," I said without thinking, "is because they take one look at your shopping cart and think you're married with four kids."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7048 Nov 22, 2013
Wells Fargo Mortgage has reported a $62 million dollar profit for last year.

All thanks to an 82 year old woman in Florida who missed one payment on her $500 loan.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#7049 Nov 22, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
I'm trying to talk my buddy out of naming his newborn son after an insect, but he's very Adam Ant about it.
That's re-tick-ulous

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7050 Nov 22, 2013
If you think THAT'S re-tick-lous, I quit a part time job at the bird sanctuary because they had me debugging the parrots.

I was sick of all the Polly ticks.

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#7051 Nov 22, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
If you think THAT'S re-tick-lous, I quit a part time job at the bird sanctuary because they had me debugging the parrots.
I was sick of all the Polly ticks.
I feel for you, but it's still better thn working at the zoo. Way too much bear-aucracy...

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7052 Nov 23, 2013
JM_Brazil wrote:
<quoted text>
I feel for you, but it's still better thn working at the zoo. Way too much bear-aucracy...
We need a "groan" icon :D

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7053 Nov 23, 2013
Jesse James has come up with an unusual defense to explain his cheating on Sandra Bullock. He now says he was trying to cure his premature ejaculation problems.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7054 Nov 23, 2013
My buddy's son was complaining because he can't get a girlfriend.

"Maybe you're looking too hard," I suggested.

Now he won't wear his leather jacket, has died his hair yellow and got a Justin Bieber tattoo.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7055 Nov 23, 2013
My boss said he wants me to do more to help meet the company's zero emissions target.

I told him I couldn't help it... chili does that to me.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7056 Nov 23, 2013
This has turned into the Brazil-Arted thread.

“Hi!”

Level 2

Since: Jun 12

Location hidden

#7057 Nov 23, 2013
Hoof Arted wrote:
This has turned into the Brazil-Arted thread.
Keep it going you two, we are watching.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7058 Nov 24, 2013
Brandiiiiiiii wrote:
<quoted text>
Keep it going you two, we are watching.
Three of us. Thanks!

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7059 Nov 24, 2013
In The News: Victoria Beckham reveals a mountain of shoes she's donating for the Phillipines in the wake of Typoon Haiyan.

Hey, a girl's got to look her best when crawling through rubble.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7060 Nov 24, 2013
Life isn't fair. I wear pajamas all day, every day, and I'm a "lazy bum."

But Hugh Hefner does it and gets 22 year old girlfriends.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#7061 Nov 24, 2013
My buddy got blind drunk last night and I was worried about him making it home and not hooking up with one of gals at the bar.

When I phoned him this morning, he said he was next to some fat chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew he made it okay.

Spirit67_
Level 5

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#7062 Nov 24, 2013
I don't know one, but I have to go!

“Up with which, I will not put”

Since: Jul 08

Sao Paulo

#7063 Nov 25, 2013
A local Irishman was at his favorite pub one afternoon, and had a bit too much to drink. He tried to get up off his barstool but fell flat on his face. He tried several times to get up but couldn't. With much effort he ended up dragging himself out of the bar and down the street to his house, where his wife awaited for him at the door.
"You've been drinkin at the pub again haven't ya Shamus?"

"whaaa maakez you thiink dat?"

"Well, for starters the pub owner called and said you forgot yer wheelchair again..."

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