Parden Pard

Bath, PA

#6914 Sep 30, 2013
When does Chuck Norris watch Television,,???
On Saturdays,During college football games,When He's chocking extremist terrorists.(and gotta stay home to feed the baby)

Level 8

Since: Jan 11

Location hidden

#6916 Sep 30, 2013
Chuck Norris can make the road cross the chicken.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6917 Sep 30, 2013
Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6918 Oct 1, 2013
My buddy has started a leaf clearing business.

He says he'll be raking it in.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6919 Oct 1, 2013
A gang of bikers swaggered into the bar and one of them said to the bartender "Give us 38 beers, and give one to the guy at the end of the bar with the broken leg."

The fellow at the end of the bar said "Thanks for the beer, but I haven't got a broken leg."

And the biker said "You will have if you don't buy the next round."
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6920 Oct 1, 2013
Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6922 Oct 2, 2013
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad that milk comes out their nose.9

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6923 Oct 3, 2013
A young man came to our door yesterday and asked if he could leave me a pamphlet explaining how the U.S. should be governed.

"No thanks," I said. "I'm registered at Topix."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6924 Oct 3, 2013
"I'd say it's water resistant more than water proof," the salesman said. "There's a subtle difference."

"I know that," I told him. "So I think we'll look for a boat elsewhere."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6925 Oct 3, 2013
A study was recently released saying that having a cat makes you 40 % less likely to have a heart attack.
Like your cat would really give a crap.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6926 Oct 3, 2013
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6927 Oct 4, 2013
In The News: "If Women have excessive belly fat and a 'muffin top, it can be fatal"

Especially if you mention it to them

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6928 Oct 4, 2013
America has shutdown and is on the verge of collapse, but the politicians want to cut healthcare, not war.

I just don't understand.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6929 Oct 4, 2013
Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has at least two testicles

Level 4

Since: Apr 13

Toronto, Canada

#6930 Oct 5, 2013
After examining the female patient the doctor tells her; You have acute angina!
The patient punched him in the mouth.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6931 Oct 5, 2013
In The News: "Hundreds of jellyfish shut down Swedish nuclear reactor."

Big deal. In America, spineless jellyfish shut down the entire government.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6932 Oct 5, 2013
A local bartender was hospitalized after a pallet of beer fell on him Friday night. He would have been discovered sooner, but every time he yelled "The drinks are on me" everyone just cheered and bellied up to the bar.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6933 Oct 5, 2013
Before going on stage Chuck Norris breaks someone's leg for good luck.

“The Grim Reaper Is Fictional ”

Level 5

Since: Mar 13

But We Will All Meet Him

#6934 Oct 5, 2013
As I ran out of the supermarket this morning, the fat security guard started chasing me. After running around the parking lot a few times, I finally came to a stop. He grabbed me and breathlessly said, "Open your jacket." So I unzipped it and said,"I've got nothing" "Then why the fuck did you run?" he asked. "Because I thought you could do with the exercise you fat bastard." I replied

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6935 Oct 6, 2013
There's a new movie about a Muslim who mocks fat women, then hallucinates after eating rancid meat.

It's called Shallow Halal.

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