Come on...Tell me a joke

Posted in the Weird Forum

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Parden Pard

Catasauqua, PA

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#6914
Sep 30, 2013
 
When does Chuck Norris watch Television,,???
On Saturdays,During college football games,When He's chocking extremist terrorists.(and gotta stay home to feed the baby)

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#6916
Sep 30, 2013
 
Chuck Norris can make the road cross the chicken.
joke

Owensboro, KY

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#6917
Sep 30, 2013
 

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Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.

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#6918
Oct 1, 2013
 
My buddy has started a leaf clearing business.

He says he'll be raking it in.

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#6919
Oct 1, 2013
 

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A gang of bikers swaggered into the bar and one of them said to the bartender "Give us 38 beers, and give one to the guy at the end of the bar with the broken leg."

The fellow at the end of the bar said "Thanks for the beer, but I haven't got a broken leg."

And the biker said "You will have if you don't buy the next round."
joke

Owensboro, KY

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#6920
Oct 1, 2013
 
Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.
joke

Owensboro, KY

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#6922
Oct 2, 2013
 
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad that milk comes out their nose.9

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#6923
Oct 3, 2013
 

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A young man came to our door yesterday and asked if he could leave me a pamphlet explaining how the U.S. should be governed.

"No thanks," I said. "I'm registered at Topix."

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#6924
Oct 3, 2013
 

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"I'd say it's water resistant more than water proof," the salesman said. "There's a subtle difference."

"I know that," I told him. "So I think we'll look for a boat elsewhere."

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#6925
Oct 3, 2013
 

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A study was recently released saying that having a cat makes you 40 % less likely to have a heart attack.
Like your cat would really give a crap.
joke

Owensboro, KY

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#6926
Oct 3, 2013
 
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.

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#6927
Oct 4, 2013
 

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In The News: "If Women have excessive belly fat and a 'muffin top, it can be fatal"

Especially if you mention it to them

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#6928
Oct 4, 2013
 
America has shutdown and is on the verge of collapse, but the politicians want to cut healthcare, not war.

I just don't understand.
joke

Owensboro, KY

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#6929
Oct 4, 2013
 
Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has at least two testicles

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Toronto, Canada

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#6930
Oct 5, 2013
 
After examining the female patient the doctor tells her; You have acute angina!
The patient punched him in the mouth.

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#6931
Oct 5, 2013
 

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In The News: "Hundreds of jellyfish shut down Swedish nuclear reactor."

Big deal. In America, spineless jellyfish shut down the entire government.

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#6932
Oct 5, 2013
 

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A local bartender was hospitalized after a pallet of beer fell on him Friday night. He would have been discovered sooner, but every time he yelled "The drinks are on me" everyone just cheered and bellied up to the bar.
joke

Owensboro, KY

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#6933
Oct 5, 2013
 
Before going on stage Chuck Norris breaks someone's leg for good luck.

“Life is a learning highway”

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that too many get lost on

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#6934
Oct 5, 2013
 

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As I ran out of the supermarket this morning, the fat security guard started chasing me. After running around the parking lot a few times, I finally came to a stop. He grabbed me and breathlessly said, "Open your jacket." So I unzipped it and said,"I've got nothing" "Then why the fuck did you run?" he asked. "Because I thought you could do with the exercise you fat bastard." I replied

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#6935
Oct 6, 2013
 
There's a new movie about a Muslim who mocks fat women, then hallucinates after eating rancid meat.

It's called Shallow Halal.

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