Come on...Tell me a joke
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6917 Sep 30, 2013
Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6918 Oct 1, 2013
My buddy has started a leaf clearing business.

He says he'll be raking it in.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6919 Oct 1, 2013
A gang of bikers swaggered into the bar and one of them said to the bartender "Give us 38 beers, and give one to the guy at the end of the bar with the broken leg."

The fellow at the end of the bar said "Thanks for the beer, but I haven't got a broken leg."

And the biker said "You will have if you don't buy the next round."
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6920 Oct 1, 2013
Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6922 Oct 2, 2013
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad that milk comes out their nose.9

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6923 Oct 3, 2013
A young man came to our door yesterday and asked if he could leave me a pamphlet explaining how the U.S. should be governed.

"No thanks," I said. "I'm registered at Topix."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6924 Oct 3, 2013
"I'd say it's water resistant more than water proof," the salesman said. "There's a subtle difference."

"I know that," I told him. "So I think we'll look for a boat elsewhere."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6925 Oct 3, 2013
A study was recently released saying that having a cat makes you 40 % less likely to have a heart attack.
Like your cat would really give a crap.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6926 Oct 3, 2013
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6927 Oct 4, 2013
In The News: "If Women have excessive belly fat and a 'muffin top, it can be fatal"

Especially if you mention it to them

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6928 Oct 4, 2013
America has shutdown and is on the verge of collapse, but the politicians want to cut healthcare, not war.

I just don't understand.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6929 Oct 4, 2013
Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has at least two testicles

Level 4

Since: Apr 13

Toronto, Canada

#6930 Oct 5, 2013
After examining the female patient the doctor tells her; You have acute angina!
The patient punched him in the mouth.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6931 Oct 5, 2013
In The News: "Hundreds of jellyfish shut down Swedish nuclear reactor."

Big deal. In America, spineless jellyfish shut down the entire government.

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6932 Oct 5, 2013
A local bartender was hospitalized after a pallet of beer fell on him Friday night. He would have been discovered sooner, but every time he yelled "The drinks are on me" everyone just cheered and bellied up to the bar.
joke

Owensboro, KY

#6933 Oct 5, 2013
Before going on stage Chuck Norris breaks someone's leg for good luck.

“What U Don't Know U Fear”

Level 5

Since: Mar 13

What U Fear U will Never Know

#6934 Oct 5, 2013
As I ran out of the supermarket this morning, the fat security guard started chasing me. After running around the parking lot a few times, I finally came to a stop. He grabbed me and breathlessly said, "Open your jacket." So I unzipped it and said,"I've got nothing" "Then why the fuck did you run?" he asked. "Because I thought you could do with the exercise you fat bastard." I replied

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6935 Oct 6, 2013
There's a new movie about a Muslim who mocks fat women, then hallucinates after eating rancid meat.

It's called Shallow Halal.

“What U Don't Know U Fear”

Level 5

Since: Mar 13

What U Fear U will Never Know

#6937 Oct 6, 2013
Vasectomy

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.

When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.

Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the cord is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating.

Curious, the man asks," What are they doing in there"?

The nurse responds, "They're preparing for vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross, they have Obamacare."

Level 8

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#6938 Oct 6, 2013
The local fruit stand has gone into liquidation. They're now selling smoothies.

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